• Tyler •
"So when did y'all get together?" Stacy asked, lying down next to me on my bed, though she kept shifting every five seconds.
"A month ago," I mumbled, fuddling with the hem of my shirt. We never really talked about it after that day. It's not like we didn't talk, we just avoided the topic of that.
"You guys are cute together," she said, after a while. "When did you know you were attracted to guys?"
"I don't know," I said, sighing softly. "Luca made me realize that I could like guys too,"
"So he was the first guy you liked?" Stacy questioned and I felt her shift again on the bed.
"Yeah, I think,"
"How did you know you were attracted to him?" She asked, again and now I was starting to get annoyed. I didn't even understand it how could I possibly explain it to her. I just wanted to be around him all the time, he made me smile more than anyone else could and I felt comfortable with him. It didn't make sense but at the same time it made perfect sense.
"How did you know you were attracted to your boyfriend?" I said, rolling my eyes.
"Sorry," Stacy mumbled, and she shifted again.
"Would you stay still?" I hissed, getting up abruptly and she let out a small gasp.
"Sorry,"
"No, don't apologize," I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut. "I'm just stressed out right now."
"Why?" She asked, her words now laced with concern.
"I-I think I'm going to come out to everyone today," I said, I could hear my heart pounding.
"Today?" She asked, sounding taken aback. "Are you sure?"
"I don't want to feel like I'm lying to them all the fucking time," I said, tears burned my eyes.
"You're not lying to them, Tyler," she said, softly, placing her hand on my shoulder, comfortingly. "You only need to come out when you're completely ready."
"No, I am. I want to do it today," I said, trying to stop myself from overthinking too much. If I didn't tell them with the confidence I had today I was afraid I would hide from them forever. I didn't want this to be something I was ashamed of. "I've thought about it,"
"If you're sure, I'm here to back you up," Stacy said and smiled softly though my gaze was strained upward trying to stop myself from crying. "Whatever happens you'll always have me, okay?"
I nodded. "I know,"
"You're going to do it at dinner?"
"Yeah, everyone will be there today," I said, biting my lip nervously. "Dad's home early as well so this is the best day to do it,"
"You're sure right?" She asked again her voice dripping with worry.
"I am," I assured, taking a sharp breath. "I'm ready,"
Coming out was a nerve-racking process. There were so many possible outcomes it was terrifying. I read about it online, about people's experiences. Some people were lucky to have an accepting family but others were on the streets after. I knew it wouldn't be that bad even if they didn't agree with it. They wouldn't do that to me. They never were openly homophobic and I had seen my mother often sympathize with cases that were on the news about pride getting ruined and so on.
Dad was the issue. We never talked about the subject. He would crack certain homophobic jokes at times but we all knew he didn't really mean to be homophobic. It was his dad humour. It did, however, make it even more terrifying to come out to him.
Dinner seemed to come in a matter of minutes but it had definitely been longer than that. Stacy had ended up falling asleep on my shoulder when I had spent the whole time overthinking.
I nudged Stacy awake and I heard a slight groan escape her lips as she lifted her head off my shoulder. "It's time for dinner," I said, my voice shaky.
She hummed in response. I heard her get off the bed and followed her. "You ready?" She asked, abruptly stopping causing me to ram into her.
"Jeez, Stacy," I said, placing my hand on my chest. "Don't fucking stop like that,"
"Shit, sorry, Ty," she apologized.
"It's fine, I'm okay," I said, running an anxious hand through my hair. "I'm telling them,"
"Okay," She said, I could sense she was scared. I was petrified. My family meant everything to me, I couldn't lose them over this.
We both walked out of my room and my Nysa immediately ran over to us, wrapping her arms around my legs. "Tywer! John spilt paint all over his shirt today," she giggled, happily and I smiled, feeling my heart sink. I couldn't lose them.
I bent down slowly wrapping my arms around her tiny frame before lifting her up, placing a small kiss on her cheek. "That's really funny," I said, ruffling her hair causing her to let out a little giggle as she tried to push my hand away.
"Guys I made this absolutely cool new pasta recipe today," my mom said, excitedly and I heard Lucas groan.
"Another Facebook recipe?" Lucas asked and I knew he was rolling his eyes. I walked over to the table placing Nysa on my lap.
"Lucas, my cooking is great," mom protested, and I heard dad let out a laugh. "Eldon, " she warned.
"I didn't say anything," he said, I could hear that he was trying not to laugh. After a little more bickering we were eating our pasta and just as Lucas had foretold it was one my mom's infamous Facebook recipes.
I felt my heart pound in my chest as I realized that I was going to have to tell them now. I knew I could just hide it for a few more days or months but every time I was around them it felt like I was hiding something from them and I hated the feeling.
"I have something to say," I said, abruptly and the table fell silent though Nysa was still squirming around on my lap.
"What is it?" My mom asked, cautiously after a minute of silence.
I felt sick. "I'm uh, I'm-"
"Tyler," I heard Stacy say and I felt her hand gently squeeze my shoulder, reassuringly.
"I'm bisexual,"
I heard someone's fork hit their plate. I could hear my blood rushing and I felt as though I was going to pass out. Even Nysa seemed to have stopped moving around.
"You're what?" Dad asked, and I flinched at his tone.
"Eldon," mom hissed.
"Please don't hate me," I said, my voice breaking slightly.
"Don't say that, Tyler," mom said, her tone now angry. "We could never hate you this is just a lot,"
"How do you know?" dad asked, now in a softer tone.
"I-I have a boyfriend," I mumbled, lowering my head.
"You have a boyfriend?" dad asked, his voice filled with a tone I failed to comprehend. I was panicking. "How-how would you even know what you-"
"Dad," I heard Lucas say angrily and that was the first time I heard him say anything after I said it.
Dad didn't say anything for a while.
"We accept you, Tyler," mom said, and I heard her voice waver. I heard the chair scrape against the floor before I felt my mother wrap her arms around me. I felt Nysa shift on my lap before I felt her kiss my cheek with a giggle.
"Yeah, it's okay," dad said, now seeming to have calmed down.
"This doesn't change anything," Lucas said, and I a smile took over my face. I felt Stacy entwine her fingers with mine and I felt at ease.
It was okay. They were okay with it. They were okay with me.
• • •
:)
-Anya