You close your bedroom door behind you, hearing an audible soft click. You lean your back against the door momentarily, feeling your shoulder blades pressing against the wood. You take in a breath slowly, exhaling it out of your nose. You missed the smell of home. Moving your hand over the bumpy texture of the wall, you palm the lightswitch for your nearest lamp.
Your room is the same as you left it.
It feels weird, honestly. Like there should be dust on the edges of your bookshelf, but there isn't. Like somehow you had stopped time by being on that shithole, even if you know that's not the case. You move over to your bed and sit down on it, feeling so, so very tired. You let your body move on autopilot, hands stretching over fabric - you fling your bra off and it hits the wall with a satisfactory smack. You know you changed your clothes earlier after your shower, but you get up again to grab something a little more comfortable than a shirt and jeans.
You pick out a loose oversized long-sleeved shirt, and some soft shorts. Putting them on, you never realized how much you missed something as simple as a change of clothing.
You sit back down on your bed, flopping on it arms wide on your covers. It.. feels like heaven.
You lay there for a good twenty minutes or so, mind wandering. Turning your head to the side, you look over to your wall with all the posters Steven helped you put up, and the corkboard with all of the funland photostrips you have of yourself and the gems. You missed spending time with Steven and them a lot more than you had thought, honestly.
Your gaze roams over a few more things before it eventually falls onto your outstretched hand, and you blink a few times. You forgot you now had pink skin. You roll over to your side, touching your one hand with the other - your skin doesn't feel any different. You feel the same as before.
You let out a long sigh, hearing it clearly as the rest of the room is dead quiet. Your ears ring a little, here in the quiet, but you try to tune it out with the louder thoughts in your head.
You died, and it's a weird thought. You really only remember being tired, much like how you're tired now - only now, you just feel it in your face instead of your whole body. You remember the weird feeling of losing a lot of blood very quickly. The feeling of adrenaline rushing through you as you couldn't believe what had just transpired. You barely even felt being pierced, actually.. You don't.. honestly want to put too much thought into it anymore, really. It doesn't matter. You're here now, and you're alive, and so is Spinel.
Speaking of.
You're kind of a moron.
You should probably go out there to talk to her. Like, there's.. so much to talk about, and it's a little overwhelming. You refuse to put too much thought into thinking about her right now though - you'd be lying here forever if you did. You also don't want to disturb Steven's sleep, but the thought of having Spinel in your room right now is kind of too much for you, truthfully. You don't want the gems to think anything weird..
Oh my god you're so fucking stupid. Just go out there and talk to her, dipshit.
You get up off your bed, not letting yourself even try to convince your brain to roll over and fall asleep, as much as your body wants to. You get over to your door, hand on the doorknob - and open it again quietly. Your bare feet step outside your bedroom, closing the door behind you with another click. You very slowly creep back down the hallway over to the living room, a little nervousness seeping into your steps. It's a bit drafty out here, and you regret not putting on pajama pants a little.
Looking past the corner warily, you see Spinel still sitting on the couch. You don't think she moved, actually, as she's staring out at the ocean again. As soon as she hears your footsteps near her, she turns her head over to you, surprised. Her eyes widen a little more when she realizes it's you.
"..Weren't ya' gonna sleep?" She whispers quietly. The moonlight hits her face gently, and she almost looks completely different to you now than she did on Golgotha. It does something weird to your heart, and you don't push the feelings away this time now that you recognise them. Her eyes are soft as her gaze lingers on you purposefully.
"Yeah.. about that, I changed my mind." You say, hushed, and you grab the blanket Steven placed on the couch to wrap around your shoulders. You briefly think about asking her to take a walk with you outside, but your aching muscles and cold legs scream back at you instead. You take a seat next to her.
"Why? You're clearly tired." She crosses her arms as she looks at you strangely.
"Shush, I'm fine." You reply as quiet as you can, feeling your face glare at her a little. "And uh.. I don't think I can fall asleep just yet? I kinda wanted to apologize for earlier."
"Apologize for what?" She faces you fully, confusion all over her face.
"For that shit with Steven earlier." You shrug at her, biting your lip. "I probably could have handled that a lot better.."
She stares at you silently, deadpan.
"Shut up." She whispers, when she decides to open her mouth a full five seconds later.
"What, no." You reply, leaning back on the couch. "I'm serious. I should've had a longer talk with him before approaching you, that was a disaster that could've-"
She puts a gloved finger to your lips, silencing you with a roll of her eyes.
"That's what you're apologizing for? You're utterly ridiculous." She takes the finger off your lips, and you fight down a blush that has no business making itself present on your face. You're just overanalyzing it because she touched your lips, and you're a little touch starved. "If you should apologize for anything, it's for putting yourself in harm's way and actually getting yourself killed."
"I only did it to save you, stupid." You retort, and she lowers her eyes at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed with frustration.
"That's my entire problem, Y/N. I never should have had ya' in that position in the first place."
"Listen, I'm not going to argue with you about the details about what went down. It's over now." You say, pulling the blankets further around your shoulders to block out the chill. "Just let me apologize how I want to."
"You're irritating." She sighs, quietly.
"Eh, you missed me." You deflect automatically with a small shrug, mouth working a lot faster than your brain.
Her face breaks for a second, and she looks away - off to the side, clearly avoiding your eyes entirely. Something in your chest twists painfully at that.
"..I did, yeah." The words come out of her so quietly that you almost don't catch it, at first. You feel your heart start to beat a little faster when you realize what exactly she just said.
"I.." You trail off, blinking. You don't know what to say. "Spinel.."
"I never thought I'd see you again." She looks up at you, and you can tell she's holding back tears as your heart nearly shatters into pieces. Oh..
You want to hug her.
You sit there for a second, fighting yourself. And then you figure, fuck it, who gives a shit?
"Can I have a hug?" You ask her quietly, and wait for her response. She looks at you like you're stupid, and a tear rolls down her cheek. You wish to wipe it away.
"You're asking?!" She whispers harshly, like you've got some nerve with a request like that. You're almost ashamed with yourself, because maybe she's too hurt right now to want any kind of touch - before she opens her mouth again. "You're such an idiot."
You open your mouth to object, and instead find arms wrapping around your shoulders tightly as she practically launches herself at you. You let out a small oof as the wind is basically knocked out of you, and you wrap your arms around her waist in turn.
"If I'm an idiot, then what does that make you?" You retort. She squeezes you tighter against herself, and you can feel her gem pressing against your sternum. She's warm. You didn't realize that this is exactly what you needed, and you feel your body relaxing against her.
"Why can't you be nice to me for once?" She mumbles into your shoulder tiredly.
"You called me an idiot first." You reply, even though there's no fighting bone left in your body tonight. You rest your chin on her shoulder, tapping your head against hers softly. You think you could probably be in this position for hours without caring, honestly. It's nice, being this close to her.
She's quiet for several long seconds, but you don't mind.
"You smell nice.." She says with a sigh, and you can feel her cheek pressing into your bare neck. You suppress a small shudder, and ignore the way you can feel her warm breath on your sensitive skin.
"Thanks, I bathed. With actual soap and clean water this time." You adjust your arms around her slightly to a more comfortable position, and you feel her relax further into your arms. "I'm sorry you were left alone for so long on Golgotha."
"I've dealt with it before, it's fine." She says quietly. "I'm just glad you're alive."
"Spinel.. you don't need to downplay what happened just because you've already been through something awful." You squeeze your arms a little tighter around her. She fits so nicely against them, like she was made for that exact purpose. "At least, not around me."
"I.." You hear her cut herself off with a choke as she buries her face into your neck, and you freeze in place. She doesn't say anything, instead you hear the muffled crying she's trying to hide very badly - you feel your shoulder start to dampen. It takes your entire being to hold back your own tears, and you feel one spill, but you pay no attention to it.
"I want you to know, when I first woke up - from when Steven revived me, I remembered nothing at first. Like, I ran to the bathroom to puke, but I didn't seem to remember what happened on Golgotha, or even being taken by you. It was like I had temporary amnesia. That is.. until I slipped and fell in the bath, hitting my head on the tub." You hear her sniffle quietly, and you keep going. "That was the worst reality check ever. I tried to not panic when I realized what happened and that you weren't with me. And then I realized what it would be like for you.. without me there. I might've panicked a bit then."
You hear a particularly strong gust of wind hit the window, making the glass panel shudder a little. Steven's snoring in the background, your ears catching nothing else in the quietness of the house. You feel your eyes droop a little in tiredness, but force yourself to be more alert. Spinel pulls away from the hug, and looks at your face.
"Thanks.. for coming back for me." She takes in a breath, blinking, cheeks glistening with tears.
"I try to keep my promises." You reach up to her face, and wipe away some of the tears with your thumb subconsciously. You realize what you're doing and pull away quickly - but her facial expression sort of tells you she didn't actually mind that at all.
"I want another hug.." She mumbles, looking away from you slightly. She's so cute, and ugh, it's doing stupid things to your heart. You like her way more than you thought you did.
"C'mere." You want to laugh at her, but instead you just pull her back in for another hug. She sighs into your arms, her entire body deflating against yours.
You haven't felt this comfortable in a long time. You reach up to pat her head softly, and you feel her dig her fingers into the shirt on your back as she presses her face further into your shoulder. This is the closest she's ever been to you, for this long, and your heart beats loudly in your chest due to this. You hope she can't hear it.
"Well, what now? I didn't think I'd actually get this far." She asks quietly.
"What do you mean?" You hear movement coming from Steven and your anxiety spikes momentarily, but then you realize he's just tossing and turning in his sleep. "Like.. you didn't think you'd ever get off of Golgotha?"
"Yeah. And honestly? Everything you had said kind of seemed like a pipe dream. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don't really know how to.. do anything, I guess." You feel her words as she speaks them, vibrations rumbling on the skin near your neck - you feel her fingers anxiously fumble with the back hem of your shirt.
"You just take it day by day, you don't need some big plan. We already talked about visiting Little Homeworld in the meantime, you'll be fine." You squeeze your hands against her, and her hair tickles your nose a little.
"I guess.." She sighs, warm against you. Just hugging her for this long makes you feel better than you have in days, slight crying aside. "None of this feels quite real yet. I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting for some other bad thing to happen."
"It might take you a while to adjust, Spinel. I mean - it'll be a process for me too.. so you're not going to be alone in that. I'm not going anywhere, you don't have to be so uneasy about all of this. Plus, I think if you open up a little and give him a chance, Steven would love to be your friend you know. So you wouldn't just have me. And I think the others will warm up to you in time as well." You say, and she pulls away from you to give you a look.
"Ya' think after all this, he'd want to be my friend?" She asks, making a face. Her eyelashes still glisten a little with tears in the moonlight, but they no longer look like they're in any danger of falling. "Any of them?"
"As long as you're not mean to him, I think you have a decent shot." You reply, quirking an eyebrow at her. "Although, he still seems to be decent friends with Jasper, and she's an asshole. And she's tried killing him multiple times, so I think you've got a leg up on her honestly."
"What, you don't trust me?" She asks, half a grin starting to form on her face.
"You're not even nice to me." You roll your eyes at her, and lean back on the couch.
"I am nice to you!" She whispers harshly, and even has the nerve to look offended that you're not sharing the blanket with her, so you give her the left side of your blanket.
"You're so not." She pulls the other side of the blanket back over to the front of you both, covering you. "And if I catch you actin' like Jasper does to him, we're gonna have words."
"First of all, I ain't gonna treat anyone like I treat you. For the most part. Secondly, why haven't ya' gotten her to be nice to him? Or are you a bit scared of this Jasper character?" She perks an eyebrow at you in mockery.
"Pfft, no. I'm not scared of her, she's just irritating to deal with."
"And you're not scared of me?" The grin on her face widens, a little bit of teeth showing - she gets this bold look in her eye that sets your heart ablaze.
"God no. You're not even remotely intimidating. I've watched you snore so loud you've woken yourself up." You retort, and try to calm your rapidly beating heart.
She chokes a bit in offence, quietly - she's aware enough to try to not wake Steven, and then curiously, her facial expression changes to something.. suspiciously cocky. And then she opens her mouth to speak.
"I don't know, I think I can be pretty intimidating when I want to be." She says, quietly, face a full five inches from yours. The silence in the room would be deafening if you couldn't hear Steven's light snoring faintly in the background. There's some kind of suspicious glint in her eye that you're trying to ignore.
You stare at her, speechless for a moment. The white of her eyes shine in the moonlight, pupils completely focused on you. You think, briefly, your face might not give away the thoughts in your head; of Spinel pressing you against the couch, those teeth digging into the soft flesh of your neck. But with the slow raise of a single eyebrow, and what you think is a knowing look - that thought is squashed. You fight down the inevitable blush that wants to make itself apparent on your face, feeling a glare take its place instead. You scream internally.
"That's what you like to think." You hear coming from your own mouth, and you prop your feet up on the coffee table in front of you. Your feet are cold, and you wish you had slippers. She spares your bare legs a glance for a moment, eyes trailing back to yours. "You keep thinkin' that. Anyway, things will be alright. Believe me."
"If you say so.." She says with a casual shrug. You feel her scoot a little closer to you for warmth; she nudges her elbow against your arm on accident. You don't mind. You're so tired that you know if you close your eyes for more than five seconds, your body is passing out. You're absolutely trying to not think about your hands roaming her skin, or her lips on-
Wow. You put those thoughts into a suitcase, and pack that suitcase into a duffel bag, and throw that into a locked trunk inside your mind.
The wind howls against the glass window panes again, rattling them enough to draw both of your attention towards the view outside. Morning seems to be approaching quickly, there's several pink streaks tearing across the shadowed clouds on the horizon. The ocean is as dark as ever though; long, black line expanding further than you can see.
It's peaceful, and you're grateful you get to experience this moment. You were almost sure there, for a while, that you'd never be able to experience an Earth sunrise ever again. You feel your eyes get heavy, staying awake getting increasingly more difficult.
"I used to think the planet Earth was a waste of resources. Like many, many other planets in this galaxy." She says, voice soft next to you. You lean against the backrest of the couch, pulling the blanket up to your chin. Your head feels so heavy, lying against the cushion.
"Yeah? What about now?" You ask, amusement coming out in your voice. The irony is that Homeworld looks like a cracked walnut, and Earth is still completely intact (for now).
She turns her face to look at you, eyes lingering on you for a moment.
"It's alright." She says with a wry smile. Her eyes waver between the two of yours, as if she's searching for something in them. There's a moment here, between the two of you. It's.. it's something you can't quite place, but it has your heart feeling so incredibly light.
"Just alright?" You ask, feeling your face break into a small smile.
"Yeah." She sighs, relaxed. She leans her head against yours, pulling the covers around you both tightly.
It has you feeling stupidly happy, sitting there with her like this. You are also feeling so, so tired.
She starts to fill the morning quietness with some kind of monologue about the ocean out beyond Steven's deck compared to other bodies of water, and you're having a hard time concentrating on anything other than the sound of her voice. Your head feels heavy against hers, but she doesn't seem to mind.
You drift off sometime then, warm and content and alive.