I drank too much.
Sitting on the couch in the penthouse, loud heavy rock music playing and a warm feeling in my stomach from the alcohol sitting stagnant. My eyes were a bit loose, chest a bit heavy. I was definitely beyond tipsy, but at least it's forced me to stop thinking.
Drink in my hand, my eyes were on the floor until I saw a pair of black converse standing at my toes. I lolled my head up to the towering height of Harry standing there all stitched up and ready to go. He changed his shirt and also threw a red flannel over it.
He had a two inch scar curved across his cheekbone, another that is horizontal on the bridge of his nose, right below his eyebrows. Under his eyes was dark red from bruising, branching up to the sides of his nose where he had a white bandage across it. He had some bruising at the corner of his mouth and under his bottom lip too. The cherry lip itself had a cut down the left side while the rest of his face was littered in little cuts.
"Well look at you." I spoke before thinking, staring up at the giant.
He immediately furrowed his brows.
"Are you drunk?" He sensed my tone of voice right away.
"Tipsy, yes." I nod, my head feeling a bit lighter than usual.
"You understand you have to go with us to the trade and take the pictures, right?" He was a bit shocked if my choices.
"Mhmm." I hummed, turning my head to grab my DSLR camera tossed on the couch. "It's right here."
"How much have you had?" He asks, looking down at my red solo cup in my right hand.
I pinch my thumb and pointer finger together, separating them just a smidge.
"Just a little bit." I slightly slurred, squinting my eyes.
He clenches his bruised jaw and shoots his head to the left where the guys sat at the bar socializing.
"Niall why would you let her get fucking plastered?" He scolds like they're my babysitters.
"I'm not her nanny, dickhead." Niall shakes his head in offence.
"She's hammered now." He speaks over the music, pissed off with them and me.
"So? Let her have fun." Niall turns back to Louis and Liam on the other side of the bar, drinking their own things.
"Yeah Harry, let me have my fun." I agree with Niall, bringing the red cup to my lips for another strong sip.
He rolls his eyes and snatches my drink right as the cup met my bottom lip, I furrow my brows at the fast action.
"Harry." I pout as he looks in the cup.
"What is this?" He leans down and smells the inside of it, immediately widening his eyes when he discovered the scent. "Aven is this just straight vodka?"
I grin and tilt my head back on the couch, shutting my eyes.
"Dammit Av," I could hear the frustration in his voice. "There's no way you can go to the carnival like this."
"Says who?" I open my eyes and lift my head.
"I bet you can't even walk straight." He shakes his head at me.
Just from that challenge, I sit up straight and stand up to my feet. Everything immediately felt dizzy and I questioned if I was even standing or not. I hid my intoxication well as I walked across the living room completely straight, just a little fast paced.
I turned around a few meters away from him and smile, patting the top of my thighs.
"I can walk just fine, sir." I praise myself.
He rolls his eyes and grabs my camera strap on the couch.
"Fine, let's go then." He says under his breath, the guys getting up from the bar and heading to the exit as well.
I skip myself over to the elevator and click the button, a small pep in my step. I was still only in a bikini top and shorts and it was approaching night, but we were in Florida and it was summer so I doubt I'll be cold.
The steel doors open almost immediately, naturally I skipped right up to the back wall. I flipped around and leaned my back against the elevator, arching my hips off the wall to wait for everyone else.
Niall was the first to come in with a cup, seeing my casual position and smiling to himself. He knew I was a bit drunk.
"About time she loosens up." Niall snickers in a baggy white tank, a backwards green hat on his blonde head. He stood next to me at the back of the elevator- Harry, Louis and Liam standing ahead with their backs to us.
Everyone gets in as the door shuts, the condensed room kinda swimming in my head but I hide it well. I smile at Niall who had a red solo cup in his hand, take a sip of it as he watched me stare. When he brought the cup back, he gestured to me if a wanted a sip. I smile and nod silently, taking the cup and having a little taste of his mysterious concoction.
It was strong of a dark liquor I couldn't even decipher because I was kinda drunk, but I know it went down smooth like water. I hand it back to him and smile with a nod, putting my hand in my back jean pocket to feel a silver object. I pull out a flask I stole from the bar, one I secretly filled with fireball whisky when no one was looking.
Niall's eyes lit up in amusement as I pulled out the silver flask in secret, unscrewing the cap and holding it out for him to take a sip. He grins like a boy on Christmas, tossing back a shots worth without even knowing what it is. When he brought it back down from his mouth, he nodded in agreement of what I put in there. When he handed it back, I took a sip myself to taste the sweet cinnamon that burned at the same time. Harry turns his head back as I was caught red handed, flask to my lips.
"Where the hell did that come from?" He in shock snaps the flask away, the elevator opening at the same time.
Niall and I both laugh, Harry screwing the cap back on in frustration.
"Don't be a downer, Styles." Niall states as we all walk out of the elevator and into the busy lobby. My steps were a little light as I snicker to myself.
"She's already wasted, Niall." He scolds.
"The flask was all her." Niall defends as I kept laughing.
"Yeah Harry, the flask was all mine." I admit in a mockery, skipping out in the lobby like I had free spirit and child like energy.
"Av, have you eaten today?" My parent then asks as I walk freely ahead of them four.
"Nope! Was gonna at the diner, but we all know what went down there." My frustrated words were masked with drunk positivity.
"You need to eat." Harry ignores my backhanded comment as I reach the front doors of the hotel.
I flip around to face the four of them behind me, my back pushing the glass door open.
"And you sir, need to get off my dick and let me be." I walk through the door backwards, looking right at Harry.
Louis, Niall, and Liam all laugh at my immediate comment, Harry's jaw clenching because he knew he couldn't say anything back given our personal position. I smirk at him and turn around again to see where I was going, my vision spinning a bit.
"Aven, you wanna fuck around and get married?" Niall says post laughter, I started walking stagnant down the front steps of the hotel.
I grin to myself and watch my feet to make sure I don't miss a step. Once I got to the bottom, I turn back around and look at Niall.
"Can you carry me to the carnival and I'll think about it?" I grin cheekily in joke.
He hurries in front of me and crouches down a bit so I could jump on his back. I smile wide and grab his shoulders, not hesitant to get on. I leaped up and wrapped my legs around his hips, arms around his neck as he stood up straight. I was now taller than everyone as we all walked towards the crowded carnival along the beach.
I turn my head to Harry next to us, catching his eye roll as he looked ahead. He obviously didn't like me getting a piggy back ride from Niall, but I didn't care. I was dealing with my frustrations and sadness through alcohol. Was it healthy? No, but I was letting loose. Harry and I will have a serious conversation tomorrow about where we stand.
Niall kept his grip on my thighs as I kept my arms wrapped around his neck. Both of us were on a wave, I could tell. My chin rested on the top of Niall's backwards hat, the smell of alcohol around us like a cloud. He also has been drinking all day with no food, he was probably more drunk then me.
"Harry, does this piss you off?" Niall asks cockily while carrying me.
"Fuck off." He shakes his head, instantly annoyed with probably the both of us.
"Because we are going to get married, tonight." He teases Harry more, I smile.
"I don't care what you do."
"Maybe we'll have a romantic ride on the ferris wheel, maybe I'll win her a one of those stuffed bears holding a heart. Tonight could be the beginning of our passionate love story." Niall continues to taunt Harry while carrying me on his back. I know he was completely messing with him.
"You both are stupid pissed." He shakes his head like none of this bothered him.
Did pissed mean drunk?
"Harry, don't be mad cause you're not on our drunk level." I grin playfully.
He chooses not to answer, keeping his head forward. I looked over Niall and at the lit up carnival along the shoreline. The sun was almost completely set, making the excessive flashing lights stronger by the second. I smiled at the amusement park everyone was heading to like us, a child like warmth in my veins. I don't remember the last time I was at a place like this, I was beyond excited despite the true reason we were here.
Niall put me down as we get to the entrance of the carnival, the sounds of rides and laughter all around. When I got on my feet, I walked between him and Harry. I was in slight awe of how pretty all the lights look on the rides, classic carnival music playing. Immediately I noticed the massive ferris wheel, the second thing I noticed was the spinning carousel in the distance. The long gravel path entering the carnival was lined with game booths and confection stands. People were walking in every direction, the place was packed.
"Alright, the trade is at ten. I have the backpack, we'll meet behind the ring toss booth ten minutes before." Liam instructs, looking at me near the end. "Harry, try to sober her up before she blows this all for us."
I furrow my brows.
"Excuse me Liam—"
"Yeah she'll be sober by then." Harry talks over me before I went into a drunk rant, putting my camera strap around my neck.
His hand grabs mine and pulls me away from everyone else, his long fingers intertwining with my own. I involentarily get pulled across the carnival in his hold, not knowing where he was taking me as we pace through the groups of people.
I look down at his hand laced in my own, the warmth of our palms together. His hand was covered in aching bruises and some cleaned cuts, it was the hand he beat my ex boyfriend with earlier. It looks so large and dominant to mine. My hand looked so small, I felt like a child holding his.
"Where we going?" I speak without thought behind it, his pace a little fast for my light steps. I see his back pocket had my flask in it, I kinda wanted to reach out and grab it but it was risky.
"You need food." He states in a firm hold.
"I'm not hungry."
"Yes you are." He corrects like he knew what I actually wanted.
I roll my eyes while walking with him against my will. He drags me over to an area of the carnival that had food stands and green steel picnic tables. He guides me over to sit down on the cold metal, standing at my toes so I had to look up at him.
"Stay here and I'll get you something to quickly eat." He murmurs.
"And what if I don't?" I shrug, leaning my back against the table and crossing my leg over the other.
He stares at me for a second, like he was battling what to say. I kept my eyes up at him and waited patiently for an answer, stretching my arms along the table behind me. I know he wanted to say something that fed his dominant ego, but given the circumstances I know he was playing things safe.
"Just stay here, please." He seemed to fight the urge of saying anything sexual or threatening like I suspected.
He turns around and walks over to one of the booths to get food, I patiently waited. There was no point in running, I was just curious on how he'd answer my question.
I pat my thighs and look around at everyone mingling with each other. There were some kids here too, but I was mostly seeing half dressed college kids. Carnivals and small fairs always made me happy, I love the vibe they had. Everyone just seemed to have a good time at a carnival. I saw people playing games and people eating at other tables. I smile to myself, my camera around my neck.
Within the crowds of people, my drunk eyes picked up something a little more strange. In the very far distance was someone who stuck out like sore thumb in the most subtle way.
There was a person standing in a Halloween skeleton mask, black hoodie over their head. I wouldn't of noticed this person if they weren't standing perfectly still and alone in the middle of the moving crowds. They were very far away, people passing all around them like they didn't actually exists to anyone but me.
I focused harder on that person, analyzing the rest of their body. They had black jeans, and a black hoodie with their hands in the pockets. I was so fixated on this mysterious person who I couldn't tell was male or female considering the appearance. But the harder I looked, the more I realized one chilling thing.
I think they were staring at me just as much as I was staring at them.
My stomach felt a different type of nauseous when I made that connection, my lips parting. Their face was completely covered with the mask and they were so far away, but I had a uncomfortable feeling that their eyes were right on mine.
"Alright," Harry walks in front of me so my eyes met his rugged t-shirt and flannel. "Eat this, and drink this."
I look up at Harry holding a corn dog and a bottle of water, meeting eyes with him as my stomach still turned. Before I got to even say anything, he lowered his eyebrows.
"What's wrong?" He picks up the expression I must've had on my face.
I lean to the left and look around his body, eyes scanning the crowds where I saw the person in a mask. He steps out of the way and turns to look where I'm looking, but the mysterious person was gone like they never existed.
"What are you looking at?" He sounded just as confused as me.
"I thought I saw something.." I murmur to myself, my head a little light from the alcohol.
"Saw what?" He scanned the area with his eyes.
Maybe I was just fixated on that person because I'm drunk. I don't think it was anything I needed to take serious concern about. This is a pretty packed carnival, I'm going to see a lot of people like that probably.
"Just.. a person in a mask. I don't know, they're gone now so it's probably nothing." I shake my head and look back up at him.
He kept his eyes on the crowd for a few more seconds, then pulling away too. He looks back down at me so our eyes met again.
"There's a lot of creeps at these places, I'm here with you though so it's fine." He brushes off, holding out a massive corndog and water. "Now please eat."
I nod and take both of the items, on of them being on a eight inch stick, he sits down next to me on the picnic table as I stare at the corndog.
"Did you purposely get me something that's shaped like a dick?" I turn my head while holding the large item he wanted me to eat.
"It was either this or ginormous deep fried pickle, so count your blessings."
"I love pickles." I shake my head, knowing that would've been the better option in my opinion.
"Disgusting." He shakes his head immediately in disagreement.
My jaw drops cause I was drunk, holding this giant carnival corndog like an idiot. I don't know why I was so shocked but I was.
"Are you kidding me!" I for some reason was offended.
"I don't like vinegary things, now eat." He finishes sternly.
I roll my eyes at his strictness, he really wanted me to sober up. I guess I could understand his concern, but I know I actually can't.
"Okay dad." I mumble sarcasm under my breath, taking a bit of the corndog.
His eyes turn to slits while he clenches his jaw, almost like he wanted to say something but was holding back. He turns and looks elsewhere while biting his tongue.
"What?" I murmur with a mouthful of greasy fried batter and hotdog.
He shakes his head while looking anywhere else around us but at me. I keep chewing, shutting my eyes as I did it so I could concentrate. I don't know why but when I get drunk, it take a lot for me to chew. It was like eating was suddenly a challenging sport.
"I'm being good because I know you're actually mad at me." He murmurs under his breath as I my eyes remained shut.
I swallow and open my eyes, looking at him gripping his ripped knees next to me.
"What are you wanting to say?" I slightly slur while taking another bite, furrowing my brows. "Is it because I said dad?"
He clenches his bruised jaw again, staying quiet and looking at the carnival crowd ahead of him rather than me to his right. I definitely think it was the dad thing.
"I don't know why that's a big deal." I shrug, swallowing again. "If I really wanted to bother you, I would've called you daddy—"
"Okay let's drink some water, shall we?" He cuts me off sharply, grabbing the cold bottle of water between my thighs and unscrewing the cap.
"Do you have a daddy kink?" I ask openly as he unscrews the bottle of water and jams it in my free hand.
"Drink." He demands, getting annoyed by my drunk questions. I couldn't help it, I had no filter when I was like this.
I grin and hand him my corndog.
"Hold this then, take a bite if you want." I say out of the kindness of my intoxicated heart.
He shakes his head and holds it impatiently for me. I shut my eyes and take a thick gulp of the ice cold water, letting it coat my throat and refresh me. My body did need this, he wasn't wrong there. I enjoy being drunk right now though, it make me forget why I was so mad at him.
I put the lid back on and stick the bottle back between my closed legs, turning my head to see him holding the corndog still.
"You don't want a bite?" I ask while taking it back from his painted fingernails tips.
"Nope." He shakes his head and runs his hair back with his bruised knuckles.
"Why not? You haven't eaten either." I shrug.
"I'm not hungry." He lies.
"You must be."
"I'm not."
"It's really good." I try to persuade.
"That's great." He forms his lips into a line.
"You're sure you don't want some?" I tilt the end of the bitten corndog towards him.
"I'm sure." He declines.
"Why?" I pout.
"Because."
"That's not an answer." I furrow my brows.
"Aven."
"Harry." I say back in the same tone.
"Fuck sakes—" He leans over and takes a big bite of the corndog, making me smile as I watch him give in to my drunk persistence.
He takes a chuck off the top and pulls back to his original position with the food being chewed in his right cheek like a chipmunk. I grin and take a chomp into the bite marks he just created, both of us chewing now.
"Good right?" I add with a mouthful.
He rolls his eyes and keeps chewing, placing his hand on my thigh and giving it a little frustrated squeeze. Once he was mainly done chewing, he spoke.
"You better finish that now." He orders.
Definitely has a daddy kink.
I nod and take another bite to show my proof, eating like he wanted me too. Once he swallows, he fishes his hand into his jean pocket and pulls out his banged up pack of smokes. I continue to eat and drink as he takes out a skinny white cigarette, sticking the filter between his cut lips.
I watch him subtly as he brings the cheap black lighter to the end of his cigarette. I stare as he lights the flame and catches it on the end of the tobacco, his jaw sharpening with the immediate inhale. He brings the lighter down as his stitched cheeks hollowed, his face looking so banged up.
I finish the corndog as he starts his cigarette, leaning his back against the table part of this picnic table. His arms extend along the surface so it was around me. I stared at his body language, it was so captivating.
Arms extended along the table behind me, legs spread, heavy sneakered feet on the ground, cigarette between his bruised lips, hair pushed back out of his face with a rebellious curl hanging down into his bruised eye. The light smoke aerated around us, I sipped my water.
He looked so, intriguing. Even with his face beat in with stitches and a white bandage over his nose, he looked so aesthetically beautiful. It was definitely my drunk vision gawking over his bruiting appearance. Bruised eyes and rips in the knees of his jeans, I was in awe of how anything worked on this man.
I must've been staring for too long, because he turned his head at me and met eyes. Cigarette cherry flaking sombre ash, he furrowed his heavy eyebrows.
"What?" He mumbles through the tobacco stick.
"You smell good." I spoke my mind at ease.
Slightly confused, he breathed in smoke and took out the cigarette. He blew out the corner of his mouth, away from me before answering.
"What do you mean? Cigarettes?" He murmurs like I was partially insane.
"You're cologne, it's always smelled so good to me." I clarify like that would make any more sense, I could smell it right now.
"You're so drunk." He chuckles and puts the cigarette back between his lips.
"Maybe." I shrug, leaning into the side of his neck.
He freezes as I gently drift into his soft arch, not touching him at all but just hovering. I shut my eyes and inhale softly to catch the scent of his men's cologne I couldn't quite describe. I knew he sprayed it on his neck though, it was so pleasant.
I pull back a few inches, facing his side profile and grinning. He turns his head with the cigarette in the corner of his mouth, meeting eyes with me and seeming a bit thrown off by my close proximity.
"Remember you're mad at me..." He mumbles like a warning, not knowing what to expect from me leaned this close to his side.
I couldn't help but laugh, still close to his cheek.
"You think I'm gonna jump on your lap and start undoing your pants or something?"
He smirks to himself, looking out at the crowds of people while smoking his sombre cigarette.
"Well," he blows out debris, "You're full of surprises Ms. Brooks."
I grin to myself and reach up, snapping the cigarette out between his lips. At the same time, standing up to my feet. I turn around and catch his surprised expression, looking up at me in front of him.
"C'mon," I place his cigarette between my lips and turn around. "Let's go have some fun."
My feet start walking away before he had a chance to respond, his cigarette now belonging to me. My sneakers grazed the gravel as I put my hands in my back pockets and breathed in mild tobacco smoke. I was a little more sober from the food and water in my system, but still classified as drunk. My vision was still swimming a bit, and I felt like I was gliding rather then walking.
It wasn't long until I felt the heavy arm fly around my shoulders, the texture of flannel and the scent of cologne.
"You think you're some big shot, angel?" He whispers to me, taking his cigarette back from my lips.
I look over at his bashed face, seeing the white stick back in his mouth. The white bandage was prominent over his nose.
"Are you gonna win me a stuffed animal later?" I ask rather than answering his question.
"Definitely not." He shakes his head, finding it humorous I even asked. I guess I expected that answer.
"Why?" I pout a bit as we walk.
"I'm not playing a carnival game, no matter how sorry I am." His cheeks hollow when he inhales smoke.
"What are you sorry about?" I ask out of curiosity, looking at him as he walked with his arm around my shoulders.
"You know." He says vaguely, not wanting to explain it given the obnoxious amount of diluted pride he had.
"The fact you were pretending to be my ex-boyfriend over text messages? Or that you went against my wishes to start a public fight with him?" I then ask, drawing attention to the thing I've been avoiding all night.
I watch his expression go quiet, his eyes looking around the carnival as we walk together. My arms were crossed over my stomach, my camera dangling.
"I'm sorry for all of it, you know that Av." He mumbles under his breath without looking at me, continuing to smoke. He had a coldness in his voice, he wasn't use to being in this type of situation. He probably want use to apologizing.
"Yeah but do you mean it?" I ask.
"I wouldn't apologize if I didn't mean it." He answers back quick this time.
"An apology with change is an apology, but an apology without change is just manipulation." I speak my truthful mind, the alcohol making me more vocal than usual. "And you love manipulation, Mr. Styles."
He exhales through his nose, shaking his head. I know I was completely right. He doesn't answer, instead he just pulls me over to the Ferris wheel entrance.
Tossing his cigarette away, he leads me up to the gate that had no line. Right away I met eyes with an employee waiting by the cart, letting us on. Harry brought me over to the seats, I slightly stumbled before sliding in and sitting down. Normally I'd be very hesitant getting on a ferris wheel because I'm not a big fan of heights, but the alcohol was minimizing my fears a bit more. I don't know if alcohol and heights would mix, but I guess I'd find out.
Harry slides in next to me, pulling the silver bar down in front of us.
"Okay, what do you need to hear in order to understand I am sorry?" He asks in slight frustration that I'm not just giving into his half asked apology.
"You need to prove it." I shrug as we wait for the ride to start.
"How? I don't know how else to say sorry."
"It's not always words, it actions too." I try to explain as in depth as I possibly could but some things were meant to be figured out on their own.
The wheel started moving, making our cart jolt before pulling backwards and up. Harry and I sat pretty close to one another, our sides pressed together. I gripped the cold bar in front of us, my stomach turning a bit.
"Actions?" He was confused.
"Yes, actions."
"I don't understand." He answers.
"God Harry have you ever apologized in your life?" I couldn't help but be a bit frustrated. I am very hurt about what he did, it's not my job to be educating him on how to apologize.
"I don't do it often." He murmurs to my left as I kept eyes on the view ahead.
"Clearly." I stifle under my breath, shaking my head. Even drunk I was managing to still get annoyed with him. The reason I drank so much tonight was to avoid my negative feelings for a bit. If I was sober then I would've ditched him a long time ago.
"Do I buy you something?" He asks, still lost on how to earn my forgiveness.
"No." I was quick to shut down. "You can't win me over with gifts."
We started to get higher and higher on this massive ferris wheel, the sky was dark now so the lights were even more gorgeous. The higher we got, the more of an incredible view we were getting over the whole carnival and beach.
"I just don't understand what you want from me..." He sounded at a dead end of ideas for my forgiveness. I refused to look at him because I knew we were sitting pressed against each other and our eye contact would be very intimate this close.
"Maybe that's the problem then, Harry." I murmur to myself. "You don't know what I want, because you don't know what type of person I am."
"I know what type of person you are." He was quick to correct, almost at the top of the ferris wheel now.
I chuckle.
"Then why is it that a person who is trained with the psychological studies of eye reading and manipulation, can't seem to figure me out and what I want in an apology?" I ask.
"Because you don't even know what you want." He fires back, I didn't expect that type of answer. "Av, you don't even know who you are."
I swallow and keep my head forward, the intensity of that statement threw me a curveball.
"And who are you?" I courageously turn my head to make eye contact for the first time on this ride. I was right, it was intimately close.
"I know exactly who I am." He deflects with sternness, but this eyes told me otherwise.
I froze and look at him for a second, staring into the crystal emerald. The our cart was approaching the top, my hands still clenching the bar.
"Really? Because your pupils just got larger as if you're lying to me." I tilt my head slightly to the left, dishing him words he once served me.
He didn't expect that, because the second the last word left my lips, he blinked and turned his head forward to break the eye contact. I smirk, knowing I threw him off a bit.
"You taught me that one." I appraise myself in cockiness, looking ahead at the height we we're approaching.
It was awfully breezy up in the air, the alcohol in my blood was the only thing keeping me warm. I was just in a bikini and shorts, which was good until I was fifty feet in the air. We finally reached the top, I got instantly nervous but I know we would only go down from here so it kept me at ease.
"Listen, all I want is for you to—"
The cart suddenly jolted as we got to the very top, making me shout out a reflexed yelp in startle. I gripped his thigh at the same time, my heart skipping an important beat.
"Relax..." He says in complete calmness. "It's probably just letting more people get on."
I shut my eyes, knowing it was all fine but heights kinda scare me to begin with. I breathe for a second, my nerves shot on how abrupt that jolting stop was.
"Of course we have to be at the fucking top." I keep my eyes shut, because I know I didn't want to see how high up we were. I was pretty calm about this until now. That jolt made me picture what would've happened if we fell from this height.
"It will move soon." He murmurs, obviously not bothered by heights at all but I knew that.
I remember that night in Philadelphia, Harry sitting on the ledge and joking about falling off of it just to get a reaction out of me.
My hand was still gripping his thigh to keep grounded, I was too nervous to let go. With my eyes still shut, I felt his hand grasp the top of mine. He pulls it off so I unclench his jeans, instead he laces his fingers in my own and holds my hand.
He's holding my hand to calm me down.
I could feel his heavy fingers comfortably intertwined in mine, resting them on his thigh. I gripped his hand back because I was scared and overall happy he chose to hold it.
"Thank you." I whisper with my eyes still shut.
"I didn't realize you were this scared of heights." He keeps hold of my little sweaty hand.
"I was avoiding it until that happened." I mumble with my eyes wired. "Tell me something to distract me."
"Tell you what?"
"I don't know, anything until we start moving again." I shake my head, my heart racing. The breeze from being this high in the air was freaking me out more, I couldn't hear the carnival, I could just hear the wind and the waves crashing in the distance.
"Like a joke?"
"No Harry dammit—" I was frustrated.
"I don't know what you want me to tell you." He answers back as my anxieties arose because we weren't moving on this ferris wheel still.
"About yourself, something that will interest and distract me." I murmur while clenching his hand, my heart racing.
The longer we were up here, the more likely I would throw up all over both of us.
"I don't have any interesting qualities." I hear him deflect, I couldn't help but whine in frustration.
"What's your favourite ice cream flavour?" I murmur off the top of my head.
"Why do you need to know my favourite ice crea—"
"Harry!"
"Mint chip!—" He answers back quick. "Jesus Aven relax dude."
There was a pause, both of us going dead silent. It was kinda funny getting him to admit it in frustration, especially it being mint chip. A few seconds of dead silent went by, before I decided to speak again.
"Mint chip is bad." I manage to spit out over the fear in my stomach, smiling to myself with my eyes still shut.
"Shut up." He laughs a bit. "What's yours?"
"Strawberry."
"You've got to be kidding me." I could sense him tossing his head back in disbelief.
"What?"
"You're going to judge me for my favourite flavour when yours is fucking strawberry?" I could hear the disgust in his voice.
I laughed to myself, holding his hand firmly still.
"It is the best." I stick to my answer with a closed eye grin. "Now tell me something else."
"Like what?"
"What was your first word?" I scramble any fact in my head, wishing he would come up with his own to take the pressure off me.
"I don't know." He answers.
"Your parents never told you?" I ask, my stomach turning because we were still up here. "Mothers rave about that stuff."
"Nope." He was quick and uninterested.
"You should really call and ask them." I cackle. "Mine was ball."
"Mmm." I hear him hum pensively. "They're dead."
I opened my eyes abruptly, getting my first view of the height in a while. But my eyes immediately flicked over to Harry on my left. I saw how he was looking out at the view, running his hair back with his free hand.
"W–What?" I wondered if I heard him actually just say that.
"My parents, they're dead." He says back very easily like it meant nothing.
I froze and parted my lips.
"I'm sorry I didn't kn—"
"Save it. I'm fine and it was a long time ago." He forms his lips into a line, shrugging like it was no big deal.
I paused and stared at him as he was looking anywhere else but me. He didn't look disturbed or melancholy in anyway, he looked fine. His eyes remained out at the view, hand in mine.
"Was it...together?" I murmured in curiosity. "You don't need to answer if you don't want to."
He takes his free hand and shoves it into his front pocket, lifting himself up a bit to squeeze his fingers into the tight material. He pulls out a red sucker, ripping off the clear wrapper and showing the candy into his mouth. He tossed the wrapper off the edge, but it wasn't the time to scold his littering.
"Mother died in an accident when I was a kid." He speaks through the cherry candy on his tongue.
"An accident?" I was unsure of what that specifically meant.
"Mhmm." He didn't choose to elaborate, so I didn't ask for any further details.
"Oh.." I murmur, my heart haunting it's rapid beats.
My mind immediately went to the grave I saw him standing at, the grave of Clara Walker. Although she died two years before he was allegedly born, was that possibly his mother?
"And father was murdered when I was sixteen."
My heart now completely stopped beating, my throat going tight like I'd choke on my own shock. I wasn't expecting to hear that, my hands went cold.
"M–Murdered?" I stammer.
"In cold blood." He nodded, a calm casual tone of voice.
"Oh my god, that's awful." I shake my head in shock, the emotional side of me making tears prick the corners of my eyes.
He's only twenty one, sixteen was only five years ago for him. That was three years before I met him in his small venue concert.
"Shitty, I know." He nods, but kept a very unbothered tone.
I've had my fair share of loosing parents; my father died of lung cancer and my mother ran off with no sign of where she was heading. But it was safe to say I've never delt with a murder, I don't know what I would do knowing either one of my parent were killed.
"Who murdered him?" I murmur, not knowing where the boundary was with this conversation.
He chuckles and shakes his head, sucking on his candy and looking out to the landscape view of lights and people.
"I've been trying to figure that out, angel." He pulls the sucker out. "I came home from school one day to find him with a knife to his stomach on the kitchen floor, laying there as a bloodless corpse. I called the police, and it was obviously ruled as a homicide. The only problem was there was no evidence on who did it." He explains quietly.
"Harry...I'm sorry you were exposed to that." I whisper in sorrow. I don't know what kind of person Harry was at sixteen, but regardless he was a child who didn't deserve to see that. It must haunt him to this day.
"I've spent the last five years of my life trying to find out who did it, and how they got away so clean." He goes on, putting the candy back in his mouth.
"Did you find any suspects?" I swallow.
"No one specifically, but I think it was someone in the mafia out for him. My father was an associate like me, but better. He had a lot of people working beneath him. So when he died, I took his place to get myself one step closer to his potential murderer. Malikai took me under his wing and trained me to do everything I can do today." I watch him watching the view.
"That's why you joined, to find your fathers killer?" I clarify.
"Well one of the reasons. I also knew this is what he'd want from me, to be a man or whatever." He shrugs, I'm surprised he was revealing this much.
"Do you regret it? Joining."
He paused before answering, sucking on his red candy until his mouth went sweet.
"I've done some very fucked up shit, but no. I wouldn't have it any other way. This is what I was meant to do, the only thing I'm good at."
"That's not true." I shake my head, knowing he had potential for so many things he probably didn't know about.
"Oh but it is, and that's okay. I love it after all." He shrugs it off, turning to look at me.
When we met eyes, I saw how guarded he looked. I couldn't quite explain it, but I know behind that mask of frigid meaningless was a worlds worth of pain from loosing both his parents.
"Do you miss them?" I whisper, my heart talking before my mind.
He paused, staring into my eyes like he didn't know how to speak. His sucker stayed perched in his mouth, cut lips secure around the white stick. His pupils bounced back and forth between mine, trying to choose what iris to lock on.
"I don't know." He swallowed, not expecting the gravity of that question. "I barely remember my mother, and my father and I had a very paved relationship."
"Paved?"
"He was a rich respected business man that secretly worked for the mafia, not the warmest guy. He was strict and cold, which made me strict and cold. He wanted me to be tough like him, and he was a real bastard about it." He went on about stuff I didn't expect to brush up on tonight, it was sobering me up fast.
"Strict like how?" I murmur.
"Ties and collared shirts at dinner, proper english manors, high grades." He lists all the things I couldn't imagine Harry following, I was in slight shock.
I never really gave myself the time to think about what Harry's childhood must've been like. I obviously had a suspicion that he's had some hard times, considering who he is today. But the thought of him speaking proper manners and wearing a tie at the dinner table baffled me.
I guess I didn't expect that he came from a wealthy background, considering how much he enjoys the cheap things in life like stolen sunglasses and rugged old band shirts.
"I can't vision you following those types of rules." I shake my head.
"I never said I did, I just said that's how I was raised." He fires back, making me rethink again. "My grades were shit, I say the word fucking before every noun, and I barely know how to tie a tie babe."
"And what did he do about that?"
He paused before answering, sucking on his candy like he was thinking of a proper way to approach the question.
"Told me how disappointed my sweet mother Emily would've been, and how I'm never worth his time. All my life I let him down, because I didn't care about rules. I never got my act together before he was murdered, so that's why I spend a lot of my free time trying to catch who did it. It's the only thing I can do for him at this point, considering I disappointed him in every way I could." He explains quietly.
Suddenly the Ferris wheel started turning again, it felt like ages we were up here.
"But anyway," He shrugs. "Seems like we're moving again, was that a good enough distraction?"
I paused as he looks at me, waiting for an answer to the somewhat lighthearted closer. I was so lost in my mind of all that information, but overall I just felt sad for him. He's struggled with a lot, I could tell. But even with all that childhood stress he just told me, I somehow knew it was only the tip of the iceberg for him.
I know there was more to the story, he just wasn't ready to read anymore tonight.
"What?" He sensed the solid look in my eyes and the fact I wasn't speaking back.
I lean forward and gently kiss his bruised cheek, very soft. He froze as I did it, still holding my hand. I wired my eyes shut and kept my lips delicately pressed to his warm cheek, holding my breath because the action felt like it needed my undivided attention.
I know he doesn't kiss on the lips, so this was all I could do to show my compassion.
I pull back as we reach the bottom of the wheel, meeting eyes again as I was quick to perceive how shocked he was as I kissed his cheek. His eyes were wide, white stick out the cover of his mouth.
"You are worth it to me, Harry." I answered quietly, pushing all my issues with him aside for now.
He froze from my simple words, eyes deadlocked on mine like I was a ghost. I let go of his hand and gently push the long curl out of his face, at the exact same time as the ride stopping and us being at the bottom.
I unhook the bar and stand up, his eyes following me as I step around his feet and off onto the gravel. I turn my head back as he was still sitting in the cart.
"Now come win me a stuffed animal."
//
next chapter will be part two of the carnival
lots of love!!!