There's Nothing I'm Not Ready For
"Auntie, why won't you tell me if Archer is single?"
"Pagbutihan mo sa trabaho at sasabihin ko," flower boss nonchalantly bargained.
"Hmm, fine!" I rolled my eyes at the flowers. We're currently doing some flower arrangements on our work table. "Pero Auntie, ano kayang magandang isuot bukas? Dapat 'yong magugustuhan ni Archer."
"Huwag kang mag-itim."
I started imagining my closet, trying to pick clothes in my mind. A gift I was blessed with as well.
"Eh, Auntie, puro black lang mga damit ko." I pouted. "Kung 'di ako mag-iitim, hubad na lang, ganon? Wait, pwede po ba 'yon dito? Baka magulat si Archer."
Auntie smacked my arms lightly. Kunwari ay nasaktan ako, I faked a wince. "Aw! Meanie old maiden."
"Iyang puso mo, hija, kapag 'yan ay nabasag, sinasabi ko sa iyo..." tila may pagkabigo sa himig niya.
"E 'di may girlfriend nga po si Archer?" I frowned.
"Hindi ko iyan sinabi."
My mouth quickly beamed. "Hala! So, wala po? He's on the market? Kasi if yes, magma-mine na ako!"
Kinurot ako ni Auntie sa tagiliran kasi nanggigigil na yata siya sa akin, pero nakiliti lang ako.
"Maiwan muna kita rito, kailangan kong tawagan si Julio para sa ibibilihin ko sa supplier."
Speaking of Julio, I still haven't met him. Sabi ni Auntie ay siya ang tumutulong sa pagbubukas ng flower shop sa umaga. Maaga ang punta ni Auntie at ako naman ay nahuhuli nang isang oras. Hindi na ako pinatulong ni Auntie sa umaga dahil ang balak niya kapag p'wede na akong iwan mag-isa ay ako naman ang maiiwan para sa closing.
I was fine with it because hashtag pursue justice, hashtag eradicate inequality, hashtag eyes open.
Kinagabihan ay kinarir ko talagang pagplanuhan ang isusuot ko para sa susunod na araw. I mean, what if that's gonna be my only shot, right? I need to be dressed for the occasion!
So, let's see. Tinitigan ko ang closet ko habang nakahalukipkip. Ugh! Why didn't I bring cute and casual clothes? I mean, black is elegant and all, but I don't think he'd notice me in it.
I know black is not a color nor a shade, but for my ease of thinking, it is.
Bahala na! My best bet here was the black strap dress. In one corner of my closet where it's dark, I saw a piece of jewelry sparkled.
Napangisi ako. That's it!
Dahil sa excitement para bukas ay napapakanta pa ako at sumasayaw ang pwet ko habang nagluluto ako ng dinner ko.
"I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine...," kanta ko sa hawak kong tong. "I got a love, and I know that it's all mine. Ooh, wOaH!"
With the sizzling plate of fish on my hands, I shimmied my butt between the table and the chair so I could sit.
"Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me. Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No, ooh, wOaH!"
Grabe, I am so winging life! My fish was so perfect I just had to press my palms on my chest and be helplessly touched.
"Fish, I like you, but my tummy is where you truly belong. Adios." I bowed to eat while my eyes closed before saying thanks and munchin'.
It's so fun being independent, you know? This feeling of doing everything by yourself and never afraid of the thought of being alone. As if the world cannot rule my soul, with a crown of fiery brilliance over my head, I am my own monarch, blinding everyone who are displeased of my own silent happiness.
That was such a cool reflection, pero I think kailangan ko pa rin ng jowa. Meh.
In the morning, because I woke up earlier than usual, I saw Julio picked up Auntie Tonette as I looked outside my window. I yawned.
My hair was still a mess, naka-pajama pa rin ako. Scratching my arms, I forced myself to walk to the bathroom to take a shower.
It was unusual of me to sing in the shower while sleepy, but I did. Grabe, excited na talaga ako sa bike! Also, kay ano.
I giggled.
Today, I didn't wear my leather boots, instead, I'd gone for black velvet knee-high boots. Maikli kasi itong suot kong dress, iyong tipong p'wede na siyang maging dress ng bata. It's what I wore it so it's still balanced. Not too showy, only a pakipot-sa-eyes lang. Then, I covered my arms and shoulders with a leather jacket.
Now that I was lookin' like the rock daughter of formidable darkness, I put on a thin diamond-studded hairband. Pinaulanan ko rin ang kinulot kong buhok ng eco-friendly na silver and rose gold hair glitters, pero subtle lang and just enough for someone to notice Snooki, me, while in black.
Manhattan, get ready to love me!
Nag-cab ako papunta sa Daily Bloom. Akala ko this was going to be my lucky day. But my heart sank after I saw a bike parked at the shop's entrance.
"Auntie?" tawag ko kaagad pagkapasok ko. My lips and eyes were both curved downwards. "Nanggaling na po si Archer dito?"
"Nagmamadali siya kanina, Snooki. May meeting daw siya ngayong umaga kaya't inagapan niya ang pagdala noong bike."
I glanced outside. The bike was really there. I was speechless for a second. I didn't want to think that all my efforts of dressing nicely today were put to waste because I liked dressing up, anyway.
I sighed. I'm a bit sad lang kasi gusto kong makasilay.
Oh, well.
"Malungkot ka ba, Snooki?" Auntie asked, worried. Noong tumingin ako ay ibinaba niya ang hawak niyang maliit na paso at mas lumapit sa akin.
Umiling-iling ako kaagad at nahihiyang tumawa. "Auntie, 'di po! It's okay, the person's busy. I understand."
Pinansin ng mata ni Auntie ang kabuuan ng suot ko ngayon. Pinaglaruan ko ang kamay ko dahil sa kaunting hiya. A little bit lang.
"Mukhang pinaghandaan mo talaga ito, ah?" Humalakhak si Auntie. I pouted and looked away. "'Wag ka nang malungkot. Bumabalik naman ang batang iyon dito madalas. Asikasuhin mo muna ngayon ang bike mo, suriin mo kung maayos mong magagamit."
I smiled lopsidedly. "Yes, Auntie."
Lumakad ako palabas ng flower shop. I erased my frown and just lamely smiled. I thought, there's always a next time. It just felt weird that I was a bit sad about something today. And the reason was a guy pa! Like, that's not Snooki gaming, at all.
But it's fine. At least now I'm really convinced that I am not a monster with a heart that doesn't know how to love.
Hindi ko pa naman love si Archer. Pa.
Hanggang lunch hour ay tahimik ako. Slight. I also think na nag-aalala sa 'kin si Cornelia but I just repeatedly assured her that I was fine.
"Snooki, pakiayos ang listahan ng customers na may for pick-up na bulaklak. Kailangan ko ang oras at araw, isama mo na rin kung ano ang bulaklak na kailangan."
I gave Auntie a salute and worked my way on the shop's computer. Nakapangalumbaba ako sa desk habang nag-i-spreadsheet.
Kahit na busy ako ay naramdaman kong may pumasok na customer sa shop dahil sa bell ng entrance door. Itinayo ko ang mabigat kong katawan at nagpumilit ngumiti bago dumungaw sa shop mula sa office area.
Oh? My? Gosh?
"Hi," greeted Archer. "Uh, Snooki?"
Eeeeep!
Nanlaki ang mata ko. Agad akong nagtago sa divider at sumandal doon para sa suporta kasi nanghihina na naman me!
I clapped my palm on my chest. I tried fixing the rhythm of my breath but I couldn't do it fast enough for Auntie not to walk in on me panicking.
"Huy! Anong nangyayari sa iyong bata ka?" pag-aalala ni Auntie. Hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong balikat.
Ngumuso ako. "Si Archie, Auntie, nandito. Aalukin na yata ako ng kasal."
Nanggigil si Auntie at marahan akong pinalo sa braso. "Ikaw bata ka! Kausapin mo roon, tanungin mo kung ano ang kailangan."
I bawled. "Pero, Auntie, sabihin mo na po kasi kung single siya. 'Di ko alam kung aarangkada na po ako or no."
I mean, oo, nahihiya pa talaga ako like big time kasi iba talaga siya sa akin! But ready na ako.
Auntie Tonette sighed. "Itinanong ko kay Benjamin at ang sabi niya ay walang nobya si Archer."
My face slowly went animated. I grinned. "Meron na, Auntie."
"Snooki, wala."
I smirked. I raised my forefinger and swayed it side to side. "No, no, no, Auntie. You're already looking at her."
I presented myself to her with an exaggerated hand gesture. 'Di na yata ako kinayanan ni Auntie dahil tumitig lang siya ng mga one second bago ako inalisan nang walang pasabi.
"Snooki?" he called after a while.
Oh, my~
Nawala na naman ang bones ko. Pero kahit it all seemed gone, mahinhin pa rin akong nagpakita sa kanya.
Inayos ko ang buhok ko sa likod ng tenga at maliit na ngumiti. "Hello, Archer. Uhm, Archer, right?"
Binasa niya ang labi niya at tila nagtatago ng ngiti. Humalukipkip siya at nagtikom ng bibig bago tumango. "Have you seen your bike already?"
Napalunok ako. Tinititigan ko kasi siya nang mabuti, pero subtly lang.
I had no idea of his work, but he's wearing a muted maroon shirt underneath his unbuttoned coat. His hair was not messy but not neat either. It looked as though he ha just ran his fingers through his hair, and I couldn't wait to do it by myself to him. Char!
From where I stood, I smelled his perfume that I wouldn't be able to describe no matter how hard I tried to find the right words. One word: masculine, and my olfactory loved it. Iyong tipo na gusto ko na lang mahimatay sa dibdib niya para mas maamoy ko pa.
Mahinhin ko siyang tinanguan. I'm shy. Kekeke.
"Nasubukan mo na bang sakyan?"
Omg, sakyan daw. Feeling ko namula ang ears ko! But yes! Kanina. And also, I shouldn't be answering him on my mind.
"Yeah, I already tried it. It's fine." I answered cooly, this time. Nagkibit ako ng balikat. Inalis ko na rin ang hearts emoji sa mata ko.
But omg, bumabalik!
Archer looked surprised at my answer, like he wasn't expecting it about the bike. Hinaplos niya ang batok niya at nahihiyang umiwas.
"Oh, okay. I guess I should go," he said. His eyes were still confused.
But why? I wanna ask, I wanna ask! But I'm shy.
"No, wait!" I bursted. Tinakpan ko kaagad ang bibig ko dahil nabigla yata siya. Ako rin kaya, nabigla sa sarili ko. "Uhm, about the breaks. Ang hirap pisilin ng break lever, it's kind of hard for my weak hands."
"Yeah, Auntie Tonette said you have a problem with it." Tumango siya. "Don't worry. I'll fix it, just not now. I need to go back to the office."
"Sure! Sure," mabilis kong dagdag. Umiling-iling ako. "Absolutely. Okay lang. Nandito lang naman ako every day."
"Okay, Snooki." Tumango siya at paatras naglakad. His hands were inside his coat pockets.
"Okay, Archer."
Mabilis ngumiti ang labi niya bago tuluyang lumabas. Naglakad siya sa sidewalk at kalmado lang ako hanggang sa hindi ko na siya makita.
Oh my gosh! Na-feel kong may something!
I shrieked and ran quickly to Auntie Tonette.
Hinawakan ko ang braso niya at tumalon-talon habang masayang nakangiti. "Auntie, may something na! Naramdaman kong meron na talaga! Like, oh my gosh?"
Umakma si Auntie na guguntingin ang braso ko kaya mabilis akong lumayo. Itong malaking ngiti ko naman ay hindi talaga mapawi!
"Paano mo iyan nasisigurado?" killjoy na tanong ni Auntie.
"E kasi kanina nung nagpaalam po siya sabi niya 'okay, Snooki,'" sabi ko sa pinalalim na boses. "Tapos sabi ko naman, 'okay, Archer,'" I said in a high-pitched tone. "Like, 'di mo ba 'yon na-feel, Auntie? 'Di ba may something?"
"Ano ba iyang something-something na sinasabi mo? Wala akong maintindihan sa iyong bata ka," kunot-noong sabi niya.
Nag-isip ako. "Hmm. 'Di ko rin po sure pero basta sure ako na may something. Update po kita."
Kiniliti ko ang tagiliran ni Auntie nang may maalala. Nagkamali tuloy siya sa paggugupit sa bulaklak. Nagalit siya pero ngumiti pa rin ako nang pagkatamis-tamis. "Snooki!"
"Yie, si Auntie, playing cupid!" Humahagikhik ko siyang kiniliti. "Gumawa ka po ng paraan para bumalik dito si Archer, 'no?"
Masungit na nagtaas ng kilay at baba si Auntie. "Iyong listahan, Snooki. Kailangan ko na."
"Sus! Nahiya pa si Auntie." Nangiti pa ako nang makita kong namumula ang pisngi niya.
Oh, I love my flower boss. Sobrang ginanahan tuloy akong magtrabaho. Balik na rin ang daldal ko kay Cornelia tuwing walang customer sa shop.
I giggled. Ito pala ang feeling nang mapana. Sana panain ako palagi ni Archer everyday. Ready ako.