"Anyway. My dearest friend. Let's not forget the important thing, here." Sarah said as she got up and walked to the door to go get their dinner.
"Er, what? This wasn't the most important thing?"
Sarah turned around, her dark eyes glittering and her eyebrows raised.
"Nah. You have a date tomorrow!"
Anna grinned softly.
"Alright. That may be the biggest news to you... I have to say I'm pretty ambivalent about it."
"But you like him, right?"
Sarah's eyes were kind. There was no judgement in them. Just like there'd been no judgement of anything this evening. Or any other time really, now that she thought about it.
So she nodded slowly.
"Yeah. I do like him. We'll see, okay?"
Sarah smiled. "Okay."
They shared their takeaway on the woollen rug and it was normalcy. It was pleasantness, it was effortlessness. Talking about everything had really helped her, and not just because regaling all of it put it in perspective. Sarah's easy acceptance had helped more than anything.
So when she fell asleep on the purple couch, way too late as usual, she slept soundly for the first time in days and she woke up calm, and with new purpose.
She looked at the beamed ceiling above her, following the patterns in the wood with her eyes, her hands folded under her head.
Today, just like she always had, she'd take it as it came. Simple. No use crying over spilt milk, no use wishing things were different.
Because things weren't different, they were exactly as they were. And she'd simply do the best she could with the hand she was dealt. Like she always did.
"You look better today." Sarah remarked as they both put their breakfast plates in Sarah's little kitchen and made to pick up their bags.
"I am better today, and I have you to thank for that."
Sarah smiled. "Any time, of course. You know, you may be all kind and nice and quiet and stuff, but you're also quite simply the strongest person I know. If anyone can handle this, it's you."
She hesitated for a moment.
"I guess... well, I guess I just didn't appreciate the extent of that strength, before."
Anna knew what she meant, of course. She meant her past. Her past, that had now tainted her friend too, in a way. She sighed, trying to think of the words that would convey how she felt.
"You know, Sarah, in all honesty, maybe I'm strong because of it, as well? The way I see it, I could either let it kill me, or I could live. I once read this quote, years ago: our past shapes us, but it doesn't define us. I guess... I just decided I wanted to live."
Sarah eyed her silently for a moment, absorbing her words, and then she suddenly laughed one of her great, no holds barred, full belly laughs.
"God, I wonder how you ever decided to be a psychology major, hey? You have no insight into the human psyche at all!"
Anna laughed as well then, and it was almost cathartic. Sarah being sarcastic? This was normal, this was home.
They were still grinning as they closed the door behind them and walked to their tram stop.
Amsterdam was so busy, even this early in the morning. The pigeons on the dam were flocking in great numbers, flying up and landing back down in groups as if someone had given them a cue, and the tourists were already weaving in and out of the tiny streets of the centre.
There was this little tremor of expectation in her; she could feel it inexorably seeping into her every cell the closer they got to the university. She couldn't wait to get to the big building today, even if she knew full well how silly that was.
Even if she knew why. It was the thought of that lovely voice and those dark curls that kept pushing its way into her head, and she couldn't quite shift it.
She'd thought she'd only said yes to dinner with Eli because of the weird matching headaches, but now she wasn't so sure any more on where she stood.
Sarah had asked her flat out if she liked him and she'd told her the truth.
She did like him, and now she had a date, tonight. Oh man. She had a date.
What would she even wear?
She snorted quietly at the mundane thought. Really, Anna? That was the main concern, here?
And what on earth would she say to him, today, in their work group?