Aela is...Shy? But how? Why? I don't understand. My heart racing, I tear out of his bed and grab my clothes throwing them on. Shy comes out of the bathroom and looks at me weird.
"Where are you going?"
"I've made my decision, Shy. No need for you to lose sleep."
"What?" he asks confused.
"We're through."
"What...why?!"
Shy grabs my arm to stop me from leaving, but quickly lets me go when my eyes narrow on his hand tight around my biceps. I grab his phone off the bed and hold it up displaying the AnimeSpeak notification.
His eyes dilate, "I can explain."
"Are you Aela?"
"Luna...,"
"Answer me!" I scream, knowing the answer.
"Yes," he swallows hard.
"That's all I need to know," my voice wobbles.
"Stop. Please, Luna. I know I don't deserve anything from you, but I beg you to let me explain. Please...," his voice trails off.
My head hurts, my stomach hurts, my heart hurts. How could he do this to me? He's right. I need him to explain. I need to understand. There's nothing he can say that's going to change the decision I've come to, but at least he can give me an explanation so I can have closure. I cross my arms. The relief is visible in his entire body.
It's damn hard to concentrate with him standing in front of me with just a towel. He needs to put some clothes on, but I don't want to stand in his house longer than necessary. He needs to start talking.
"You have five minutes."
"The night I met you, it was hard for me to speak to you. You captivated me. I didn't want my friends to see how much you affected me. But they already knew. Carter accused me of not being able to speak with women because he's never seen me in an actual relationship. The rest of the guys agreed, and that's when they bet me to form a relationship with someone."
"I was a fucking bet?!"
"No! No. Please, Luna, I don't deserve it, but please let me finish."
I nod my head for him to go on despite the fact I feel like I'm suffocating. This sort of thing only happens in movies and books. How is this happening? I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.
"I said I was unwilling to fool someone in real life. That's when Tyler suggested AnimeSpeak. His sister plays, and so he knew all about it. They set up my avatar and gave it a name. I was supposed to prove I had a conversation with someone and that would be the end of it. Except it wasn't. I met you. After a few conversations with Rose, I...I figured out it was you. Because of that, I never showed them our conversations. In fact, I think they forgot about the bet or figured I wasn't doing it. They haven't asked. Anyway, as I got closer to you on the app and in real life, I noticed that you never open up to me about stuff. But you have no problem opening up to Aela."
My teeth grit together. He's right. I don't open up to him. Aela kept encouraging me to, but I didn't listen. Little did I know Aela is Shy! I don't know how to feel.
"I figured if I kept Aela around, you would tell her things that I might be able to use to help our relationship. I know that's fucked up. I know. I just couldn't stop talking to you as Aela."
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
Shy runs his hands through his hair, his jaw ticking. He's quiet. He's looking everywhere except me.
"Shy! Were you ever going to tell me?"
His eyes are full of guilt, "No. I was going to delete my avatar."
"Without warning me?"
"Yes."
"Amazing," I slap my hands down at my sides. "Aela sure was sweet on the internet. I'm going to miss her. I really am. She's just too different in real life for me. Goodbye, Shiloh Mortenson."
I grab my phone and leave his bedroom, run down his stairs and out the front door. I can hear him calling after me, but I don't look back. If he knows what's good for him, he'll let me go.
The walk from his house to my dorm isn't that far. I can easily call Kiki, but I need the air. I need the time to clear my thoughts and figure out how to tell Kiki what happened. She's going to go crazy on Shy once she hears what he's done. Hopefully, she'll mind her business on this one. I need to figure this out by myself.
When I get back to my place, I'm surprised to see Kiki and Alex cuddled up on the couch watching t.v. Great. Now they'll want to know why I'm home.
"Hey girlfriend. I'm surprised you're home."
"Where's your Squishmallow?" Alex asks pointing to Kiki's, and she squishes it with a smile.
"I have something to say and once I say it, I don't want any interference from either of you. Okay?"
Kiki sits up, "What's going on?"
She sees the tears in my eyes and is on full alert. This is what I didn't want.
"Shy and I are no longer together. Something happened that I'm not ready to talk about, so don't push me. I want to be left alone. And don't call him either. Let it be because I'm the one who broke it off, and this is a final decision. Good night."
When I start to march back to my room Kiki jumps up.
"Hold the phone. You're not gonna make demands of me. I wanna know what the hell happened, and you're gonna give me those answers whether you like it or not. Are you hurt?"
"Look who's making demands," I fold my arms over my chest.
"Don't try me, Luna. Answer the question."
"I'm not doing shit. Leave me the fuck alone." I've never yelled at Kiki before. Nor have I ever swore like this, but it can't be helped. She's really pushing me to my limits. Can't she see I'm hurt? Can't she see the man I love, betrayed me? No. She can't, because I haven't told her what happened.
"I'm gonna give you a pass on that. Do it again and see how far you get. Alex, leave."
She doesn't bother to look at her boyfriend, her eyes are like lasers boring a hole into my head. Alex doesn't hesitate with grabbing his jacket, shoes and keys. He doesn't even take the time to kiss Kiki goodnight or say one word to me. He just bolts out of our place. That's when I break. Every emotion pours out of me, and I crumble to the floor.
Kiki rushes over and practically picks me up and over to the couch where we huddle together under the covers. She lets me cry for what feels like hours. I can't catch my breath. I can't make sense out of any of this. I'm mad, sad, scared and confused all at the same time.
"Shh. Luna. Please tell me what happened," she coos.
And I don't hold back a single detail from what my mother said to me to everything between Shy and I tonight. Everything. My heart is shattered. I'm exhausted by the time I finish with my miserable story and Kiki is quiet.
"Kiki, I'm sorry for talking to you the way that I did."
"You don't need to apologize. Forget it. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, Luna, but I need to say something and you're not gonna like it."
I wave my hand at her, "Just say it."
"First of all, what your mother said to you is far worse than what Shy did. Your mother has no right deciding who you're with. That's your decision. If she won't pay for your college, we'll figure something out. You always have a home with me. Okay?"
I nod with a sniff.
"Secondly, I understand the reason for why Shy made that account. Those guys were just doing a dumb experiment that wasn't designed to hurt anyone. If you think about it, Shy agreed to doing it over an app to avoid a situation. So, I wouldn't be mad at him for that. As far as him figuring out he was talking to you and keeping it a secret, I'm just not so sure how serious this is."
"How can you say that, Kiki? My privacy feels so invaded. I'm embarrassed."
"I get it. I do. But he wasn't talking to you under false pretenses to hurt you. It's obvious he cares very much for you otherwise he wouldn't have used the app to try to help you. You weren't communicating with him in the real world and it's pretty clear he wants this relationship to work. So he was using whatever means possible. I kind of understand that and don't fault him. I don't know."
"I feel like you're siding with him because of Alex."
"I'm not. I promise you. It's just, Shy is a really great guy under the rough exterior. It's obvious he has some demons, but you two together are great. Please don't close your mind off to him permanently. I get it if you need some time, just don't write him off is all I'm saying."
My mind goes to the last conversation I had with Aela, or Shy. He talked about his father. It all makes sense now. I saw that medication in his medicine cabinet. It's heart medication. Now I know why. His father could have killed him. Kiki is right that he has some demons. No wonder he has an anger problem. I feel bad for him on that, but it doesn't excuse his deception. At least in my mind it doesn't. I need time. I need to be free of drama and distractions. What time is it? Ten thirty. My mother is still awake. I should call her and assure her I'm not with Shy. I need one problem off my back tonight before I go to sleep.
"I'm gonna go call my mother and tell her I broke up with Shy. I don't need money problems right now on top of all of this drama."
"I agree. Come back out here when you're done. We can have a sleep over in the living room and stay here all day tomorrow and chill."
Sitting on my bed, I drag in a deep breath and dial my parents' number. They still have a landline for some reason. I think it's probably because my mom uses a fax machine or some crap. Whatever. Why do I even care? I shake my head.
Marianne: Luna? Is everything all right? It's late.
Luna: Hi mother. Yeah, everything is fine now.
Marianne: What do you mean, dear?
Luna: I broke up with Shy tonight. I just wanted you to know.
Marianne: You know just because you tell me this doesn't mean I believe you, Luna. I'm going to have to monitor you.
Luna: Monitor me all you want, mother. The truth is, I didn't even want to break things off with him, but we had a massive fight we can't recover from. So the problem took care of itself.
Marianne: That makes me feel very relieved. You'll see with time, it was the right decision to make.
Luna: Yeah. I'm going to go. Like you said, it's late.
Marianne: Let's do lunch over the weekend.
Luna: Fine. Bye.
I don't give my mother time to say anything else to me and hang up the phone. I hate to say this, but what a bitch. How have I been so blind to this all these years? I'm too tired to explore the thought. Kiki is right. I need distraction. Throwing on my pajamas and grabbing some stuffed animals and pillows, I head back into the living room where she's already pulled the sofa bed out and popped some popcorn.
"Anime?" she asks.
"Definitely."
"Kamisama Kiss it is," she winks.
-#-
I fucked up. Royally. Fucked. Up. This is why I don't do relationships. This is why I don't get involved with drama. My life was great before I spotted her. It was drama free. It was pain free. My chest never felt caved in. My stomach was never nauseated. My brain never pounded against my skull.
I had my work, my education, money, free time. I came and went when and where I pleased, and I fucked whoever I wanted. All I had to do was point.
Everything changed when I decided to go to that party. I was seconds from not going that night. Had I not, I would have never seen her. I would have had my great life. Instead of laying naked in my bed alone as I am right now, I would have had a random bitch with me to satisfy my needs for the night. And she would have left in the morning the way I prefer.
But, no. Fact of the matter is, I did go to that party and I did see her. When I saw her, all I could think was that she was the most striking woman I've ever seen. She was so plain, unlike what I'm used to. Next to nothing for makeup. Her clothes were ultra conservative. She reminded me of a pilgrim with that black dress and doily for a collar, for fuck sake. But that's what attracted me to her. It was her innocence. She's so pure and clean and gorgeous.
I've never felt so territorial before. Just my laying eyes on her was my claim in my mind. No one was allowed to touch her. She was mine. And now, I've managed to lose her. I did that all by myself. How many times has my subconscious told me to stop using that fucking app? How many? I've lost count.
A voice at the back of my head, or was it in my gut, kept telling me to delete the app. Delete the app, Shiloh. Delete the app. But no. Shiloh Mortenson didn't listen. Why? Why didn't I? Why did I insist on intruding or spying on her most intimate thoughts? She must feel so embarrassed.
That's what hurts the most. I, of all people, am responsible for embarrassing her. For hurting her. How could I do such a thing? I'm selfish. Controlling. I have to be. Why else would I continue such behavior?
I have to fix this. I have to figure out a way to get Luna to forgive me. I love her. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her. There was a connection or a feeling that went through me the moment our eyes locked. She has to know this.
"Shy!"
Alex is coming up the stairs. He's the only one with the key to my place. I don't answer him. My body feels too heavy to move or respond to my best friend, so I continue to simply lay. I have to figure everything out. Even if I have to stay up all night. I have to sort this mess out and get my girlfriend back.
"Hey, Shy. Oh! Fuck me. Cover that thing, dude."
Alex closes his eyes and tries to feel his way around the room til he finds the chair and sits down.
"Is it covered? Please tell me it is. Okay, I'm gonna...I'm gonna open my eyes now. God dammit, Shy. I said cover it!" Alex whines.
He walked into my house unannounced. I don't want to move. I don't care about anything. I hear Alex get up and open my dresser drawer then feel material cover my body.
"Put on your sweats. Come on, dude. Kiki kicked me out when Luna got home, and I have no clue what's going on. Enlighten me."
Alex is my best friend. He deserves to know. Plus, I need his help. If anyone can help me, it's probably not him. But I know the dude will go down in flames trying. Pulling on my sweat pants, I tap him on the shoulder to let him know he can uncover his eyes and follow me downstairs.
"What are we gonna call this?"
"What do you mean?"
"Anytime Kiki goes on a mission, she gives it a name."
I raise my eyebrow at him.
"We gotta call it something, dude. How 'bout, Operation Get Luna Back."
"How original," I snort.
"Thanks, man. Now, we better activate this mission sooner rather than later."
"Ya think?" Breathe in and out, Shy. He's my best friend and only trying to help. Don't kill him.
"Mhm. Once every dude finds out Luna dumped your ass, they're gonna be sniffing 'round her door. Especially Eric."
Fuck me. Mission, Operation Get Luna Back...activate.