Cobe
I swear no one has ever asked me if I was fucking a dude before now. I played it off and stayed cool but that shit was embarrassing as fuck. My sexuality has never been questioned before.
A lot of times I think I should've never started messing with Cole. Ever since I kissed him at that party, I've been making dumb decision after dumb decision. My guard is down and shit keeps happening.
I've been sitting on the kitchen counter for a few minutes just deep in thought. I'm really trying not to beat my self up about how vulnerable and transparent I've become because I knew that shit would happen eventually. But I thought it would be on my own terms. Man, fuck Cole! This shit is all his doing, his damned emotional ass.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be all up in your business, but are you alright?" Chey interrupted my thoughts from across the room. She's sitting at the kitchen table now.
"I- damn. Uh I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"I got a lot on my mind. My life is lowkey in shambles right now."
"I know I'm a stranger and all but if u want to vent, I'll listen."
"I wish I could. Like I really wish I could." Like wow, all she did was ask if I'm alright and I'm on the verge of crying. I hate when I get emotional like this dawg. I just feel hella overwhelmed. My life is literally a big pile of shit right now, and nobody even knows. I mean, I've let Cole see a little bit of it, but I don't think he could handle it if I REALLY let him know everything. Shit, I can barely handle it myself.
"What if I share one thing and you match it?"
"Shit, aight deal. But it depends on what you share tho shorty."
"I know, I know... I'll make it juicy."
"Please never say that shit to me again." I said with a burst of laughter. That word makes me hella uncomfortable, especially when a girl says it.
"You nasty!" She said matching my laughter and we laughed for a few more seconds. I pulled out a joint I saved from earlier but just before I lit it, she stopped me.
"You smoke in the house?"
"Well not usually..."
"Oh." She didn't even have to say it, I just put the contents back into my pocket and started playing with my beard.
"Do you wanna go first?"
"Nah shorty. Ladies first."
"Well... I just want to vent right quick but don't tell Cecil that I told you alright?"
"Word is bond." I said with a smile.
"You hella corny." She must've watched the WuTang series too hahahaaaa.
"What? That's what yal say in New York ain't it?"
"Shut the hell up." She tried to keep a straight face but a smile crept across her face.
"But for real. I won't tell him you talked to me."
" Okaayyy. Well...I don't know why I'm here honestly. I haven't seen Cecil in almost two years and out the blue, he wants to take C3 and I on a "family trip". I'm not saying he's a terrible father, but he's really good at disappearing and popping back up."
"Wait, he wasn't in New York?"
"Nigga no! His ass left the damn country. I heard he's got citizenship in some weird ass country in West Africa or some shit. Ain't that a bitch?!"
"Wait you HEARD? Like he ain't even let you know?"
"The first time he let me know. But this last time, he just disappeared. I had to call his frie-"
"First time? What the hell?"
"About six months after I gave birth. He left and told me he wanted to put down roots so we could have a good life together. He was gone for almost three years."
"This shit is mind fucking blowing. Cecil?"
"What?" I hear Cecil ask from the front door.
"When did you come in?"
"I just opened the door. You ain't hear it?"
"Nah bro, we was just talking in here." A few seconds later, a spitting image of Cecil walked into the kitchen.
"Momma look! I got a Nintendo switch! Can you buy me the sonic game? Pleeeeeease."
"Sure baby. What else did you get?" Chey asked the boy as she got up from the table and headed to the living room. Cecil took Cheyenne's seat and groaned while wiping his face from his hairline down to his chin. He raised his brows at me and asked,
"Cobe... what's good bro? What you and Cole do tonight?"
"Cole had a show tonight. At the FOX"
"Damn, really? He ain't even tell a nigga." He said bitting his top lip.
"Where you been?"
"I took C to the store."
"I don't mean tonight bruh. Where have you been?"
"I thought we already talked about that? Before the trip. Right?"
"I thought so too."
"You talked to Cheyenne?" I gave my word that I wouldn't say anything. Technically I didn't, right? So, to make sure I didn't pull Chey into it, I let my silence speak for me. It worked too, Cecil started talking just like that.
"I...I needed to go away for a lil minute. I was taking care of business though. I wasn't jus-"
"Wooow. I can't believe this shit C."
"I've been trying okay."
"Oh yeah? Life is tough for everybody dawg. But you... you have a kid bro. It's not about you anymore. You can't just run away. You do get that right?"
"I fucking get that shit. It ain't whatever you're thinking alright. I don't know what Chey said to you but I take care of my son and his mother. I'm not like-"
"Your father?" He just looked at me with the saddest look in his eyes. I know how he feels about his pops. But I'm not sure if he's aware that what he's doing is no better than what his father did to him. I know I struck a nerve, but that's exactly what I meant to do. He needs a reality check. It seems like no one has been knocking this nigga on his head with the truth. I guess that's what parents are for. But since he ain't got none, Imma be that person for him.
"You not doing better than him right now C. You said you was gonna be a real father when you have kids. Remember you said that shit to me and Cole when you found out about your father's other family? You said you would never betray your family like he did."
I paused to allow him a chance to defend himself before I continued. When he didn't say anything, I kept talking.
"But you did. You did that shit to your family. You keep leaving your family. Throwing people away. Throwing relationships away. That shit ain't healthy C. If you need help, you got it! That's what you got us for man. Talk to me nigga."
"I don't know what to say."
"Say something C. You gotta explain to me where your head is at cuz if you leave again, imma find you and imma fuck you up."
I hop off the counter and join Cecil at the kitchen table.
"Why do you keep running away?"
"You not supposed to be the one lecturing me Cobe. I'm older than you, I'm supposed to be an example, someone for you and Cole and Dame to look up to. I never wanted yal to look at me the way you looking at me now. I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near where I'm supposed to be, I don't have roots, I'm just going with the flow and I'm too old for that shit."
"Nigga, not one of us looks down on you man. Plus how can we look down on you or look up to you if we can't SEE you man? We don't have families nigga, we need eachother. We need you to stick around or at the very least keep in touch. We all growing and evolving. We human, nigga, that's what the fuck we supposed to do! Nobody's perfect and we don't expect you to be. Cole don't expect it, I don't expect it, Chey don't expect it and neither does your son. All we expect is for you to show up, be present, be consistent. We still love you man. We still want you around."
"Damn, you ain't have to go in like that. But I gotchu. I hear what you saying. And imma try to do better aight."
I smacked my teeth at him and waved his comment off. "Nah nigga. Enough with the trying, clearly that shit ain't been working. Just do it man."
"Yeah CJ. Just stick around. We miss you over here." Cole said. We looked back to see him leaning against the refrigerator.
"Damn Cole. How long you been in here?"
"I just got here. Like five minutes ago." He said cheesing real big, his sneaky ass is always eavesdropping.
"You a creep bro." I shook my head at him.
"Aye Cecil. I know why you left. And I'm sorry bro." Cole said making eye contact with his older brother.
"I don't blame you. You was a product of your environment. I understand why you felt the way you felt."
"Then why'd you leave then?"
"I was overwhelmed. It was a lot of shit going on and I wanted a fresh start. So I went to New York, with Chey."
"Oh."
Several awkward silent seconds later Cecil III ran into the kitchen and froze when he saw Cole. He walked over to Cecil and leaned on him without ever taking his eyes off of Cole.
This little nigga is just as intense as his daddy.
"I've seen you before."
"Oh yeah? Your daddy show you a picture of me?"
"No. I saw you on YouTube." Cole raised his eyebrows and smiled at the kid while leaning up against the refrigerator.
"You saw me on YouTube?"
"Yeah. You was singing my favorite song.." the kid started singing one of Cole's songs.... " let it driiiiiiiiiiip let it let it driiiiiip"
"Yoooooo" Cole put his fist up to his mouth. "You got pipes little man."
"Where you hear that at?" Cecil asked the boy.
"I just said I heard it on YouTube. Duh. I didn't know you knew famous people dad."
"Do you know who that is?"
"Yeah Luke James! I watch him on YouTube everyday."
"C, that's your uncle. Cole."
"Wait you're Luke James and my Uncle Cole?"
"Luke is my stage name little man. Luke James sounds more RnB than Colin Adebanjo right?"
"Yeah thats true Uncle Cole."
"Who got you listening to grown folks music anyway nephew?"
"Jabari's sister is in love with you. She always plays your songs in the car when she picks us up from school."
"Oh shit. You hear that Cobe?! They listening to me in New York! New York nigga! I ain't ever even been there before."
"Yeah bro. I told you you was poppin nigga."
"You did. Shìt!"
"Aye, it's getting late. You should be getting to bed C. Right Chey?" Cecil said cutting the excitement short.
"Yeah it's waaaaay past bed time." Chey agreed.
"C'mon I wanna talk to my favorite uncle some more momma."
"He'll still be here tomorrow okay."
"Okay. Goodnight Uncle Cole and...."
"Cobe."
"Goodnight Uncle Cobe."
"Night!" We all chimed as the two exited the kitchen.
"Damn I got the favorite uncle title? How many Uncles he got? Not including Sara's kids cuz he don't know them I'm assuming." Cole walked over to claim a seat at the kitchen table.
"He don't know them. And Chey has two brothers."
"Hell yeah! I'm a favorite uncle niggas."
"Shit, you high or something?" I asked, looking him in his face.
Cole smacked his teeth at my question. It ain't far fetched though, considering that he be poppin pills and shit.
"High off life my friend. Cecil is here, you're here. Life is good my friend." This nigga high. I roll my eyes at him.
"So you had a show tonight?" Cecil asked Cole.
"Yeah. And it was amazing! Theeese aaaaarms of miiiiiiine I'll hold you clooose never letting gooooooo-"
"Ayo shut yo high ass up man. People sleep up stairs Cole." I rolled my eyes at him again, cutting him off.
"I ain't high baby. I'm just happy."
He high.