"What is going on here?" We both freeze by the voice of Nikkolo's mother. Agad kong inilihis ang tingin ko kay Rahim at umusod palayo sa kanya bago pekeng umubo at tumingin kay Chief Valecia.
"We have our appointment today, Chief Valencia." I heard Rahim said in his professional tone bago ibalik kay Chief ang mga mata niya. I saw the woman raise her eyebrow on me bago lumingon kay Rahim at bahagya pang ngumiti along with her soften expression.
Wow, favoritism.
"The president wants to meet you, attorney." Her voice is sweet and girly. Ngayon ko lamang siya narinig na gamitin ang tono na iyon. Sa tuwing kakausapin niya ako ay lagi siyang nagmamaldita sa akin, aside from the fact that she doesn't like her son for me, though she doesn't have to worry I don't like her son for me either.
I want to suddenly puke on how demure she is in front of Rahim. Talaga naman siya at ang epekto niya sa lahat ng kababaihan.
"Okay, Chief. I'll just finish this with Dr. Roque and meet him at his office." Walang emosyong sabi ni Rahim at nilingon ako. I look at Chief Valencia and the smile from her face faded at napalitan iyon ng isang masungit na mukha galing sa kanya.
She looks lowly at me at nagmartsa na paalis ng conference room. I take a peep on Rahim at bahagya na niyang hinihilot ang sentido niya.
I suddenly feel guilty at our outburst a while ago at parang hindi pa nag-sisink-in sa akin ang mga sinabi niya kanina.
When he gazes back at me he pursed his lips as his twilight eyes is studying me. Sinusuri niya ang reaksyon ko dahil sa malalim niyang titig sa akin.
"We will talk again later after your duty. Eat, Monique. Please don't make me beg just for you to eat." I was left hanging when he marched out the door after uttering those words before stepping out.
Pakiramdam ko ay nanlalamig ako dahil sa mga nangyari.
Is he telling me that he accepted the suit case because I'm part of the hospital?
I know he's an excellent lawyer. The news is flocking to him like a wild fire every time he slams a case shut and win it. I couldn't even run away from the fact that he's one of the best in his league. Hindi ako magtataka kung bakit lumuluhod ang ospital sa kanya para lang hawakan niya ang kaso.
Nikkolo's case is sensitive because our hospital is known for being one of the best. One lawsuit can end it all our triumph years in the making at mahirap ng pagkatiwalaan ulit.
Isang pagkakamali lamang ng doktor ay guguho na ang career na halos sampung taon niyang pinaghirapan. Our job is always at risk because it is prone to disasters or mistakes and we are the only one taken accountable if someone's life is in line.
If someone dies on the surgery bed, that's almost consider half-heartily our fault because we couldn't do everything to save them.
Bumaba na ako ng ward para makapagsimula ng morning rounds sa mga patients. I even saw Rissa looking malicious at me kaya hindi ko na lamang siya pinansin at sinimulan na ang trabaho.
"Dok, okay na po tayo today. Tapos na 'rin po ung test na sinabi niyo para kay Mr. Kim. Send ko na lang po sa office niyo." I nod at Rissa ng sabihin niya iyon. Napahugot pa ako ng malalim na hininga dahil tapos na kami for today. Wala naman 'din major operation today at tanging rounds at iilang check-up sa mga regular na client ng ospital ang ginawa ko.
"Monika!" Hindi ko man napigilan ay halos umikot ang mata ko ng marinig ang matinis na boses ni Nikkolo.
Nang tumabi siya sa akin ay nag-gloglow siya sa saya ng mukha niya. The radiating jollity in his face makes his whole aura shut rays of joy on the hall way. I confusedly look at him at tinaasan pa siya ng kilay.
"Bakit ka na naman nandito?" Maarte kong sabi sa kanya. Napawi naman ang ngiti sa mukha niya dahil sa pagmamaldita ko.
"Masaya lang ako! Eto naman napakasama sa akin!"
"Nikkolo, kilala kita! Anong meron?"
"I'm back for doing surgeries!"
Napatigil ako sa sinabi niya at hinarap siya. His bubbly face is back again on him kaya naman hindi ko na napigilan ang mapailing. He seems so happy about it kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang mapangiti na 'rin dahil sa saya sa mukha niya.
"It's good to know that you're back on doing surgeries."
"Oo nga, e. Si attorney kasi, kwinestyon niya iyong memo ng ospital na hindi muna ako pwede sa O.R. He said that they shouldn't reprimand me and let me do my job. I'm innocent 'till proven guilty."
"He did that?!"
"Oo! Nakalimutan ko na nga iyong pang-gagago niya sa akin noong nakaraan dahil sa ginawa niya, e!'
Natahimik ako dahil sa sinabi niya. I look at him and think of what Rahim had told me earlier this morning.
He's here in this hospital because I'm working her. He is here because he's reaching me again.
After nine years?
Is that even possible?
Ang kabog sa dibdib ko ay mas lalo lamang pinalala ang mga bagay na natakbo sa utak ko. As my heart races by the mere thought of his intentions in this hospital, parang kakawala ang puso ko dahil sa mga nalaman.
Nikkolo and I, along Rissa, took our lunch on the cafeteria of the hospital. Tahimik lamang akong kumakain doon habang si Rissa ay hindi matigil ang bibig kakakwento kay Nikkolo tungkol kay Rahim.
"Naku, Doc. Grabe iyong dating ni attorney! Ung buhok niya! Parted tas parang perm pa iyong dulo. Gosh! Sa k-drama ko lamang nakikita iyong mga ganun! Grabe ang pogi!"
"Sus, Rissa! Normal na mga ganun ngayon! Ang baduy kaya!"
"Doc ang bitter mo! Promise pogi nga si attorney! Kulang na lang halikan ko iyong bawat hakbang na gagawin niya! 'Tas pakiramdam ko Malaki 'rin iyong alaga noon!"
"Rissa! Iyang bibig mo! Naku!"
"Tanong mo pa kay Doc Angel! Diba doc? Malaki iyong kargada ni attorney?"
Pakiramdam ko ay pinamulahanan ako dahil sa narinig ko kay Rissa. Nikkolo stop from eating his food at matamam na tinignan ako. I awkwardly look at them and shrug my shoulders just so I will get away from the embarrassment from Rissa's remarks. I look at Nikkolo na ngayon ay mukhang inaantay pa ang idadagdag ko sa gestures ko but I decided to stay silent.
Kung hindi mo kayang magsinungling, mas mabuting manahimik na lamang.
Ni let-go rin nila ang topic na iyon ng mapalitan ng tungkol sa lawsuit ni Nikkolo. I finished my food at nagpaalam na sa office ko muna dahil wala na naman akong nakapilang trabaho sa ward. Mabuti naman at hindi gaano karami ang pasyente ngayong araw. At least they are safe!
I just study for my upcoming surgery next week. Advance Hemorrhoids and breast biopsy for open or lumpectomy. Ang isa ay sa lunes na at ang isa ay sa biyernes naman. I even watch differenct surgical videos involving the two procedures hanggang sa maubos ang oras ko para sa shift ko na ito.
"Hey... are you busy?" Napalingon ako sa pintuan ko and saw Rahim there. He's leaning slightly, hands inside his pocket and his eyes directed on me. Tinanggal ko ang anti-rad glasses ko at tinignan siya.
"I'm just studying. Why? Do you need anything?"
"Ikaw... ikaw ang kailangan ko."
My heart rallies inside of me ng sabihin niya iyon. Ang mata niya ay seryosong nakatingin sa akin habang nakahilig pa 'rin siya sa gilid ng pintuan. I gulp my own saliva while I look at him at bahagyang nahiya dahil sa sinabi niya. Ang kalabog sa dibdib ay sobrang lakas, pakiramdam ko ay naririnig niya iyon.
"I-I... Um—"
"You don't need to answer, Monique."
Nilamon ulit kami ng katahimikan dahil sa sinabi niya. He clenches his jaw and divert his gaze from me bago huminga ng malalim. He slowly walks towards my table at inilapag ang isang case ng disc.
"That's the copy of the operation, the records of vital signs and all the pre-surgery test. Even the past medical records of the man. Andiyan lahat." I look at the disc and back to him ng makita kong parang nag-aalinlangan ang mukha niya.
"Okay, I'll check once I get home."
"Is your shift done?"
"Yeah, I'll just clean this and go na."
"Let's eat dinner."
"Attorney—"
"Why do I have to force you? Noong kumain naman kayo ni Dr. Valencia kanina ay hindi ka naman umangal."
Natahimik ako dahil sa sinabi niya and even saw how he slowly fixes his glasses and scratches the tip of his nose. Ang labi ay pumorma ng linya habang ang madilim niyang mga mata ay hindi makatingin sa akin ng diretso.
"I-I mean... i-it's just lunch." I feel so guilty when I blurted that out. Ang pagtatangis ng panga niya ulit at marahang pagbaling sa akin ang nagpatahimik sa aking muli.
"You don't need to explain, wala naman akong karapatan na magreklamo. We're not in a relationship anymore. I'm not depriving you of your freedom—"
"But you sound so upset!" Para akong sumuka ng marealize ko ang sinabi ko. I immediately shut my eyes close dahil sa kahihiyan. Napatakip pa ako sa mga matang nakasarado gamit ang likod ng palad ko at inihilig ang ulo sa backrest ng swivel chair ko.
"Of course, I'm upset! The girl that I'm eyeing for the past fucking years had lunch with another guy! I can't even ask her to say yes to me for dinner-"
"Fine! We'll eat dinner!"
A smirk formed in his lips. Ang mata ay parang may bituin ng makita kong nagningning iyon. He slightly twitched his head to hide the adoration in his face pero ang ngiti roon ay hindi na niya maitago pa mula sa akin. I slightly shook my head in disappointment for myself habang siya ay parang aliw na aliw sa akin.
"I'll fucking wait you at the basement." He said and storm out of the room with that smirk in his face. Napabuga na lamang ako ng isang buntong hininga ng mawala na siya sa loob ng kwarto ko.
Seriously?! Monique Angel? Dios mio! Sige at hindi ka nga pahaharot at haharot sa work place mo! After work naman! Jesus!
Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko sa loob ng office ko bago pumanik sa locker room para makapagbihis na. I want to take my scrub with me dahil gusto ko iyong malabhan naman.
I change into my black tank top and some beige wide leg pants. I grab my white gold necklace from the locker at isinuot na iyon. I place my lab coat and my scrub in one of my paper bag. Kinuha ko na 'rin ang handbag ko bago lumabas.
When I reach the basement ay ganoon ulit ang ayos ni Rahim, nakahilig ng bahagya sa yamanin niyang kotse, ang isang kamay ay nasa bulsa at ang isang kamay ngayon ay nasa kanyang labi, marahang hinahaplos iyon at parang tuwang-tuwa sa sariling iniisip dahil nakaawang pa iyon at marahang kinakagat ang pam-ibabang labi.
Nang makita niya akong papalapit ay napaayos agad siya ng tumayo. The amusement in his face didn't even fade kahit noong nakalapit na ako sa kanya. The whole night in his eyes makes me shy on his fiery gaze on me.
"I'll just... um put it in my car." Nahihiya kong sabi at tinuro pa ang kulay puti kong kotse sa gilid. He nods at me at binalingan naman ang sasakyan ko. Para akong binalot ng hiya dahil hindi naman iyon high-end kagaya ng sa kanya.
I awkwardly keep my sense intact in me ng patunugin ko ang kotse at ipinasok sa back seat ang paper bag na dala. When I get back took him ay inaantay niya na ako sa nakabukas na pinto ng shotgun seat ng kotse.
I tried so hard not to feel intimidated by his presence in my close vicinity pero sa tuwing tumatagal ang titig niya sa akin ay para akong lulusawin ng mga mata niya at mapupunta sa kalawakan.
He closes the door on my side at umikot naman papunta sa driver's seat. I look at him once again when he entered the car at nakita ko pa rin ang tuwa sa mukha niya. He looks like a kid being brought to the amusement park. Iyong batang masungit, hindi man nakangiti alam mong masaya siya.
And I suddenly feel warm in the insides habang tinitgnan ko siya. He started the engine of the car at bahagya pang lumingon sa akin.
"What?" He's voices sounded heated and excited ng tanungin ako. He chews his lower lips as he looks at me, inaayos ang salamin at kinamot ng bahagya ang tungki ng ilong.
"You seem happy."
"Because you seem so reachable now."
"Am I not before?"
"No. You're so focus on becoming a doctor. I know I couldn't fight with your passion."
"But you're the one whose hard to reach back then..."
"Nope. I only want to finish law school and be with you after."
Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. I look at him more as he maneuver the steering wheel perfectly. He's even beeping his head kahit pa wala namang tugtog na sasabayan at marahang kinakagat ang labi para pigilan ang ngiti.
Is that how he feels about me before? That I'm hard to reach?
Tahimik lamang kami sa loob ng kotse. But even with the deafening silence, his expression doesn't even change a bit. Our travel is long and quite, as usual. Ang kaibahan lang ay lantaran ko na siyang sinisilip ngayon. I can even hear him whistle some songs while driving. Ganoon siya kasaya.
The car stops, nilingon ko pa siya bago niya ako tignan ay dinilaan ang pam-ibabang labi.
"Were here." He said and unclasped my seat belt. Nauna pa siyang lumabas ng kotse sa akin. Good thing I already know how to properly open the door of his car kaya naman mabilis lamang akong nakalabas.
The cold breeze welcomes me when I step out of the car. The salty smell of the ocean nearby is escalating through my senses habang ang hampas ng alon sa di kalayuan ay rinig na rinig ko. Ang buhangin ay dilaw na tila ginto s ailalim ng mga ilaw na nagbibigay liwanag ditto.
The whole place is lighted by some lanterns hanging in some of the coconut trees along with the light of the big full moon above us surrounded by the sparkling stars. May iilang nipa hut sa 'di kalayuan at ang iilang mga hindi pa gaanong kalaking hotel sa malayong parte rito.
I face Rahim and he's not looking at the fascinating view in front. Sa akin siya nakakatutok. His eyes resemble the night.
A living anatomy of the darkness of the universe right in front of me, starring down and studying me. His iris is in the dark shade of blue, twilight. The moon is in his form of sclera, shining brightly on those two orbs making a reflection of adjusted shades in his iris and as his cornea sparkles a little habang tinitignan ko siya.
"Where are... we?"
"Laiya, Batangas."
I fell in to silence ng dahil sa sinabi niya. I look at him and back to the beach scenery in front of me. Ang marahang paggalaw niya sa gilid ko ay halos magpaestatwa sa akin.
"I want to take you away from the world for a couple of moment. You have a lot in your schedule next week. You deserve this break."
I glance at him and his still watching me, now in a closer distance. Natahimik ako dahil sa lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. I can feel my throat tighten because of the sudden feelings inside of me habang tinitignan siya.
"How did you know that?"
"I ask Rissa. She's more than willing to update me about your schedule on the following weeks."
Agad akong pinamulahanan dahil sa sinabi niya. Rissa has flipped me back on her shoulder ng dahil lamang sa lalaking ito! Ang babaeng iyon talaga!
"Let's go. Our dinner is prepared there." He said and started walking towards the beach front. Tahimik lamang akong sumunod sa kanya.
Some of the receptionist flocks over him like some kind of servants na inaantay ang kanyang utos. Two of the girls is already on both of his side samantalang ang isa ay tinignan pa ako. The three of them are petite and curvy, hindi ko alam kung sinadya ba nilang itaas ang fitted corperate skirt nila or it's in their normal length dahil parang masyadong maiksi.
I didn't even react on the girl's stare at me kaya naman hindi na niya ako pinansin at tumutok na kay Rahim.
They stop in front of a bungalow. A set of a full-course meal ang nakalatag doon sa maliit na espasyo sa labas. Comprises of different seafood dishes. Noong makita ko pa ang buttered shrimp, clams and crabs ay parang naglaway na agad ako.
Natawa pa ako ng bahagya ng makita ang tahong doon and remember Arya.
I saw the massive frame of Rahim turns over me, neglecting the presence of the girl receptionists in front of him. Nahiya naman ako ng bahagya ng ako ang balingan nila and see confusion on their faces. Oo, wala ako dito kanina. You don't have to look at me like that!
"You can leave us. I already talk to Ares. I'm fine with this set-up." Ang boses niya ay propesyonal habang sinasabi iyon sa mga babae sa harapan niya. His eyes are focus on me, not even breaking his gaze over me.
The dismay in the faces of the XX-fully-developed chromosomes are evident lalo pa noong umalis sila sa harapan naming.
Rahim is now sitting inside the bungalow and un-buttoning the first three loops on his dress shirt. Nakita ko pang inirelyo niya ang sleeves niya hanggang sa kanyang siko and as he does that on both of his arms ay kitang-kita ko ang ugat roon. The veins in his skin is visible and attractive in the most sinful way.
"C'mon. Let's eat." Tawag niya sa akin kaya naman kahit nahihiya ako ay lumapit na ako sa kanya. He washes his side in a small container with water. Ang isang container na may tubig ay inabot niya 'rin sa akin.
"Do you prefer wine or beer?"
"I go for beer."
"Still Red Horse?"
"Meron ba?"
"Silly."
I nibble on my bottom lip just so I could refrain to curve it and form a smile habang ang mahina niyang halakhak ang narinig ko dahil sa pang-aasar.
"I still don't get why you like that beer." I want to frown at him habang siya ay nagsisimula ng magbalat ng hipon sa harap ko. He even put some white rice on my plate na may balat ng saging and place the shrimp there.
"Why? Is it too pang-kantong inumin?" I ask and take a sip on the mango shake from the side.
"No, you look too innocent to drink one."
"I'm not innocent anymore!"
"Oh, yeah and I hated that fact though."
Para akong natameme dahil sa sinabi niya. For the past nine years of him being out of my life. I made sure it didn't stop me from experiencing the things that this world could offer... and yes that includes... sexual things? Pero hanggang make-out lang kami. I still couldn't do it if hindi siya ang kasama.
Pero madalang pa sa leave ko sa ospital iyon, when I started my residency ay hindi ko na ulit na try ang paglolove-life along with the fact that wala na si Annica para ibugaw ako kung kani-kanino.
Besides no guy can catch up with my 'walang-time' schedule.
Dwayn—Dwyn as I prefer to call him, I break-up with him dahil sa sobra siyang nakakasakal. I would often get caught between his demands and my med school priorities. Kahit si Lanz, I can't bear with the thought that I revolved around one person...
Besides I always compare them for some many reasons.
With the man in front of me.
He's my first in almost everything.
He just set the bar so high. Most men wouldn't even reach it kahit pagpatong-patongin nila lahat ng kabaitan sa buhay nila.
But in the cruel reality, hindi naman lahat perfect just like him. He has his set of imperfections at parang kasing lalim iyon ng mga magagandang bagay sa kanya.
"How do you know those things?"
"I just know." He said and place the crab's meat on my place matapos niyang kunin iyon. He even places a vinegar in small bowl right beside me.
Ngayon naman ay ulam niya na ang pinagkaabalahan niya. In Indian sit, he swiftly removes the skin of the shrimp, nilagay sa kanin niya. He's eating with his bare hands and he doesn't seem disgusted by it, mukha iyong natural na Gawain sa kanya.
We started eating, he would ask some random stuff about my work and I will answer shortly dahil hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang ikwekwento ko tungkol sa trabaho ko. He was the one who would fire the question and I will answer to him. Para niyang inaalam ang buhay ko sa nakaraang siyam na taon in the most subside way.
"Yeah, I request na Red Horse sana." Napalingon naman ako kay Rahim mula sa pagkatitig sa dagat dahil sa sinabi niya. He's on the phone while still looking at me.
"No, it's not for me! Fucker." He cursed kaya naman hindi ko napigilan ang ngumiti.
Ilang minute pa ang lumipas ay may dumating na lalaking staff ng hotel nearby. He handed Rahim the bottles of beer and a wine with some wine glass. Umalis 'din agad iyon.
"Let's go near the sea."
"Okay."
At ganoon nga ang ginawa namin. I grab a folded blanket inside the bungalow at dinala iyon papunta sa dalampasigan. I immediate lay it on the golden sand and sit there. Si Rahim ay nakita kong ibinaon pa ng bahagya ang mga bote ng alak sa buhangin upang hindi matumba bago umupo sa aking tabi.
Our shoulders are almost touching but I try to control the electrifying feelings in me ng dahil lamang sa pagtatama ng balak naming. He bores over me and handed me a bottle of Red Horse.
Marahan akong sumimsim doon. The familiar taste of the local beer filled me. Gosh! Namiss ko ito!
Him on the other hand half-filled his wine glass at prenteng uminom doon. Para siyang modelo ng alak sa paraan ng pag-inom niya mula roon. Bahagya pang gumalaw ang Adam's apple niya with his gulp kaya naman napaiwas na lamang ako ng tingin.
Tinanaw ko ang dagat na mas malapit na sa amin ngayon. It's more cold here and the waves are louder. Ang buwan ay maliwanag at tanging ingay lamang ng alon ang maririnig. I try to feel the sand with my feet dahil tinanggal ko na iyong heels ko kanina dahil baka lumubog ako sa buhangin kapag naglakad ako gamit iyon.
"How are you Monique?" his eyes glistened by the light from the moon while looking intently at me. Ang marahang pagkabog ng puso ko sa loob ng aking dibdib ay nakakabigla.
"I-I'm fine..." I don't know if I sounded like I was but I manage to surpass the tightening inside of my chest with the familiar nervousness in me.
"You're a doctor now."
"And you're a lawyer now."
"And we're not together anymore."
I can feel my ribs contracting in my insides as I slowly look at him because of what he just said. A fake smile form on his lips bago uminom sa wine glass niya at isang lagukang inubos ang alak doon.
With the sea in front of us. The moon above and the coldness that we had brought on each other.
I felt like we were together again.
But not how we used to be.
We're both here, but not in the same page anymore.
We were brought back on the side of each other, but hydrolysis wouldn't even be enough make me feel what I felt for him years ago.
Time has turned us cold, into stones.
"It's funny how we used to imagine of reaching our dreams together. We did it now, but not in each other's arms anymore."