Alissa's PoV
"where the fuck is Billie" i ask Q as we walk around the school halls, it's monday morning the worst day of the week and almost lesson time. usually billie is the first here and picks up everyone but she never showed up, no text no nothing. "i dont know, text me if she shows up in english, see you later man" Q says and walks away to his class.
i enter the English room and there billie is, hood up leaning against the wall, staring down at her hands. her eyes are all puffy like she had been crying and her face sort of red, she looks drained.
billies outfit^^^
i take my seat next to her and give her a concerned smile. "hey" i say. she mumbles a quick 'hi', staring at the wall in front of her, something is definitely up with her. i put my hand on her cheek and move her head so she is looking at me. i stare at her a while as she makes eye contact with me.
"why have you been crying bil, what's wrong?" i ask. she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath for a moment before looking at me again. her hand takes hold of my own that is resting on her cheek and places it down onto the table. "i dont want to talk, i'm sorry" she says, looking away, leaning her head back on the wall next to her.
i text Q quickly.
'hey, billie is here but theres something up. she's been crying'
the teacher begins the lesson and i put my phone away.
/
billie didn't talk to me the entire lesson, even when we had to work in pairs. this isn't like her, i just hope she is ok. it's lunch, we are sat outside on a big field near the football pitch. Q looks at billie with a worried look as she messes with her rings. i have a free period with her next, but she probably wont speak to me. i wish she would open up but thats not billie.
she goes onto her phone texting someone and then scrolling through twitter. her eyebrows turned into frowns and i swear i saw her tear up. after a while of awkward silence Q leaves and billie and i head to the music room to chill. she looks around and picks up a ukulele, playing it for a second before throwing it onto the ground and standing up with her head in her hands.
"billie" i say standing up, walking to her. i put my hands on her shoulder trying to get her to look at me, which she doesn't. shaking my head i wrap my arms around her shoulders protectively. she hesitates for a while, but brings her own around my waist. "i wish you would open up to me bil" i whisper into her neck.
"i just... i just cant seem to ever be fucking happy" she says quietly, her voice breaking. my heart shatters into pieces, hearing the hurt and pain in her voice. i don't know what the hell to do. i know she is on the verge of crying but is trying to hold it in. she keeps her grip around my waist tight, not wanting to let go.
"let me come home with you after school, i dont want you to be alone" i say letting go of her. she looks down at the floor, not allowing eye contact and nods.
"hey bil, can you teach me piano?" i say, sitting down at a keyboard. this will get her mind off things. she nods and brings up a chair next to me. billie explains the chords and letters to me, showing me a C and D minor before playing the ocean eyes chords to demonstrate.
//
we arrive at Billie's house and she leads me inside, the smell of vanilla scented candles filling my nose. i look around the familiar setting from when i came here yesterday. a note is left on the kitchen table from her mother.
'billie me and your dad have gone away for a few days for a break, look after yourself, I have some food in for you, make sure you eat as you havent been eating properly. finneas and claudia will be checking on you.
love mom'
billie throws the note in the trash and rolls her eyes before walking into her bedroom. i awkwardly follow her, entering the red lit room. her bed frame is covered in louis vuitton blankets, her clothes and shoes fill the majority of the room. the whole area smells of coconuts and vanilla exactly like billie. "you dont have to stay with me you know" she says breaking silence as she lays down on her back, playing with her silver hair.
"i dont care" i tell her and she stays silent, her blue eyes fall onto me as she taps the bed next to her.
"come on ill put a movie on or something" she says, i kick off my shoes feeling her soft carpet on my feet before climbing on top of her silky sheets. my head rested against her headboard as billie sits up, turning on her TV. i know she doesn't want me here, i can just tell.
billie randomly gets bored halfway through the movie and starts messing about on her piano. she turns her voice notes on record and starts singing a little, her eyes squeezed shut, the pain and hurt appearing on her face.
'i dont know
I just wish i wasn't breathing
if i wasnt breathing
would i change your mind'
she stops the video and posts it online, before continuing to mess around, i dont know what to say to her or what to do. why would she listen to me? we barely even know each other. "hey billie, shall we go and get some food, you need to eat" i say, interrupting her piano playing. she nods and stands up adjusting her black hoodie. her blue eyes look at me with such care and love, i really hope I can help her.
we take a drive through the city of LA, its dark outside so the street lights are gleaming. the light highlights billie's face, making her glow as she concentrates on the road. she bites her plump bottom lip and sighs. i look away and rest my head on the window.
the drive takes us to taco bell where we decide to sit inside and eat, both of us stuffing our faces with burritos. "i need to rant to you, but i dont want you to react or say anything" billie says, sipping her drink. she looks like she has been in deep thought for a while, i nod and she begins.
"ok so ive always had depression inside of me, most of the time i shut it our or hide it, which always seems to work. i hate talking about this shit, but recently its gotten bad. i'm seeing all this attention thats on me and all the comments and mentions i get. people comment things like kill yourself, or you're not good enough billie on a daily basis and for some reason i listen. twitter seriously makes me want to end myself and thats so hard to admit. i dont want to take into account peoples opinions of me but sometimes you just have too" she says emotionally.
i sigh and shake my head. "can i say something?" i ask, knowing full well she told me not too. she hesitates before slowly nodding.
"i think that social media is just full of hate and disrespect. people love bringing others down for their own happiness. billie i think you are an amazing person and i know a lot of people who think the same. you are talented, despite how many people tell you your not. your confident and know how you want to be seen, especially through your music and your style. i know its hard and it all builds up, but the hate and negativity needs to make you stronger. i dont even know you well but i know that you deserve the world and i mean that. you protected me when you didn't even know me at all, you are a good person bil" i tell her.
for the first time today i see her bring a small smile onto her lips. the small bit of happiness plastered on her face as she looks at me. "thank you baby, you are right I know that. you may not realise it but you actually help me so much alissa. i think i just need to delete twitter and focus on getting my self back" she says softly. damn her calling me baby is kinda hot
i watch her as she drinks some of her drink and then bites her bottom lip as she looks around the room.
i think i like billie.