I sat in my quarters, unable to really sleep. No matter how long I kept my eyes shut, I just couldn't be carried away by dreams.
There was a trick my brother had told me when we were kids. "Just keep your eyes closed, no matter what, and eventually you'll fall asleep."
Now, there were constant noises and the illusion of flashing lights to coax my eyes open. So eventually I gave up and stood, moving to walk down the corridor.
I found myself wandering to the mess hall, moving towards the array of foods, closed in by glass barriers to keep them fresh. I was startled by a voice right behind me.
"Can't sleep either, huh?"
I jumped, then whirled around to see Trip sitting at the table, his hands wrapped around a cup of something steaming.
"Commander—" I caught myself. "Trip. I didn't see you there."
"You alright?" he frowned. "You look... troubled." He wrapped his hands around his mug and took a sip.
"Well..." I laughed, grabbing a cup of hot cocoa. "Intelligence often comes with depression, and I never asked for either."
"Yeah..." he looked down.
"Should you be out of bed after... the removal?" I took a seat across from him.
"Yeah, didn't take much. Doc had me healed up pretty quick," he looked down.
"Oh... well, do you... Remember anything?"
He looked up in confusion. "You mean during the surgery? They had me under, I never saw or felt anything. They took me to my bed."
I hesitated for a few moments before I spoke up. "No, they didn't, Trip."
"Oh, yeah? Hows'at?" he looked at me confused once more.
I wasn't sure I should continue, and I considered just leaving it at that. Then I sighed, my heart beating out of my chest.
I wouldn't meet his eyes. "You wandered to my room after the surgery."
He was silent, and I couldn't help but look up at him.
He was looking down at his own lap with a furrowed brow.
"I... don't remember," he looked up at me. "Did I say anything in particular?"
"Well... you didn't say much to offend," I bit my lip. It was my turn to stare at my lap now.
"Aw geez, what'd I do? I didn't break anything did I?" he went pale. "Did I hit you? Oh, God, I don't know what I'd do if I—"
"No, you didn't hit me," I shook my head, still not meeting his eyes.
He leaned towards me. "Come on, Emily, don't leave me hangin'. What'd I do?"
I looked slowly up at him. "You tried... well, you tried to—"
"Emily? Is that you?" a voice from the doorway.
I glanced up, partly relieved, and partially disappointed.
"Doctor Phlox," I sighed. "It's you," I stated.
"Yes." He seemed to have just noticed Trip. "Ah. Commander Tucker. I assume you two are finally talking about—"
"Doctor Phlox!" Trip and I shouted at the same time.
He glanced between the two of us. "Oh. Maybe not." He afforded a polite smile. "Pardon. I was just... grabbing a small snack. I'll leave the two of you to... talk."
He grabbed some Denobulan food from the shelf. Trip and I both watched him warily as he exited.
When he had left, I looked reluctantly to Trip.
"I think I'm drained enough now to go to bed and get some sleep," I nodded to him.
"Wait, you never finished telling me—"
"I'm very tired, Trip," I stated firmly.
He stood. "Let me walk you to your room.
I stood. "There's no need, Commander Tucker, I—"
"Trip."
I sighed. "There's no need, Trip. It isn't as if I'm to be attacked should I walk to my room unaccompanied. The only people on this ship are trusted crew members."
"Well, I'm very traditional," he moved towards the doorway.
I followed painstakingly.
There wasn't much to talk about on our way back to my door. The silence was tense, like we were both holding back so much that we may explode.
We reached my room and he turned to me.
"Emily."
I already had a hand on the button that would open my door. I bit my lip, turning to look at him slowly.
He hesitated before reaching out and taking one of my hands in two of his, forcing me to face him.
"Promise me... Promise me I didn't do anything to ya. I'd..." He took a deep breath. "I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you," he looked at me and I melted into his big blue eyes.
I smiled reassuringly and reached up to place my free hand on his cheek.
"I promise, Trip." My voice was soft, but steady. I reinforced my words with another smile.
He was looking at me strangely now.
I cocked my head. "Trip? Are you alright?"
His eyes drifted down to my lips and then back up to my eyes for a split second, and immediately that small gesture sent my heart into a tirade. I mentally scolded myself. It was just my imagination; the corridor was dark.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he forced a smile, looking unsure as he turned. "Goodnight, Emily. Sweet dreams."
"Yeah, likewise," I said in a daze.
I just stood there watching him turn and go, then stood there a while longer after he had disappeared around the corner.
I thought I may have imagined it. It was dark, we were both sleep-deprived, and he was still recovering and probably coming off of anesthetics.
I finally ducked inside my room after a few minutes of staring down the hall into the darkness got to be too much for me.
I still couldn't sleep.
When I got up in the morning, the crew was up and about, and I had bags under my eyes.
I skipped breakfast, and mostly lounged about my room; playing Tetris, reading novels I'd read a million times over even though I had new ones on the shelf. But none of them seemed to really keep my attention. I ended up reading the same page over and over until I finally gave up.
With a sigh, I closed the book and stood to stretch. It was hardly noon and I was already running out of ideas.
Whenever that happened, I did the undesirable.
I went outside... to talk to people.
Now, I wasn't the best at this, but at least it got me out of comfortable territory. On a good day, the worst thing that came of it was a minor panic attack and a bout of self deprecation.
Just as I walked onto the bridge, Trip entered through one of the other doors.
"You called, Cap'n?" he walked over to stand with his hands behind his back behind my father's chair.
Of course, the moment I walked onto the bridge, my father would have called Trip there. Just my luck.
I didn't particularly listen to what my father was saying to Trip, but I couldn't help but notice that his eyes were constantly drifting away from my father, towards me.
I pretended not to notice, looking down at my PADD, the 'Game Over' sign having been flashing on Tetris for a few minutes now. I tried to look like I was doing something. But when I looked up, my father and Trip were both looking at me.
"Hey, Em," my dad smiled, though he looked tired. "Need something?"
"No, I... I just wanted to see what was happening on the bridge," I smiled.
"Ah, well. I'm sure Commander Tucker could use some company with what he's doing," my father looked back at him. "Why don't you take my daughter with you and explain to her what's going on?"
I shot my father a warning glance and he smiled at me, amused.
Trip glanced quickly down at my father, then back up at me before nodding stiffly.
"Yes, Captain," he mumbled, moving towards me.
The door slid open and he waved a hand. "Ladies first," he nodded, though it lacked his usual playful air.
I turned and slipped out the door, him right behind me.
As the door closed behind us, he looked over at me.
"So... soon you're turning 19," he grinned over at me, a little more reminiscent of his usual mannerisms.
"Yeah, just one year and I won't be a teenager anymore," I laughed, looking over at him. "Maybe now I won't be so angsty."
"I dunno, T'Pol is like, sixty," he looked over at me as if that explained everything perfectly. Then he and I burst into laughter.
"I miss hanging out with you, Emily," he shook his head, still chuckling.
"Well, work and life get in the way," I looked away. "At least you have a purpose."
"Aw, come on," he rolled his eyes. "You help a lot around here! Cheer up." He swiped a finger under my chin.
I looked over at him with a small smile of my own, and his smile slowly faded out.
"Hey, Emily, I've been meaning to talk to ya about—"
"Hey, is our Chief Engineer gonna help or just stand there?" Crewman Cutler called, placing her hands on her hips.
"Can't you wait just a second?" he asked in a playful tone, though I could see the annoyance painting his features.
"Hurry, Chief, we're waiting on you," she flirted, turning away with a wink.
I very slowly turned my head to look at Trip, who was looking sideways at me with a smirk.
"Don't look at me like that," I crossed my arms, turning away.
"Hey, come on," he laughed. "I'm just teasin' ya."
"Alright," I turned back to face him, hiding a smile of my own. "Then what's going on, Commander Tucker?"
His smirk faded again. "I wanted to talk about the night... the night I had the surgery."
Any trace of a smile left my face. "Trip, I thought we were done with—"
"I know, I know, just... hear me out," he looked up at me from under his lashes.
I sighed, letting my arms swing to my side. "What about it?"
"Well... I just— I mean, I know you didn't want to talk about it last night, I could tell by the way you... well, by the way you avoided the question, I could tell you didn't want to tell me. But I just can't fight this feeling that... well, whatever it was, I don't want it to mess anything up between you an' me. So if you could just tell me, maybe we could sort it out?" He looked up at me, eyes full of hope.
I looked at him for a few seconds, debating whether or not I should lie. Then, I sighed.
"Trip, you came to my room acting weird. I didn't know what was wrong at first. You were just acting very... goofy," I cocked my head at him. He was listening intently, hanging onto every word I said. I knew that I had to word this very carefully, before he began making assumptions. "I spoke to you at the door for a few seconds, told you I was busy, then you walked in and sat down and patted the seat next to you. Said you wanted to talk. You were saying some crazy stuff about us, like you didn't think we were very good friends. Then when I asked you what you meant, you started talking out of your head. Then you mentioned the fact that my hair was up— Trip, it was just very disconcerting seeing you like that—"
"You're leaving something out," he said, sure of himself as his blue eyes stared into mine.
"I took you back to your room and when I tried to get you to go to bed, you asked me to stay. I just—"
"I understand," Trip hung his head. "I understand it must've made you pretty uncomfortable. Look, Emily, I'm sorry—"
"No, Trip, you don't have to worry about it. You didn't know what you were doing," I assured him. I had gotten used to it. He hardly ever knew exactly what he did to me, and how his actions kept me awake at night.
"Alright," he smiled at me, and didn't seem so tense anymore. "I think your pa knew something was up between us. That's why he..."
"Yeah," I laughed softly, looking down. "My ever intuitive father. Always the conflict resolution expert."
I looked up at the clock. Before I knew it, 30 minutes had passed and I had been standing there talking to him all that time. "Well, I'd better head to Sickbay. Phlox is probably missing me."
"Alright, take care, Emily," he reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear.
I looked behind him at Crewman Cutler, who was glancing in our direction, then some ultra-petty spirit possessed me and I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around Trip and pulling him into a hug.
He chuckled and laid his hands on the small of my back. "Is Cutler watching?" he mumbled into my ear.
"Maybe," I moved to pull back.
He stopped me at arms length and smirked at me. "Well, let's see how she likes this."
Before I could react, he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek.
Then he released me.
"Have fun taking care of sick people," he smiled as he turned around to walk towards the engine room.
I hoped I managed to fight back the massive flush threatening my face until after I left engineering.