Tuesday, December 17, the Loft, 9 pm
WomynRule: POG, what was with that list Tina made today? Is there something happening between you and my brother that I don't know about? AGAIN?
You know how they say that when it rains it pours? Well, I think the opposite is also true – when something good happens, it just keeps happening. This is what happened to me, at least, when Michael and I got back together. Lilly and I became friends again. She screamed for half an hour how stupid I had been and then another half an hour apologizing for that website.
FtLouie: She found me another date for the Carnival.
WomynRule: Why don't you just tell her?
FtLouie: That I am not interested? I told her fifteen billion times!
WomynRule: Not that, you idiot. Just tell her you are back together with my brother.
She might be one of the few people that knows about Michael and I, but she totally doesn't realize the whole aspect of the problem.
FtLouie: You know I can't do that, Lilly.
WomynRule: Frankly, she will have to learn eventually.
FtLouie: The more people I tell the more chances there are of Grandmere or Dad finding out. And you know how they would feel about it!
WomynRule: THEY WILL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY!
FtLouie: I will tell them after Michael comes back. If they find out now, they will want to know how it happened, and I can't exactly say I FLEW ALL THE WAY TO JAPAN COMMERCIALLY, CAN I? I DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM ANY REASON TO HATE MICHAEL. You don't understand, Lilly.
WomynRule: Sure I don't. POG, things will be much different after my brother comes back.
Oh, no kidding! There's gonna be at least one less thing to lie about to everybody!
FtLouie: You mean I won't be able to hide it any longer?
I waited for her reply but it didn't come.
FtLouie: Lilly? Are you still there?
Which usually means she is too irritated to type in a rational voice.
FtLouie: Lilly?
WomynRule: I meant ... never mind.
FtLouie: YOU MEANT WHAT? THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT HOW?
WomynRule: I just meant that when Michael comes back from Japan, he won't be some college student anymore.
No; he'll be a guy who reinvented heart surgery.
And he will be my boyfriend.
Can boyfriends get any cooler than that? Personally, I don't find rock stars to be too attractive.
FtLouie: You think this will make Grandmere stop hating him? No way, Lilly, TRUST ME. He still won't be royal and that makes him unworthy of me no matter what. Royals do not marry un-royals.
You'd think after four years, a genius like Lilly would realize this about Grandmere.
WomynRule: Didn't you say she wants to hook up with that Norwegian banker?
FtLouie: Yeah, but that's different. He's rich.
WomynRule: Please tell me you are kidding.
Kidding about what?
Oooh, it's Tina, again.
I love her, I really do but ... she just annoys me.
ILuvRomance: Hey, Mia! I just spoke to Scott, he's looking forward to the carnival. You two will have so much fun together! Anyways, he's wondering if you'd like to get some pancakes before the Carnival. If you do, Boris and I could totally come too and we could have a double date!
Seriously, and then people say I am the dense one?
At least I know what a NO means.
FtLouie: TINA, I DO NOT WANT TO GO!
ILuvRomance: That was what you said three years ago. And just look how everything turned out – well, minus the whole breakup aspect.
Remember how Tina used to be so supportive of Michael and I? Well, I came to a realization she doesn't really care who I date – she just doesn't want me to be single. Because in Tinaland, when everything is pure LOVE, you are not fulfilled until you have a boyfriend.
I might be depressed but I think she needs a professional help more than I do. I mean, at least I am still in touch with reality. Her head is flowing ... well, I don't really know where, but definitely not in our galaxy, that's for sure.
FtLouie: Situations are completely different.
ILuvRomance: Absolutely. And Michael is not here anymore.
AND SHE THINKS I HAVEN'T NOTICED?
FtLouie: I know he's not here anymore.
ILuvRomance: So I can tell Scott you'll go? But just to warn you – the double date thing might not happen, Boris doesn't like the idea.
Boris, the only sane person I hang out with in New York. Who'd think, in our freshman year, I would ever consider him to be the most normal person?
Life is really strange sometimes.
FtLouie: Neither am I.
ILuvRomance: I could ask Lana if...
FtLouie: Tina, once and for all, I am not going. I have to pack anyway since I am flying to Genovia the next morning.
ILuvRomance: Just pack now!
Is today national 'Let's Drive Mia Crazy' day? Lana's IMing me TOO! When did I become so popular?
Cheergurl: Tina just told me you're cancelling on Scott. OMG, you soooooooo need to get laid, GEEK! It's just a DANCE! Though ... if you don't go after all, can we still take your limo?
It doesn't get more Lana than this. But she can have my royal jet if it means they'll leave me alone!
WomynRule: POG, did a brick fall on your head and made you realize how dumb you are being?
Dumb? I can't follow this anymore.
I need to get new friends. Like YESTERDAY! I don't think true friends tell each other they're dumb or send each other on unwanted dates.
Seriously. What have I done to deserve this? I JUST WANT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH MY BOYFRIEND!
JoshBell2: Hey, Mia, I heard what Tina is planning. You don't have to go, you know. If you don't feel like it, then you should not go. I can talk to Tina for you if you want. – Boris
SkinnerBx: Hey, Thermopolis, how's it going?
And then the world stops spinning and I feel sane again.
He might be on the other side of the world, but he still makes me smile the most, calms me down and gives me hope that somehow things will work out.
FtLouie: Things are looking up, oh finally.
SkinnerBx: I miss you too. How did your Math test go?
FtLouie: I'll pass, I think. I hope. Tina is hooking me up with someone for the dance again.
SkinnerBx: Should I be worried?
FtLouie: That your girlfriend might go insane? Yeah, I think you should be.
SkinnerBx: You'll be fine. I'll be home soon.
I realize that he's trying to calm me down but ...
FtLouie: Oh no kidding? You do realize I'm spending Christmas in Genovia EATING NATIONAL CUISINE OF NORWAY WHICH I THINK INCLUDES A LOT OF MEAT?
SkinnerBx: Didn't you say the chef in the palace adores you? Just ask him for a vegetarian meal.
Things are so simple in his mind, aren't they?
How to let a girl know you love her? Just tutor her in Algebra and play her a song about a guy who loves a very tall girl. She is bound to figure it out. NOT.
How to tell a girl you love her too? Create a computer program and show it to her in front of everybody. She won't freak out. AT ALL.
How to ensure your future with the said girl? Just reinvent heart surgery and go away for MORE THAN a year.
How to do 'the right thing'? BREAK UP WITH HER!
FtLouie: Don't you think Grandmere would notice that?
SkinnerBx: Will it make you feel better if I tell you CardioArm is coming along great?
It's obvious that there is no love lost between Michael and Grandmere, isn't it?
FtLouie: Then what are you doing, chatting with me? GO BACK TO THE LAB AND FINISH THE THING ALREADY!
SkinnerBx: I am on a lunch break.
FtLouie: Wouldn't you rather have a lunch break with me?
SkinnerBx: Always.
And then he signed off.
Wednesday, December 18, Princess Lessons
Oh my God.
WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SHUT UP?
I've been here for the past 40 minutes and every second of those minutes she has spent talking about this great event she is planning for Christmas. Since 'Grandmere' in combination with self-proclaimed 'greatness' usually means something disastrous, I am mentally preparing for yet another low in my life.
Seriously. What have I done to her? I must have done something otherwise she wouldn't be making this Christmas into a complete disaster. I mean, I am sacrificing rare moments with my One True Love for her stupid Christmas fest. She even has forbidden Harry from coming, dreading I might end up playing badminton instead of attending formal dinner again (I am not 16 anymore, Grandmere?) – I mean, what am I supposed to do in Genovia? Die of boredom?
Wait ... has she somehow found out about Michael? Is this why she has even wanted us to leave for Genovia a week earlier?
Oh my god.
She knows.
And I am so dead.
Maybe she will blow up New York while we'll be safe in Genovia. Michael dying in a catastrophe wouldn't raise any suspicion that Grandmere was behind it.
She is totally evil enough to pull this off.
Maybe I should start paying more attention.
"Arne has already agreed to come .... This relation we will have with Norway will be priceless, Amelia. He is a very popular man in his land and thousands of Norwegians will hear about Genovia. And every winter – winters are terrible up there – the same thousand people travel south. With the right promotion, what Arne most definitely is, this thousands might come to Genovia! This will do marvels for our finances, Amelia!"
Right, she is selflessly devoted to her nation. There is no hidden motive in her liking this banker. NOT AT ALL.
She is impossible.
**List of Possible Christmas Gifts**
1. Grandmere. Cyanide. Or maybe a brick – it might get magic powers and fall onto her head. Maybe a slight concussion might make her saner. Or kinder. Ok, seriously, something purple. Maybe I could join hers and Rommel's gift ... I could ask Sebastiano to make matching coats for them? Sebastiano and I could totally give her the present together ...
2. Dad. A plant? If he takes care of it for a year without killing it, then maybe the next year I can give him a hamster or something? It might trigger a voice in his head saying it is time to settle down.
3. Mum – a t-shirt with Pussy Riot written on.
4. Mr G – 'World's Friendliest Mathematician' Coffee Cup.
5. Rocky – a Superman bed sheet he has wanted since ... ever.
6. Lars – a mascot of the upcoming Olympics. Since he has totally fallen in love with winter sports lately.
7. Tina – I am seriously thinking she does not deserve a gift this year. Maybe a nail polish?
8. Lana + Trish – not that they deserve it but maybe a mani/pedi appointment?
9. Lilly – since her TV station in Korea is paying for all the show's expenses, she no longer wants empty tapes ... Damn, I really thought I had this gift covered; now I have to think of something NEW? Maybe I could convince Dad to be on her show again?
10. Boris – a guide though fashion would be too mean, right?
11. JP – a notebook. He'll need plenty of those now that he is writing a play.
12. Shameeka – a Beyoncé perfume
13. Ling Su – something for painting.
14. Perin – that book she has been longing to have for ages now.
15. Sebastiano – old buttons I saw in antique shop last week. Since he had a thing for buttons now.
16. Rene – SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE HIM STOP SMOKING!
17. Harry – seriously what can you buy a guy who can afford everything? Maybe that maple syrup he has fallen in love with the last time he was in New York?
18. Michael – well, I know what NOT to buy – anything off Ebay. Maybe I could make him something that will remind him of me? Since I have no idea how much longer he will be Japan for (I know they have a different culture there, but I did think a year equals 365 days EVERYWHERE. Yes, he is a genius, but that does not give you the right to extend his stay!).
But I guess I don't really have to worry about his gift. I mean, it's not like I will see him this Christmas.
THANKS DAD AND GRANDMERE!
.
Wait ... what did Grandmere just said?