Well, it's my birthday so what else to do than update? 🤩🤗
Also, shit is just about to hit the fan.🤫
I honestly had no idea how the Verstappens snuck home at the middle of the night, and still succeeded in not waking us up.
When I opened my eyes I realised I'm snuggled next to Daniel. It was the second night I slept next to him in this short time and both times I was pretty worn out, and squeezed, but somehow still felt calmed down and secure.
Now as I looked at the peacefully sleeping Australian and felt truly grateful for him being there for me yesterday. I smiled because I noticed his disheveled hair and his peaceful expression with his slightly open mouth. He was snoring quietly and that made me giggle.
I blinked around, and checked the time on my phone. It was 6:35.
No missed calls, no new messages, not even a fucking email.
I gazed down to the now crumpled green dress which I was still wearing, and it made all the bitter memories of last night flashing back to my mind. I sighed as my heart filled up with heaviness.
I gathered all my skills to climb from the couch as careful as possible, without waking Daniel up. I wasn’t in the mood for a morning chat, not like this, and even without getting a shower or a coffee.
Somehow I managed to leave the couch, and I went into the guest room, what I got as my own for that weekend. I showered, and changed to my Red Bull outfit. In two and a half hours I supposed to host our second training with the FIA.
Then I snuck into the kitchen, and tried to make some coffee without waking anyone up. I only made one for Victoria and one for myself, hence the boys didn’t drink any coffee. Weirdos.
I was already sipping on my second espresso when I heard some slow shambling from the corridor.
Soon, a very sleepy Max appeared in the doorway with his blonde, destroyed-by-a-pillow hair, scratching his abdomen lazily.
“Hey,” he groaned. “Are you OK?” he looked at me sleepily but still with some concern.
“Yes,” I lied. I must have been convincing because he smirked, and came closer reaching for me.
“Come here,” he pulled me in a tight hug. He held me close for a minute, and that alone made me feel much, much better.
I've decided as always - to bury myself into work, so I didn't have to deal with the reality.
I snuck out, to walk to the Paddock, leaving Max to have breakfast alone and also didn't say goodbye to Daniel. Well, he was still asleep anyway, already hugging a giant pillow tightly in his sleep.
At least the weather was good, perfect excuse for wearing my sunglasses to hide my dark circles under my eyes.
I headed straight to the FIA building, to find Dr. Conrad.
"Good morning Clara," he greeted me with a friendly smile when I arrived to his office. "What a party, right?" He winked at me. "I hope you rested well?"
I guess he was convinced that I spent the night with Max, having wild sex so that's why I looked like shit.
"I'm fine," I more like grimaced than smiled. "Let's have this training settled, shall we?" I suggested, so we left to get prepared for the training.
At least that was fun. This week's topic was about major bleeding management. We installed several scenarios, and also used some fake blood to make it more believable.
The teams did well, that's why I didn't understand David's frowning when he approached me at the end of the session.
"Uhm Clara," he cleared his throat. "Do you have some clothes to get changed?"
Now, it was my time to frown.
"No," I said. "Why?" I asked, and automatically looked down on my shirt.
At once, it was clear why he asked that.
I helped a lot, managing the scenarios, so my shirt had several fake-blood patches all over.
"Fuck," I winced. Then I realised it's Dr. Conrad I'm talking to. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just," I opposed, but the German traumatologist already had his lips curved to a cheeky smile.
"Well, if you don't want to shock everyone out there, then wear something over that shirt, I suggest," he winked.
So I left to hurry to the Energy Station where I was supposed to have coffee with Vicki 20 minutes ago. I had my raincoat with me, so I put that on and hurried down the paddock.
As I arrived to the Red Bull cafeteria Vicki jumped up happily to greet me, but as she noticed my shirt, she literally screamed.
"Wow, it's ok, shush," I waved her down. Her face went white, and I couldn't stop laughing.
"FIA training. Second scenario, femoral artery bleeding. Fake blood. Don't ask anymore, I'll got get changed, just one sec," I jabbered.
I crossed the road and entered our garage to cross and head to our office.
I just passed the driver's rooms when I heard Daniel's muffled voice. He was talking to Michael. I haven't realised it's that late - probably they are already finished with the interviews and now back for their usual stretching.
I swear I only stopped because Daniel's voice felt so troubled.
"I don't know man, she was so sad I just wanted to comfort her and not push anything," he said.
"Hey, just find your balls and ask her out already. Geez, you have to act before it's too late," Michael scolded him annoyed. "Squat lower," he added. "Are you sure she' seeing someone?" The Australian trainer asked suspiciously.
A low grunt was the only answer and I knew I should leave. But my legs simply didn't work and my mind was racing with crazy thoughts.
Are they talking about me? God, if they are, then it means…
My heart and my stomach just switched places. I gulped and managed to make one step further down the corridor when they started to talk again.
"I don't know. I have a bad feeling about that. I'm afraid she already has someone and I missed my chance you know?" He grunted again. "Things with Gemma ended a long time ago, and haven't met anyone since that made me feel like now. So I think I'm just terrified to make a move," Daniel continued. "You know, not to mess things up this time."
"Daniel Ricciardo, you look like a piece of cake, have millions of fans around the world and you are afraid to ask a girl out?" Michael mocked him. "Do ten more of that, only with your hands up."
"Well, she is not like other random girls, and you know that," Daniel sighed.
"Yeah, you must have mentioned that before," Michael answered tiredly.
Ok, it was too much, I had to leave that place. I finally defroze and ran down to the medical room where I remembered I had some spare clothes. I put on a top and a pink sweater.
Fuck, what if Daniel and Michael were talking about me? And he maybe knows about me and Charles...
Only thinking about that made me panic. I never thought of the real possibility of them finding out about us. I can't let that happen, like ever. No matter if Daniel likes me or not, him and especially Max - Jesus Christ, Max! - could never know.
Now that and the events of last night made me sure about that we can't continue messing around with the young Ferrari driver.
Before leaving, I checked myself in the mirror, wearing that pink sweater and suddenly a bittersweet memory flashed back to my mind.
I handed him the phone. He took it, but he grabbed my hand as well.
“Nice shirt,” he smirked at my pink sweater. “I like it so much better than the Red Bull one beneath it.” Oh my god, is he really watching my breasts?
I rolled my eyes, and freed my hand from his before anybody sees us.
“Clara you really look good,” he said before he put his helmet on. “I want to kiss you so bad now.”
Fuck. It's not even that cold. I got off the sweater, tossed it to the corner and hurried back to the cafeteria.
"So how does the living together works out?" I asked Vicki after I ordered my regular black espresso.
She smirked, and I could see that was the question she was waiting for.
"It's amazing," she smiled. "Everything was so smooth. Jake helped with the moving. And he is so supportive about me working all the time.”
"I'm so happy for you," I smiled at her. She looked fine, and content. I honestly cheered for her and Jake to find their happiness together, no matter how miserable I was on that front.
“Hey Clara,” We heard a happy shriek not far from us. I snapped my head to the direction of the whiny noise, and I could see Lando approaching us.
“Hello there,” I smiled back. He greeted Vicki as well, and gave me a big orange bag.
“What’s this?” I frowned. Lando giggled, and slightly blushed. He was truly adorable, so young and cheeky.
“You know, I promised a little present,” he said, and peeked inside the bag himself as well.
“This is from Carlos also,” he added.
I checked the bag, and pulled out an orange-grey jumper, a shirt, a raincoat and even a baseball cap. It was sweet, but what on earth should I do with all that?
Vicki was giggling next to me.
“Lando, you know I can’t let this happen, right?” She shook her head.
From nowhere, Carlos also appeared next to Lando.
“This,” he pointed at me. “Is how you should dress,” he stated almost accusingly, and after letting out a smile, he continued his walk towards the McLaren hospitality.
“Anyway, thanks again,” Lando jabbered, and looked like he needed to hurry as well. He waved to us, and ran after his teammate.
Vicki turned to me after they left.
“You can’t wear that,” she said. “That’s treason!”
I smirked.
“You know, I don’t work now,” I smirked. “And I’m cold anyway.” I shrugged. Without that sweater I felt a bit chilly in the breeze. I put on the McLaren jumper, and it fitted perfectly, nice and snug.
“Wonderful,” I leaned back in the chair.
“I don’t know you,” Vicki grimaced.
However, I had to change for my Red Bull uniform as in the afternoon I had an official introduction at the FIA headquarter. Working amongst the staff of the organising body meant all the teams and directory staff have to be familiar with you. Being a field doctor meant you are potentially saving their lives so knowing your name would be a nice touch. Dr. Conrad mentioned that before during the training, but I didn’t care much about that.
What he forgot to add, was that I had to attend the grand meeting with him, sitting through both the team principals discussion and the drivers meeting.
Fuck.
That was all I could think about when David smiled at me and said we have 5 minutes until to the first meeting.
Good thing was usually my mind switched to autopilot when I got to handle a stressful situation, so I just did what I had to do.
Before that, I felt near to fainting, I started to sweat and I felt my heart racing fast.
“After you,” David nodded, and opened the door. All the ten team principals were in there, and maybe another ten from the chair of Formula One and Liberty Media.
I think all of them turned to our direction.
“Ah, David,” Jean Todt smiled at Dr. Conrad. Then, averted his gaze to me.
“And here is our newest colleague, Dr. Horner, if I am not mistaken,” he said.
I nodded.
“Dear friends, let me introduce you to Clara Horner, who was kind enough to jump in for the weekend as the deputy head doctor,” he gestured towards me. Now, really everyone was watching me.
The situation was quite different at the driver’s meeting. The atmosphere was less formal still, not less tense.
We were sitting at the back, but as the guys arrived, more or less everyone waved or said hi in some form which felt nice.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Max asked, and immedoately took the seat next to me.
“Hello, Clara,” Sebastian greeted me. He came with Kimi who also nodded to my direction. I wasn’t sure if he looked at me, because he was wearing his sunglasses even in the room.
“Clara, where is your merch?” Lando smirked, as he squeezed himself between Russell and Albon in the row in front of us.
Charles was the next who arrived. He noticed me instantly, his eyes went wide. I think I haven’t mentioned him my “promotion”. I could see him stopping for a second, but then he decided to turn away and sit in the front row right in front of Todt.
Daniel was the last one to arrive. He was grinning as always, but his smile became even wider when he waved to me.
“Hey, do you get introduced?” he asked. “There is no need, everyone knows you,” he said kind of proudly.
“Well,” I started smiling, but couldn’t finish, because Charles from the front row let out a clearly audible and much annoyed “God, can we please start and not wait for the flirting at the back?” under his breath.
The room went silent for a few seconds. I guess no one was used to seeing this behaviour from Charles.
“Well, Daniel is right, I’d flirt with Clara too instead of all this,” Seb gestured to this whole meeting. The room full of drivers bursted out in immature giggling including me. I was grateful to the German for breaking the icy atmosphere. Only Charles turned back and sent a death stare to his teammate.
Todt rolled his eyes, it seemed like he was more or less used to these comments.
“Daniel, Max, please sit here in the front,” the FIA president ordered strictly.
Daniel blushed to his ears.
“Well, life is cruel,” he whispered to me and walked to the front.
“Wait, what did I do?” Max asked on a high voice, but didn’t move from next to me.
“Nothing Max, just… please,” said the FIA principal calmly, pointing at a front seat.
“Fuck, I did nothing wrong, and as always I get the penalty,” he sweared, and walked after his teammate. His fellow drivers giggled again.
“Are you happy, Charles?” Max asked the Monégasque sitting down not far from him. Charles turned to him, and frowned.
“Barely,” he grimaced.
“Gentlemen,” Todt intervened before the conversation would get deeper. “Let’s focus on the weekend.”
“I don’t know what the fuck was his problem,” Max grumbled as we left the FIA building.
“But I think I might accidentally crush into him in the first corner,” he shrugged. I didn’t respond, just bit hard on my lower lip, and stared at the Ferrari house.
I was sure Charles was acting like that because of our fight. So classic move of him. I felt a sting of consciousness, but waved it away.
Daniel was also walking next to us, but said nothing in that matter. He was quiet, which was a rarely seen thing.
FIA duties were much, much more than my normal routine at Red Bull. I had to sit in the medical car with Dr. Conrad during the free practices, also the races of lower categories, qualification and of course the race itself.
Also we had to wear an FIA logoed greyish full racing suit with a helmet. It looked cool, but also funny, I just giggled in the mirror when I first tried it on.
“That suits you,” Vicki smiled as she looked at me.
“Cool,” I nodded, and hurried to get in the medical car. The first free practices were about to start.
I met Max in the hallway, and waved to him. His face was priceless, as he had absolutely no idea who was acting that friendly at once.
I pulled up my visor, and when he realised it was me, his expression changed, and he giggled.
“Fuck, that is scary,” he said. “Hey, take care. And I hope we won’t meet out there!"
“Likewise,” I summed up my hopes for the weekend and jogged further down the paddock.
I also saw Charles for a brief second on my way. He was just getting in his car. My stomach sunk a bit lower in my abdomen, but I knew that was not the right time for the sentimentality.
Fortunately, we had no job to do beside waiting in the car on Saturday. I checked my phone for the results. Max did good, and Daniel also. They secured second and third place right after Hamilton.
In contrary, Charles seemed to be struggling - again, at his home race. I caught myself pouting when I read the final results - his time was only enough for 7th place, right after his teammate, Vettel.
It’s so sad, he was very excited to perform well, I knew how important was that for him to reward his fans and to prove himself to his family. If it wasn't enough, Ferrari expected wins from him. They didn't make a secret of their plans to make him a world champion, and I couldn't believe how much of a pressure was that for a 22 years old.
I helped a bit with the next day preparations, but then - maybe an hour or two after Q3 - I walked back to the Energy Station. There was much fewer people around already, as everyone was about to do debriefings or last check of data for the race next day.
I just changed my suit when I heard a soft knock on the door.
“Come in,” I said and wondered who would that be this late.
To my surprise, I saw Arthur Leclerc standing in the doorway.
“Arthur,” I smiled at him. "Hello."
He returned the gesture, but I could see something was off. Of course it was, since he was standing in my office, at the Energy Station and that was not Ferrari. I had no idea how did he got here and managed to find me.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
He looked at me, and like this, he was so alike his older brother. Same look, same chin, same voice. Only his hair was more fair, blonder than Charles'.
“Can you talk to him, please?” he asked simply, yet so kindly.
Oh, and he was calm. Much more calmer than him.
“He is a mess. He refused to leave his motorhome since storming in there right after Q3,” he explained.
I frowned, Charles was sure acting childish a fair percent of the time, but if something didn’t go the way he wanted then it only made him fighting harder. This behaviour was unusual of him, and honestly that made me worried.
I sighed.
In the end, I can’t put this off until forever.
I have to talk to him.
“Sure,” I nodded. I gathered my things, and followed the younger Leclerc to his brother’s motorhome.
I knocked on the door, but there was no answer.
I knocked for the second time.
“Lasciami solo,” I heard Charles’s answer from the other side. I took a deep breath.
“It’s me,” I said calmly.
After a minute, the door opened for an inch. I pushed it further, and saw Charles sitting on his bed, with his head rested in his hands. Honestly he looked miserable.
I stepped in, and closed the door behind myself.
“Hey,” I said, standing in front of him. He didn't answer for a long time. I heard his slow, deep breathing, and that even sounded shattered. I couldn't resist the urge to comfort him, so I gently placed my hand on his shoulder.
“Hey it's alright," I squeezed it.
There was silence, only after minutes, Charles inhaled deep.
“I’m not good enough,” he said.
First, I wasn't sure what was he meaning. I bit my lips and decided to stick with the qualification today and his driving. Because at that, of course he was - more than enough.
“You are an amazing driver, Charles,” I smiled. “And I am hundred percent sure everyone is aware of that.”
After a minute, slowly, he gave in and leaned to me. He buried his face to my stomach, and placed his hands on both of my sides.
“I'm so sorry,” he mumbled.
“Me too,” I replied and ran my fingers through his hair just to soothe his nerves.
He slowly stood up, and faced me, his hand still remained on my waist. His eyes were darker now than normally, but still desperate. His perfectly arched lip was dry and curved downwards.
I placed my palm on his face and planted an encouraging kiss on his lips.
“I can’t do this tomorrow,” he breathed, still gently brushing my mouth with his. “Not without you.”
Fuck. I guess that is not the right time for a break up.
I slowly nodded and he kissed me this time, more passionately. I returned it, deepening a kiss as I opened my mouth to let his tongue slip in.
Everything happened so fast after that.
I came here determined to tell him that we should stop, that we can't do this to each other anymore and nor to the others.
But when he held me so close, firmly, only reaching for my jeans and panties which he pushed down with one move, I gave up and let him sweep me into his lap.
He showered my cleavage with kisses, and I, instead of stopping him, let out an embarrassingly content sigh.
I entwined my fingers with his brown locks, and even gently pulled them. It was like pouring oil to the fire.
He sneaked a his hand down between us to the front of his pants, where I’ve felt his throbbing cock for minutes now, and couldn't resist to grind myself to it a couple times.
He groaned and freed himself. He opened his eyes and when our gazes met he slipped inside me with one movement.
Both of us let out a sweet moan from the satisfaction and relief it brought.
He was holding to me like I’d run away any second. But it was an unfounded fear of his.
I enjoyed every second as much as he did, and wanted him more than anything at that moment.
I wanted him to feel me close, to make sure he knows I'm there for him.
My brain what usually I took good advantage of, simply stopped working, and let simple sexual instincts and attraction take its place.
We couldn’t hold out long, after a few minutes we were already laying on the narrow pull-out bed in his motorhome catching on our breathing.
Charles was caressing my hair which was spread out on a red pillow.
“So,” he kissed my neck. “Can I take you home?” He asked. I looked at him like that he already knew the answer.
“OK, then I just walk you to the end of the paddock?” He grinned.
I rolled my eyes, but still nodded.
“Fine, but I have to leave now, so I can attend the team dinner,” I pouted, and he gave me a peck again.
“Then come,” he got off the bed, and pulled up his jeans.
We left his motorhome after carefully glancing around. Since we didn’t see anyone we knew, the place was clear. Charles was walking close to me, but no touching.
“Are you sure you can't come over after your dinner?” he asked hopefully when we reached the exit gate of the long paddock.
“No,” I said, and only hoped that he would understand my point. "Maybe after the race?" I tried.
“Yeah,” he looked away for a brief moment.
“Hey, cheer for me, OK?” He looked back to me.
“I will, I promise” I nodded. “I just hope Max won’t notice my lacking enthusiasm towards Red Bull,” I grimaced.
"Thanks, I truly appreciate that," Charles’s face lit up as he giggled a bit. He reached for me and pulled me in to kiss me right there.
The whole thing happened faster than I could realise that we are not in his motorhome or his flat anymore.
Even faster, he let go of me and giggled again, forgetting about all his problems at once.
He gently stroke my hair, looked me in the eye once more and he happened to say the most shocking thing I could imagine.
“God, I love you.”
My eyes widened and my breath trapped inside my chest. I wasn’t sure about what I heard was really what he said.
But after our gazes met, I saw the same fear in his green orbs that I was feeling.
Fuck, did he really just say that?