I had lost faith in the justice system of the country longer than I could remember.
"I don't care, change seats with Dr. Roque or I will drop this case without second thoughts."
I had lost faith with it since I was a kid.
The whole justice system in my own country is fuck-up.
When they say law is law. That's nothing but bullshit, I might say.
And it literally fucked me up this time.
I don't usually curse but putangina
"Dr. Roque." I snapped when Nikkolo called me. He's already standing, storm in his bubbly face. I look at Chief Valencia and Chief Anastascio na parang inuutusan pa akong lumipat ng upuan kundi tatanggalin nila ang lisensya ko, especially Nikkolo's mother!
I bite the inside of my cheek just so I could stop myself from lashing out. I can feel my face burning on the heat of my irritation that it nearly hurts my epidermis.
Pigil-hininga ko pang ginawa ang pinag-uutos niya. I feel manipulated kahit simpleng upuan lamang iyon. For him to hold up the case against his childish remarks is beyond unprofessional! It's a stupid act!
"Atty. De La Luna, I presume you have some definite knowledge about medicine and surgery. Since you take up some practices and specialties before earning a license to become a medical lawyer." That sound so mocking to me. Sinamaan ko ng tingin si Nikkolo dahil sa tanong niya but I guess hindi niya iyon pinansin. Nikkolo is so mayabang talaga at most times!
"I'm a juris doctor, Dr. Valencia. If you're questioning my capability to handle this lawsuit, you could suggest to the chief physicians in front of you to change me. Hindi ko naman kawalan iyon, Dr. Valencia. I have a long list of clients waiting for my service. I don't need one that doubts me." Hindi ko magawang tignan si Rahim ng sabihin niya iyon. Nikkolo burned on his seats quietly habang ang ina naman niya ay parang nagpipigil sa pagpupuyos sa galit.
Nine years is a long time, and really, it changes him. I know him for being cold and rude and conceited but this? Ruthlessness? I have never seen this side of him. Siguro nga ay mabuting hindi ko na iyon nakita, his memory in my brain's temporal lobe are worst already as I recall those episodic ones. Ayoko ng palalain pa iyon.
"Please start the video." We were about to watch the actual footage of the operation. It's one thing the hospital is good about; they are always ready for the emergencies.
"The man is suffering from a pneumothorax because of a severe penetrating chest injury. For the man's case it is because he had fell on the glass roof of a greenhouse while trying to clean it because of her wife's command." Napangiwi pa ako ng simulan na nila ang operasyon doon sa lalaki. He's a man in his 40's.
"We had to do the surgery immediately. Along the surgery, nothing unusual happened. I even ask the anesthesiologist of the team if there is an unusual signal with the vitals but there is nothing significant there. And suddenly the blood pressure is dropping, we couldn't figure out what happened." Para akong nanigas dahil sa sinabi ni Nikkolo.
There are the odd times that misdiagnosis could occur or sometimes our capabilities couldn't not extend to the needs of the patients, hindi namin kayang dugtungan ang buhay nila. We are doctors, and we're human too, practically capable of mistake because we're not God-tier. But having too commit one is an immortal sin already, dahil buhay ang nakakasalalay at bawal magkamali. It's like our golden rule.
"In order for a Medical Malpractice to be governed under the Civil Law concept of damages. The whole incident, along with the complainant must prove that the doctor inflicted the four element of negligence; duty, breach, injury and proximate causation." Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtingin kay Rahim ng magsimula siyang magsalita. His matte black optical glasses suit him in the most perfect form. Ang panga niya sa anggulo ko ay sobrang perpekto na akala mo isa iyon sa mga biyaya ng Diyos sa mundong ito. The subtle facial hair on his lower cheeks and his pointed nose. Damn, this side-profile of him. Para akong mahuhulog sa kinauupuan ko.
"Since, you agree and even assessed the whole surgery, there is the duty and the physician-patient relationship. Both of you are well acquainted with the situation. Hence for the breach, I guess there is no breach of standard of care here because you provided all the pre-surgery exams that is needed for the patient." Hindi ko napigilang liumunok ng magtangis ang panga niya at bahagyang inayos ang kanyang salamin at marahang kinamot aang tungki ng ilong... is he shy or something?
"Dr. Roque, quit staring." Napapitlag naman ako dahil sa talim ng boses niya at bahagyang pang-isinandal ang katawan sa upuan niya. Dios mio? Am I?
"I'm just l-listening to what you are explaining." Natameme ako matapos kong sabihin iyon at marahang inabot ang dulo ng tenga para pisilin iyon.
"Don't look at me like you're about to devour me." He said and even show a mischievous smile on his face. Chief Valencia's jaw drops at his remarks. Si Nikkolo ay mukhang sasabog na dahil sa inis at si Chief Anastacio ay parang hindi na alam ang gagawin!
"I-I'm not!" In my defense, it's such a failure to stutter, kaya ang ngisi niya ang mas lumaki dahil doon.
"Going back, for the injury, we are not sure if something happened on the operating room. Please send me a copy of the operation footage. Dr. Roque and I will study that one for a second opinion." Halos manlaki ang mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Nikkolo was about to protest something but her mother is looking at him deadly.
"B-Bakit ako?"
"Bakit hindi ikaw?"
"If you're asking for a second opinion, Chief Valencia and Anastacio will be a better choice than me. I'm just a regular general surgeon here." For a second ay nakita kong nandilim ang titig niya sa akin. I suddenly want to roll up my tongue towards my throat dahil sa kaba na pinaramdam ng mga mata niya sa akin.
"I'm not asking for a better choice, I'm asking you. You're not just anyone here Dr. Roque." Natuptop ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Chief Valencia and Anastacio look at each other before directing their gaze to Rahim na ngayon ay direktang nakatingin na sa mga papeles sa harapan niya.
"Again, with this, we are still going to investigate the proximate cause. I would conduct a schedule with Dr. Roque and question Dr. Valencia on some matters. Kailangan 'din ang mga nasa team mo ng panahon na iyon. Besides the lawsuit is directed to the main hospital also." Schedule? Why does that sound so demanding and controlling! Busy person ako! Wala akong time para sa kagwapuhan mo! Your mere presence is a distraction! 'tas gusto niya na may schedule pa ang consultation namin! Aba!
We discuss more points of proofs for the case bago na-dismissed ang meeting. Kating-kati na akong lumayas sa room na iyon dahil kung hindi naman ako nag-spaspace out ay nakabaling lang ako kay Rahim!
His freaking presence is nothing but distraction!
I fought myself na huwag magmadali sa paglabas ng conference room just so I could show more respect to the chiefs. Pero ng oras na mawala na sila at tumungo para sa isang board meeting ay agad na akong nagmadali para makababa sa at makapagpalit! This morning shift will literally spin the hell out of this hospital! My patience should extend beyond my limit!
"Monika!" tawag pa ni Nikkolo pero hindi ko siya pinansin at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.
"Monika! Anong meron sa inyo ni attorney?" I flip my arms on him just so he couldn't hold me more at mukhang nagulat pa siya sa ginawa ko.
"Anong meron sa inyo ni attorney at ganoon kayo magtitigan?"
"Nikkolo! Stop! Ano ba iyang sinasabi mo!"
"Anong meron sa inyo? Do you have something in the past?"
"Mutual feelings." Para akong nalamig dahil sa baritono niyang boses, Rahim is looking at us, a meter away from our location. Ang mga malalamig niyang mata ay nakapukol sa akin na akala moa ng gabi ay ikinulong sa loob noon.
"Ano?" Nikkolo looks so dumbfounded because of what Rahim just blurted out at kahit ako ay parang pagpapawisan ng butil dahil sa sinabi niya.
"Mutual feelings 'yong meron kami na wala kayo." He said in a fresh tone at bahagya pang dinilaan ang pam-ibabang labi.
My jaw drops at his remarks at si Nikkolo naman ay mukhang nabato sa kinatatayuan niya. The victory smile on his face makes my inside boils into something I could only name hate!
"Tsk. If you're going to replace me, doc. At least not with someone who looks weaker than me." Para akong aatakihin sa puso dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. He easily looks down on Nikkolo dahil mas matangkad siya rito. He's even bulkier!
"Anong sabi mo?! Are you fucking with me?!"
"Dr. Valencia I'm sorry I'm not gay—"
Hindi ko na pinatapos pa si Rahim sa kanyang sasabihin because I know how blunt and vulgar he could be with his words. This is just the tip of the iceberg!
Tinakpan ko na agad ang bibig niya, he's tall and thank God for my heels today at abot ko siya.
"We'll be going. Rest Nikkolo!" I shouted and grab Rahim's arm and drag him on the escalator nearby. Mabuti na lamang at nagpatiyanod siya kung hindi ay baka magmukha akong tanga dahil kahit anong hila ko sa kanya ay hindi ko naman siya mapapaalis.
I suddenly feel guilty ng makitang hindi pa umalis si Nikkolo sa kinatatayuan niya. He's been handling a lot on his plate lately and to break his heart is one of the least thing that I need to do.
"What is your relationship with that guy? He's courting you?" Narinig kong tanong ni Rahim sa likod ko. Inismiran ko naman siya at hindi nilingon.
"Kwento mo sa pagong." I lowly said at nagmartsa na paalis ng marating ang baba ng escalator. I didn't even bother looking back on him dahil pakiramdam ko ay nanginginig na ang kalamnan ko sa loob ko.
Nang makarating sa baba ay dali-dali akong lumayo sa kanya at nagtungo na sa lockers room para makapagpalit. I sigh when I reach the room at pabalang pang naupo sa upuan sa tapat ng locker ko.
My gosh! Anong meron sa kanya and he's been doing that for the whole morning!
It's annoying and embarrassing!
Hindi naman niya pwedeng i-announce sa mundo that we had our past! Dios mio! It's been nine years!
For nine years of escaping him, dito lang pala kami magkikita ulit. I hate him for what he did on the past and I hate him more now that he's acting like nothing happened. Everything is alright!
I'm mad on how he used his authority awhile ago! He hasn't change a bit! Gagamitin niya pa rin ang kapangyarihan niya just so he could manipulate people around him! Total dickhead!
My work has been my vital homeostasis for the past nine years. I strive to stay alive despite the hardness of my job, from my pre-med to my med school, license exam and my residency. I would go for weeks na halos 10 hours lang ang tulog ko para sa isang buong linggo.
I love how my work pre-occupies me. I love how it got me to focus more.
I won't let it go like this, not when Rahim is around.
"We're just going to run some more test and after that we can now discharge her. May aasikasuhin lamang po kayong ibang papeles para sa misis niyo." The little girl smile widely at me habang ang mga magulang naman niya ay masayang nagdidiwang sa likod niya dahil sa magandang balita.
"Doc!" tawag sa akin ni Andrea, iyong bata. With her usual hair in two ponytails at each side ay nilingon ko naman siya.
"Yes, baby?" I ask and caress her small cheeks. Ang pagdaan ng kirot sa akin habang tinitignan siya ay mas lalong nanaig. I smile at her widely habang ang mga mata naman niya ay nagnining sa akin.
"I want to be like you someday po!" I suddenly feel warm on how giggly she is habang tinitignan ako. I slightly caress her small cheeks and look at her little eyes.
"You can be just like me baby, it's a good thing that you want to be a doctor. We all need more of us." I said to her at tinanguan naman niya ako ng may ngiti sa mgalabi.
"Doktora! Doktora! Hinahanap ho kayo ni attorney!" I was taken aback ng bigla na lamang pumunta si Rissa sa akin at parang natataranta pa. I look at her and excuse us on the patients in front of us.
"Rissa, bakit daw? I'm on the middle of my rounds for the afternoon." I said at parang nag-aalinlangan pa siyang tumingin sa akin.
"E, doktora kanina pa raw po siya tumatawag sa inyo. He scheduled an appointment kay Chief Anastacio para sa inyo kaninang one o'clock daw po. Pinatawag ako ni Chief dahil daw po hindi ka mahagilap ni attorney." Napapikit na lamang ako dahil sa nangyayari. I grab my phone on my pocket at nakita ang sandamakmak sa isang unknown number at kay Chief. I let out a deep sigh bago lumabas ng ward.
My head is spinning in so much frustration! Office hours ko! I have to attend to the needs of my patients! Ni hindi niya man lang ako sinabihan kaninang umaga that we will meet this afternoon! Edi sana naibilin ko kay Dr. Cruz iyong ibang mga pasyente na sensitibo ang lagay!
I know someone is gonna do my job because of that stupid memo pero I'm concern with my patients because it is their lives that's in the stake!
Pabalang kong binuksan ang pintuan ng conference room at nakita ko pa ang bahagyang gulat roon ni Rahim. I look at him deadly and even try to control my breathing para lamang hindi ko siya bugahan ng apoy sa galit ko.
"I've been contacting you, where are you?" parang gusto ko siyang sapakin dahil sa bungad niya sa akin. His twilight eyes is boaring on me like a predator.
"Why are you calling me?" Matigas kong tanong at pilit na pinipigilan ang sarili na magwala.
"You haven't eaten your lunch yet. You have to eat Monique." I gasp because of what he said.
"Are you seriously asking me to eat right now?" Mahina pero madiin kong tanong sa kanya. Iniiwas niya pa ang tingin sa akin at inayos ang salamin at marahang kinamot ang ilong.
"I don't like it when you skip your meal, Monique."
"Oh my God!"
"Attorney! I'm in a middle of my rounds! I still have a lot of patients to check! And you're telling me na niyanig mo ang mga nurses just to get me to eat?!" I said in disbelief at ang bahagyang pagtangis ng panga niya ang sagot niya lamang sa akin.
I couldn't believe him!
"You're just gonna eat, Monique. They are a lot of nurses and doctors-"
"Do you know what is the doctor to patient ratio in our country? It's one doctor is to 33,000 patients. Now, you do the math if you think that those medical personnel are enough to suffice the needs of every patient in this hospital!" Matapang kong saad sa kanya. Napapikit na lamang ako sa sobrang inis.
Hindi siya nagsalita, ang mga mata na simbolo ng gabi ay itinutok niya lamang sa akin. I look at him and took a deep sigh, bahagyang umiiling dahil sa naging agresibong aksyon.
"Attorney, I appreciate the concern but I can take care of my body. You should focus on the lawsuit more, it's your job here." Saad ko bago ako tumalikod sa kanya.
"Monique." He called.
"Atty. De La Luna, if you need more of my opinion with that case, you can give me a call after my duty for the day. I'm sorry but I'm bound to my responsibility to the patients in this hospital." I said at nagtuloy tuloy na sa paglabas sa loob ng kwartong iyon.
Hindi pa man nakakalabas ay para akong namlambot ng wala na siya sa paligid ko. I feel so drain na parang ang galit ko na iyon ay sobrang nakuha ang lakas ko. This is more tiring than having a 24-hours shift!
Bumalik na lamang ako sa trabaho dahil ayoko ng isipin pa ang mga bagay na nasabi ko sa kanya. I feel so guilty at sometimes pero alam ko na hindi iyon tama.
I finish my shift at around 5 in the late afternoon, mabuti na lamang at walang major operations ngayon. All my surgeries are scheduled next week at iniisip ko pa lamang iyon ay sinasakitan na ako ng ulo.
"Monique." I look at the man in front of me habang papalabas pa lamang ako ng pinto ng locker room.
He looks at me and sigh a little bago ibaling ang isang titig ng mga madidilim niyang mata.
His eyes resemble the night, dark and beautiful. Descending the whole universe depths in those orbs.
"Why are you still here?" I ask at lumapit sa kanya na hindi pa napipigilan ang pagtingala.
Ngayon ko lamang napansin ang suot niyang humuhubog sa bawat kanto ng katawan niya. Those dark blue dress shirt, black trousers and even formal shoes. His hair is in its usual form, may hati sa gitna at malinis na nakaayos.
"I want to ask you out for dinner..." para akong natameme dahil sa sinabi niya. His mannerism never left him when he's embarrassed. Aayusin ang salamin and scratches his nose a little.
"I—"
"You haven't eaten all day, Monique. Huwag ka ng pumalag."
"What?"
"You know very well that I don't take no for an answer."
Silence...
"If you're not going to eat dinner with me, kakaladkarin kita palabas ng ospital na ito para lamang kumain kasama ako."
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What is happening with our country now is beyond and already stepping on our human rights, democracy and need priorities of the nation.
#JUNKTERRORBILLNOW
Kapag ikaw ay namulat, kasalanan na ang pumikit.
We will not be silenced ng hipokritong gobyernong meron tayo.
SPEAK NOW! USE YOUR VOICE!