What's a weird food combo that you eat?
I put hot sauce on everything.
Cucumbers and salt, I swear to god yall be sleeping on it.
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I think that it has finally hit me. Although it took a while, I might have just processed the fact that shes gone. She's really gone.
I have been suppressing the thought out of my head ever since I had arrived here but I can't do it anymore.
It's building up and taking too much fight out of me.
I guess I'm passed the first stage of grief: denial though I'm not sure I have it in me to deal with the next four.
When I awoke from my traumatic thoughts, I had this feeling inside of me. One that I had never felt before, I felt hollow and empty. The desire to get up and go on about my day didn't even occur. In simple words, I wanted to disappear.
Simply just evaporate into the air and become nothing other than a pure memory, just as she would soon be.
It's almost odd, I thought being so far from New York would give me the chance to deal with the pain better, I guess not.
You can't escape your nightmares.
When I heard the commotion at breakfast I didn't follow it, I heard everyone laughing and enjoying themselves downstairs but I didn't go and be a part of it.
I didn't want to be a part of it.
I lay there helplessly crying into my covers so much that they were soaked with tears and my face burned. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen. I didn't have the strength left in me.
I think part of it was my father going to Spain, he took my mind if things, when he was here it was like, at least I had one parent.
Now I'm more of an orphan.
God that sounds morbid.
I don't cry in front of people, not when I can help it. It felt good to let all of that pain disperse, even if it will all come back.
It had just gone 8pm, the day slowly passed me and the only thought going through my head was the fact that I had to keep feeling like this everyday for the rest of my life.
I would wake up, choose pain then go back to sleep and repeat that dreadful cycle.
Optimism wasn't looking like an apparent trait even though I knew I had it in me to get better- I had no motivation to.
There was a knock on my door, I didn't answer but they entered anyway.
"Hey man, I bought you ice cream." Adriano says handing it to me.
I looked at him, he had his hair tied up into a man bun and was wet with the rain.
I smile in my head at the cute gesture that he went out in the rain to get ice cream for me, it tugged on my heart.
I wanted to take it so I wouldn't feel bad for wasting his effort but I simply just shook my head. I didn't feel like eating.
I notice a frown grow on his face.
There was an immediate regret as soon as I declined him. I was too emotionally weak to act on that regret.
"Can you atleast hang out with us downstairs? You're missing the fun." He asks.
I shake my head and turn my body in the opposite direction.
I hear him sigh deeply and it annoyed me because I was the cause of it.
I hated that I was spoiling all the fun and all I could do was hope that they would understand.
"Sienna, you know we all love you right? You're not alone." He says before walking out.
"Come join us when you're ready, we miss you."
I thought all the tears had exited my body but apparently not, I let them take over as I cry myself into the pit that I had built in my darkness.
I'm so fucking emotional.
Dominico's pov:
It's been a fucking week and she still hasn't left her room. She hasn't eaten and the only certification we had that she was even alive were the CCTV cameras.
Stefano ensured that there were security cameras in all of the rooms for safety purposes and as head of security, I was in charge of them.
I wasn't happy to be given that job.
For obvious reasons.
Every one of us attempted to get into her room, she had locked the door and when we busted the lock she barricaded herself in there so none of us could enter.
Why is she being so damn difficult?
At first I felt bad but now I'm just annoyed. Why won't she just let us fucking help her?
I had reached my breaking point, even I know that you don't get better by being miserable.
You get up and go on about your life because at the end of the day, everyone dies.
"Sienna I am not fucking joking anymore! apri questa dannata porta!" (Open this damn door).
I shouted at the top of my lungs, so loud that Christian, Adriano, Diego and Xavier all ran upstairs.
I still received no answer. So I grabbed my gun from my waist and aimed it at the door.
I checked the cameras to make sure she was nowhere near it and shot six times then kicked the door in and made my way towards her bed.
When she saw me she sprouted out and looked at me in shock.
"Get the fuck up, take a shower and then we are going to get food and talk." I say as a demand not a question.
I look at her, she has lost so much weight and looks almost lifeless yet she's still so stunning in the most humane way possible.
"NO, What the fuck makes you think you can just come into my fucking room as you please? Get the fuck out." She shouts back to me. Ouch.
"So you're not gonna do what I say?"
"No." She replies bluntly.
I nod my head before picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder.
I ignore her shouting and attacking me, her kicks are weak anyway.
I drop her in the bathroom.
"Shower. Now! This is not up for debate." I scold her.
Why the fuck am I so bothered?
She fights me, she yells at me and I could tell she wants to kill me.
I'll let her hate me if I means her being ok.
"NOW." I warn her shutting the door and giving her privacy.
Sienna's pov:
"Can you not just fuck off and leave me alone?" I quietly shout towards him. By the end of that sentence I am breaking down in his arms.
I don't know what it is about me, I can't argue without crying, not because I'm sad but because life frustrates me in the worst ways.
He frustrates me in the worst ways.
"I know, it's ok to cry." He whispers to me, rubbing my back.
I felt so weak crying to him, one thing I have never done is let a man see me vulnerable but I can't help it.
He left me to shower and I did so, I only washed my body, I couldn't deal with my hair all matted up in the shower. So I didn't take that long.
I put on a large T-shirt and grey sweats.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I looked homeless.
Dominico walked back into me staring and frowning at my face in the mirror.
"Sit." He demands pointing at the chair in front of the mirror.
Though a stubborn part of me wanted to challenge him I didn't have the energy to do so.
I thought he was going to lecture and shout at me but instead he pulled the hair tie out of my head and he sectioned my hair before wetting and running a comb through it.
He was taking care of me because I was too weak to take care of myself.
I smirk to myself at the way he twirls my hair around his slender fingers to define the curls.
Damn those fingers. I mean curls.
"Belle." (Beautiful) he says before walking away.
He called me beautiful but it was emotionless.
Why the fuck is he so dark?
Just fucking smile dude it's not that hard.
I notice his demeanour suddenly change as I follow him, he was now cold and ruthless. My guess was he was in work mode.
He makes me go downstairs with him to the kitchen. I walk behind him, on my way I notice the power rangers Christian, Adriano, Xavier and Diego.
They see me and I quickly look away before making my way into the kitchen.
I guess I'm going to be the topic of the next few conversations.
I sit at the table and bury my head into my arms, nothing has changed. I still want to be curled up in my bed not associating with anyone.
Does he think just because I showered and came downstairs that everything has been solved?
I hear him place a plate in front of me and I look down at the full course meal. The plate was packed with so much food.
"So you think I'm ski-." I am cut off.
"Don't." He says.
"I can't." I say. The sight of the plate made me feel sick, I felt like if I consumed anything then I would simply pass out.
Dominico sighs before taking it away and replacing it with a bowl of cut up strawberries.
He sprinkled sugar over them and I let out a short smile at his gesture.
My mother used to do that. She said my father did as well. Strawberries and sugar had become an important part of my life and I couldn't help but feel a type of way when he did the same.
I barely stomach the strawberries, I'm sure it's just my body reacting to finally having food in it.
Or maybe it was his intimidating eyes on me making sure I ate them.
I did feel a little better knowing that he made all this effort to get me out of my depressive state and actually cared.
"We are going to watch a movie, watch it with us." Dominico tells me, well more like demands. It didn't seem like I had a choice.
I don't have the energy to argue so I just nod my head and follow him to the living area.
I see all the boys talking about who has the best game and they immediately stop when they see me.
I earn a sympathetic smile from each of them, it annoyed me slightly because I hate when people feel bad for me.
I make my way towards Adriano and embrace him in a hug.
Ew, I just touched him.
I can see he is taken back by the gesture because all we do is tease each other but I had to.
"I'm sorry for declining your ice cream." I frown at him.
I notice a small laugh escape his lip as he squeezes the hug tighter.
"And I love you too." I say. This time his face warms up and I feel a real connection between us. The only person I have said I love you too was my mom so it's a pretty big deal to me.
I hear Diego making vomiting noises in the background and I turn to him.
"Do you want me to permanently break your dick or yes?" I question as he deeply gulps and shuts up.
I have my answer.
I jump in between Dominico and Adriano on the sofa. Christian has to leave and take care of business since my father left him in charge of the Mafia while he's gone.
Diego and Xavier are sitting below us on the floor.
Dom hands me the remote and I shriek with excitement that I get to choose the movie.
I scroll through and pick the notebook.
The boys sigh but I guarantee I will have them crying by the end of this movie.
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Until next time,
Enjoy xxx