Kiss My Sass [Books 1 & 2]

Oleh Puppy1899

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Featured in YARomance's 'Love-Hate' reading list as of 01/24/2022 Featured in TeenFiction's 'Funny Bones' rea... Lebih Banyak

[book 1] chapter one: an introduction of sorts
[book 1] chapter three: my neighbour steals my chocolate milk
[book 1] chapter four: drunken dani
[book 1] chapter five: i commit a felony
[book 1] chapter six: i commit another felony
[book 1] chapter seven: the car ride of death
[book 1] chapter eight: study buddy from hell
[book 1] chapter nine: my twin gets in a fight
[book 1] chapter ten: i bunk with a psychopath
[book 1] chapter eleven: test time
[book 1] chapter twelve: semi-finals
[book 1] chapter thirteen: my window gets smashed
[book 1] chapter fourteen: confessions & revelations
[book 1] chapter fifteen: i'm officially an idiot
[book 1] chapter sixteen: kisses & awkward situations
[book 1] chapter seventeen: the cold shoulder
[book 1] chapter eighteen: so it begins
[book 1] chapter nineteen: the real james hastings
[book 1] chapter twenty: blast from the past
[book 1] chapter twenty-one: i unload my baggage
[book 1] chapter twenty-two: the search for my father
[book 1] chapter twenty-three: the ugly truth
[book 1] chapter twenty-four: the untold story of cade
[book 1] chapter twenty-five: field trip to penbrooke
[book 1] chapter twenty-six: niko's dirty little secret
[book 1] chapter twenty-seven: the birds & the bees
[book 1] chapter twenty-eight: ignorance is bliss
[book 1] chapter twenty-nine: i'm dating a liar
[book 1] chapter thirty: the other new neighbour
[book 1] chapter thirty-one: my mom ruins my relationship
[book 1] chapter thirty-two: finals
[book 1] chapter thirty-three: i commit my third felony
[book 1] chapter thirty-four: stitches & broken hearts
[book 1] chapter thirty-five: breakups & makeups
[book 1] chapter thirty-six: election day
SEQUEL?!
[book 2] chapter one: welcome back
[book 2] chapter two: i become a convicted felon
[book 2] chapter three: ain't no party like a parker party
[book 2] chapter four: oh, niko
[book 2] chapter five: the end of the summer solstice
[book 2] chapter six: nothing rarer than a blissful dani
[book 2] chapter seven: we meet the future mrs. parker
[book 2] chapter eight: i get a mashed potato facial
[book 2] chapter nine: late-night rendezvous
[book 2] chapter ten: off to penbrooke
[book 2] chapter eleven: the curious case of leila
[book 2] chapter twelve: we meet the future mrs. parker...again
[book 2] chapter thirteen: dani parker, city councillor
[book 2] chapter fourteen: i make a fool of myself
[book 2] chapter fifteen: ring the bell, it's time for wedding planning hell
[book 2] chapter sixteen: nothing like some sisterly advice
[book 2] chapter seventeen: the boneheaded boys have a brawl
[book 2] chapter eighteen: dinner disaster
[book 2] chapter nineteen: just desserts
[book 2] chapter twenty: secrets
[book 2] chapter twenty-one: blackout
[book 2] chapter twenty-two: truth or dare
[book 2] chapter twenty-three: the aftermath
[book 2] chapter twenty-four: alex becomes a smitten kitten
[book 2] chapter twenty-five: literal heartache
[book 2] chapter twenty-six: sleepover with holden
[book 2] chapter twenty-seven: pre-rehearsal dinner mayhem
[book 2] chapter twenty-eight: the rehearsal dinner
[book 2] chapter twenty-nine: betrayal
[book 2] chapter thirty: nothing but the truth
[book 2] chapter thirty-one: the sting of a friendship breakup
[book 2] chapter thirty-two: my boyfriend meets my dad
[book 2] chapter thirty-three: alex and i share a secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-four: i become the most hated parker
[book 2] chapter thirty-five: my tires get slashed
[book 2] chapter thirty-six: when opportunity knocks
[book 2] chapter thirty-seven: i rescue two drunkards
[book 2] chapter thirty-eight: brenton's dirty little secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-nine: holden gives relationship advice
[book 2] chapter forty: no ship like friendship
[book 2] chapter forty-one: our favourite narc pays a visit
[book 2] chapter forty-two: the bachelor(ette) party
[book 2] chapter forty-three: mistakes and regrets
[book 2] chapter forty-four: old habits
[book 2] chapter forty-five: a new proposition

[book 1] chapter two: new neighbour

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Oleh Puppy1899

"ALRIGHT, IT'S OFFICIAL. I'm in love with both of your brothers."

My foot slammed on the brake pedal, making the car pull to an abrupt halt.

"Dani, what the hell?"

"Don't say repulsive things like that when I'm driving!"

"Sorry."

"Thank you," I breathed in relief. I lightly tapped the gas pedal and my car accelerated forward, basking in the peaceful silence. Of course, that didn't last long.

"Imagine they weren't your brothers, and you had to pick one—"

"Amber!"

"Right, sorry."

"Fantasize about Niko or Brent once more, and I will kick you out right now."

"Where is Brenton anyway?"

I slowed down the car and turned into Amber's street. "He has lacrosse practice."

"Don't you have to pick up Alex?"

"Niko said he would." I pulled my car into her driveway. "That'll be twenty bucks."

"Funny," she said dryly. "Want to come inside?"

I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel. "Can't. Mom wants us all home for dinner."

Amber raised an eyebrow as she slung her bag over her shoulder. "To talk about campaigning stuff, I presume?"

"Don't even get me started. I can't wait until this stupid election is over."

"I should let you get going." She opened the car door and stepped outside. "You're coming to the party tomorrow right?"

"Like hell I am."

"Please, Dani?"

"Bye, Amber."

~*~

I placed my backpack on the couch, and I made a beeline for the kitchen. Mom was going to be home in an hour, and by the smell of it, dinner was nonexistent. With Mom extra swamped at work, she laid out strict expectations from us, with one of them being to prepare dinner every night.

"Dani?" Alex called out.

"In the kitchen!"

"Are you making dinner? I'm starving!"

I rummaged through the fridge in search of something to make. I couldn't even remember the last time anyone went grocery shopping. "Are you in the mood for some lasagna?"

Alex made a face. "You made that two days ago."

"Soup?"

"Yuck."

"Burgers?"

"We eat them three times a week."

"Casserole?"

"What even is a casserole?"

I stopped for a moment, taken aback by his question. "I have no idea."

"Can we have pizza?"

"We don't have any pizza dough."

"I know someone who does." Alex grabbed the landline, and he dialled a number. "Can I have two extra large sausage and pepperoni pizzas with mushrooms, green olives, and extra cheese? Chicken wings are half off this week?" He paused to look at me. "I'll take three orders of barbecue wings!" I glared at my little brother who smiled innocently at me. "Our dinner should be here in half an hour."

~*~

"This homemade pizza is delicious. Good job, Dan," Brenton teased.

"When I said I wanted you to take care of dinner I meant for you to make it," Mom chastised.

"Don't blame me, Alex made the call!" I knew it was immature of me to blame my kid brother, but there was no way I was taking ownership for something he did.

"That doesn't matter, Dani. You're the older sibling."

"Did you guys see the moving truck next door?" Niko said in an attempt to change the topic.

"That's actually what I wanted to discuss with you all." Mom left her untouched slice of pizza to go to the kitchen.

The second she was gone, my pig of a twin grabbed her slice and gobbled it down. "What?" he said between mouthfuls of sausage and mushrooms when he saw my disgusted expression.

Before I could call him a gluttonous swine, Mom returned with a plate and a box of store-bought brownies. "I'm sure you all know how much this election means to me."

"So we're celebrating with brownies?" my stupid twin asked.

"No, hon, these are for the new neighbours." Mom placed the brownies on the plate to make them look as if they were homemade. "In order for me to win, I have to appeal to as many voters as possible."

As if she already didn't have enough time for her family, our mother was running to be the next Mayor of Stone Creek. She worked as a paralegal for years, but I guess she wanted to be adventurous and try something out of her comfort zone. As a result, things have been hectic at home the past few weeks. We were all still getting used to Mom's crazy work hours, and being on our best behaviour - which was easier said than done for we Parker kin. Everything we did had an impact on her likeliness to win and become elected.

"Therefore, I want to be neighbourly to our new neighbours, so when they vote they see a familiar face," Mom continued.

"So you're going to persuade them to vote for you with store-bought brownies?" Brenton asked with a frown, clearly still upset he wasn't allowed to eat the brownies.

"Eat a wing and stop complaining," I said with an eye roll.

His frown deepened. "They're finished."

Being the mature sibling I was, I picked up the last chicken wing on my plate and I shoved it in his mouth.

"DP the MVP," Brenton chanted with his mouth full.

Our mother looked at her filthy son with distaste before finishing what she was saying. "I can't fraternize with the townspeople of Stone Creek, or else it will seem like I am buying votes. However, one of you can do it for me."

"Not it!" all my brothers called out simultaneously.

"You guys are so immature," I berated, though I was secretly regretting not saying it first.

"Make sure you mention me when you go, honey," Mom instructed.

I picked up the plate, grumbling incoherent words under my breath as I walked to the house next door. It was similar to ours in exterior, minus the beyond dead plants looming outside. It made sense considering they hadn't been tended to in over a decade. I stepped over a row of dead tulips, and I rang the doorbell. The moving truck was gone, and there were no vehicles on the driveway, so I wasn't entirely sure if anyone was home. But my mother was a persistent woman who wouldn't let me return home with the plate of brownies, so I had no choice but to keep trying.

I rang the doorbell so many times, I was sure the whole street had heard it by now. Yet there was still no answer. If anyone was home, surely they would have answered by now. Instead of sticking around to wait, I left the plate on the doorstep, and I returned home. Thankfully Mom was on a work call when I came back, so I managed to slip past her and go to my room.

I entered my bedroom and flicked on the lights. I was about to change my clothes when I noticed a beam of light coming from the window. Much to my surprise, the light was coming from the house next door. It wasn't until I noticed a figure from the window across from mine did I realize someone was home all along.

"Hey!" I yelled through my open window.

The figure turned around, revealing a boy who seemed to be around my age. He had blonde hair, tanned skin, and earbuds in his ears. He pulled out an earbud, an annoyed look on his face. 

"Do you greet all of your neighbours like this?" he said through his open window.

"You were home this whole time."

He gave me a bored look. "Yeah, and?"

"Didn't you hear me ring the bell?"

A pompous smirk tugged at his lips. "Ah, so it was you who was attempting to destroy my doorbell."

"You know, it's common courtesy to open the door when someone is ringing it."

He let out a fake gasp. "Really? Please, do enlighten me."

I balled my hands into fists. "You don't deserve the brownies I brought."

"I'm sure they taste terrible anyway."

Without a word, I turned around and sprinted down the stairs, out the door, and to his porch. Just as I was about to grab the plate, the front door swung open and that damn boy got the brownies before me. "First you damage my doorbell, and now you're trying to steal my brownies?"

"Give them back, asshole."

"Nah, I think I'll keep them. Let's see how good of a cook you are." With that, he slammed the door in my face.

"Joke's on you, they're store-bought!" I yelled at the closed door.

"Good, you're back," Mom said when I stepped inside. "Did they like the brownies?"

I forced a smile onto my face. "I'm sure he loved it."

"Perfect! Thank you, darling," she said, oblivious to my sarcasm.

I trudged to my room, annoyed with my mom for making me go next door, annoyed at the new neighbour for being an asshole, and annoyed that I had no brownies. I marched over to my window, also annoyed that for the first time in forever I had to shut my curtains.

The stupid boy was in his room, his earbuds in his ears as he munched on the brownies. He was stacking a bunch of boxes in his room. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Something was sticking out of one of the boxes on the bottom and he reached out to grab it. He tried pulling the object a few times, but he was unsuccessful in taking it out. He kicked the other boxes off, each one falling to the ground with a loud thud. I accidentally snorted, causing him to look at me.

He walked over to his window, irritation evident on his face. "Don't you know what privacy is?"

"Don't you know what anger management is?" I couldn't help but say back.

He scowled at me and without another word, he closed his curtains.

~*~

I rolled off my bed the next morning, due to the loud screams that infiltrated the house, catching me by surprise. Oh, what a pleasant way to start my day. I walked to the source of the noise in all my groggy glory. I leaned against the staircase railing to get a better view of the commotion downstairs.

Brenton came up beside me, stretching his arms as he let out a yawn. "Are Mom and Niko going at each other's throats again?"

Alex joined us, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "Why's Mommy mad this time?"

I wrapped my arms around my baby brother, resting my chin on top of his head. "Don't worry about it, kid. Go get ready for school."

The sleep deprived child meekly nodded his head before walking headfirst into the linen closet. Much to our horror, he pulled down his pants. Before either of us could stop Alex, he began to urinate all over clean towels.

"At least they're doing their job," Brenton remarked.

"Nikolas Germaine Parker, you better get your ass back to your school this instant!" we heard Mom yell from downstairs.

"Yikes, full name," Brenton muttered.

"What don't you understand by I can't go back right now?" Niko argued back.

"I'm not paying thousands of dollars for you to come home on a whim! You are going back to college and that's final."

"You're ridiculous," Niko said.

"Don't you dare walk away from me!"

"Or else what? I don't live under your roof anymore."

Brenton nudged me. "You think he's going to go back to school?"

I rolled my eyes. "He's a mama's boy, of course he will."

"Bye, Mom." Niko walked near the staircase so that we were directly in his view. "Bye, eavesdroppers."

"We've been caught," Brenton whispered.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Go brush your teeth."

"How do you like me now?" Brenton taunted, emphasising the h so I could a stronger whiff of his morning funk.

I smacked his face away as I watched Niko. The eldest Parker sibling slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked out, much to Mom's anger. Brenton and I were about to go hide before we could face her wrath, but we were seconds too late.

"I expect you two to be home for dinner tonight."

"We can't," Brenton said abruptly. My eyes widened, and it wasn't from his stink. Was he trying to get us killed? "I have a game tonight," he continued before Mom could lash out.

"What does that have to do with your sister?"

"She's my ride home. Tyler's car broke down, so Dani offered to stick around and watch the game."

"Dani, is this true?" Mom asked.

I had no idea what Brenton was up to, but judging by his pleading look I decided to go with it. "I'm just trying to be more sisterly."

Mom eyed us strangely, but thankfully her phone rang, momentarily distracting her. "Make sure you pick up Alex after school."

"Will do. Have a great day, Mother," Brenton said a bit too cheerily. As soon as she was out the door, Brenton grinned at me. "You're coming with me to the party tonight!"

My jaw slacked. "Wait, what? No way!"

"Come on, Dan, please?"

I pushed past him. "No thanks."

"I even convinced Amber to come just for you!"

"Why do you want me coming so badly?"

Brenton avoided my gaze and looked down at his feet. "You've been really down ever since the breakup, and I just wanted to cheer you up."

"You're such a dork."

"Just come, Dan," he whined.

"Promise to stay out of my love life if I come?"

Brenton nodded his head rapidly. "Promise!"

I realized that was too easy, and I should've added more to what I wanted. "And, you have to pay for gas for the next month."

"Hell no."

"Fine. Enjoy walking to school."

He groaned. "Ugh, okay, you win.."

I beamed at my twin. "Great, I'll see you tonight!"

"Oh, and Dani?" he called. "Don't wear your usual boring attire tonight."

~*~

"I can't believe Brenton actually convinced you to come," Amber said for the fifth time that period.

"Yes, I get it. I'm going to a party, how shocking."

"Dani Parker at a party? Are pigs flying now?" another voice chimed in.

"I don't know, can you fly?" I retorted.

He chuckled and sat down beside me. "I'm glad Brent was able to get you to come. My last party wasn't as fun without the better twin."

I pretended to fan my face. "Oh, Holden, you sure know how to make a girl blush."

"It's one of my many specialties. Come to my party and you'll see the rest."

"Tempting."

His green eyes widened in anticipation. "So will I see you there tonight?"

"Only if you're lucky."

"I'll be sure to search for my four-leaf clovers then."

"Good morning, everyone. Please find your seats," our biology teacher, Mrs. Frazer, said as she entered the classroom.

"Save me a dance," Holden said before walking out of the classroom and to his actual class. With him being a star athlete and a straight-A student, he never got into trouble for anything. It was quite enviable.

I took out my notebook and started jotting down whatever Mrs. Frazer was rambling about virulent bacteria. Amber suddenly kicked the back of my chair, making me smear blue ink on my page.

"What was that for?"

"Are we not going to talk about what just happened?"

"Girls, quiet down," Mrs. Frazer said to us.

"There's nothing to talk about," I whispered once Mrs. Frazer was focused on her lesson.

"Yes, there is." Amber grinned at me. "Holden is so into you."

"I've known him forever. Shut up."

"Say what you want, but he definitely likes you."

"He's Brenton's best friend. That's repulsing."

"He could be a nice distraction for the meantime. He's cute and smart. I'd go for him."

"What happened to your lifelong goal to become a Parker?" I teased.

She waved me off. "That's still going to happen. But who knows how long it'll take. Do you know if Brenton is seeing anyone right now?"

"Who hasn't he seen?"

Brenton was the type of guy who couldn't retain an interest in anything for too long, whether it be girls, music, or even the wallpaper in his room. The only thing my twin has been consistent with for more than a few weeks - aside from making my existence intolerable - was lacrosse. Lacrosse was basically his life. There was nothing he loved more than the sport, except for himself.

"Have you decided what you're going to wear tonight?"

I looked down at the sweater and jeans I was wearing. "I was thinking these."

"You've got to be kidding me," Amber deadpanned.

"Girls, that is enough!" Mrs. Frazer said. "One more word and I will move—"

"Sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Frazer," Principal Hale said as he entered the classroom. "We have a new student who will be attending Stone Creek High as of today."

Whispers erupted all around the room, and everyone chattered animatedly. There was excitement and curiosity plastered on everyone's faces. A new student at Stone Creek was already rare, but to have them in your class was even rarer.

"I can't believe it!" Amber exclaimed. "The last time we had a new kid was in the seventh grade!"

I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach at the thought of who this new student could possibly be. Was there a chance that another family moved into Stone Creek yesterday and the new student was someone else?

Principal Hale clapped to get our attention. "Students, please give a warm welcome to your newest classmate, James Hastings."

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