TJ POV:
Hitting the road in the morning, we drove for half an hour before Chris slowed the car down and pulled into the gas station where the man had given us free candy.
We only got a packet of wispa bites along with the petrol and went to the counter.
'Ah! You're back,' he said, closing his newspaper, 'I hoped you would be,' scanning our items he asked, 'You kids going home?'
Chris, or Clementine rather, nodded.
'Good...you've been gone a long time,' he counted, '3 days today?'
'That's not much,'
'It is for your parents,' he wagged a finger, taking our money and chucking two tangfastic packets our way, 'If you ever decide to run away, road-trip as you call it, stop by,'
'We will! Thanks so much!' We left and got into the car again.
It may have been short but I was grateful for the drop in with him. It delayed the time I'd have to see my parents.
My fear worsened when we passed the Shadyside sign. Chris noticed, resting his hand on my leg, 'It'll be fine, I'm going to park
around the corner so they don't see my car,'
'Ok,'
'...what are you going to tell them?'
I took a deep breath, 'the truth minus: you, the mileage and the sex.'
'So.....a complete lie?'
'Yep,'
'I'm saying that I only went to Logan to finish a project, I took the photo for evidence. Then I found my dad and decided to stay longer.' Chris recited, putting the car on the curb, 'You going to tell anyone the truth?'
'Reed and Lester?'
'Only them, no one else,' Chris insisted, 'I don't want you to get in trouble,' I was about to open the car door when he added, 'Don't I get a kiss goodbye?'
I grimaced, 'You're so cringe Clem,'
'Did you just call me Clem?'
'Maybe,'
'That's cute,'
Complying, I kissed his lips momentarily before leaving the car and waving him down the road.
Now the hard part.
I tried to be as cool as possible when I opened my front door, walking into my house to see my mom anxiously biting her nails and tapping her foot on the floor waiting for me on the couch. Her head snapped up and she raced over to envelop me in a hug.
'TJ! I was so worried! I'm so glad you're home!'
I hugged back but let go first.
Her concern then instantly changed to anger, 'Where were you? What were you doing?' My mom's eyes then when to my neck, 'What the hell are those?'
I went to the kitchen, dying for a drink, 'What does it look like they are?'
Crossing her arms, mom followed me there, she repeated, 'Where were you?'
'Road-trip around Utah,' I answered, having some water and leaning against the counter.
'With who?'
'Someone,' I shrugged.
'Did you drive?'
'No,'
'Do they have a license?'
'A permit,'
'What were you doing?'
I'm not sure why I decided to be so cold but I guess it made it easier to hide, 'Do I really need to spell it out for you?'
'You're too young to be doing stuff like that!' Mom argued, 'You're too young to be going off, letting people drive you around for days!'
'I'm turning sixteen!' I raised my voice, 'I needed to get away from this stupid house, so I did!'
'Why won't you tell me what's really going on?' Mom was sad now, 'You won't say where you went, who with, anything.'
I felt guilty, 'You don't have anything to worry about,'
'Is that why you graffitied a wall?' She responded harsher than she meant to and tried to apologise, 'I'm-'
I cut her off, 'You sound exactly like dad,'
'No I-'
'The only reason I do crazy shit is because of him, you know,' I ranted, 'I ran away because of him, I commit crime because of him heck, he's pretty much the source of my anger,'
She didn't say anything.
'I'm not telling you where I went or who I was with because you'd be mad and I already have dad to yell at me so I don't need you to do it for him,' I downed the rest of my water, 'Where is he anyway?'
'He's...at a meeting,'
My dad's job does not involve those, 'What sort of meeting,'
Mom fidgeted with her hands.
'Where is he?'
'At the rehabilitation course meeting,' she gave up, 'He insisted- where are you going?'
I'd already opened the front door I was speed walking so fast, 'Out,'
'Will you be back?'
'Probably not,'
'T-'
Her voice was blocked by me slamming the door and leaving.
I couldn't even believe what I was hearing. I make one slip up and they act like I'm still like that. The only people who go to those things are child psychopaths, not kids who do shit to take it out on something rather than someone...my dad doesn't count ok?
I can just imagine it.
It makes me feel sick that people class me with that, yeah I've done some pretty bad things but I've never done anything harmful to anyone...except.....but he doesn't count either.
Besides, he made me change and see the good in myself. It's not like I decided it on my own-I'm too stupid for that. I was so stupid I did a lot of things to him...they all have a right to hate me but I guess I just wish they knew the half of it. But there's a lot of things nobody else knows that me and him know, I didn't want to tell anyone else other then him.
In fact, I'm pretty sure what I need in order to stop going down this road again is to have a decent father who doesn't want to destroy my family and also actually cares about me. But I'm never gonna get one of those am I? Even so, he could at least not be so enthusiastic about sending me to party with a bunch of criminals.
I swear, going to things like that is only gonna push me further into that thing. Being around them and being forced to go to this supposed "rehabilitation" course which will "change my life" (as their slogan displays in italics) it just going to make me more angry and what I need is to talk not to learn "discipline". I can't believe things like this actually exist, they're basically a way of saying to a kid "Hey! You screwed up a lot so we're gonna try and scare you because we're the police but make you end up hating authority!" Fucking idiots.
I don't even know where I'm going but when mom is this angry, not that I think she shouldn't be, and dad's being like this I can't be there. I'll just...end up punching a wall again and I promised Chris I wouldn't. Not that I'm not thinking about doing it though...it's the only thing I actually want to do which just makes me more mad but at myself. I hate the feeling because I know it so well.
What is going through my dad's head? I'd love to know. Does he really think this will do any good? Does he actually want to help? Or has he just given up and wants to get rid of me because I know his secret? No, I doubt he wants me to get in trouble with the police but I can't help but feel he wants me to hate him as his priority has always been making sure I stay quiet, not whether I'm okay after finding out about it in such a...whatever, I just want to think about something good for once, maybe then I won't feel like shattering every bone in my fist.
There's good things in my life I suppose: Reed, Lester, Chris, Mom, Photography. But the list stops there and everything else always gets in the way. Still, I should remember to appreciate them more. I'd already seen Chris and Mom today so I think it's about time I went to see my favourite couple, who I assumed had sleepovers pretty much everyday now.
I knocked on Reed's door, my brain fixed as if my whole body was my fist as I desperately prayed I wouldn't punch anything.
Reed answered in the same outfit he wears everyday with even baggier eyes.
I smiled, my hands in my short pockets, 'Hey Reed,'
He stared at me for a moment before he punched my shoulder pretty hard.
'OW!' I shouted in surprise, 'What the fuck!'
'How could you not respond to us!' He said, clearly hurt, 'We thought you were dead,'
'If I was I would hope I'd have gone out with a bang,' I muttered, 'Can I come in?'
Reed let me in and we went to his room where Lester was sat on his bed smoking a cigarette, almost jumping at the sight of me.
'Is that a ghost?' He joked, acting frightened, 'Please don't haunt us!'
I wacked his head and sat down on the floor so I could lean against the dresser.
Reed sat on the floor also, leaning against his bed, 'You gonna tell us where you been?'
'Only if you get the vodka,' I said hopefully.
He complied, coming back with shot glasses and a bottle of vodka, 'Your payment,'
I poured a generous amount so it was almost over flowing before I necked it. After the initial recoil, I began to speak, 'Me and Chris went on a road trip together,'
Lester frowned, 'Why?'
Shrugging, I poured another shot but sipped it, 'To get away from the world,'
Reed narrowed his eyes, 'So...it was just you and Chris?'
'Yep,'
'Do...you know if he's gay?'
I froze, how could I forget that I never told them about then or now? What was I gonna tell them?! I couldn't tell them the whole story...I don't know what I'm gonna do and now I desperately need to neck this shot-it's gone.
'About that,' I inhaled, 'I should probably tell you both something,'
They were paying attention.
'So...last year was pretty rough for me as you both know,' I mumbled, 'I don't like talking about it but I should've probably told you afterwards...anyway. You know after I bullied Chris we sort of became friends?'
They nodded.
'Yeah...and we told you to keep that a secret because nobody wanted me near Chris-understandably. Well.....we weren't telling the whole truth and in other words...we were dating,' I admitted.
Both of them practically choked, 'That whole time?!' Lester gasped.
'What about Cyrus?!' Reed pushed me, 'I can't believe you'd cheat!'
'What?' I shook my head, 'No no no, we broke up when he left for school!'
The two calmed themselves with a chorus of, 'Ohhhhhh,'
'God, I'm not my dad,' I muttered, uncrossing my legs, 'Getting to the point, we're kind of...together again but I don't know how long that'll last since he's going back to school after summer.'
Reed looked smugly at me, 'Sooooo...what happened on this road trip then,' he pointed at my neck, 'You don't think I asked for his sexuality randomly do you?'
I'd forgotten about that. Self-consciously, I covered my neck with my hand, 'A lot, actually,'
'Fuck yeah!' Lester jumped off the bed and landed on the floor beside Reed, 'You finally lost your virginity, how'd you feel?'
'Ummm...the same?' I laughed, 'And I wouldn't really go so far as to say that, it wasn't really sex so,'
'What does that even mean?' Reed narrowed his eyes, 'Did you two bang or not?'
I shrugged, 'I'm not saying,'
'Why not?'
'Because you'll tease me either way!'
'Oh please! How would I do that?'
'If I say I didn't you'll call me a pussy but if I say I did then you'll tease me and ask me for details. So maybe I did, maybe I didn't,' I explained, trying to sound as neutral as possible.
Flicking my nose, Reed sighed, 'You're no fun,'
Pushing him away, I wanted to move away from the subject, 'How are you guys? I know it's only been a couple days but a lot can happen in that time so...anything new?'
Lester nodded, 'we had a...rather awkward encounter,'
The way he said that worried me, 'Christ, what did you do?'
Reed swept back his hair, 'Yeah...you know we're in the bin gang?'
'Of course I do,'
'Ok so we were kinda of a solo mission together because we saw this massive house and they looked really rich so decided to smash their bins for fun and...we did,' he bit his lip.
'Right...What was the awkward encounter then?'
Lester also appeared guilty, 'We weren't being too loud but suddenly someone appeared outside telling us to stop!'
Reed intervened, 'You have to know we had no idea it was his house, it was a pure coincidence-'
'Who was it?'
'...Cyrus,'
I've never face palmed so hard in all my life, 'What is wrong with you! Was he mad?!'
'This is Cyrus we're talking about,' Lester pointed out, 'He wasn't mad,'
'He was more shocked and terrified,' Reed said way too casually, 'But he was fine, just a bit shaken,'
I jumped to my feet, 'I have to go see if he's ok,'
'Why?'
I stopped, 'Because...you guys are my responsibility and I feel responsible,' I convinced myself that too as I left the house quickly, Reed and Lester failing to keep me.
I was confident in this decision until I got to the front door. But, despite my head screaming, I managed to knock on the door and waited in agony at seeing him up close again.
He opened the door and was shocked to see me stood there, my hands were so sweaty I wanted to die.
'Hey,' I mumbled.
'Hi,' Cyrus replied, still surprised to see me.
'I just came over to apologise about Reed and Lester...and the bin thing,' I explained, my hands in my pockets.
He leaned on the door frame, 'Oh that's ok, I know what they're like,'
'Yeah,'
We laughed a little.
'I noticed you weren't at school the past few days,' Cyrus mentioned, 'Are you ok?'
The memories of the road trip came flooding back, I coughed, 'Yeah, I just left town for a bit,'
'Oh, really?'
'Yeah me and Chris went on a road trip around Utah,'
'Cool,'
There were a few seconds of silence before I said, 'I better go but, again, I'm sorry about the bin thing,'
'It's fine, see you later,'
'Yeah, bye,'
I pivoted, leaving his house and feeling worse than before. I needed something to help me get over it, there were so many emotions swirling inside me right now that there was nowhere else to go.
Chris answered the door, 'TJ? I-'
He couldn't finish his sentence because I was kissing him before I could stop myself. Chris shut the door, our lips meeting several times before we went to his room.
Bitch.
You know the rest.
CAN NEITHER CONFIRM OR DENY
This was a bit messy- sorry about that