Your Book Town "date" finally came, much to your anticipation. You were practically shaking with joy at the prospect of seeing Takuto again and, with Shujin reopening for the term in just a few weeks, seeing him would once again become a regular occurrence.
On the other hand, it was also the Day of Cleansing, and there was still no word from the Phantom Thieves. You and Takuto had your own doubts about Medjed so, while it couldn't be said about most others, you weren't worried. Medjed was either incapable or they were powerless to the Phantom Thieves. Ren, whom you exchanged contact information with, was also rather cool about it, as he was with everything. Truthfully, it felt so weird having a teenager's number in your phone, but the only reason we did it was to keep tabs on Takuto: what questions he'd ask you two and how he'd ask them for when the sessions would continue.
Being as thrilled as you was, you couldn't sit still at home until the meeting time drew nearer, so you left the house about an hour earlier. Since it was a warm and sunny Sunday, you fully expected Jinbōchō's Book Town to be completely full—as it was. You didn't tell Takuto you arrived already. Instead, you told him you just stepped onto Yongen's platform; he'd be here in about forty-five minutes. That gives me some time, I guess, you thought as you stared at his message.
You never really thought of Book Town as a place to "hang out." The selection of used books was rather sizable, especially that of used textbooks. You got them for much cheaper here than you did buying, or even renting, directly from the university. You usually came here alone with what to buy in mind, so it was just a matter of going in for an hour and then leaving without a second thought. Although, there were a few cute stores here that you never checked out...
Making your way through the large crowds of people, you spotted one: a Sanrio-themed stationary store. Your very first instinct was to buy a pen or notepad for Takuto, but—would he enjoy something so cutesy? Thinking about his character, he probably would; he seemed like the type to gratuitously accept any gift, no matter if he personally liked it or not. With that thought in mind, you started for the door.
The interior was lit brightly and smelled of fruity perfume, while peppy, upbeat music blasted on the speakers. The merchandise itself was cutesy, as predicted, and the walls were colored a light pastel pink and blue. But—what to buy for Takuto? A pen or notepad would be useful for his profession, but when it's out of ink or all the pages are filled, it would go in the trashcan, and you didn't want to think about your gift ending up there. What would an older man like him enjoy, and could be something he used for a long time? You paced the aisles hoping to stumble across something that fit the bill, but to no avail so far. What about a folder?
In that section, you noticed a brown-haired woman—a Shujin student, if your hunch was correct—pondering indecisively over the various notebooks displayed next to the folders. She already held a few items in her other hand. Could she help me? You picked up a paper folder, feeling the sturdy material between your hands. She looks like she knows a lot about this stuff. You took a shot in the dark, "U-um! Excuse me," you called for her attention, still making sure to speak quietly to not make a scene. "Do you think you could help me?" you asked timidly.
"Hm?" the girl looked up and to you, "O-okay, sure." She stepped closer to you. You gave a quick introduction, and she informed you her name was Makoto Niijima.
"I don't know if you recognize me. Not a lot of people do." you said sheepishly, now examining a plastic folder, "I work at the convenience store near your school. I've rang you up before, so...I hope I'm not coming across as weird."
Niijima gave a polite smile in response. "Not at all. How can I help you?"
"You see," you rubbed the nape of your neck, your brows furrowed, "I have this friend who probably goes through a lot of stationary because of his job, so I thought of getting him a pen or notepad, but that would just go in the trash after it's been completely used up. I didn't really want that, so..."
"You wanted to give him something he could use forever, right? I completely understand." Niijima stepped closer to the shelves, "Does he like cute things?"
"I'm not sure, but he's not the type of guy to reject a gift, even if he doesn't like it."
Niijima's eyes scanned the merchandise before she reached out for one. When she handed it to you, you inspected it rather thoroughly—only the best for Takuto, after all. "This is simple, but still has an element of individuality to it. And the design isn't as glaring as some of the other ones here." She was right. It was a plain yellow A4 sized folder (perfect for his notepad pages), with a Gudetama on the bottom right corner. The material was sturdy enough to withstand reasonable bending, while staying light enough to not add too much weight inside his bag. "Plus, who doesn't like Gudetama?" looking at her, she appeared relatively proud of herself.
You smiled softly, holding the folder to your chest. "This is perfect. Thank you."
"Of course."
As you walked away, another thought popped into your mind. Stopping in your tracks, you glanced over your shoulder: Niijima was still there. "Hey, actually—" you turned around once more, facing her. "Sorry if I'm prying, but do you know this guy, Ren Amamiya?"
Niijima's body went tense, "O-oh, yes, I do. I'm student council president, after all." She crossed her arms, conflicted as she bit her lip, "Can I ask why?"
So, it was true. You had a sneaking suspicion Niijima knew him—you kept running into him or people related to him, no matter where you went. You're in love with his counselor, who's researching us both, and you're a frequent customer of the café he lives in. You ran into him at Big Bang Burger, the summer festival, and the other day at Leblanc; now, here you are, running into another one of his friends. Just how much of this was purely coincidental? No—it had to be fate. "I'm a friend of his. I was just curious, is all."
You ended up picking up a similarly styled notepad and pen on your way to the register. As you were checking out, your phone buzzed in your pocket. It was probably Takuto telling you he was here—you ended up being correct.
Hey (Y/N)! I'm here by the station.
When would be the best time to give him the gift, you wondered? I'll meet you there. Just give me a few.
You're already here? Did I keep you waiting for long?
No!! It's alright, don't worry. You stuffed your phone back inside and quickly made your way back to the station, pushing past people if you had to. Between your racing heart and your quick, shallow breaths, you were sure you'd look a complete and total mess in front of Takuto, but after so long, you couldn't care less. Plus, he'd be concerned, and you'd get to hear his sweet voice console you...it was indescribable how much you missed that man.
With vision like a hawk, you quickly spotted Takuto and had to control yourself from sprinting towards him. "Takuto!" you waved to him, your legs trembling, "It's so nice to see you again."
Takuto greeted you with his usual, beloved kind smile. "I feel the same way. It's been far too long."
Him saying something like that so nonchalantly, how dare he? You were beyond flustered. "S-so, um—what was it you're looking for again?" you stood close to him as we walked ahead.
Takuto spent a good amount of time surveying the shops in front of us. "This book I read about online. I saw that it might be here—I hope it still is." He spoke in a low tone.
"What's it about?" you asked curiously, your head cocked.
Takuto was silent for a moment, his body stiffened. "It's about what I'm researching: cognitive psience." There was a distinct shake and uneasiness in his voice—it reminded you of the incident in Odaiba.
He never told you the exact topic he was studying, just that it was a branch of psychology, and that it focused on locating and treating patient's traumas. Cognitive psience, it was? Maybe you should bring this up with Ren later—did he know the name as well? "Alright!" youk tried to sound chipper, "Let's try to find it."
Takuto's posture relaxed once more, a tender chuckle forming in his throat, "You know, this reminds me of when we first met at your store. You helped me find something back then too. Funny how life always circles back like that, huh?" the loneliness he vocalized was hard to ignore.
Still, it warmed your heart that he remembered your first meeting. Your eyes softened as your gaze met his, "You're right. I'm always happy to help you, Takuto."
"I know, I know." He sighed, obviously flustered as a faint blush appeared on his cheeks, "I'm so glad we met."
Shit.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, or where I'd be..." he continued.
I can't take this. He's too cute.
"You're a wonderful person, (Y/N). I'm so happy we're friends."
Your vision grew blurry—was it your lightheadedness? A warmth spilled over and flowed down your face, but you quickly wiped them away and hid your face from the man next to you: tears. You were crying—crying because you were thrilled by his kind words, but also terribly and utterly heartbroken. You'd never have this man because when you gazed into his eyes with all the love and affection you could muster, he'd stare back with an expression that practically tore into you: let's be friends. You knew it was so this whole time, and it was time you started being honest with yourself. The folder in your bag meant as a gift for Takuto—what right did you have to give it to him?
You felt Takuto's hand on your back as it was turned towards him, and you did not falter. You were inconsolable for the time being. And these feelings of mine...they weren't going away anytime soon. You'd just have to grin and bear it for now.
You sniffed quietly, your eyes red and irritated. A faint, "I'm sorry," was all you could say.
Takuto's own eyes were wide open in shock, "N-no, please don't apologize!" he gingerly rubbed your back. You wish he'd stop. "Was it something I said?"
"Not at all." You smiled, lying through your teeth. "I was just a little surprised. I'm not used to getting so many compliments at once."
"Ah, I see." He looked away for a minute, worry placating his face. "Do you think you'll be alright to keep shopping? I don't want you to push yourself, so please be honest with me."
A moment's hesitation before a reluctant nod. You felt so stupid for ruining your day together, a happy reunion turned sour. "I'm okay. I promise you. Let's go find your book!" The mask you donned to appear cheerful and unbothered...could it ever be taken off? Did you have the strength and willpower to even attempt to do so?
The two of you ended up finding the book, the final copy left in stock, rather early on; with so much daylight left, Takuto suggested holding a quick research session over lunch.
"I'm good on Big Bang Burger. Have you heard of Leblanc? It's a small coffee shop in Yongen." you said thoughtfully.
"Mm..." Takuto hummed, "I'd love to try it one day, but I actually have an errand to attend to in Shibuya later today. How about that beef bowl shop on Central Street—Ore no Beku, I believe?"
Maybe then would be a good time to give him his folder? You certainly couldn't hold onto it yourself; you know you'd eventually come to regret it. "That's fine with me." you plainly said back. The train ride to Shibuya was a quiet one. The tension between the two of you was palpable, and you felt a fool for creating the gap between you.
The smell immediately hit you. It was savory, rich with umami—mouthwatering, to say the least. As if on cue, your stomach growled, to which you flinched. Did Takuto hear? You ordered a small natto bowl, while Takuto ordered a medium barbeque bowl. You and Takuto engaged in menial small talk as you watched the employee hustle to fulfill everyone's orders. You both felt bad for him.
"Alright, let's get started, then. Are you ready?" Takuto reached into his bag and pulled out his notepad, but his eyes widened. He was visibly disappointed—in himself, perhaps?
"What's wrong?" you spoke, observing his frantic search in his bag.
"Um...I forgot my pen. And I'm out of pages in my notepad." Takuto sighed exasperatedly, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. "I can't believe I'd forget something like that. How unprofessional..."
You were stunned—your earlier inclination to buy him those exact items were something of a prophecy, as it seemed; it felt like that happened frequently. "Actually—and this is kind of embarrassing, but—" you dug in your own backpack, feeling around for the soft texture and crinkle of the plastic bag. "I have something for you, Takuto." you said timidly, setting his gift on the table. Sanrio's logo was printed on the bag.
"W-what's this? You didn't have to do this..." regardless, Takuto reached inside the bag and withdrew the yellow notepad, to which the white metal pen was attached. "Wow...this is so sweet of you, (Y/N). Thank you so much, truly." he looked genuinely pleased. You were satisfied. "Oh, is this Gudetama? I love Gudetama!" he chuckled softly, wrapping the folder up in the bag and setting it in his bag. You needed to thank Niijima somehow... "Alright, let's really get started."
You nodded, a faint smile on your face. Despite the way your mind was buzzing with both positive and negative thoughts, you were at peace in this moment. You were useful to Takuto in a way beyond his research.
"So, let's see here..." he scanned the notes from your previous session in his old notebook, his pen twirling in his other hands. He had gotten better at it, but it was still rather clumsy. "Ah! We were talking about identifying trauma, right?"
"Yes, that's right." The natto felt gooey in your mouth. "Or, at least, I think so."
Takuto clicked the pen, that hopeful glint in his eye reappearing as it did every session. "You know when you get a cut, you can see it: it bleeds, so you clean it and sometimes treat it with antibiotics? And in a few days, it's healed without leaving a scar—most of the time, at least. It's somewhat analogous to treating psychological 'cuts,' but..."
"But you can't just bandage it up and leave it to heal on its own," you answered for him, remembering some of his words of wisdom, "Psychological pain is a lot more nuanced and complicated than a simple cut."
"Oh, how astute of you!" Takuto smiled, leaning forward, "On top of that, it's not easily identifiable. And there isn't really a way to directly treat it in a healthy way, like putting antibiotics on a scratch. For now, at least."
"Is that what cognitive psience aims to do?" you carefully inquired.
Takuto nodded slowly. "Yes. That's the goal of my research. There's one vital reason why it's so useful in being the key to unlocking the mysteries of how trauma affects the mind—or heart, if you will. Let's say...I've just heard some horrible news. The natural response to that would be to feel woeful, right? But would you necessarily understand just how painful that news was to me?"
You shook your head, listening intently to his words, "No. Because how I interpret bad news—or how bad the bad news was—might be different from your own interpretation Is that right?"
"That's exactly correct. It seems obvious, but it's so important to understand. Psychological pain is subjective and on a rather grand scale...it's mind-boggling, really." Takuto quickly scribbled some notes down before he spoke again, "In other words, a person's 'heart'—their trauma—cannot be seen, no matter how long they spend expressing the extent of their pain to other people, even to people like me: that's the abstractness we're dealing with here."
"I see..." you spoke quietly. He did have a point—even people who experience the exact same traumatic event won't walk away from it in the exact same state. "It's impossible to look directly in one's heart. It must be frustrating as a counselor..."
"It's beyond frustrating." Takuto said with a frown and knitted eyebrows. "But it can change if I just do further research into cognitive psience. I need to learn how the mind and the heart react and adapt to the environment it's in."
"This, cognitive psience..." you started, your lips pursed, "What exactly does it do?"
"It examines cognition. There's a branch called cognitive psychology, but cognitive psience is different. How do we view the world? How do we wish the world to be? How do our desires drive our goals and cognitions? It's even more abstract if you can believe it." Takuto...he looked so tired. "But, anyway...if I can perfect this, we may even discover and comprehend a kind of psychological pains we never knew about before, but we'll be able to effectively treat patients who were once desolate. Those people who need more than our conventional methods to truly move on—that's who I'm working for."
You thought back on your conversation with Ren from a little under a month ago. There was no mistaking it: Takuto's passion and drive for his research was unrivaled. It was so inspiring, and yet so terrifying—just what was he willing to do to see his plan come to fruition? How much was he willing to hurt himself for the sake of his goal? Regardless of your concern, whether they were warranted or not, you believed in Takuto to accomplish this: "You're doing great work. I know I say it a lot, but I just want to remind you of it. I believe in you. I really, really do."
Takuto's face flushed, eyebrows raised. "Haha, thank you, (Y/N). But I'm not doing it for the fame. If I can help people move on from what troubles them—that's what truly matters to me. I'm no fan of pain, myself, you see."
You laughed quietly, but his words struck a chord within me. "I don't think anyone is."
The older man's head fell, his gaze towards the ground as he appeared troubled once more. "You know," he looked back up at you. Yes, Takuto—keep your head up. Please. "A lot of people have laughed at me, called my aspirations nothing more than a pipe dream...I can't say I necessarily blame them. Cognitive psience is under-researched and not understood by any means, after all. But you're different. You and Amamiya."
You wanted nothing more than to reach across the table and hold him close to you. You couldn't shake how disquieted you were by his behavior: calm on the surface, but what lied underneath his friendly demeanor? "Anyone who says isn't paying attention to what you have to say. You obviously have a deep understanding of trauma, not to mention how insightful you can be..." your voice trailed off.
"It's alright. It's in the past now. The point is, you two listen to me and try to understand me. And, as a result, my grasp on this subject is becoming so much clearer! My once hazy ideas have finally appeared for me. I can't thank you enough."
A small sheepish smile. "It's my pleasure." I sighed, feeling a bit fatigued from how turbulent today was. "Takuto—today's the Cleanse."
"So it is..." he murmured as he jotted some notes down. It warmed your heart to see him use the pen and notepad you bought him. "Do you still in believe in the Phantom Thieves?"
Without a moment's delay, you nodded. "Of course. I actually, um, I have to tell you something." you felt your stomach turn, but it was fine. You didn't want to keep this a secret from him anymore.
"Oh? What is it, (Y/N)?" he asked you gently.
"The Phantom Thieves, they—" you took a deep breath before continuing, "Do you remember what I told you? About my mother, back during out first session?"
He nodded pensively. "Yes, of course. Her employer was abusing his power and forcing her to work beyond her limits."
"He wasn't fired." you quickly snapped, "It was the Phantom Thieves, I asked them to 'change his heart.' And they did! They listened to my request while they took on perv teachers and mafia bosses!"
Takuto watched you with inquisitive eyes, but the smile he wore on his face was encouraging. He had the power to validate you with his smile alone. "They did, huh?" he closed his notepad before speaking again. It seemed to you he knew something—something about the Phantom Thieves. "I believe they can take on Medjed as well."
Later, you went home. You slept fairly well, despite everything. The next morning, you checked your bank account for signs of the cleanse.
The Phantom Thieves took Medjed on. They took Medjed on and won. Their threats to Japan remained unimplemented and the group's rise to stardom following their victory was astronomical.