"Are you gonna change, or are you gonna go to the table looking like that?" Ruby asked, not giving a damn about my feelings.
Ruby's my parents live in housekeeper and she always spoke her mind. Her favorite saying being, would you rather have a hurt ass or feelings, 'cause I can oblige you on either.
"Like what?" I asked swiping a dinner roll from the cooling plate.
"A damn dusty heathen." She replied tooting her top lip in distaste.
Ruby is a young fifty-five. Her smooth pecan brown skin had only recently started to crease with age. Mom and she stayed into it because of Ruby's lack of filter. The way they went at it you would think they hated each other, which couldn't be further from the truth. They shared a symbiotic relationship. I honestly don't know what one would do without the other.
"What? I always dress like this for dinner." I said, before popping the last of the roll into my mouth.
"Not when we have company coming to do dinner you don't." She cast a narrowed eyed glare over her shoulder at me. "You and I both know I raised you better than that."
"Why should I dress up for one of Miah's trifling boyfriends?" The sneer pushing at my lips refused to be suppressed.
"From what I hear he's not another boyfriend, he's her fiancé and it's been a minute since we've had one of them at the table." She replied, coming for me where it hurt.
"Well I don't care who the hell he is, I'm still not dressing up for him."
"Alright, now. Don't get carried away with that mouth. You ain't too old." She spun on her heel to wave a wooden spoon at me, all the while slinging collard green juice everywhere.
"All I'm saying is, I'm tired. My days off are rare and I don't wanna waste even one by putting on a dress and pretending everything is okay and Miah hasn't lost her mind."
"You don't have to be okay with anything to look nice at the dinner table. Kayla, I remember a time when you took pride in the way you looked. Just look at you. You barely comb your hair or even wear that expensive make-up you were always buying." She dropped the spoon on the counter and approached the islander. "Now all you do is walk around here with them raggedy ass sweats on, that should have been thrown away a long time ago. Your nose be turned up and lips stuck out. Walking around here like you know something that world the don't.
"Girl, you ain't the first woman to get your heart stomped on by a man and I'm willing to bet dollars to no money, you won't be the last." She glared at me with all of hell burning in her eyes.
It's the same look she used on Miah and me whenever we misbehaved as kids. Dropping my head, I took a deep breath. If I could I'd exhale all of the hurt trapped inside of me I'd be alright.
I swallowed to rid myself of the knot in my throat. Once sure I could manage a few intelligible words, I uttered, "I don't want to talk about it."
Ruby walked around the islander to put her arms around me. When she gathered me close she began to rock back and forth. The way she used to whenever I came running with an injury only she could heal. With her I didn't have to pretend to be strong, because she always saw through me.
"Baby I know it hurts, but you can't give up on all the things that makes life worth breathing just because you're afraid of being hurt again. Life is for living, taking chances, experiencing things, having stories to tell your grandkids one day." She pressed a kiss to my forehead. "It's not for sitting around here moping and working yourself into an early coffin. If you do, then you ain't doing anything but letting them hurt you all over again. And you know what?" I shook my head. "You're the one who's losing." Ruby grabbed my chin and lifted my face to stare into my eyes.
"I need time; I can't deal with this right now. If you want me to change, then fine I'll go change." I jumped off the bar stool so fast I sent it careening to the kitchen floor.
Ruby picked up the bar stool and sat it in an upright position and said, "Alright, child. Go and get dressed the food is almost done and your sister and that new man of hers will be here in less than an hour."
Upset, I took the stairs two at a time up to my room. I was desperate to escape from the kitchen before I fell apart. The painful memories I always kept buried were almost at the surface.
Once in my room, it only took me fifteen minutes to dress. When I finished I sat on the bed and attempted to put my emotions in check.
After five minutes of guilt, hurt and anger, I took a deep breath and stood. It was now time to deal with Miah's crazy. So I tucked away my feelings and began to make my way downstairs to join the rest of my family. Half way down, voices coming from the foyer drifted back to me. The first voice I recognized was my sister's. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I paused to listen. The man holding Miah's hand spotted me.
"You must be Nikayla." The man had a deep voice with a hint of an accent.
"Kayla." My mother snapped her fingers and gestured for me to come over. "Come meet Jamiah's...Caleb." She finished with a frozen smile plastered across her lips. She was quietly pissed and couldn't bring herself to call Caleb Miah's fiancé.
As I moved closer to them Caleb extended his hand. I stared down at the offered appendage, like there was a catch. After a moment, he lowered his arm and gave me a slight smile. The kind of smile adults gave kids who didn't know any better.
Caleb returned his gaze to my mother. "Surely, you're not old enough to be Jamiah and Nikayla's mother. Sister maybe, but mother." He shook his head. "No, I don't believe it."
Wow, he was really going there with such a butt kissing comment. Yes, my mother was still a beautiful woman in her mid-fifties, but even Stevie Wonder wouldn't mistake my mother for our sister. At that moment my father decided to introduce himself.
"I'm Dr. Nichols Jamiah's father." Dad offered his hand.
"Nice to meet you, Dr. Nichols." He extended an arm to my father. "You have a beautiful family. A man such as yourself has no shortage of luck."
"Luck." My dad laughed before grasping his hand in a firm hand shake. "No, brother. I'm blessed."
"Of course," Caleb said.
"Another winner," I mumbled under my breath.
Caleb turned at the sound of my voice and just for a flash of a second I saw deception in his eyes and just as fast it was gone, to be replaced by amusement in a pair of steel gray irises.
As my parents drew Caleb in polite small talk, I took the time to run an assessing gaze over him. He looked to be six two with shoulder length black hair he wore pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. His well built body exuded power. Scorched butter toned skin was stretched taut over hills of lean muscles. I know Jamiah said Caleb was of Jamaican decent, but he appeared to me to be Middle-Eastern.
Caleb dressed in a white Armani button down shirt and solid black dress pants. He was the epitome of leisured sophistication, but there was something else about him my mind couldn't conceive. A subtle danger that seeped from his pores and thickened the air around him.
"Let's all go into the living area so we can get better acquainted," My father said, ushering us from the foyer.
As we gathered in the living room Caleb and Jamiah sat on the love seat facing my mother, while I settled on the sofa and my father sat on his favorite arm chair.
"Caleb, Jamiah tells us you're from Jamaica." My mother pinned Caleb with an icy stare.
"Yes, Yallas." He said favoring her with a smile that displayed an even row of perfect white teeth.
"I've never been to Jamaica, but I've been after Gabriel for years now to take me. What was it like growing up there?" My mom's question was polite enough, but she wasn't fooling anyone. This was an interrogation.
"I don't recall. My family and I left when I was very young." He answered more stand-offish than open.
His answer confused the hell out of me. "Miah said you left Jamaica when you were ten."
"I did," Caleb said, with a nod.
"Then you must remember something. You were old enough to have some memory of the place. Unless you suffered a traumatic event." I shifted in my seat. "In which case, you should seek help."
"Kayla, you are sooo trying it!" Jamiah slid to the edge of her seat.
Caleb held up a hand to silence Miah. "I'm sure if I had vacationed in one of Jamaica's many beautiful resorts I'd remember it quite well, but..." He paused for a moment, and then continued. "If Hell could be found on a map the quadrants would lead to Yallahs."
"I am sorry to hear that, Caleb. I've read about how political violence and poverty have ravaged parts of that beautiful country," my mom said.
"I've seen firsthand the damage that's wrought by a country at war with itself. Nobody wins, there's only loss," My dad said.
"My husband and I worked at a clinic in Uganda during the AIDS epidemic. During our time there, I learned how fleeting life can be. Death never discriminates, whether the person is old or an infant." She locked her hands together and placed them in her lap. "It changes you...watching someone die because there are no resources. It'll surprise you. The lengths you'd go to-,"
"Amelia!" My dad's voice cracked louder than thunder. All eyes swung to him.
After several awkward seconds, Caleb continued. "Jamiah, has spoke of the work you started in Africa and you're right, misery changes a person."
"Jamiah tells us, you have a sister who also attends Spelman." My dad spared no grace in changing subjects.
"Yes. She's one of the reasons why I chose Atlanta to practice law."
"Then you two are close?" My mother asked.
"Yes, extremely so. My mother died two years ago of breast cancer. Now there's only my sister and I." His tone was matter of fact.
His directness took me by surprise. The way he spoke, you'd think he was talking about someone else's mother. It was like he memorized the lines but lacked the feelings to make the words he spoke convincing.
"Sorry for your lost," my mother said.
"Thank you. For years she battled the disease so it wasn't unexpected." He stated with a shrug.
Before my parents could question him further Ruby entered the room.
"Dinner's ready and on the table," Ruby said as she gave Caleb a once over.
"We should follow. The food is already horrible. It'll be absolutely rubish if we allow it to get cold." My mother stood and smoothed the imaginary wrinkles from her dress.
"That's not true, Caleb. Ruby's a fantastic cook." Miah said as she stood.
"You got that right. Just look at Amelia's hips. She didn't get those saddlebags by keeping her mouth closed and pushing away from the table," Ruby said, before she turned to leave the family room.
When we walked into the dining room, Ruby was already seated at the dining table.
"She's allowed to eat with the family." I heard Caleb whisper to Miah.
"Of course. She is family." Jamiah whispered back.
As we all took our seats, Caleb reached for a bowl of mashed potatoes.
"Boy, I don't know where you're from, but in this house we say grace before we even think about touching the food." Ruby reprimanded with the swiftness of a drill sergeant.
"My apologies. I meant no disrespect." Caleb replied dropping his hands in his lap..
"What Ruby's attempting to say is, my husband always say grace before every meal," my mom said, chancing a glance at Ruby.
"Unless the boy doesn't speak English, then I'm sure he understood me just fine." Ruby glared at mom.
My dad stepped in to keep Ruby and mom from going in. "If everyone would please bow their heads. I would like to give thanks to our heavenly father for providing us with another bountiful meal when so many others have so very little. Please continue to bestow your blessings upon us and cover us and keep us because we are yours. In Jesus name I pray lord, amen."
During the prayer I noticed Caleb looked on with a tight little smile. I waited until everyone had prepared their plates, and then asked Caleb, "You didn't bow your head. Do you have issue with my father blessing the food?"
"No. It was quite elegant in fact. I, however, don't believe in God." He said as he poured gravy on his mashed potatoes.
His comment brought forks down on plates. The sound of silver hitting china, echoed off the walls of the dining room.
"What the hell did you say?" Ruby asked, looking like she must have misheard his him.
Caleb placed his fork on his plate, and then sat back in his chair.
"I said I don't believe in God."
"That's what I thought you said." Ruby snatched her napkin from her lap and tossed it on the table.
"You are aware that Jamiah was raised Christian? Ruby and she spends more time at church than my husband and I do at the clinic." Mom said.
"Of course my baby was raised a Christian; she's a good God fearing girl." Ruby added as she forced her way back in the conversation.
"I'm aware of Jamiah's belief in the Christian god. I'm more than willing to indulge her...whims," he said raising an eyebrow.
"Her whim's, Boy I don't-" Ruby started but was cut off in midsentence by Miah.
"Look, I know Caleb doesn't have any religious beliefs, but it's okay. I believe God sent me to him for just that reason and I tell him so all the time." Miah explained while reaching for Caleb's hand.
During all of this my dad sat statue like wearing an expression I'll remember to the day I die. Fear, shock, and rage stiffened every muscle in his face.
My mother still hadn't bothered to close her mouth and Miah, desperate to make everything better said, "For an engagement present, Caleb's sending us all to a spa in the Bahamas next weekend. Want that be fun?"
"Who's us?" Had she lost her damn mind?
"Caleb's sister, you and I." She answered.
"Miah, there is no way I'll be able to take off next weekend to go to the Bahamas."
"Come on, Kayla. You've gotta go. You're my maid of honor and I want you there," she said.
"That'll not be a problem Jamiah, because you're not marrying him." My dad, finally chimed in.
Every one turned to look at him, my father was never known to forbid us anything; he spoiled us if truth be known. My mother being the first to recover said, "Of course she is not getting married, she has only just turned twenty, she is not ready to be someone's wife or mother for that matter." My mother said whole heartedly agreeing with my father. I watched Miah give Caleb a nervous look and noticed how he squeezed her hand in assurance.
"And, especially not to someone, who does not even have sense enough to believe in the good lord." Ruby added, regaining her footing in the conversation.
"I am a grown woman." Jamiah yelled sounding like a petulant child.
"If you don't believe in God why get married." I asked directing my question to Caleb.
"I may not have any religious beliefs but I do however believe in the law and I would like to be recognized in the eyes of the law as Jamiah's husband." Caleb said responding to my question.
"Why?" I asked.
"I love her, and for that I want to acknowledge her as the woman I have chosen as a partner in life." He responded while looking at me and then glancing around the table.
"How can you love her when you barely know her?" I asked in disbelief.
"Love is not something that is learned or taught, it just is." Caleb replied calmly all while his steel gray eyes were challenged me.
"You don't believe in God but you do believe in love, well God is love and without him love seizes to exist." Ruby said leaning forward in her chair in Caleb's direction and penning him with a scorching stare.
If looks could kill, was the thought that popped into my mind.
Caleb's impassive expression didn't change, "You have your beliefs and I have mine. I think no less of you for yours so please afford me the same courtesy."
"Hell no!" Ruby ground through clenched teeth.
Caleb's eyebrow jumped a quarter of an inch higher. "Excuse me?"
"A man who has no faith is a man who is controlled by the flesh. When that's the case nothing much else holds value to that man. Especially, not love," Ruby said.
"Ruby, that's not fair. Apologize to Caleb." Miah slipped her hand in Caleb's.
"She will do no such thing," my mother said.
"You agree with Ruby? Why?" Jamiah asked.
"A man's belief or lack thereof, says a lot about the man," my mother said. Hell must now be a Winter Wonderland if my mom was consigning for Ruby.
"Well I say-" Miah began.
"Enough!" Dad slammed the side of his fist down on the table. "I forbid this marriage, Jamiah. You may think you're grown, but I'm the one who's paying your tuition and all of your expenses. Marry him and all of that goes away, including your trust fund."
"Gabriel," mom said, coming halfway out of her seat.
"I mean it, Amelia." Dad stood and slammed both of his fists down on the table. He leaned forward to glare at mom and Miah. "If she marries him, she will not even be able to get a cup of water from us. After tonight that man's no longer welcomed in this house."
With that said, dad spun on his heel and left the room. We all stared at his retreating back with wide eyes and even wider mouths. When the hell did up become down? Normally mom dealt out the hate makers, while dad stood on the sidelines waiting to jump in whenever mom's tongue developed a razor sharp edge or her punishments veered a tad on the cruel side.
Mom was first to break the silence. "Mr. Allen, my husband is a very compassionate man. For whatever reason, I'm unaware of, he's appeared to misplaced that particular trait tonight. The Christian thing to do would be to invite you to finish your dinner, but seeing as you're not a Christian, such formalities need not be extended. Jamiah, show your friend to the door."
"Couldn't have said it better myself, Amelia. Not even if the words had come from my own damn mouth," Ruby said, snatching up Caleb's plate and leaving the dining room muttering under her breath about godless heathens.
"Mom I've never-," Miah began once again, only to be cut off this time by my mother.
"Jamiah, shut the hell up and see your guest to the door," she repeated, enunciating each word.
What a strange, damn, night. Between my father's unexplainable behavior, my mother's lack of manners, and Miah's flirtation with a godless con artist, you'd think that the entire lot of them was auditioning for ratchet TV. It was unthinkable. When did black privilege become so trifling?
"Come on, Caleb. You're better than this," Miah said, all the while glaring at our mom.
"Thank you for dinner." Caleb stood and gave my mother a slight bow, "It saddens me to see religious prejudices are still striving in this day in age. Especially, here in America, a country which was founded on religious freedom. It was a pleasure meeting you all. Goodnight." With one last nod of the head, Caleb allowed Miah to lead him out of dining room.
When I was sure they were out of hearing distance I spoke. "Mom, what was that all about? I didn't care for Caleb either. His smugness gnaws on my last nerve, but let's just be real. Miah has brought home worst. What makes Caleb so much worse than the string losers Miah has paraded through here?" I asked, tossing my napkin on my plate.
"Sometimes you just know," she said.
Before I could ask her what she meant Miah stomped back into the room, tears brimming her lower lids.
"You are such a hypocrite! How dare you unload on my fiancé because he doesn't share my beliefs? Who the hell are you to judge him? Especially, when everyone knows you're an Atheist too."
"Miah!" I said.
"Shut up, Kayla. You and I both know it's true! The only reason she tolerates Christianity is to placate daddy."
She was dancing close to the edge and if she kept spitting at the storm that was our mother, winds which was known as Amelia Clarrington-Nichols rage would rise up and blow her frail ass over.
"Go to your room, gather your emotions and tuck them away, before you burn the only bridge that can bring you home." My mother said, ice cold as ever.
Mom never allowed anyone to dictate her moods or feelings and she expected her children to conduct themselves in the same manner.
Miah's pleading gaze found mine, before she rushed from the room. She didn't have to say a word, she wanted me to fix things with our parents as I've always done in the past, but this was different. Something about Caleb wasn't right and I'll be damned if I became the glue that holds them together. This time, Miah was on her own.
My mother and I sat in silence for about ten minutes, and then she placed her fork down beside her plate and said, "I believe in God, but after all of the things I've done...I'm afraid it is he who no longer believes in me. So instead of ripping my clothes from my body and lying prostrate before some pastor like Ruby, I place my faith in medicine and hope it's enough to atone for past mistakes." My mother dabbed the corners of her mouth, and stood. "It's late. You should stay the night."
After she left I sat there shocked, but most of all confused. The evening started off fine enough. So what happened to make things swerve so far to the left? Nothing about tonight made sense.
I rose from the table and gathered the abandoned plates. When finished, I headed for the kitchen. Inside, Ruby stood at the islander pouring the contents from pots in Tupperware bowls. She glanced over her shoulder when the door swung closed. Once she realized it was me, she went back to her task.
I walked over to the sink and sat the plates on the counter.
"That sister of yours never fails to disappoint. Her taste in men..." Ruby shook her head. "Help her, Lawd. He's the worse one yet," she said passing me a pot. "Talking 'bout he Jamaican. I know Jamaicans. My ex-husband was Jamaican. If he's Jamaican then you better call me Angela Basset." She continued on.
"Yeah that was strange. He said he didn't remember anything about the island. How? He left when he was ten," I said, running a plate under the running faucet.
"Chile! He's probably never been to Jamaica. Can't tell you about something he don't know about," she huffed.
"He looks Middle Eastern," I said shaking my head wondering why he'd lie about his origins.
"He's probably after her money." Ruby said, loading a plate in the dishwasher.
"We'll see. Daddy threatened to take her trust fund if she goes ahead with the marriage."
"Can he do that? Thought Amelia's stuck up mama gave y'all those trust funds."
I shrugged. "No, but mom can, and in the end she always goes along with what daddy says."
When Miah and I was born my mother's parents set up a trust fund for us each to be awarded on our twenty-fifth birthday. Since Miah was only twenty she didn't have access to hers yet and she still relied on my parents to pay her expenses.
"Good. Hopefully, he'll go find another tail to sniff around." Ruby slammed the dishwasher closed.
"I seriously doubt it. My gut tells me that money isn't the motive. The way he dotes on her...I think he might actually care about her."
"The same way a snake cares about a fluffy white rabbit," Ruby muttered.
When I finished helping Ruby with the kitchen, I looked for my parents. They had already turned in for the evening, though. Instead of staying the night like mom suggested, I decided to go back to my apartment. I needed space and peace to figure things out. Tonight had proven things in our world had become a little less stable. Bad times were coming and somehow I knew Caleb was responsible.