AN: If you had problems loading this chapter it is because I published and totally forgot to add my usual edits like the song and shit. I'm so tired lol.
~Waylon~
"I'm going to put that salve on your wounds now, okay baby?"
Alexei asks and I just stare at the little pink bubbles floating alongside the rose petals in the bathtub. The soft lavender scent was comforting but not as comforting as the scent of my mate as he rubbed my back with the loofa, with my knees curled to my chest.
I didn't say anything.
I haven't spoken a word since Papa's funeral two weeks ago.
"How can I trust you? After everything you've done? I will never forgive you!"
The words bite back in my brain but my emotions are so numb that I feel nothing but a slight pinch. Alexei pulls at my arm and I let him take it, his gentle hands rubbing the healing cream into my wrists. The pale skin itself is still red and damaged from the frozen chains that Juniper imprisoned me with.
The woman whom I used to call my sister.
That day was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life. I was supposed to find my sweet Alexei waiting for me and enjoy first days as a true mated pain in perfect bliss. But instead it was the worst day of my life and every day I'm still breathing serves as a reminder that I've somehow managed to survive another day without my Papa.
"Try not to get them wet my love," Alexei adds as he finished the last of my wrist and I watch his lower lip tremble slightly.
Pain.
He's in so much pain.
"Um, the nurse is coming in about an hour to check on your feeding tube and see if you're talking again, but take your time. I know it must be so hard," He says and he used to kiss the top of my hand when he finished the bandages but today he just lets go. Picking up the medical supplies as quickly as possible before placing it on the sink.
"I'm just uh, I'll be outside if you need me," Alexei quickly excuses himself and I feel the pain getting stronger. I scratch the dead skin off one of the scrapes on my knee. My own heart now squeezing in my chest for a reason other than my grief.
But I'm sure Papa wouldn't want me to live like this. He wouldn't want me to hurt my mate and certainly not Alexei. Every muscle in my body felt tense and my own gloom got darker with his lost presence.
He's my only light at the end of the tunnel.
Getting out of the tub, I slowly dry myself off before stepping into our bedroom. A little disappointed that he wasn't there but I make due as I snatch up one of his hoodies from our closet. It's so big that it goes down to my knees, especially with the weight I've lost since I've been stuck in this loop.
I stumble a little bit when I reach the doorway of our bedroom, holding onto the wall for support. Just walking down the hall felt like it was a mile-long stretch as I pushed as hard as I could for Alexei, even though my body just wants to collapse.
I could hear his quiet cried before I could see him as I peeked around the corner. My sweet Alexei sat in the middle of our couch with his head in his hands as his body shook as his tears fell uncontrollably to the floor.
Without saying a word or even making a squeak in the hardwood, I bend down in front of him and place my hands on his knees. He gasps when he's taken by surprise and looks up only to radiate the same painful energy.
"Sorry," I croak as I speak to him for the first time in weeks and he shakes his head, pulling me to his lap as I wrapped my legs around him and buries his head into my shoulder.
"Don't be sorry my love, please don't ever say that again. It's not your fault. None of this is," He says as he cradles me to his body and I weakly wrap my arms around him.
"Failure...mate," I manage to get out next but talking makes my throat hurt so I can't even speak a full sentence making me seem really stupid.
"No, no, no, don't say that Waylon, you're not a failure," He says as he tiredly kisses my cheek and I'm so lightheaded I feel like I'm about to pass out and second.
"You could never fail me, my love," he says but I know I've failed at taking care of him. Selfishly putting my own feelings above his needs when I shut out the world. Now I have to make up for it somehow.
"Wei, are you wearing pants?" Alexei asks as the nurse knocks on the door and I shake my head, blushing slightly. He quickly sweeps me up and takes me back to the bedroom, for which I'm glad since there's no way I'd be able to make the walk back.
My possessive mate doesn't say it, but I know he doesn't want anyone to see me exposed except him and I'm okay with that, putting on a now loose pair of gray sweats that used to be tight on me.
"Do you think you want to try eating?" Alexei asks as he lays me down on our bed where he's snuggled up beside me every night since I got out of the hospital. I nod a little bit and his smile makes my discomfort worth it as he goes to leave the room.
"I'll be right back baby!" he tries but I whimper slightly, unable to think of being in a room without him right now. I know he hears me but chooses to ignore it as he goes to let the nurse in and I don't see him for what feels like forever.
"Good morning Lunos," My nurse says as he walks into the bedroom and sets his things down at the bottom of the bed. He looks to my alpha first for permission before he touches my forehead.
"The fever is gone so that's good, hows the pain today?" He asks and I put up two fingers. The boy smiles and takes it as a win for the day before having me step on the little scale in front of him.
"You currently weight 97lbs Waylon, you should be at least 130lbs, so we have to get your weight up. Otherwise, when your first heat comes in a month or so, you will be unable to carry any pups or cubs and there will be a very high chance of miscarriage." The nurse warns and Alexei settles a small tray at the bottom of my bed with some juice, toast, and apple sauce.
"Should we even go through his first heat? Or should we wait a year for the next one?" Alexei asks, completely unphased by the idea and the nurse nods to me.
"It depends on how Lunos Waylon feels Alpha," the nurse says as he packs up his things and starts to walk out.
"I'll come once every week instead of every other day. Call me if he's not eating enough and needs the feeding tube put back in but I want him to at least try to eat on his own," The nurse continues and I take a small breather, thankful to not have the uncomfortable tube stuck down my throat again.
The nurse leaves and it's just Alexei and I once more as he sits down in front of me on the bed. Placing the tray on my lap, I choose to attack the toast first. But lifting my hand is so difficult after draining all my energy to meet him in the living room that my hand shakes so bad that I drop it. Alexei quickly picks it up and holds it to my lips so I can take my first bite of solid food since Papa passed away.
"There you go peaches, don't choke now," He says and picks up the juice with a straw, holding it up to me. As much as my stomach and emotional state argue against eating, I continue to force myself.
"Heat?" I ask when I'm done but the words feel a little bit better now that I've had something to drink.
"Don't worry about that now Wei, we'll get some suppressants for you when it happens. Maybe we can try again next year if you're up for it. I'm not in a rush," Alexei says but I slowly shake my head.
"But babies are so cute," I manage to get out a sentence and I've never seen Alexei so proud while trying really hard to frown.
"They're also a lot of work Waylon, besides I don't think your body will be ready in time," Alexei tries to dim my excitement but it was too late as I gather the energy to wolf down my apple sauce.
"Watch me," I challenge him, narrowing my gaze on him and I've never seen my man blush before but if he wasn't so dark he sure would be right about now. He lets out a long whistle, frazzled to his very core as he tries to figure out what to say to get me to back down.
I wasn't hurting as much as before and I can no longer feel the dark cloud that loomed over my sweet mate before.
I think this is healing right?
And that's what papa would want.
*********************
Yeah it took me forever to write this cause I was a sad piece of shit after Noah and needed a break to write some cute lil Patreon shorts.
Also a note to those who are on Patreon; please do not share the information you have early access to about this book on here. The relationships of Sora, Oro, Artemis, Dante, Chase, Markus, and of course the adorable baby Nathan and his cousins are to stay on there. 🙊🙈 Not saying it will happen because I've gotten to know all of you, but any comment I find too revealing will be deleted :)
Til next time
~Ry
Also thinking of getting these for my house XD
Especially this one cause I've never thought of writing like that before. How I just created all these people and their lives with a mere thought.
And this for all my early morning tea and late night coffees to write.