chapter eighteen: could've fooled me
TUESDAY EVENING. Work had gone by slow. Calum had woke up feeling unwell, so our filming schedule had been pushed back a day. Luke and I hadn't talked since we finished filming yesterday; after he let it slip that we knew each other, he seemed to turn off. I tried saying something to him after, but one thing led to another, and it seemed like he ran off to avoid me. I thought about talking to Molly and asking her to edit out the parts about Luke and me, but I knew it wouldn't do much good.
Madalyn had been home whenever I got back, but she left for Howie's about an hour later. Since then, I had been on the couch mindlessly watching whatever was on. Knowing I was going to be alone for the rest of the night, I felt restless. I wanted something to do, but couldn't think of anything.
I looked down at my phone and bit my lip gently before taking a leap; I picked up my phone and called Luke.
I hadn't even planned what I was going to say to him, but I was hoping that the right thing would come out once he answered. If he answered.
After about the third ring, I was giving up hope, but suddenly Luke answered and put my nerves to ease.
"Hey," Luke answered coolly. "What's up?"
"Hey, uh—this is really random, but would you maybe like to come over?" I asked Luke and then immediately replayed the words in my head, hoping they didn't sound weird. "Madalyn's out for the night and I'm bored out of my mind... I thought maybe we could hang out?" Luke let out a charming laugh and I smiled at the noise.
"Uh—yeah? I don't see why that might be a bad idea," Luke joked which caused my cheeks to heat up in a blush. "Yeah, I'd like to... should I come now?"
"If that works for you... that would be great," I told Luke as I nodded my head.
"You know, I hope this doesn't revoke my invitation, but—I'd really like it if we could talk about the shit show that was yesterday." My heart began to pound, but I knew I wanted to talk about things as well. I wasn't so sure about telling him about Tony, but we could at least discuss the video.
"We'll talk, then," I told Luke. "Just text me when you're here, okay? The door's open, so you can just let yourself in."
"Okay, see you soon." Luke ended the call and I quietly sighed as I took the phone away from my ear. I gave my attention to the cooking competition show that was currently playing on the television and couldn't help but find myself getting invested. As the episode continued, I decided that some woman named Kelly was the only one who deserved to win—if she didn't, I'd throw a fit.
Just as Kelly lost the final round, my phone buzzed. I looked down to see Luke was here and I didn't even have time to be upset about Kelly's loss.
As I waited for Luke to come up, I impatiently bounced my leg and kept checking my phone.
I heard the door open about two minutes later and I stood up, wanting to walk over to meet him halfway. We bumped into each other and Luke jumped at my presence.
"Fuck, you scared me," he said through a laugh. "Hey."
"Hey," I said, laughing as well. "Sorry."
"It's okay," he said, brushing it off. "You doing okay?" he asked me as he slowly turned me around and gave me the idea that he wanted to go sit down. I laughed at his way of telling me and led him to the couch.
"Yeah... I'm good. And you?" I asked him once I took a seat.
"I'm fine," he said with a shrug as he sat down beside me. "I'm sorry for fucking things up yesterday."
"What?" I asked, surprised to hear him sound so genuinely upset. "No, Luke... don't be sorry. We handled it the best we could. If we had hidden it then, it would've come out at some point. Pat was relentless, he wasn't going to stop until he got what he wanted."
"Did he... already know what he wanted?" Luke asked me, seeming suspicious of me.
"What do you mean?" I asked Luke, my heart beginning to pound.
"Did he somehow know?" Luke clarified and I simply shook my shoulders; I couldn't give him an honest answer because I had no idea. "Is there a way he would've somehow known?" Luke continued to interrogate me and I felt my heartbeat all throughout my body. I wanted to tell him about what happened with Tony, but I didn't want him to get mad at me.
"I don't know how he could have—"
"Jos, you're not being honest with me," Luke speculated and I bit my lip, holding back nervous tears.
"Tony knows." The words rushed out of my mouth and I couldn't believe I had given in so easily.
"What?" Luke asked, seeming panicked.
"She was in a meeting with Emma yesterday morning, and Emma accidentally made a comment about you and me seeing each other outside of the office. Tony called me in about it and—"
"God, Josie, I told you we couldn't trust to tell someone in the office. I told you that." Luke didn't sound mad but he sounded genuinely disappointed, which I thought was worse. Before I could pull myself together, my face began to twist, and soon I was crying. It wasn't necessarily Luke's fault, but I hadn't let any of my nervous energy about it out, and I hadn't let any angry tears out either. "Oh, Josie... it's okay." Luke moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me before pulling me into his chest. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay," I told him, not wanting him to think this was solely his fault. "I'm just really overwhelmed and stressed about it." I didn't pull away from Luke completely, but I distanced myself enough that I could look up at him. "Luke, I don't know what to do."
"What do you mean?" he asked me, seeming confused.
"When Tony called me in, she was trying to persuade me to write an article about you. Then told me that I could get a promotion if I did—obviously, I don't want to do anything to upset you, but I don't trust her. I'm scared if I don't write it, she'll find some way to push me down the ladder in terms of my career. God, she was being so awful about it." I let out a harder sob and Luke held me tighter. He let me cry things out for a minute before saying anything else to me.
"Look at me," Luke spoke softly as he pulled away and lifted my chin. "We'll figure this thing out, okay? Together. Thank you for telling me about it."
"You're too fucking nice to me," I said, laughing through my tears, which caused Luke to laugh as well. "I'm really sorry. I'm sure you'd be better off without me causing messes in your life."
"Hey, don't say that," Luke said as he tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "I put up with you because I think you're worth it... even if I'm crazy for thinking it." He smiled sweetly at me and I sent him a sad smile, my eyes glancing down at his lips for just a second—I hoped he hadn't noticed.
"You know, Tony told me I should just write the article because you'd forget about me by the end of the summer," I told Luke, laughing cheaply as I thought back to her words. "That was her motivation for me to write the article... that you'd forget about me either way." Luke laughed cheaply as well and looked away for a moment, shaking his head slowly.
"I don't think I'll be forgetting about you any time soon," Luke told me, not bothering to look at me as he spoke. My eyebrows furrowed at Luke's words and how he said them; he nearly sounded offended that Tony would think such a thing. I was just about to ask Luke a follow-up question when he turned to look at me and spoke: "Do you have any puzzles?"
"Uh... yeah, actually," I said, laughing off my surprise at his sudden excitement to do a puzzle. "You want to do a puzzle?"
"Yes," Luke said, nodding eagerly. "How about you get the puzzle and I'll go make us... coffee? Do you want some coffee? I feel like making coffee." Before I could even respond to Luke, he had gotten off the couch and walked out of the room.
I was left puzzled by his actions.
"You know, the video goes out in thirty minutes!" I yelled out to Luke as I walked into the hallway on the opposite side of the apartment, where the spare room was.
"Do you want to watch it?" Luke asked, his voice raised loud enough for me to hear.
"Hell no," I told him, laughing to myself. "But I think Twitter will be a mess." I opened the closet door inside the spare room and grabbed two puzzles that Madalyn and I had randomly bought in the last year. We had never sat down to do them, though.
"You wanna boycott Twitter for the day?" I laughed at Luke's words and didn't respond until I peeked into the kitchen.
"I think my curiosity might get the best of me, but I'll try." Luke looked over his shoulder and sent me a smile. I continued to the living room and placed the puzzle boxes on the coffee table. I set some pillows on either side of the table so that we could sit there, instead of reaching from the couch. "Do you regret accidentally saying something?" I asked Luke, hoping that I had been loud enough.
"Not yet," Luke said as he walked into the room, two coffee cups in his hands. "I was thinking I was a huge fucking idiot at the time... but I thought about it a lot last night. Even if we had done something stupid like admitting you are the mystery girl... so what? I mean, it's no one's business and it's not like anyone would be ashamed to have their name tied to you romantically, or in any way." Luke handed me my coffee and I thanked him as I took it. "If we hadn't ended things, I think I'd be a little more freaked out."
"I guess that makes sense," I said with a shrug. Luke sat down between the couch and the coffee table and I took a seat on the opposite side, across from him.
"Imagine our lives if we hadn't met before the interview... I would've asked you out," Luke told me without hesitation. He was busying himself with choosing between the puzzles and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"I would've rejected you." Luke immediately looked up at me and gasped, which caused me to laugh. "I'm kidding."
"No, it's fine... you probably would've held out hope for Calum," Luke fired back with a shrug. I lost my playful smile and suddenly bit my lower lip.
"Luke—I didn't kiss Calum because I like him," I admitted, hoping we could talk about it.
"Oh, did you not? You could've fooled me."
"Luke, don't be an ass." As he looked up at me and met my stare, he finally realized I was being serious. "If I could take it back, I would. I wish it hadn't happened."
"He didn't come onto you, did he?" Luke asked, suddenly seeming mad.
"No, Luke," I said, shaking my head. "I just want you to know that I didn't do it because I was unsatisfied with... you." I sighed and suddenly wished I hadn't brought it up. "I'm not interested in Calum, although he'd probably be less complicated than you."
"Are you insinuating that you're interested in me?"
"No, I am not," I said, shaking my head as I shut down Luke's comment. "Forget I said anything, okay? Let's just do this." Luke and I started to work on the puzzle he had chosen; it was a dog puzzle. We were about five minutes in when Luke and I reached for the same piece.
"You telling me that sort of invalidates my whole decision to end things between us," Luke said as he slowly took his hand away from mine.
"You seemed to really want to make the decision... I didn't feel like I was able to stop you. Either of us could potentially meet someone that we're interested in soon, so it's still valid." I simply shrugged my shoulders and continued working on the puzzle. Luke stayed silent as he continued to work as well and I tried to think of something else to say, to hopefully change the subject.
"We always wanted to be just friends, right? So this is for the best." I looked up at Luke to see him looking at me and I nodded, wanting to agree with him.
"Yeah, Luke... it's for the best," I agreed and he nodded as well, seeming to need my validation. I took a sip of my coffee and decided to reach for the TV remote, wanting to change the channel. "What do you want to watch?"
"I don't care," Luke said. "Do you want to come sit over here so you can see?"
"No, I don't want you to move."
"I don't have to move." I looked over my shoulder to see that Luke was moving over, to create more room on the other side. I shrugged my shoulders and got up to move next to Luke. Madalyn and I had started to rewatch Friends, so I decided to resume from where we left off.
"Do you like puzzles?" I asked Luke, still finding it funny that he had suggested it.
"They're calming," he told me, which caused me to laugh. "Are you judging my activities?" Luke asked as he concentrated on putting two pieces together.
"No... but I am judging you for thinking that those pieces go together because they clearly do not."
"Yes, they do!" Luke argued, continuing to try to put them in place.
"You're delusional, Luke," I told him as I tried to get the pieces away from him before he broke one of them. He tried getting me away from him which sent us both into a fit of giggles.
"Stop it!" Luke said through his laughter. "You're gonna break something."
"Me? You're going to break the puzzle!" Luke stretched out his arms, so that I couldn't reach, and took the pieces apart. He brought them back down, rotated one of them, and tried again. The piece clicked into place and Luke smiled triumphantly. "You drive me nuts."
"You like it," Luke told me with a shrug. I shook my head in amusement and continued to work on the puzzle.
Luke and I continued to work on the puzzle for the next hour—we were about a third of the way done and were becoming exhausted. We had taken a couple of breaks to give our attention to the television, and I oftentimes had to explain to Luke what the conflict was. He was annoyed by Rachel, but also kept telling me that she reminded him of me.
Being a Rachel was both a blessing and a curse.
We had also abandoned the floor and were sitting on the edge of the couch. Luke suddenly started to move around and before long, he was lying down and he placed his head in my lap.
"Can I help you?" I asked as I looked down at him.
"I'm tired," he pouted. I gave up and finally laid back, giving my back the support it had been craving for the last thirty minutes. I started to mindlessly play with Luke's hair as I looked toward the television, and he seemed content with staying where he was. "I miss Madalyn."
"Me too," I said, laughing quietly at his statement. "Sorry she's not here."
"It's okay... she was kind of the only reason I agreed to come, but—"
"Shut up," I told Luke as I very gently flicked his head. Despite the gentle nature, he made a scene over my action and I playfully rolled my eyes as he started to fake cry. He calmed down and we went back to watching the show. Luke rolled over onto his side and cuddled my leg as he continued to get comfortable.
"I'm glad you came over," I told Luke, genuinely feeling happy that he was here. Part of me was hoping we'd somehow end up a little more involved by the end of the night—I didn't want to feel that way, but it was hard for me to not lust after him.
"Yeah... I'm glad you asked me over." Luke almost seemed hesitant to respond. I stayed quiet for a couple more moments and bit my lip as I looked down at Luke.
"I've already started to miss you, Luke." I heard him sigh quietly and within seconds, he had pushed himself up and away from me.
"Don't, Josie," Luke said, looking me in the eyes as he began to shake his head. "We can't be friends unless that is completely over. And it is—we are completely over."
"Okay, Luke... I get it." I sighed and tried not to make eye contact with him. The both of us stayed silent, which caused me to feel nervous. I looked over at him and took in his side profile.
Looking at him, I knew I had deeper feelings for him. Feelings that I wasn't exactly ready to disclose and feelings that I wished I didn't have.
"You know, I'm really tired... maybe we should call it a night," I told Luke.
"Are you upset with me?" Luke asked, looking back at me. I shook my head and sent him a sad smile.
"No, not at all. I just haven't been sleeping very well... so I should get to bed early," Luke searched all around my face, for a reason I wasn't sure of, until he began to nod.
"Okay," he said. "I am really glad that you called... we should do little things like this more."
"Yeah, I'd like that," I told him, smiling as I nodded.
"Stay away from Twitter, alright? But if you don't... you can call me to complain, because any drama will be my fault." I laughed quietly but told him I would. Luke stood up and stretched out his back, causing his shirt to come up ever so slightly. I quickly diverted my eyes and cursed at myself for being unable to think of Luke in a friendly manner. "Gimme a hug."
"I never knew you were so needy." I stood up and Luke immediately wrapped his arms around me. My only goal was to not melt in his arms, which was genuinely difficult. Luke pulled away with a smile on his face and I smiled back.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"You sure will," I told him. We started to walk to the door together.
"Bye, Jos," Luke said as he opened the door. As he walked out, I grabbed the door handle.
"Bye, Luke." I waved just before Luke turned around and I quickly shut the door behind him. I locked the door and turned around, leaning my back against the door.
Fuck, I thought. I have feelings for Luke Hemmings.
a/n:
1/2 has finally admitted their feelings !!!.......to themselves, at least !!!!
ummmmmm i simply can't stop writing this ?? and i'm glad !! but also ... i have no clue where this motivation came from !! it is genuinely crazy to me.
i have updated so much that i no longer have anything to add to these author notes
like idk what to say in these ?? i usually just dump my chaotic energy into them
umm i will say that i appreciate the stevie love from last chapter !!! i also love him w/ my whole heart
just wanted to let you all know