Drama lol- also I almost cried when writing this but I am emotional today so I hope it's not actually that emotional ahaha.
Please leave you thoughts! Votes and Comments make my days.
"Oh hey." I send the girl a smile and feel my heart rate increase when they just bring me into their conversation.
About boys.
Oh goodness.
"I was just telling Rach to just go for it." Jess says and I jump up on the little counter, my arms wrapping around Luce in comfort and well affection because I feel like I don't see her anymore.
"Go for what?" I ask hesitantly.
"She fancies Jackson." Jess laughs and Lucy squeezes me a little, almost reassuringly as if she knew my feelings.
Was Jess actually torturing me?
"Jess shh." Rach says and I send her a forced smile.
"What's holding you back?" Lucy says and I don't even bother to send her a look.
Today, tonight is exhausting.
"Well I have this friend, Hannah." Rach says and I honestly want to bang my head violently on to the side.
"Oh yeah, we know Hannah."
"Well she was seeing Jackson and she said it was fine for me to go for it, but like there thing like lasted a whole year so I wasn't sure whether I should."
Lucy interrupts before I can.
A fucking year? What?
"A year?" Lucy asks.
"Well not continuously. They got together back over a year ago for the first time, and they like just ended things properly. I don't think they even saw each other more than three times but I just don't wanna step on her toes."
"Do you know when?" I ask, my voice small.
"When What?"
"When they first slept together Rach." Lucy snaps and I almost laugh at the fact she knew.
Rachael tells us.
It was the week I left. Like the week after.
I get it.
He was angry with me.
And hurt.
But damn it Jackson.
"What the fuck." Lucy says and Rach and Jess both look at her confused.
"Luce it's fine. We were over." I laugh painfully and jump down from the counter.
"Wait what?" Rach says at the same time as Jess breathes a little "Oh."
"I'm just gunna."I nod, towards literally nothing and go and walk away from them.
Usually Lucy would follow me but I was walking towards Jackson. So I gathered she just let me be.
I am a little numb. Not like numb, numb. Just-
Do I have the right to be upset?
I walk up to Jackson and his eyes meet mine and he immediately looks concerned.
He was stood talking with Jayden and Luca and when I get to him, I don't stop walking and out of habit he open's his arms to me and I walk into them, but I push his arm away from me and stand on my tiptoes so my lips could reach his ear to whisper into it.
"I need to talk to you." I say and then walk away from him.
"Dude she's mad, mad." I hear Jayden say but I carry on walking away from them. I know Jackson is following.
I could feel his presence.
That's how much I truly believed we were connected.
A week?
Really?
"Ivy..." He says and I carry on walking away from him, out of Jayden's gate and I go and sit myself in Jayden's front steps.
Jackson doesn't sit down next to me, he just stands in front of me and I just look at him.
"You are upset."
"Yeah." I whisper and he crouches down in front of me.
"What's happened? What did I do?" His eyes are bearing into mine and I try to actually see him.
I know we were broken up, god we weren't even together in the first place, I know I was six hours away and I know I said I wasn't coming back.
But I'm hurt.
"You slept with Hannah a week after I left. A week."
Jackson falls to his bum a little clumsily and scoots himself closer to me, so he's sat in front of me.
"Oh." He says.
"Oh?"
"I know I did."
"Fuck Jackson."
"I know, I'm sorry." He whispers and his hands come to either side of my face.
"I just, I thought I meant a lot to you."
"Ivy you mean the world to me." He whispers and I shake my head.
"I know that you did it because you were hurt, because you were angry with me and you were probably bloody horny. But a week after I left?"
"It was just a coping mechanism. I swear. I was hurt."
"Why didn't you ever tell me it was so soon after?" I ask and he just frowns.
"Because I- I knew it would hurt you. And like, it was bad, it felt like I was cheating on you Ivy. I was ashamed."
"Felt like cheating? You said you were in love with me, you don't cheat on people you love." I whisper and he leans up and places his forehead against mine.
I don't understand how I wasn't crying.
A week isn't a very long time right?
"I was in love with you Ivy. I, I was hurt. I am sorry. I was young and immature and stupid and I didn't think I'd ever see you again."
The only word that stuck out to me is the word 'was'. As in not anymore.
"I just. I don't blame you. I'm not even angry with you. I just, I'm a little hurt."
"I get it."
"I need a minute and then I'll come back in to the party." I say and he frowns shaking his head at me.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"It took me a long time to get over you Jackson." I say and he frowns.
"I wasn't over you when I slept with her."
"She deserved better than that though." I say and he groans.
"I know Ives, I have literally apologised for the state I was when I knew her. Will you forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive. We weren't every together anyway." I say and his hands come back up either side of my face.
"We were. Not labels maybe but we were together. And there is stuff to forgive Ivy, I would be equally as mad if I found out you involved with someone else."
"I would never though. Not only were you the only person I would let touch me, I wouldn't do that to you."
"I know." Jackson says, his voice pained, and I just run through our memories. The fact that he was so significant in my life.
"I'm afraid that what I feel for you is a lot more intense than what you feel for me." I whisper and he has the audacity to let out a chuckle.
"It most definitely isn't."
"That's how I feel." I mumble and I close my eyes as his lips fan mine.
"And I will prove to you that how you feel is wrong."
"Don't kiss me." I say and he immediately backs away. "I need thinking time."
"What are you going to be drawing a conclusion about Ivy?" Jackson's voice is pained, and I reopen my eye and just cup his worried face in my hands.
"Just how I feel. Nothing to do with what'll happen with us."
"So we are okay?" He asks and I shrug.
"I don't want to end things if that's what you're asking but I'm still upset. And for the love of god, please don't entertain Jess' friend Rach tonight, like please."
"I'd never." He says and I just nod.
"I do need a second alone though. I'll come find you?"
"Okay." Jackson says and he presses a kiss to my forehead. "Ivy..."
"Yeah Jackson?"
"If we were allowed to say it to each other I would say it now."
Jackson doesn't wait for me to reply instead he just walks back through the gate to the party and I sighed.
My goodness this night was long.
It wasn't even half nine yet.
I go to get back up and I almost scream in annoyance at the universe when I see the two people coming through the back gate, looking like they're leaving.
Grace and her friend, I never caught her name.
"Oh." Grace gasps and I look around for something to stab into my neck. Honestly why why why.
This night.
"Grace." I say carefully and look behind her, to see if I could see my friends.
Grace was honestly one of the nastiest people I had ever met.
"Ivy! I didn't know you were back." She breaths and the girl next to her mumbles a quick, I'll go start the car.
"It's been like three months, if not more." I nod and she looks at me in distress.
"Ivy I am so sorry."
"I don't need an apology." I say. Not tonight.
Do you think I was crack if anything else happens? Because I think I will.
"Yes you do. I was vile. I was going through my own shit, god nothing compared to you. But I am so sorry."
"It's fine."
"I couldn't believe it when I found out what truly happened between you and Layton." She says and my heart clenches at the memory.
Oh great. Welcome back Layton. I close my eyes and see him and shake it off. I did not need this tonight too.
"Grace kindly, I forgive you. It's fine. I do not care. Can I go please?"
"Of course." She says stepping to the side and I step back through the back gate and I cant seem to find anyone.
And I'm alone at a party at Jayden's. My heart is hurting a lot tonight.
When I finally see Jackson, because honestly he was the only one I was looking for. I freeze when I see he's sat chilling at a table with Layton.
No not Layton.
Luca.
I think I need to go home.
"Jackson." I say when I reach them and he immediately slides over on the bench for me to sit down with him.
"I just bumped into Grace." I mumble as I sit down.
"Grace as in Jayden's ex?" Jackson asks and Luca raises his eyebrows.
"Yup."
"Are you ok?"
"She apologised." I mumble and he bring my face towards him, not caring about Luca and the intimate gesture.
"Are you okay?"
I look at Luca and he nods. "Ima just go get a drink." He says and I smile softly at him.
"Firstly tonight Jackson, I watched you chat with Hannah, and then I met this girl Rachael who fancies the pants off of you and then she lets it slip that you slept with Hannah the same week I left AND then I bumped into Grace who was so horrible last year and she brought up the whole Layton thing."
"So simply put it you are not okay." He says down at me and I just shrug. When I got it all out I actually felt a little better.
"I'm cold." I pout and he smiles slowly shaking his head at me.
Luca returns with a drink and Jackson squeezes my hands together and blows on them as if to keep them warm.
"You cold? Someone literally just made a cup of tea I think." Luca says and my eyes turn to Jackson's in want and he smiles at me.
"I'll go make you a cup of tea and I'll grab a blanket." Jackson laughs and I send him a little grin turning round to Luca when Jackson gets up and heads inside.
It's only us around this bench and I breath, it's actually ok now I think. Like Im not feeling too overwhelmed.
Did not last long.
"How are you doing?" Luca asks, his voice hesitant and I cock my head at him sending him a small smile.
"I'm doing ok."
"I'm really sorry Ivy, I know the news must be hard for you?"
I look at him cautiously. Did he mean the news about Hannah and Jackson?
"Huh?"
"Do you know?" Luca says and my eye brows pull together.
"Know what?" I breathe.
"About Lay?"
"What about him?" I honestly don't remember feeling so scared during a conversation, scared of what he's going to say.
"Nobodies told you?" Luca breathes back at me and my eyes widen.
"I um, I haven't talked to my parents yet. Told me what Luca?"
"I shouldn't, I didn't know you didn't know."
"What the fuck are you on about?" I say and my voice is rising because otherwise I will collapse in on myself and I cant do that.
"He's being released." Luca says and he looks so concerned for me that I wanted to look away but my eyes are locked onto his Layton like ones.
"What?" My voice is shallow.
My ears are ringing. Can anyone else hear that buzzing?
"Because he um, like the psychologists say that he's not a danger to himself or others anymore. There's going to be a hearing and like-"
"He raped me." I breath and I blink at him.
"He's been in there for like a year, he's ok. He's better now." Luca says and I leans away from him.
"He raped me Luca."
"Ivy I know but he-"
"He's ok. I'm not. I have the nightmares I have the triggers. You are telling me they're just letting him go." My voice is rising and I am starting to stand up.
"He shouldn't be punished for not being in the right mind Ivy." Luca grits and I look at him in astonishment
"Not being in the right mind? Do you know how bad it was? Did you not see the pictures in court?" I grit back at him.
"I did Ivy and he's so sorry god, you haven't spoken to him, he's"
"Of course I haven't spoken to him Luca what the fuck."
"He's changed."
"He was supposed to be in there for years." I say and a tear runs down my face and I let it. I know we have gathered attention from the strangers around us and I wonder where my friends are now.
"You are safe Ivy."
"I wont be safe Luca not when he comes out."
"He is sorry."
"He stalked me Luca. He cornered me in a classroom and screamed at me, he took me up the stairs..." I look up to the inside of the house and my voice breaks. "He took me up the stairs and he tied my hands together Luca how on earth can you tell me I'm safe." I cry.
I see through blurred vision that my friends are walking towards the scene and a lot of people around us have stopped talking.
I wipe my tears away and Luca sighs at me.
"You have the audacity to tell me this right now?" I say, my temper rising and looking at his face in disgust.
"I didn't know you didn't know."
"So you decided to bring it up?" I growl and he shakes his head at me.
"He's getting out in August Ivy, you've still got two months."
"Do you forgive him? For what he did to me? Do you forgive your brother?"
"Yes." Luca breaths and my face crumples and I stand there openly crying, I don't care what everyone is seeing.
My world was crumbling, and he forgave him. If he forgave him, would my friends do too?
Oh my god I'm going to be left in this town by myself.
With just him.
A sob rocks through me and Luca goes to reach out for me and his face immediately becomes the exact same at Layton's.
There is no difference.
"Don't you dare touch me Lay- Luca." I all but scream and he immediately holds his hands up in surrender.
"What the fuck Luca?" Jackson's voice penetrates my panic and I search for him with my eyes.
He looks livid and his eyes immediately soften when I cling my eyes to his. I suddenly am able to see and I see that a whole lotta people have just watched me break down.
Oh fuck.
I turn away from them and then I'm met with more eyes and I turn around again and more eyes are found and I look at Lucy and she's crying too and I cant breath.
Jackson's hands place themselves on my face and close my eyes leaning into him and he places a kiss over one of my tears.
"Baby it is ok. Tell me what is going on. What did he say?"
I wonder who heard.
Lucy did. She wouldn't be in tears if she hadn't.
Or maybe it was because I was crying.
"Ivy." Jackson's voice is so pained that his pain is the only thing I can open my eyes for.
"He." I gasp and because I am so upset I cant speak so I just shake my head and hide my face into his chest.
Neither of us care about eyes right now.
I am devastated.
We got evidence, we got to court, we got a guilty conviction.
He's being let out after a year.
This damn night.
"Everyone out." Jayden's voice is weak to my ears and I hide my head into Jackson's chest even more. His hands are stroking my head and he hold me tightly as I try to control my panic.
I'm definitely more upset about this than the fact he slept with Hannah. I almost laugh at myself but it comes out as another sob.
"Everyone's leaving. You are here with people who love you. You are safe Ivy." Jackson whispers into my ear and I nod. My legs feel weak and I feel so pathetic.
But he was coming back.
They were letting him come home.
He was better. What does that even mean?
Better until he has another episode? Better until he forgets to take his medication?
"Ivy I need to know what happened." Jackson's voice is calm and I shake my head. His fighters graze my chin softly and he lifts my face upwards so my teary eyes meet his.
"I need Luca to go too." I whisper and he nods once.
I place my head back down and Jackson is turned away from everyone else. I am hidden behind his figure, sort of protecting me from their eyes.
His body turns slightly and his voice is cold when he addresses Luca.
"Out."
"Jack- I was just." Luca starts and Jackson cuts him off.
"I don't care. Out."
"Jayden." Luca turns to Jay and Jayden I assume shakes his head.
"Let us help her and then we will talk to you Luca. She's the one that's hurting." Jayden says and as we hear the last people shutting the gate Jackson sighs in relief.
The music is turned down and I lift my head.
"Who's left?"
"Us, Jay, Max, Lucy and Nora. We made everyone else leave."
"I feel really sick." I whisper and he frowns at me.
"Bad bad?"
I nod.
"Sit down." He leads me over to the little bench and crouches between my legs as my head continues to spin. I was now actually really hot.
It's funny how you can have such physical reactions to fear.
"What can we do?" Max says and I close my eyes as another wave of nausea rockets through me.
I can suddenly feel his hands on me and I knock Jackson's hands away from me.
"Um, water, and maybe a bucket." He says and his hand come either side of me instead of being places on my legs.
"Ivy. Talk."
"Jackson I can't right now." I whisper and he nods. I reclose my eyes and then shoot them open when Layton's face reappears.
I sit up and take my jumper off, I was so hot.
"We can take her upstairs if she's gunna be sick." Nora says quietly and Jackson immediately says no.
Thank god.
"She can't go upstairs."
"What's going on?" Jayden asks and Jackson mumbles a quiet "I don't know yet."
My eyes lift away from Jackson's calming green ones and I find Lucy's.
I plead with her in my head, to get her to say it. What she overheard.
"Layton's being released in two months." Lucy says quietly and my friends fall dead silent.
"What the actual fuck?" Nora says and I smile a little.
My thought exactly Nora.
"Shit." Jackson says and my eyes fall back on him and I shake my head a little.
I'm not really sure why.
I'm sorry I ruined your party Jayden. I wanna say that but I cant speak.
"Here." Max says handing a cold-water bottle to Jackson and I reach for it.
"Slow sips Ives."
"I can't breathe." I mumble and he sends me a soft smile.
"Yes, you can."
He's right I can.
I take in a deep breath and take a sip of water, screwing the cap back on and placing it on my forehead.
"I have made a scene." I whisper and his eyes glisten with amusement.
"No Ives Luca made a scene when he decided to tell you that his brother was going to be released from prison in the middle of a party."
"He thought I knew. He doesn't understand." I whisper and I turn towards my friends and give them a reassuring smile. I meet Jayden's eyes and give him a guilty smile.
"Sorry you kicked everyone out."
"You are more important." He says and I turn away again, my eyes getting teary as I look at Jackson.
"I'm a mess." I say and he breaths a laugh.
"Yous can come sit down now." I say managing to get my voice a little louder and my friends come and surround me.
They sit on the bench and Jackson goes and grabs a chair so he's able to sit right next to when Nora and Lucy climb in to the side of me.
"What did Luca say?" Jayden says softly and my eyes start to tear up again.
"I'm sorry if I cry." I whisper and send everyone a reassuring smile when look up at them.
This was a big change. Normally when something this big happens I would retreat. I would most definitely not be able to sit here with my friends and talk through it.
"He just said that there's going to be a hearing where if they rule that he's no longer a danger he could be out by August." I whisper, my voice not being able to raise above that level.
Lucy's hand finds mine under the table and I lean my head against her shoulder. She understands. Fuck she gets it so much.
"So how do we stop that happening?" Jayden asks and I frown.
That's not an option is it?
Luca's words play over and over in my head.
"I- Luca says he is better now."
"That doesn't mean he didn't do what he did. He hurt you Ives." Nora says and I nod, leaning more into Lucy. She rubs my arm as I seek physical comfort and I realise hell I have come along way.
"I don't want to ruin his life." I whisper and they all shake their heads at me in confusion.
"Ives, he changed your life forever. He deserves more than a year." Jay says and I shrug against Lucy.
"A year is a long time." I whisper and Lucy squeezes my hand.
"Ivy you don't have to listen to your empathetic side for this, be angry, be scared, be upset, they are all legitimate emotions." Jackson's voice surprises me and I turn to look towards him.
"I know." I say and look around my friends. "I'm sorry for more drama."
"Ivy you are one of our people." Max says and my face crumples a little, another tear falling down my cheek and he looks at me wide eyed.
"So was he."
"And now he's not." Jackson replies for Max and I stand up and they watch me.
"I'm just getting a fizzy drink. I need sugar." I say and Jackson stands up for me.
"Sit." He commands nodding to his chair and I fit down into what would be considered an out door armchair.
"Here." He hands me a glass of lemonade and then nudges me to get up. I frown at him and go to sit back down next to Lucy and he pulls me to him.
Jackson puts his feet up on the bench and I don't hesitate to sit down on Jackson's lap. I take a sip of the lemonade and then place it on the table, ignoring my friends almost curious looks when I bring my legs up also and rest against his chest, my head falling to his shoulder as I continue to talk with everyone.
"Do your parents know?" Lucy asks and I nod.
"I think so, but they said they would tell me tomorrow. I was in a rush to get here." I say and Jackson's hands lightly play with the ends of my hair.
I didn't care being like this with him today. My friends knew our history and they knew of our friendship.
This considering the absolute carnage of tonight was pretty normal.
"Everyone looked so concerned." Nora chuckles and I scrunch my nose up.
"I have never kicked people out before." Jayden says, laughing a little too. "Honestly, it was pretty fun, I recon that's how we should end every night."
"Without my hysterically crying, preferably." I mutter and Jackson's chest vibrates under me.
"They cant hear you, your whispering." He says softy down at me and I lift my head to look at him.
"I'm sorry you have had to pick up my scattered pieces all over again." I whisper and his forehead rests down on mine.
"You have done it so many times for me. I told you I wanted every part of you once. That still applies." He whispers and I press my forehead tighter against his until I hear a click of a camera and I look back round to the group.
I take in Lucy's phone and I narrow my eyes at her.
"I'm sorry okay. You's just looked really cute."
"It's ok." Jackson chuckles and I look up at him, bringing my fingers to my own face and thinking oh goodness I must look like a train wreck.
I focus back on to Jayden's words and I realise that the conversation has drifted slightly and I snuggle into Jackson, my bare arms now feeling the cold as my body has left the panic mode.
"Can someone pass me that blanket?" Jackson asks and I smile up at his face. My eyes then taking in the way Max leans for it and passes it to Jackson.
Jackson lays it over us and I feel really safe.
Here with him, listening to my friends voices, a light laughter tumbling out of Lucy as they move the topic of conversation away from Layton.
My eyes flutter close and I don't reopen them.
"Jackson, she's falling asleep." Jayden says softly and Jackson moves so his fingers run gently through my hair.
"You wanna stay for a bit?" Jackson whispers down at me and I nod.
"She feels safe here, with your guys voices filling her head. Ima just let her sleep and then I'll take her home." Jackson says and I lift a sleepy hand up to his chest the area right above his heart, and trace the shape over it when my fingers.
I hope he gets it.
I don't remember much else, I just drift away to the sound my friends voices embraced by Jackson's arms and the slight reassurance that the world will still be crumbling this time tomorrow.
For now, just sleep.
*What do you think about the Jackson thing?*
*What about Layton? Goodness right?*