Nate had been in a better mood ever since he had uploaded his grief video. I knew that he sometimes thought of YouTube as therapeutic. He had a great platform to share stories and ask for support and I knew how much every view, thumbs up and nice comment meant to him.
Life hadn’t slowed down for him though and he seemed busier than ever with tons of meetings. I was having a quite relaxed time, just enjoying running my blog but it still felt rather odd that I didn’t have to get up for anything early in the morning anymore. I considered going back to university in the New Year since my photography hadn’t quite taken off yet.
Today, I had something to look forward to. It was the launch night of Zoe’s book Girl Online and I had been so excited for the book for so long. I had wanted to ask her for an early copy but had restrained myself.
I had only heard her talk about the book and its characters but I was sure that I would love it. It was about a girl running an anonymous blog, falling in love and then being exposed. Sometimes I reminded me of Nate and I’s story. I knew Zoe had been working on it before she ever really met me and I wasn’t like Penny in a lot of senses but at times it felt as if she was my fictional alter ego. I was so excited to read her journey.
I heard my lock turn and Nate entered my sister’s and my flat. I heard her greet him in from the living room. Emma had been bouncing off the walls in excitement of Zoe’s book as well though she never read books. She didn’t have the patience and was a big supporter of Audible.com. Nevertheless I had promised that she could see the book when I got back if I got a copy at the party. We had both pre-ordered them from Amazon as well so hopefully we would have them in our hands shortly.
“You look lovely,” Nate said as he entered the room and went up to hug me from behind.
I was standing in front of Emma’s full-length mirror and I could see our reflection. He was quite a bit taller than me and even with my small wedges the height difference was noticeable. Still, he leaned in and placed his head on my shoulder as his arms squeezed me tight.
“So do you,” I told him. He somehow managed to look good in both in worn-out sweats or smart outfits like the dress shirt and jeans he was wearing now.
I on the other hand could never decide whether I looked good or not and usually ended up asking Emma for advice. I trusted her judgement on fashion more than Nate’s since he would tell me that I looked good in anything.
As if she had sensed my need for her, Emma popped her head into her room.
“You look really nice, Abbey,” she said immediately. I was wearing black leggings and a gold cashmere sweater.
“Now get going and don’t forget to snap me photos at the party!” Emma said and ushered us out of the room.
Nate and I started laughing simultaneously but did as we were told. We jumped in a taxi and drove to Penguin’s headquarters where the party were being held. As always I had made sure that we were early.
Turned out that we were so early that Zoe was still doing press stuff in a different room and guests weren’t allowed up in the party room yet. Nate gave me a ‘I told you so’ look before pulling out his phone.
He had just told me on the way here that I had planned too much time for travelling and we would arrive way to early. I stuck out my tongue at him and gave him an overexcited smile.
“Hey Alfie,” Nate said on the phone. “Yeah, we’re here already. Any chance you can get us in?”
Not five minutes later Alfie greeted us. He pulled Nate into a quick hug and then me. He gave some of the best hugs and I considered him one of my best guy friends. He was so goddamn loyal and supportive that it was impossible not to love that boy.
“Are you excited, Alfie?” I asked him, almost jumping as I walked because I was too excited.
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s so crazy that Zoe’s releasing a book! She’s been working so hard on it for so long.”
I nodded and wanted to ask him what he thought of the book because surely Zoe had given him a copy. I didn’t because I knew that like most of the other boys of the YouTube crew, he was a slow reader and I didn’t want to put him in an awkward situation.
The room looked great but I couldn’t help compare it to Zoe’s launch for her beauty products and this was definitely ‘less Zoe’. I knew that it was probably penguin that had arranged the setup and maybe they didn’t know Zoe that well.
I walked in and saw Zoe in the corner holding a book over her head and I was about to walk in her direction when I realised that it was a cardboard cut-out. It was completely life-size and the surprise made me literally fall on my bum.
Nate and Alfie stopped in their tracks and helped pick me up but they couldn’t hide their chuckles as I pointed at the Zoe-figure with my mouth wide open.
“Don’t worry,” Alfie assured me. “It has scared me a few times too.”
Slowly but surely people started arriving and Nate was clearly in his element. A lot of his YouTube friends that he didn’t get to see as often had come to support Zoe and he loved catching up with them. He was the kind of guy that thrives in social situations while I’m a party wall hugger.
I wanted to steal away one of the copies of the book and bury my nose in it. I didn’t though because if I did surely Nate would abandon all other and come be by my side. So I put on a smile and tried to enjoy the party. Every one was really nice but I didn’t know so many of the people here.
I started to count the people I knew and ended on thirteen; Nate, Zoe, Alfie, Joe, Caspar, Marcus, Niomi, Tanya, Jim, Louis, SacconeJolys and Dom.
Soon it was time for speeches and I found Nate and stood besides him as a Penguin representative, Dom and Zoe all gave short speeches. Nate’s hand was firmly placed around my waist the entire time and his fingers drew small circles and somehow the action really made me calm down.
“You must remember to let me know if you’re feeling uncomfortable,” he whispered to me.
I looked into his worried eyes and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
“I promise,” I told him.
I actually felt a lot better after our little promise and only once did I need to pull Nate aside for support. I got to chat with Joe, Caspar, Marcus and Jim and I wondered how I had never been able to make male friends before meeting Nate. Granted, these were mostly Nate’s friends but I felt, as I was their friend now too.
Later on the balcony, I was chatting with Zoe and Tanya and they had the same excitement level as me about the book. Zoe even said that whoever of her friends read it first would be at the very top of her friend pyramid.
“I’ll finish it first,” I told her.
“No, I’ll finish it first!” Tanya insisted.
“But you’re busy with meetings and stuff and I have the day off tomorrow. I’m confident that it’s one of those books that you can’t put down and finish in one sitting,” I said.
“That’s not fair,” Tanya mumbled but kept a smile on her face. “I’ll finish it before Nimbob then!”
We broke into laughter and Zoe pulled both Tanya and I into a hug.
“You’re so amazing,” she told us and her words touched me more than she could know.
“Of course, this is a huge deal!” I told her. “And from what I’ve heard it might be just what unsure teenagers need as a guidance. I might have peeked on the first chapter,” I confessed.
The rest of the night I seemed to be laughing all the time but stayed mostly near Nate. That boy was my safety net and I only really wandered if I wanted to take photos. Ever since the summer vacation, I had been updating my blog twice or thrice a week and it more and more felt as a diary to me.
Obviously, I didn’t put really personal stuff on the Internet but it was a way to document a day or a moment all captured in photos. Although I hadn’t managed to book more photography-jobs, more and more people had started viewing my blog and companies occasionally reached out to me for sponsorships. I knew this was necessary to survive as a full time blogger but I was scared that my readers might think of me as a sell out. I didn’t ever think of anyone from the YouTube crew like that when they did sponsored things but I still cared way too much about what strangers thought although I had gotten better.
Some people are just born with thicker skin or learn to grow it really quickly but I didn’t seem to be one of those people. Putting yourself out there honestly is one of the scariest things you could ever have to do.
“Hey,” Nate suddenly said behind be and made me jump. “You have you’re thinking frown on. What’s up?”
I gave him a small smile. “Just thinking about my blog and how brave everyone here is, especially you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve just put out a super emotional video about losing a loved one and here I am worrying what people would think if I do something sponsored on my blog.”
It sounded even more stupid if you said it out loud. Nate pulled me into a hug.
“You care, that’s one of your best qualities but you just can’t let it rule your life. I’ve been doing YouTube for a long time and I think of my viewers as friends that I can share almost anything with. I don’t know if that a good or bad thing considering I can’t control which people watch my videos. You have to do your blog the way you want to do it. If you want to do sponsorships or not, that’s solely your decision and there isn’t a wrong answer.”
I hid my face against chest. How did that boy always know what to say?
“What to head home? It’s getting late and people are leaving.”
I nodded and we started going around and saying goodbye to everyone. Lastly, we found Zoe and Alfie.
“We’re heading home. This was amazing, thanks for inviting us,” Nate said and pulled Zoe into a hug while I got one of Alfie’s famous hugs.
“Of course, you’re some of my best friends,” Zoe said. “Bye Abbey,” she said as she pulled me into a hug. “Remember to tell me what you think of the book as soon as you finish it, okay?”
I nodded violently. “Of course! Trust me, I’ll be either writing you a five-page text or talk your ear off. I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say. I love the first chapter already. I love lists as much as the next girl.”
I kept my word to Zoe and called her already the next afternoon. I had sat down with the book in the morning and read cover to cover within six hours. I thought it was absolutely amazing and that taken some twist that I didn’t anticipate at all. I loved all the characters and especially Elliot had me laughing out loud multiple times.
I felt honoured that I knew the author and had been allowed to see her writing process although from a far. I had always loved writing and writing a novel had been a child aspiration of mine. To see a success story so close to home just warmed my heart and I loved how everyone in the YouTube community came together to help support Zoe. It was truly magical.
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I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D Like Abbey, I read Girl Online in one sitting and I really, really liked it. Have any of you read the book? :)
I've added a photo of Zoe at the event and Alfie's vlog. :)