Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming...
-Alice Walker
Serena turned her hand over on her knee and looked at the worn leather along the creases of her palms. The gloves had served her well, surviving several years of clenched fists and lashing out in anger. She ran a finger along a crack in the black leather, it traced the long horizontal crease along the top of her palm, just under where her fingers bent. It was the weakest point, having suffered through bend after bend, she couldn't blame the glove for wearing out.
"Is your life really so boring that you would rather look at a glove than talk to people?" Poe's voice pulled Serena from her hyper fixation on her glove.
She looked up just as Poe scooted behind the second row of seating towards her. He had two to-go cups without lids so she could see the steam rising from them.
"Maybe the people here aren't worth my conversation," She countered as she reached out to take the dangerously full cups from him. Her fingers momentarily over lapped his, but her trusty gloves stopped her from feeling anything other than the heat through the cups. "Two cups of coffee? Late night last night?" She asked as she waited for him to sit next to her before she handed them back off.
He took one cup, but pushed the other back towards her. "Actually, that one is tea, for you."
Serena's eyebrows knitted together as she pulled the cup towards her to look over the lip. The sweet scent of earl grey wafted towards her and made her stomach growl.
"How did you-"
"You act like I'm blind and deaf," He chuckled as he took a small sip of his black coffee. Serena watched carefully for the moment the coffee touched his lips. He winced and lowered the coffee to his knee. "I see how you practically fall asleep in these things-" He looked towards the slow filling auditorium.
Serena looked around too to see people sitting several rows behind her while the seats all around her remained empty. She pretended not to be hurt by it.
"I thought a little tea might help get you through another meeting." Poe sent her a crooked grin as he went back in for his overly hot coffee.
Serena watched him shamelessly. Again, she had the aching feeling that she wrote Poe off all wrong. Sure, he was reckless and impulsive, but he also noticed small details and cared enough to put in effort. Poe was many things, but a simpleton wasn't one of them. He was far more complex than she originally gave him credit for, and each time she spoke to him she found herself wanting to unravel each complexity and dissecting it to find out what exactly Poe Dameron was made of.
"Thank you," Serena realized she hadn't extended her gratitude. "I drank my first cup a few hours ago and I can already tell it wasn't enough." She gave an awkward laugh as she looked down at the brown liquid. The sugar created little swirls of bubbles moved to form unintelligible shapes along the surface of her tea. She pulled the cup closer to feel the steam rise to her cheeks. She closed her eyes and took a slow, deep inhale of the tea. Her time at the Resistance base had solidified one thing for her, there was nothing quite as calming as tea.
Poe watched Serena enjoy the small steam. He never thought the same woman he met eleven months ago who threatened him would find such pleasure in something as simple as tea. She had softened in ways he never imagined possible, but still kept a strength about her. She wasn't hard, but she was strong and he never knew the difference until he met her. It was an important difference, and one he would remember for the rest of his life.
Poe was so drawn in by her, he didn't notice General Leia take her podium, and with Serena's eyes closed she didn't either.
It wasn't until Leia cleared her throat that either of the looked ahead.
Serena opened her eyes as she lowered her top to settle on her knee. By Poe's small winces with every sip, she knew her tea was far too hot to enjoy, so she'd rather wait to enjoy it rather than suffer through it.
As she waited, she gave Leia all of her attention. The woman stood before them in her General attire: a pair of light brown khaki pants, a button up shirt tucked into them with a similarly brown jacket buttoned over it.
"Thank you all for coming today, I'll try to make this brief as we have quite a couple missions scheduled for today," Leia clasped her hands in front of her as she looked directly at Serena.
Serena thought it was happenstance, that the General's eyes just fell on her coincidentally as she started to scan the room, but then they stayed on her.
"Serena," Leia's voice called out to her.
Her back stiffened as she felt like she was being reprimanded in front of the entire Resistance. But then, Leia's lips rose into a beautiful smile that calmed any of Serena's worries.
"The intel you gave us two weeks ago about the First Order's Recruitment schedule paid off, one of our very own squadrons was able to intercept their mission and derail the Recruitment vessel from its course towards the Bespin System. Because of you, an entire system's worth of children were able to stay with their families... where they belong."
Serena sat up straight in her chair at the terrific news. "Oh..." For the first time she felt all eyes on her, but not because of a slur she said or a threat she made, but because of something she accomplished. "That's..." Her brain was still processing the successful mission, and with her mind reeling her words seemed to fail her. "Good."
Leia's smile widened until it reached her eyes. The beauty extended well beyond her years to show the entire Resistance who she once was, and who she still is. "It is good," Leia agreed with her. "Alongside that, your plan to install a tracking device on the Recruitment vessel was executed perfectly. We can now track each of their locations and intercept before they have the opportunity to steal any younglings away from their homes."
Serena's hand on her tea threatened to slip as she became too focused on Leia and her speech.
"Good," That single word came out again, but Serena couldn't think of another word if her life depended on it.
Poe gave a chuckle at her startled form. His laugh transitioned Leia forward so that Serena could have time to repair herself.
As Leia moved on to talk about trade deals across the galaxy, Poe nudged Serena lightly with his shoulder.
Serena kept the same awestruck look on her face as she slowly turned to look at him. The look added a faint shade of pink to her cheeks, and her overly rosy lips parted just enough for him to see the tips of her two front teeth.
As Serena looked up at Poe, she caught the breathtaking smile that pulled back on his plump lips. Two long vertical dimples pressed into his cheeks that gave him a youthful, charming look. Serena had never seen such a smile on him before, and it made her already spinning head even more dizzy.
"How's it feel?" He whispered as to not interrupt Leia. "And don't say good," he added as she opened her mouth.
She closed it and gave a quiet laugh at how well he knew her already. "Unreal." She decided instead. Poe's thick eyebrow rose at the unexpected word choice. "I think... I don't know-" Her brows knitted together as her eyes lowered to Poe's chin in contemplation. "I feel like I can do something- like I can actually make a difference in all of this."
Poe nodded enthusiastically. "Remember that feeling," He told her lightly. "Hold on to it, it will get you through some pretty dark times."
Her eyes lifted to his to see the true meaning in his eyes. "I will." She promised him.
She looked back ahead at General Leia, but no matter how hard she tried to focus on whatever the woman was saying, her focus was on the pilot who sat next to her.
***
"How can you eat so much?" Kaydel watched in equal parts disgust and fascination as Serena set down her tray gorged to the rim with different types of food from the line.
Serena sat and gazed longingly at her tray. Her mouth watered at the mixture of smells: savory with a hint of sweet, spicy and tang, then a bowl of fresh fruit for dessert. The tray was the closest Serena could find to heaven on earth, and while she had the opportunity to gorge herself on heaven-sent foods, she would indulge as she pleased.
"After you worked with the First Order for six years I would want to see what you chose to eat." Serena didn't look up as she worked her gloves off her hands so she wouldn't soil them.
Kaydel's eyes raised at the tiny reveal Serena just gave her. Six years with the First Order. Kaydel couldn't imagine, but it did change her perspective on why Serena ate so much food.
Poe walked up to the table and roughly pulled the chair next to Serena out. He sat down and set his tray and cup down before he looked over to Serena and Kaydel. He was just about to extend his formalities when he noticed the mountain of food on Serena's tray. There was so much he couldn't even see the plastic tray, he just assumed that was what was keeping all the food contained to one area. "Are you feeding the whole table?"
Serena rolled her eyes at his joke as she set her gloves on the table between her and Poe's tray. "You two are hilarious, do you know that?" She gave them each a dry glance. "Who knew I befriended the two comedians within the Resistance."
Poe struck up an eyebrow as he gave Kaydel a brief look. She had an equally impressed face as they both looked back to Serena who used her fork to pick up a piece of raw meat. She started to raise it to her mouth when she noticed the two's stares.
"What?" She lowered the fork as she looked between Kaydel and Poe. They both had shit-eating grins and twinkling eyes. "What is with you two? You look like you just-"
"You called us your friends." Poe poked her shoulder lightly.
Serena's brows pulled together as she looked at the spot where he poked her. She pursed her lips as she looked back up at him. "You touched me... don't do that. I don't like that."
"Even when it's from a friend?" He wiggled his eyebrows animatedly at her.
Serena's brows pinched even closer until a divot pressed into the tight space between her brows. "I don't like this thing you're doing here. You're... you're..."
A satisfied smirk took over the space of Poe's lips as he realized she didn't have a comeback. He turned towards her and slung an arm over the back of his chair as he reveled in the feeling of besting the Serena.
"Don't look so smug!" Her voice took on a pitchy tone as she looked at his arm over his chair. "You're starting to let your ego show, I'd be careful if I were you, your head might not fit through the door on your way out." She snapped as she focused back down at her tray.
With her head bowed, Poe barely caught sight of the red that singed the apples of her cheeks. He turned around in his seat and picked up his spoon as he gave Kaydel a wink. He liked making Serena blush, it was so much harder to affect her than any other girl, so any time the color flooded her cheeks he felt victorious.
It took a few minutes for the color to fade away from her cheeks. When she was without its heat, she looked up at Kaydel, "You haven't told me much about who you are, Kaydel. I suppose that's by design."
Kaydel's fork stopped halfway to her mouth as she looked over her food to Serena. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked as she lowered her fork back to her tray.
Serena gave an allusive shrug as she moved some of the meat she didn't like to the side of her tray. She tried a little bit of everything, and that was enough to fill her up. "It's just-" Serena traded her tray for her bowl of fruit, something that appetized her no matter how full she was. "People tend to keep secrets from those they are scared of, even if they don't believe they're scared anymore," She added the last part quickly to appease Kaydel's progress.
"I'm not..." Kaydel tried to tell Serena she wasn't scared of her anymore, but there was still a part of her, deep down, that knew the woman who sat before her could very well kill her and every other person in the room without batting an eye. "I was born on Dulathia," There was a stiffness to her wolds that pulled Serena in.
She leaned forward and placed her elbows on the edge of the table as she gave Kaydel her full attention. "What was it like there?"
"A lot like here," She admitted with a helpless shrug. "Less trees, more wind. I lived with my parents, I was an only child. General Leia had come to Dulathia as she was starting the Resistance. She spoke about how the galaxy had a need for a force that could take out the growing power of the First Order. I remember being... mesmerized by her..." A slow smile crept to her lips as she thought back to the powerful speech. "I signed up for the Resistance that day, I became part of the naval party and was positioned as a operations commander."
"Yeah, yeah," Serena waved the story off as she sat back in her chair. "That's who you are now, Kaydel. Those are all facts- I could look those up in your file." She folded her arms over her chest as she slowly looked Kaydel over. "I want to know about the woman who's so hellbent on getting over her fears she's willing to be alone in a room with a woman who's notorious for slaughter." The edges of Serena's mouth quirked up at the memory of their first meet. "What drives that woman?"
Poe raised a curious brow as he pushed his tray away, leaned back into his chair, and gave the two woman his attention.
Kaydel licked her lips as she thought of what to tell. "Well..." She gave the basics that most people wanted, but Serena wasn't like most people. "When I was a youngling, I fell off of a small cliff and broke both my legs, from that moment I was scared of heights." She gave a shaky breath as she watched her fork drag along her mashed sweet potato. "When I was a teenager, I was shoved so hard by this- this brute of a woman that my skull fractured. I had to stay in bed for a month while the swelling in my brain reduced back to normal, and- and when I was 20, a fleet of First Order Storm Troopers came to my village and stole all the children. I tried to protect my neighbor's son... and almost died, if it wasn't for the father standing in front of me to take the laser shot." Kaydel gulped as she suddenly lost her appetite. "I'm scared because I was pushed around as a kid and felt pain and fear and terror." She looked up at Serena's overly pale face. Her amber eyes lost their glean as she looked on in fascination and pity. "I'm trying not to be that person, that's why I joined the Resistance and while I'm trying to face my fears."
Serena nodded as she lifted herself in her chair. She laid her palm down on the table top and slid her hand over until the tip of her middle finger nudged the back of Kaydel's knuckles. It was such a small and innocent touch it floored the young girl.
"When I was six, I was scaling a mountain when there was an avalanche. I tumbled down this long, steep mountain with harsh rock and freezing ice. I was buried at the bottom of it for several hours. Somehow... I had found this little pocket under a rock where there was enough air for me, but it was freezing and dark and I thought I was going to die.
"When my father pulled me out, he held me against his chest as I sobbed for what could have been... When I was done crying, he pulled me away and wiped my tears and he said-" Serena lifted her chin as she tried to emulate her father's presence. "'How marvelous of a life you live when you just went through something that should have killed you, but you came out of it.'" Serena's eyes flickered between Kaydel's hazel eyes. "I'm... I'm beginning to realize that how we interpret our life is all about perspective, if you look at certain things and focus on the instance that stood in the way of what killed you, you'll live in fear of the 'what-ifs' but if you focus on the after, on being pulled from the avalanche into your father's arms, then you'll cherish the lesson and learn from it. Personally," Serena retracted her hand. "I learned never to climb snowy mountains again." She pulled her hand to join her other on her lap as she gave Kaydel a tilted smile. "You stood up for a boy who was being torn from his family, you saw a cliffside and got so close to the edge you tasted the purest form of freedom for a split second, you stood up to a woman who was much larger than you and took what she dished out at you... you are strong, Kaydel, so very strong."
Kaydel swallowed the massive lump that began to form in her throat. Sure, Serena could take out the entire room with a single lift of her hand, but she could also inspire in a way similiar to General Leia.
In their silence, the patter of rainfall sounded through the thick, concrete roof. It resembled a harsh crackling of a fire and became so loud it drown out conversation.
Serena's eyes flitted up to the roof. Just the sound brought peace for her.
She pushed back from the table and stood up with a sigh. "I have to go," She grabbed her tray and gave Kaydel a last look. "It was great to see a piece of you, Kaydel. The more I see, the more certain I am of your bright future." With that tremendous compliment, she turned to head towards the exit.
Kaydel was so awestruck by Serena's words that for a whole minute she couldn't form a single thought. But then her admiration broke way into confusion. With her eyes glued to Serena's back, she leaned over the table towards Poe. "Where does she go every night?"
Poe, who had turned in his chair to watch Serena leave, looked back at Kaydel with a raised eyebrow. "You don't know?" He asked quietly.
She shook her head as Serena left the cafeteria.
"Oh, you gotta see this. Come on," he grabbed his half finished tray and stood quickly. He nodded for Kaydel to follow as he made his way towards the exit. He dumped his tray and looked out into the hallway to make sure she was far enough away not to notice him. He had to be extra cautious with the distance he kept between them. Serena could sense him, and while he didn't necessarily know what that meant, he knew it made it harder for him to sneak around after her.
"What are we-"
"Sh!" Poe hissed as he slunk down the hall.
Kaydel gave him a sharp look as his hiss was louder than her actually talking. "Okay, crazy, why are we following after Serena? Couldn't you just tell me what she does every night after dinner?" Kaydel didn't know why, but she was hunched over in the exact same way Poe was as she followed behind him.
"Because," Poe stopped at the door of the hangar. He peered around it to see Serena walk out into the downpour. It swallowed her whole in a second until he couldn't see anything but the straight heavy drops of rain. He straightened up and stood in the doorway as he looked back to Kaydel. "It's so much better to see it." He promised her.
Kaydel's lips parted as she saw a flicker of something in Poe's eyes. She had heard around the base that he was charismatic, he knew how to flirt and swoon any and every girl, but she had never heard of him being swooned... until now, as he talked about whatever it was Serena did after dinner.
"Okay," She decided whatever made Poe look like that, was worth the sneaking around. "Show me."
Poe gave her a nod as he walked through the hangar. It was between shifts, so most of the fighters were left unattended and the Deck Captains were going over routines in their office instead of working the floor.
He led Kaydel all the way to the very edge of the hangar. He stopped at the very distinct line along the concrete where the rain soaked the ground.
Kaydel squinted her eyes but she barely saw Serena's pale face and deep silver hair through the rain. "She... goes out into the rain?"
Poe folded his arms over his chest as he spotted Serena's outline. After weeks of watching her in the rain, he knew how to discern her figure from the gray tones of the surrounding storm.
"Every night."
Poe could feel the sprinkles from the fat drops colliding together and exploding into miniscule droplets. He was half tempted to succumb to the rainfall just to get closer to Serena. If she was in a giving mood, she would even reach out for his hand as she did last time.
"Why?" Kaydel looked away from the pouring rain to try and find the answers in Poe's face. Instead she found a serene smile as he watched something she couldn't see. He looked content, which was odd when he was standing toe-to-toe with a thunder storm. "What is she doing out there?" She restated the question when she realized Poe might have been too entranced in the rain to hear her.
His smile only grew as he looked down at the young officer. She could see the moon reflect in his dark eyes and find a home among his caring, honey brown orbs. She hadn't noticed how soft his eyes could get. "She's living... this-" He extended his hand out into the rain and watched as the drops bounced off his palm. "This is what makes her feel alive."
Kaydel slowly looked back out towards the rain. She normally saw it as a nuisance, it appeared at just the wrong times and made it hard for her to get any of her outside work done. But, she finally spotted Serena clearly through the downpour. Serena had her head leaned back as she looked up at the crying sky. The bright flashes of lightning danced across her clear face, it was so white and pure it stole all the color from her pale cheeks and made her appear almost transcendent. The thunder that followed behind the lightning didn't scare Serena or make her jump in the slightest. Instead, she appeared to revel in the booming sounds that shook the trees and ground under their feet.
"I've never seen anyone look so... peaceful." Kaydel admitted lowly as she kept watching Serena. The woman wasn't doing anything, but maybe that was why Kaydel found it so enticing. Serena was the type of woman who kept her head on a swivel, she was hyper vigilant, but for once she stopped and just let the world move around her. She accepted it for what it was without want for anything more. "I... I'm going to join her."
Poe looked down just as Kaydel stepped one foot out into the warm rain. She sucked in a breath as the heavy drops pummeled against her exposed skin. In a single second she was consumed by the fresh rainwater.
Poe chuckled as he watched the beige shirt and pants turn into a muddy brown. The braids in her hair sagged as they became drenched with water. "It's different." He explained as he took his first step outside. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back as he welcomed the rain. The drops pelted against his forehead and drizzled down into his eye sockets. His curls gained moisture and fell against his forehead to give him a boyish charm.
He tried to emulate Serena, he wanted to experience it as she does. So he kept his eyes closed and let himself slowly fall victim to the storm.
"What are you doing?!" Serena screamed at the two through the rain.
Poe opened his eyes and squinted through the thick drops to give her a smile. "Living!" He lifted his arms out as he laughed into the downpour. "This is it, right? This is the epitome of feeling alive."
Serena matched his smile with one of her own, it was so dazzling he saw it perfectly through the drizzle. There was nothing that could keep him from seeing something so beautiful.
He walked through the rain as he kept his eyes on her. He didn't care about the rain in his eyes or the way his rubber soles squeaked as they filled with water. He only stopped when he stood in front of her, then he closed his eyes and let his head fall back.
Water dripped from Serena's eyelashes and obscured her vision as she watched the rain splash off of Poe's cheeks and jaw. The storm turned everything into varying shades of gray, but not even something as powerful as the storm overhead could steal the golden tan complexion of his cheeks.
"You do this every night?" Kaydel had to raise her voice to project it over the heavy slapping of rain against the concrete.
Serena looked down at Kaydel's pale face to see the rain trailing paths from her halo braid down her forehead and to the tip of her nose. "Every night." She nodded at her friend. "Different perspective," She told her as she held up her nude hand to cup the rain.
Serena looked up into the sky and smiled as it cracked open with lightning. She smiled just as the thunder sounded overhead. It vibrated her chest with so much vigor she felt like it gripped onto her shoulders and shook her.
"Commander Dameron! Oh dear, Commander Dameron!"
The three soaked Resistance Officers turned back towards the hangar to spot the golden protocol droid.
Poe turned on his heels as he was being summoned. "What is it, 3PO?" He shouted as he stayed where he was.
"General Leia has requested your presence."
Poe let out a sigh as he looked back at Serena. She blinked excessively as the water dripped from her brows onto her eyelashes. He looked at her silver hair that had darkened into a steely gray. He would rather stay out and enjoy the feeling of the rain with her, but he knew his duties took priority. "I'll.. see you two later, then." He looked between them.
"See you, Little Rebel." The dimple pressed into Serena's cheek as she teased him. "Go have fun making ploys to save the galaxy. We'll be here," She nodded towards Kaydel. "living."
Poe chuckled as he watched her smile. "Try not to miss me too much."
Serena's smile fell as the apples of her cheeks turned pink with heat. Even through the grays of the world around him, he saw the color. His smile widened as he watched the color spread across her cheeks.
He decided to leave on that note, so he turned and followed C-3PO back into the hangar and towards General Leia's office.
"You know I can walk myself, don't you, C-3PO?" Poe asked as he ran a hand through his drenched hair. Water sprayed out in every direction as he tried his best to dry it.
"General Leia requested I return with you, sir, I am just following orders." He told Poe as he lead the way through the halls.
Poe shook his head as he took the time to grab the bottom of his shirt and squeeze the excess water from it. By the time he had reached the General's office he was still dripping excessively with water.
C-3PO opened the door and stepped through before he turned to introduce Poe into the room. "General Leia, here is Commander Dameron."
"Yes, I can see that, 3PO." Leia shook her head at the droid. "That is all, you're dismissed." She waved the droid off.
C-3PO's head reared back at the quick dismissal, but instead of giving a sassy quip, he left without a word.
Poe walked further into the room and turned to watch as the golden droid slowly exited. Maybe he didn't say anything sassy, but he sure took his time leaving to show his disrespect.
"Commander... why are you so wet?" Leia asked as she watched him drench her carpet.
Poe turned towards Leia to see her gaze lowered to his feet. He looked down to see a small puddle forming where he stood. He lifted one foot and let it down gently only to have it squish against the soaked carpet. He winced as he looked back up towards his General. "I was outside... in the rain." His explanation didn't help his situation in the slightest.
But it pulled Leia's attention away from her ruined carpet as she looked back to Poe with a raised brow. "With Serena?" By the way she asked, she already knew the answer.
"And Connix," He added in hopes that it would sound slightly better. But he realized as he said it that it didn't help at all.
Leia hummed as she pressed a button on her desk to shut and lock her door.
Poe looked back at the door with furrowed brows. "What is this about?" He asked as he looked back at her.
Leia pressed another few buttons on her desk until a projection of a planet pulled up on the hologram. She enhanced it and zoomed in on a specific village. "We have located Lor San Tekka," she told him as she pinpointed the village.
Poe's shoes squeaked with each step as he approached her desk. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at the small hologram. "Herench? Isn't that on Jakku? Why there?" Poe looked up from the projection towards Leia.
She tilted her head and gave a shrug. "Lor San Tekka has been on the run for quite some time. Even I am unaware of how he picks his stays. But, what is important is that we found him and he is expecting to hear from us soon to transfer the map." Leia ended the transmission in case they were interrupted. "Now, I can send someone as soon as-"
"I'll do it," Poe offered before Leia had the chance to give the opportunity to someone else.
Leia's eyes widened as she looked her best Pilot over. "Poe... I can't advise that..."
Poe's brows knitted together. "I don't understand why not. I can handle it, General."
Leia gave a heavy sigh as she leaned her fingertips on the edge of the table. She took her time as she slowly looked Poe over. "This mission is detrimental for the progression of the Resistance. If the map to Luke gets in the wrong hands, he could be in serious trouble."
"I understand," He stressed.
"Our mission has always been to better the galaxy and protect it from the First Order," Leia continued on as if Poe never spoke. "It is for that reason that if you were to go on this mission... and by some unfortunate circumstance you were captured by the First Order... we wouldn't be able to bring you back."
The breath froze in Poe's lungs. He watched the apprehension in Leia's features, the serious draw of her brows and press of her lips all told him she was serious. If anything happened to him, he was on his own.
Still, he knew what he must do. "I understand, General, and I still believe I should go." He added just enough certainty in his voice to assure her he was thinking with a level head.
Leia fell back into her chair as she gave the softest shake of her head. "Poe... you are my best pilot, you're the commander of your own squadron, you- you-" Leia stopped herself from adding all that he's done for Serena. She pulled herself together as she realized her duties as General. "You have a life, Poe, I want to make sure you are absolutely certain about this. You are risking... everything."
"My life is the Resistance, General." Poe drew his shoulders back and clenched his hands by his side. "You view it as a suicide mission, but to me it's a chance to save our galaxy. It's..." Poe remembered Serena's words. "It's all about perspective, General. I'm willing to do this for the Resistance." He gave a single nod.
Leia leaned back in her chair as she thought it all through. Despite the obvious cons of risking her best pilot for a retraction mission, ultimately, she knew it was what needed to be done. "Alright, Commander... you leave first thing in the morning."