[ haha hello ]
Today is the day the team Sweet & Sour has to take the qualification test to the 30th floor. It is crucial that they pass, because if they don't, we won't get into the Workshop with just the three of us.
The past month... well, I wouldn't call it exactly eventful, but some stuff did happen after all.
As much as I tried to avoid it, I guess I made friends. The sisters started being really nice to me after I had showed them those scars of mine, and they would even protect me at times. Whenever someone else was about to find out, they helped me with some excuses or jokes or whatever.
I must say, they did save my ass a whole number of times. So I am now in a way indebted to both of them, which certainly isn't the best scenario, but it's not like I had many to choose from. I wish I could've avoided this, but unfortunately, I am too dumb at times.
Ehwa also tried her best to befriend me, but unlike the girls, she didn't have any sort of lever over me to succeed. Now, I know I might come off as cold when I say this, but honestly, I just can't bring myself to trust basically anyone. I'm already anxious enough having my secret semi-disclosed. I don't want to be hurt again. That's why I try to keep relationships on the professional level.
All kinds of 'bonding' or 'friendship' is just tiresome. Sure, having friends is beneficial. You can achieve more if you have reliable allies. But in order to have good friends, you have to be a good friend yourself. And that's the problem — I don't want to be a half-assed friend in return, but I also don't want to put effort in being a good friend, because it's most likely that what I will get in return won't be worth it.
Let's be realistic, what can you expect from an ally like Wangnan? Or anyone else from Sweet & Sour? They're objectively useless. They're too nice. And while that's a good trait for a 'friend', it makes them weak. So it comes down to either unhelpful teammates, or those that you can't trust.
With the exception of those from the Floor of Tests. Even though I can't trust those guys too much either, I can't really put my finger on it, but I have a feeling that our bond runs deeper than 'acquaintances' or 'friends'. Even if I am not anyone's 'friend number one', it still seems they won't let go of me easily. They wouldn't abandon me... I think... I hope.
Though I would've never imagined my brother to betray me either, therefore my gut feeling means as well as nothing when it comes to this. I can only be sure about myself and what I am responsible for. Hence, assuming something about others is only going to get me disappointed. To 'always assume the worst' can come in handy.
Moving on, Wangnan is visibly on guard around me. I don't know what I did to make him suspicious of me, but I can tell he's watching me. At the moment I hope this doesn't turn into a problem.
To make things clear: I am not worried about him suspecting me because I don't exactly act as a 'teammate'. If he ever were to confront me about it, I am pretty confident Khun would assume my side. My concern is the possibility of him plotting something behind our backs and being wary of me because he sees me as a potential threat. I guess keeping an eye on him wouldn't hurt.
Arkraptor and Prince are on neutral terms with me. Prince did not like me at the beginning, but seeing Miseng fine around me, I guess he doesn't mind me anymore. When I mentioned it jokingly to him, he got all flustered and denied everything. It was so cute and innocent compared to how brave and mature he tries to act normally.
I wasn't able to see Dann around too much, he was busy with his rehabilitation most of the time.
And Khun... Well... He's been somewhat weird. Not anything too out of ordinary, but he's had me perplexed on multiple occasions, especially during the first week of me being here. After that, I kinda got used to his new demeanor. I had brushed it off because 7 years can change a person a lot, but something about his behavior still throws me off sometimes.
Nevertheless, I guess you could say I calmed my anger down. I didn't even expect it myself – that I'd be such a spiteful piece of crap. So what if I am just a pawn in his hands? So what if I had wasted my emotional attachment on him? Still, for now, sticking to him or Shibisu's team is my best bet. If I ever want to find my family, that is.
With such futile attempts to keep myself level-headed, I entered Khun's office... or whatever it was.
"Jeez..! What's wrong with them?" The blue-haired man was sitting behind his desk, face palming.
Dann, whose back was facing me as I entered, mumbled, "Well... they were trying to do their best."
"That's stupid! How could they–"
"What happened?" I stepped in. Wasn't exactly smooth, but who cares.
Both heads shifted to me, not really surprised to see me.
Dann sighed, "They trained the whole night even though Khun clearly told them to relax before the test."
I chuckled. "That suits them. To be honest, I kinda expected something like that." Using the pause I walked over to the lone sofa and took a seat there before speaking up again. "Though I must say, good job, Khun."
His ever cold gaze resting on me hinted that he's waiting to hear an elaboration.
"You know, getting this team's shit together and everything. They accepted you as their natural leader in such a short time and did as you instructed despite not being very fond of it."
He looked at me with a somewhat curious look in his eyes, but then turned away completely. "Congratulate me when we actually get Bam back. If we fail... this would be all for nothing."
I guess I can't argue with that. His ultimate goal is to reunite with Bam and climb together with him once again, and he gets to push his values through as a leader. The followers are bound to tag along or leave.
Despite being one of the first on his 'friend list', I weren't that close to Bam back on the Floor of Tests. I thought he was intriguing enough to hang around with, but his obsession with Rachel seemed really weird to me. Especially because that bitch was really shady to begin with. So I can't say I exactly understand him. He is a rather nice fella though.
If I were to name someone I'd really like to meet again, it would be Rak. I'm pretty perplexed with my natural choice of friends, but that crocodile is the one I feel closest to... probably. But neither Khun nor Shibisu have heard from him since we separated.
Surely, there is a tiny bit of doubt deep inside me, the thought that tells me he may have had died. But there is no way in hell that alligator would just up and perish that easily. Also, he's not in the 'Deceased' or 'Missing' databases, so that's a plus I guess.
"Guys," the brunet piped up. He was seated at a chair in the middle of the room. "I think it's better if we use this time to rest while we still can. Especially you, Khun."
"I can't. I'm too nervous." Our leader sighed and leaned back into his chair. "How can I be nervous about a test on a goddamn 29th floor? Their stupidity must've affected me, now I'm feeling anxious for no reason. Call a doctor, Dann."
It's probably better if I don't say anything. I can't do anything to help him relax. But it's only natural for him to be nervous. He always had good people on his team, so competing with average regulars was a piece of cake. But right now, to win with such a team could be a serious task even for him. Moreover, the enemies we'll be facing at the Workshop likely aren't going to be average.
I heard from other Sweet & Sour members that Khun had basically promised them to take them to Workshop, but I see now that he's much more unsure if he's actually able to do that. I guess the responsibility of being a leader isn't exactly light to carry around. Perhaps I should be more lenient with him. Yeah, I should quit being a whiny bitch and be useful to him while it's still profitable for me.
"Well, there's still time before we get the results. You've done everything you could, now it's up to them, nothing you can affect anymore. Really, try to get some rest," I said, only now inspecting his face carefully.
He looked truly worn out. It even somewhat pained me to watch him in this state.
"I guess..." he trailed off and leaned onto his desk.
"Say, [Y/N]."
I turned around to face Dann and gave him an inquiring look.
"Are you like... not nervous at all? You don't seem bothered at all."
"What are you implying?" I asked with the sternest voice I could pull off.
Of course I know what you mean.
"Uh..." He awkwardly scratched his cheek. "Sorry, never mind."
I shrugged.
He then made himself comfortable on the sofa and closed his eyes.
Of course I know what you mean.
It's not like I'm not anxious about the Workshop. I'm also worried as to whether or not team Sweet & Sour will actually be successful today. I'm just good at hiding it, is all.
My dad used to say, if it's about things I cannot affect, there's no use to stress over them; if it's about things I still can affect, there's no use to stress over them either – I simply gotta do my best.
I try my best to have that kind of mindset, but, as it usually is, it's easier said than done. It actually wasn't so difficult until lately. The thing that is bothering me at the moment is...
Well... how do I put it?
When I arrived here a month ago, I trained hard as I always have to make sure I don't grow out of shape and most importantly, so that I actually improve my skills. Sure, I might've beaten everyone on Sweet & Sour rather easily, but I shouldn't compare those pipsqueaks to potential enemies we will encounter at the Workshop.
And now, I'm not sure. It might be my imagination or something, but I feel like I haven't gotten any stronger. Like, at all. What I haven't tried yet was fighting at my absolute 100%, but I know for sure that I won't be able to recover quickly after that, hence it is my last resort.
I'm scared. If 30th floor is my cap, if there's just nothing more I can do about it...
If that's the case, then...
Well...
I really hope that's not the case.
---
Not too long after, both Khun and Dann were woken up by the notification sound from Khun's pocket.
We all let out a breath we didn't know we were holding in – the 9 of us got officially invited to the Workshop.
They made it.
[ ik this chap is a wee bit boring cuz there's almost no dialogue but, bUT!
Anyway.
I proofread this chap @school so feel free to point out mistakes <3
I had too many things I wanted to say in the a/n so i'm posting it separately after this chap. it's GOOD NEWS tho :)
mostly haha ]