Samantha
"What are you doing?"
Mula sa pagbabasa ng libro ay napaangat ako ng tingin. There's that famous Latina kid infront of me.
"I thought you're a genius? How did it happen if you don't even know what's reading?"
Tumawa ito.
"I know you're reading. What I meant to ask if what is it that you're reading."
"A book?" I lifted my book para makita nito.
Again, tumawa lang ulit ito.
"If you want others to like you, just try to be nice."
Umismid naman ako. Why would I?
"Your eyes says so." Seryosong sabi pa nito at naupo sa tabi ko. "By the way, I'm Grant."
Tiningnan ko sya mula ulo hanggang paa. She's famous in the campus because she's a genius.
"I've heard you're also a candidate in the acceleration program." Nakangiting dugtong nito. "Don't you think intelligent ones should flock all together?"
Tahimik lang na nakikinig ako dito habang nagbabasa.
"I'm Samantha."
"I know. You're the famous Miss Perfect of the campus, aren't you?"
"I'm not perfect." Mahinang bulong ko. I dont even know where that word came from. O kung anuman ang basis non.
Itinuro ni Grant yung grupo ng mga babaeng kaedad namin. Yung sikat na Trio of the Century. Mga anak mayaman na may invisible name tag sa noo ng mga apelyido ng mga ito. Well, lahat naman yata ng nag aaral dito sa Brent International School.
"Those three started the rumors. It's after you've beaten one of them sa Chess."
"Ahh. That Railey Alleman. She's remarkable."
"Uh-um." Tumango tango pa ito. "So what is that book all about?"
Nahihiyang itiniklop ko yung libro. Some says it's for kids. But at nine, am I still a kid?
"Sam, how do you perceive the story of that book? I've read it ten times."
"This one?" Inangat ko yung libro na hawak ko.
Ngumiti ito. "Ain't the prince stupid?"
"I just thought the rose is lying. She told lies so the prince would like her. That everyone has their ulterior motive for doing kindness."
"But she's really the one and only rose in their planet. It's the Prince who makes her unique. It's his fault that she was perceived as special."
"Because the Prince hasn't seen anything like that before doesn't mean that, that rose is the only one."
Ngumiti si Grant at inilahad ang kamay.
"Just think of me as the fox. And I'll think of you as the prince."
"The fox who taught the prince of how to 'tame'? What about the rose?"
Itinuro ni Grant lahat ng mga nakakalat na estudyante na nasa paligid namin.
"They're all roses, Samantha. One day, you'll see one that is unique and you'll have to be responsible for that rose. Don't be like the Prince who only realizes it when it's already too late."
"What about you?"
"I'm the fox." She chuckles like a kid. "In reality parang feeling ko nga ganun ako e. Imagine that I'm already taming you because I want to devour you. But I don't believe that out of the garden of roses, there's one rose who will be unique enough to pique my curiosity. Because I desire people than plants. Literally. "
Natawa naman ako dito. She's really funny and is oozing with sense of humor.
"I like you." Nakangiting sabi ko na inabot yung kamay nyang nakalahad.
"Hey, are you just saying that I'm your rose?"
"I didn't say that!"
"But you just told me that you like me."
"Not thay way, stupid!"
We both shared a good laugh then. Maybe she's right. Am I being tamed or being asked to tamed her? Because either way, I just like the idea. The idea of being not alone.
When the surroundings is perceiving you as perfect, you became alone in your head. But there's someone offering me company. How could I refuse?
"You have to be responsible for me now since you told me that you like me." Biro pa nito na ikinapangiti ko.
"But you're not a rose."
Nagpout ito. "But you don't like roses di ba? Kasi they're a liar for you."
Umiling ako. She's right. That's why I don't like roses. But why does it symbolizes pure love, sweetness, and romance?
"Then, like a cactus. It's not lying." Pabirong sabi pa ni Grant. "Their thorns are the honest thing you can get from them. They're painfully pretty."
Why not? She's right. If I want an honest one, cactus is the one for me.
"What is essential is invisible to the eye."
Grant is right. I desire belongingness. I desire to be loved. To be wanted. To be someone's rose and not just everyone's.
Napabalikwas ako ng bangon.
Fudge! Grant!
Napatingin ako sa malaking painting naming dalawa na nasa kwarto ko. It was a shot when we both graduated in highscool. Since we're part of the acceleration program, kaming dalawa lang yung maagang nakapagtapos ng highscool sa grupo.
"Where are you, Grant? Fudge! I almost forgot you."
I checked my alarm clock na nakalagay sa bedside table. It's only four in the morning. I'm still an hour early.
Kinuha ko yung phone ko na nakalagay din sa bedside table. I dialled Grant's number. It cannot be reached.
I checked her other number. Yung binigay nya saking number na pang emergency daw nito sakaling hindi ito makontak.
That one is ringing.
In just four to five rings ay sinagot nito iyon.
"Who's this?"
Napakunot ang noo ko. Why her voice is almost out of breath? Is she in trouble again.
"Grant, It's me. Where are you? Why can't be reached yung isang phone mo?"
Tahimik lang sa kabilang linya.
"Grant?"
Ibababa ko na sana yung phone ko nang may marinig akong incoherent sounds.
"Grant don't do this to me! At least tell me that you're safe!"
In less than thirty second ay sumagot na ito.
"Fudge, Sam. Hang up, okay? I'll just call you."
Narinig ko pa yung boses sa kabilang linya na parang may nagtatalo.
"Who's Sam?"
"My girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend? And why are we fu*****"
Hindi ko na naintindihan yung pinag uusapan nila.
"You've got me in a tight spot, Sam. What is it?" Bahagyang may inis na tanong pa ni Grant sa kabilang linya.
That stupid woman, really? Lahat kami nag aalala dito. Ayun pala nambababae na naman. Goodness.
"How tight, Grant?" I can't hide my mockery this time. Napanaginipan ko pa naman sya at naalala. Tapos talaga nga naman na ayun yung ginagawa nya at this wee hour?
Seriously may nag aanuhan ba ng ganito kaaga? Early bird na din pala yun na kinacareer na dapat agahan din.
"Yours or hers?" Naghikab pa ito.
"How about I kick your ass now?"
"Oh sure. Come here. Nandito ako sa may Palawan."
Palawan? Anong meron doon?
"What are you doing there? Umuwi ka na dito sa Manila dahil gagawin kitang bridesmaid ko."
"Ikakasal ka na?"
"Fake your enthusiasm naman, Grant."
Dinig ko pa yung pagtawa nito sa kabilang linya.
"Choose between Van and Leigh, Sam. I won't be there."
"Why is that?"
Sandaling itong natahimik. Bago halos pabulong na nagsalita.
"I may rot in jail after I got out of here, Sam." She took a deep breath. "I'm going to kill the guy who killed my mother."
"No, you won't Grant."
"I will, Samantha. My mom deserves justice. "
Pakiramdam ko ay pinanlamigan ako sa sinabi nito. Kahit hindi ko ito nakikita, damang dama ko yung lamig sa binitawan nitong mga salita. Sigurado akong may gagawin nga ito.
I know Grant like a back of my hand. She sees my pains as I see hers.
If there's anyone who can tell what's running on her mind, ako yun. And when she says something as creepy as that. She truly mean it. Whenever it's about her mother or has anything to do with her mother's death.
"I'll pick you up, Grant. Send me your address. Let's talk about it. Let's have a plan."
"Will you kill him for me, Sam?"
Of course not! Ask me anything but that.
"You're not going to kill anyone, Grant. I'll be there okay? Let's talk about it. We'll got him to rot in jail. Pero no, hindi mo dudungisan yung kamay mo."
Dinig ko yung marahang pagtawa ni Grant sa kabilang linya. A laugh void of humor and color.
Grant is losing her way. She's being too consumed with anger and revenge.
"You're my fox, Grant. Remember? I tamed you, you tamed me. We'll take responsibility for each other. If you do that, I'll take half the blame." Am I crying?
"Samantha.."
"So, please no? You're my best friend. You're the best thing I've got when no one else is seeing me. You're the only one who sees my imperfections. The one who sees my sadness and pains. So, please don't do it. Don't make me lose you. Because I'll fight for you!"
Pakiramdam ko ay parang hindi lang kami sa telepono nag uusap.
Grant needs me.
"I'm taking responsibility of you too, Sam. That's why I'm doing this on my own."
"No, Grant. You don't get it. Gusto kong maging parte ng kahit ano. Alam mo naman na bida bida ako di ba?" I tried to crack a broken joke. "So, tell me where you are right now. Then, I'll be there in no time. I promise."
Dinig ko yung mahinang pagmumura nito.
"No, Sam. It's for your own good. You can't be happy if you'll see how painful the other side is. I'll do it on my own. Just concentrate with your rose. You've done enough for me."
"No, I haven't done enough for you!" Medyo tumataas na yung pitch ko. "Don't tell me what to do, Grant. Kaibigan mo ko. I'll be with you thru thick and thin. So always count me in!"
"You'll surely hate me, Sam. You'll be hating everything if I drag you here. I'm sparing you the truth but why are you still seeking it?"
"Because truth will always set us free, Grant. It will be painful but it will surely relieve the hollow feeling of lies." mahinang sagot ko dito.
Grant and I are too alike. No one felt how to be a wall flower. Grant who people despise because of her family history and I who people just want to be with because I am too perfect for them.
So no one will truly knows how it feels to be one of us.
Misery loves company. That's why Grant told me before that we should flock together. Not because we're both of the same level of IQ.
Kasi deep inside, we both have holes in our hearts. At pareho lang din kami. Pareho lang kaming naghihintay ng tamang tao na pupunan lahat ng butas na meron kami. Yung magfifit sa amin.
"Not telling the whole thing is already lying, Sam. Sometimes you have to shut you mouth so that you'll not to inflict pain. It's my expertise, remember?"
That's exactly the line I've told Aria before when she confronted me about the Kiel-incident.
Posible ba na kaya ayaw sabihin ni Grant yung totoo ay dahil may pinoprotektahan ito? Posible ba na kaya sinasarili nito yung lahat kasi alam nyang may masasaktan sya?
Is that her way of repaying my kindness nung sinalo ko yung kasalanan nya noon? We've plan it. To sabotage Aria and Kiel's story. But she denied her participation and I took all the blame.
She managed to take Aria for herself. But not enough to keep her. So is this her way ba para makabawi sakin?
Because if it is, I don't want it.
"I'll pick you, Grant. Kahit ano pa yan. Sasamahan kita. Tutulungan kita. Even if it cost my life. I'll take responsibility of you."
What about Terry?
I hope she'll understand. She may have my heart but I can't turn my back for my friends.
***