How do we live?
In a world like this? How do we live?
"Can you finish this up?" I said in my giggly voice, very understandable kahit pa may surgical mask na suot. Nakangiti naman ang mga matang tumango sa akin si Dr. Cruz bago ko tuluyang iwanan ang surgery table. Huminga ako ng malalim bago tuluyang mag-step out ng operation room.
Agad kong hinubad ang PPE's na suot ko at idineretso iyon agad sa bin na malapit. Napangiwi pa ako ng maramdaman ko ang marahang kirot sa aking ulo gawa ng tuloy-tuloy na schedule ko sa araw na ito. My gosh! I've been in this hospital for almost 12 hours!
Agad kong tinapakan ang pedal para umagos ang tubig at makapaglinis na ako. I grabe the hibiclens soap and scrub my hands and arms properly bago tuluyang inanlawan iyon.
I need coffee! Liters of coffee! Imbes na matulog, kape ang hinahanap ng katawan ko!
Napailing na lamang ako dahil sa naisip. I'm literally caffeine-driven already, siguro isa na ito sa mga habit na hindi ko mabubura sa akin.
I'd rather die of palpitation than sleep-deprivation!
"Miss!" Napahinto naman ako dahil sa isang tawag. When I saw a little girl in front of me ay parang nanlambot ako bigla. Her small and chinky eyes is awfully looking at me like I bear a beautiful message for her.
"Yes, baby? Bakit ka andito?" I ask and level myself to her height. I guess she's just around five years old. Ang buhok ay nakahati pa sa dalawang tali sa magkabilang parte ng ulo. Her eyes are sparkling and her lips protruded on me.
"Kamusta po si mama ko? Gagaling po ba siya?" Her soft voice feels like a warm sound to my heart. How would it feel to have a kid this cute?
"Yes, baby. Your mommy will be okay!" I answer to her and smile widely. Nakita ko pa ang kislap sa mata niya ng sabihin ko iyon and somehow I feel the hidden void in me when it comes to children... I silently wash my thoughts away lalo pa ng mapansin ko ang isang lalaking papalapit.
"Andrea! Pasensya na ho doktora! Kamusta po ang asawa ko?!" Bungad niya sa akin na parang hindi alam kung ano ang uunahing punahin. The child goes towards him and hold his hand. I stand up again so I could face the immediate guardian of the patient.
"The operation is successful. Colectomy is a common surgery nowadays so you won't need to worry. We have already remove the tumor, mabuti na lamang at maaga niyong nadala rito ang misis niyo. It would be much worse if it's too late already." I said and the man is almost teary-eyed in front of me. I smile a little on him lalo pa ng akapin niya ang anak.
"Thank you, doc! Maraming salamat po!" He almost shouts at me kaya naman nginitian ko siya ng malawak. The child besides him is almost crying too as she buries her little face on his father's arm.
It would be such a blessing to have a child.
"I'll be going na po, sir. You should always take care of your family first, especially of your little princess and your wife. See you around po." The man smile at me with enthusiasm written all over his face. Paalam ko pa bago iniwan ang mag-ama as they rejoice for the safety of their mom inside the operating room.
Not all people are blessed to have a complete family. Some people are just lucky to have one.
I already change back to my semi-formal clothes. My black turtle neck is just fitting for the cold breeze of the Ber-Months. Inayos ko na rin ang white knee-length fitted skirt ko at ang heels na katamtaman lang ang taas. I immediately wear the white-gold necklace that I have and hide it underneath the cloth of my turtle neck bago kinuha ang white handbag na dala ko.
It's already eight in the morning at ngayon lang ako uuwi! This graveyard shift is more tiring than a continuous shift in the morning! Nakakaloka talaga!
I really need coffee! Should I try cappuccino this time? Or stick with my sweet black coffee? Should I try sugar? But fructose can contribute a lot to the—
"Dr. Angel!" Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip dahil sa pagtawag na iyon. I face a girl in her mid-twenties with the same coat that I have from the hospital. Her artificial curly hair is now loose on her high ponytail. I look at her and smile a little dahil mukhang magststart pa lamang ang shift niya.
"Morning shift ka na?" Tanong ko pa sa kanya dahil a month ago, sinabihan niya akong gusto niya i-try ang shift ko. Casie—Short for Cassiopeia. But now she's back on the sunlight.
"Nakakaloka ka naman kasi! Hindi mo naman sinabi na nakakamatay iyang graveyard shift! Pinagalitan ako ni Chief! Susmaryosep!" with her slang wordings tuwing kinakausap ako ay hindi ko maiwasang matawa.
"Sabi naman sayo, eh. Patay tayo kay Chief. Nakatulog ka no?" I ask at napailing naman siya habang marahan pang pinupukpok ang metal clipboard sa ulo.
"Nakakahiya! Nakatulog ako sa stock room habang tumitingin ng inventory na ipapasa ko sa supplier ng PPE's!" Sigaw niya pa kaya naman natawa na lamang ako.
"Hoy! Monique Angel! Nabalitaan mo na ba sinong hahawak noong kaso ni Dr. Valencia? Si Nikkolo talaga ang hilig madawit sa gulo!" Napiling na lamang ako. Si Nikkolo isang cardiothoracic surgeon ng ospital.
"I don't know. Hindi ko pa siya nakakausap, e." I said at her kaya naman tinaasan niya lamang ako ng kilay.
"Ay nako! Iniiwasan mo pa 'rin ba siya?! Takot sa commitment Monique!" Asar niya pa sa akin kaya naman napailing na lamang ako sa sinabi niya.
"I'm not! I just want to keep professionalism on our workplace!" Maarte ko pang sabi bago naman niya ako tinawanan.
"Professionalism? Hindi mo iniiwasan? Kaya pala nag-graveyard shift ka doktora! Hindi mo nga iniiwasan ang early bird na si Nikkolo!" Napa-irap naman ako sa sinabi niya.
"I'm not!"
"Doc, 'wag ako. Oh! Ayan na pala si Dr. Valencia!"
Para akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa sinabi ni Cassie. Hindi pa man ako lumilingon pero ang yabang na dala ni Nikkolo ang agad kong naramdaman.
"Hoy! Monika!" His Filipino version of my name kuno is very disgusting. Ang common na nga ng name pattern ko, gagawin niya pang makaluma nakakairita!
"What? Nikkolo!?" Puno ng iritasyon kong saad. Ang nakakasilaw niyang ngiti agad ang pinakita niya sa akin na akala mo iyon ang kukumpleto sa araw ko. Napailing na lamang ako bago sinimulang maglakad.
"'To naman napaka sungit! 'di ka na ba babalik sa pagiging sunshine ko?" Napahinto ako at napa-awang pa ang bibig dahil sa sinabi niya. His victory smile is plastered on his face again kaya naman mas nagsisi akong nagreact ako sa banat niya!
"Tigil-tigilan mo ko tisoy! May kaso ka! Iyon ang problemahin mo!"
"Paano kapag ikaw ang pinakamalaking problema ko? Aayusin mo ba ung puso ko?"
"Oh my god! You're so corny." I said at binilisan pa ang lakad ko. He looks so care-free! Parang walang kasong kakaharapin!
" I just want a little ray of your smile today, Monique." Napatigil naman ako dahil sa bigla niyang sinabi. I slightly look at him and saw a glimpse of nervousness and fear on his face.
"Nikkolo, what happened?" seryoso ko ng tanong sa kanya. Huminga pa siya ng malalim bago tuluyan akong tinignan. His eyes look tired and exhausted, para pa siyang walang tulog and all of that is evident now that he's not smiling and goofy over me.
"It happened all so fast. I know I was focus on that time, the operation is sensitive and high risk. Alam ko rin na it is my responsibility on what happens inside of the operating room. Pero ayun." Natahimik naman ako sa sinabi niya. He looks so worried. Sa sinabi pa lamang niya alam ko na agad ang kinahantungan ng pasyente.
It's the sad inclination of being a doctor, you hold a big responsibility on your patient's life, there are times na kahit gawin mo na lahat. You will just loose them. And sometimes, it's makes my heart break.
Ironic how I study and kill myself to death to be a doctor only to have a dead patient on my table, an inevitable feeling.
It contributes to the void inside of me, lalo pa't madalas ay nakukulong kami sa ospital sa dami ng gawain.
"Anong sabi ng chairman?" I ask at bumalik na naman siya sa maliwanag niyang mukha. I've known Nikkolo since med school and he's always like this. Kahit ikamatay na niya sa loob, hinding- hindi niya pipigilan ngumiti.
"May bago tayong medical lawyer! Magaling daw! Iyong mukhang biniyak na bunot iyong buhok!" napakunot naman ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Grabe naman kasi ung description niya.
"We have? Bakit daw?" Nikkolo just shrug on me bago ituloy ang pagsasalita.
"I'm just going to meet him today. I have my orders to refrain from conducting any surgery until further notice." Nakangiwi niyang saad kaya naman mas lalo akong nalungkot para sa kanya.
Nikkolo is annoying at most of the times, and yes. I'm avoiding him because of his feelings for me pero hindi ko naman maipagkakaila na his presence all over my years of thriving had contributed a lot to me. Sadyang hindi ko lamang siya kayang i-reject ng buo, I value our friendship deep inside of me.
"Ayan na pala si Atty., e!" I turned to the entrance of the hospital because of what he said and almost drop my pant—I mean my jaw on what I saw!
I can feel my face shot horror in him ng makita siyang papalapit. Nikkolo is smiling widely habang ako naman ay parang maiihi dahil sa kabang biglang nararamdaman.
His hair is clean and perfectly sided in the middle, shiny and can even reflect the sun rays! Ang panga ay halos kita ko na habang papalapit pa siya sa amin. His dark hooded eyes found me in the midst of this busy hall!
Ang itim na dress shirt ay naka-tuck in sa isang steel colored slack with some formal shoes. With his optical multi-coated glasses in a matte black frame , his eyes are still powerful. Perfect nose and a kissable lips!
He looks like a guy that will bring danger on you, but you're more than willing to take his game. Jesus! Women will sin by his name!
"Atty. Good morning!" masiglang bati ni Nikkolo sa kanya. I could almost roll my eyes on remembering his remark 'biniyak na bunot' My Gosh Nikkolo!
"Good morning, Dr. Valencia." His baritone voice reaches my bone marrow with its sound. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman dahil nasa harapan na naming siya ngayon. His dark hooded eyes perceive me in just a second at parang gusto ko na lamang lumuhod sa kinatatayuan ko.
"A! This is Dr. Monique Angel Roque. She's one of our general surgeon here." Nakita ko ang pagtaas ng isang makapal na kilay niya sa akin. I suddenly want to punch Nikkolo on what he just said! Pakiramdam ko ay nahiya ako sa position ko dahil lamang sa maiinit niyang titig sa akin.
"Hoy, Monika!" para akong nabuwal sa biglang pagsiko sa akin ni Nikkolo and then I look back at him ng isang pamatay na ngiti na ang nasa labi niya. No... women would not sin on his name; they would die for him.
He's whole aura sent this bad boy vibe, ung tipong seseryosohin ka at the beginning but would only want to bed you after all! Damn!
"Siya iyong bago na medical lawyer ng ospital. Do you know him?" Oh yes I do! I know this man and even recite his virtues with my eyes close! Too bad but he didn't live up to his principles.
"Looks like, Ms. Roque has her eyes on me." Napakurap-kurap ako ng rumihistro ang sinabi niya sa utak ko. Ang lakas!
"Don't be a fool for my looks, Miss. I'm deadly." Forget when I said Nikkolo is mahangin. This guy could build a storm just with his words! Hilaw akong napangisi dahil sa sinabi niya. With almost a decade that past, he's still conceited and rude.
"Excuse me? I'm not a fool. I don't go for guys who looks like a walking danger to me." I said, itinago ang kaba sa likod ng aking lalamunan at nilunok lahat ng kahiyaan na meron ako.
"Then what kind of guys do you go for? Huh? Miss Roque?" This boy is forgetting to address me on the right manner! This guy and his rudeness! Pinagsisihan kong minsan sa buhay ko ay ipinagtirik kita ng kandila sa buong taon para lang bumait ka!
"I don't go for guys! They are just distraction. And also, mind if I correct you? Dr. Roque it is." I said and smile sweetly. Ang bahagyang pagpigil niya sa pagtangis ng panga niya ang mas nagpabunyi sa akin.
"Hoy! Monika! So basted na ako ganoon?" Parang nalaglaga na ang panga ko dahil sa sinabi ni Nikkolo! I suddenly lost my cool at ang pag-angat ng tingin niya sa katabi kong doctor ang mas nagpalakas ng kabog sa dibdib ko.
"Let's now talk, Dr. Valencia."
"Hoy! Monika Answer me!"
Ang inis sa mukha niya ay mas lalong nadepina. His sun kissed skin is radiating in the white room that we're in, isabay mo pa ang aura niyang good boy na ilalaglag ang panty mo!
A smart-ass with a good ass!
My gash! Annica's wording!
"Dr. Valencia!" His roar is low but full of annoyance kaya kahit ang makulit na si Nikkolo ay natinag.
"I'm Atty. Ibrahim Gregorio De La Luna. And I still have a case to win." He said and gesture Nikkolo to follow him as he obliged like a soft puppy.
I even follow his broad back as they walk towards the escalator. Bruskong-brusko ang pangangatawan at mukhang kaya kang padapa— I mean! Oh my gosh!
His deadly spirit imprinted in his eyes and those immortal features.
Nine years, and he is still the guy who would make you break your neck when he walks by.
Ibrahim Gregorio De La Luna is someone you would gladly worship and kiss the paths that he steps at.
How could I ever forget that ex of mine?