“What do you mean it concerns me and my father?” Justin asked slowly, his brown eyes searching my own for the answer.
Minutes and seconds seem to tick by and none of us moved or made any motion of any sort, almost daring each other to make the first move. Inhaling deeply I couldn’t help but feel the slither of regret that had begin to nag at me slowly, almost threatening to choke me free of all words. I was defenceless against that and briefly I began to wonder if I had been too hasty in the whole matter. A door opened downstairs and we both looked towards the source of the sound but made no move towards it. When he turned back I could feel his penetrating gaze and I felt kinda transparent. The longer he stared, the more I began to regret every single word I had said earlier.
Should I have waited?
The thought rang through my mind as I done anything to avoid his eyes. Biting my lip nervously I tried to ignore the little voice inside my head- should I have said anything at all? My feet remained planted on the ground and I didn’t say anything for a bit, instead choosing to look at the marble staircase. The chandelier had caused bright beams of light to shatter off the black marble, illuminating all the cream walls near-by.
From the corner of my eye I see Justin move just the slightest millimetre but that was all it took for me to dart backwards toward my bedroom door in a suddenness that scared even myself. Why am I acting like I’m scared of him I thought with disgust, immediately gaining my rigid posture. He is not something I should worry about; after all what is he going to do to me?
“Megan?” his voice whispered, noticeably closer now than it had been before.
I shook my head, allowing my dark brown tendrils to cover my face as he stepped closer and closer, shortening what little distance there was between me. Out of the blue I felt the first signs of hyperventilation. My heartbeat began to pick up and thudded hard against my chest as if trying to break out of the rib cage. My throat felt dryer and dryer as he continued to close the distance and to be truly honest, I couldn’t take it. That little space I had created between us was disappearing, much like the control I had tried so hard to gain not just over these few weeks but for years. At first, I saw this as something completely unique to me, a key to their operation that would fail without me but now… it’s the ongoing nightmare that I cannot wake up from.
My whole body is this emotional time bomb that goes off repeatedly, no matter how much I try to train myself to get a grip. I miss my parents with such a burning desire that I genuinely fear my sanity. It’s different when you’ve never met your parents once in your life- that sort of ‘miss’ is a longing curiosity that wants to be fed- you’re only intrigued.
But when you have known your parents for the past 17 years that’s a different story all together; I long endlessly for our stupid little board games that would always bring out the competitiveness in me. I long for the sweet hold of my mum and her scent so much like vanilla and orchid. I want my dad’s little motivational outbursts that always made me carry on with acting, no matter how many times I just felt like quitting altogether.
I want my parents back.
My heart yearns for them and the fact that that stupid little fraud is prancing around probably not even caring about my feelings or my own needs makes my blood boil. My hands begin to shake and I can’t stay still for the need to kill that ginger cow is so strong. Words can no longer describe the complete detest I feel for her.
Only then did I remember Justin, so close now than ever, waiting for my response whilst I had dazed out on my internal predicament.
“Megan” he pleaded, his tall frame towering above my own. I closed my eyes, guilt dominating every other feeling in my body. I’m just a big fat liar, so caught up in my web of lies that I can’t even find my out any more- the actual truth is so hazy but the lies… clear and stark against anything honest in this whole situation.
“Don’t. Just don’t call me that” I breathe, my voice choking up painfully as I refuse to open my eyes. This heavy weight seemed to have lodged itself in my throat and it hurt to do anything- I couldn’t speak or breathe without feeling as if the weight of the world was about to collapse on top of me.
“I’m so sorry” I whisper into the silence, my eyes welling up dramatically. That familiar stinging sensation returned and I whimpered once trying to hold back the tears. A warm hand cupped my cheek soon after and I opened my eyes to see Justin looking down at me, his bright brown eyes shining as if they too were newly wet. He smiled weakly before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, the movements all methodical and almost relaxing. My focus was completely on his touch as he tucked several strands of silky brown hair behind both ears and he wiped a stray tear that had managed to slide down one rosy cheek.
He was so warm I think distractedly, instantly feeling a bit better at his warmness. He smiled down weakly at me before bringing his face closer to mine. I looked up from under my tear coated lashes, waiting for him to do something, anything to break this silence. Like he had heard my thoughts, he cleared his throat quietly as if preparing himself to say something to me. He blinked once as if that was the deciding factor in what he was going to do next.
“Just let go” he pleaded, leaning down to rest his forehead on mine. My eyes reacting on their own accord, they began to leak soundless tears. “Stop holding back, stop hiding from me” he whispered, closing his own eyes peacefully. His words were filled with such compassion, an element that I hadn’t been exposed to much lately and I fulfilled his command whether I wanted to or not. For the first time in months, I cried.
I wept and sobbed and blubbered and cried endless rivers until I thought I had lost all the water in my body. And the whole time Justin held me, rubbing my back and whispering sweet nothings as I released everything that I had been holding back. The force of my tears was so strong that it robbed me of much of my energy and after fifteen consecutive minutes of crying, Justin lifted me up into his arms where I curled up against his chest.
Rocking me slowly he carried me back into my room, sitting down on my bed with me still cradled in his arms. I can’t remember how much time passed before I finally stopped and just lay there musing silently about nothing in particular. I’ve lost everything about myself except the acting, which I’m not even sure I want to pursue anymore, not after this. My sweet sarcasm has disappeared along with my spirit and now I only existed. I didn’t live anymore it was just my simple existence that remained, neither here nor there in desire for life or death.
A steady vibrating against me snapped me back from my near suicidal feelings, only to realise that Justin was humming a melody softly, filling the air with his hum.
“What’s that song?” I asked meekly, looking up from where I lay against him. Looking down at me he smiled faintly, bringing the tune to a halt.
“It’s that One Republic song, ‘Secrets’.”
Boom.
Just like that it all clicked.
It suddenly dawned on me that I wasn’t wrong about my intentions of telling him- they were exactly spot on and I couldn’t deny that great yearn to tell somebody other than Adrian or Joey about everything that was going on. The truth will set me free I think weakly in an attempt to pump myself up into actually going through with telling him. Abruptly, I jump off of him and sit down beside him instead, awkwardly placing my pale translucent hands on my thighs. It’s now or never Hannah.
“Justin” I say whilst exhaling, trying to force the words out. “I have to tell you something and I really need you to understand what I’m coming from” I beg, finally having the guts to look up at him. To my shock he was looking straight ahead, not acknowledging me at all. Frowning I jump to a knee sitting position and I grab his face, pulling him towards me with an urgency I hoped he understood. This was gravely important and he needed to know that I’m not acting like this over medication or a bad smoothie or whatever.
“You need to understand me Justin please” I cry, almost on the verge of tears all over again. His brows creased up in worry and the way he looked at me, with such curiosity and patience tilted the scales into doing something I knew would change everything. Having his attention, I tried to muster up the words for the perfect sentence, one that would explain everything generally to allow him some time to recuperate before I told him the additional gory details. My lungs seemed to gasp for oxygen so I started inhaling big gulps of it like it was my only chance of survival.
“For the past eight or nine weeks I have been forced to spy on you” I started, not leaving his eyes. “I came out here two weeks ago and I’ve been working against you.”
As soon as the words left my lips I brought a hand to them, as if the action would take back everything I had said. I gazed at him waiting for a reaction and bracing myself for the worse because I just knew that he wouldn’t like any of it. Imagine finding out that the girl you like is not only lying to you but isn’t even the girl you thought she was? I would be pretty irked to say the least.
“So you’re not Megan Chivonsky” he stated, staring into space blankly whilst I gawped at him in awe shocked at his lack of reaction. Mutely I nodded deciding not to say anything else. I kept waiting and waiting for the reaction I had prepared myself for mentally as well as emotionally. He turned to look at my devastated expression and he to my surprise smiled at me. He held my face in his hands and made me look into his twinkling brown eyes and I felt my own widening in shock. I mean…
No.
This is all wrong, so terribly wrong that I’m terrified. This shouldn’t be happening- he shouldn’t be smiling at me as if I had just told him the best news in the world; he should be yelling at me and beating me up or something. That I can deal with because that’s exactly what I deserved- what I don’t deserve is him handling me so softly like he didn’t want to break me. I couldn’t handle it.
“You’re Hannah Moriati aren’t you?” he whispered slowly and it took me a while to register exactly what he was saying. But slowly it began to sink in and I gasped in astonishment.
“What did you just say?” I choke out my eyes watering until his face wasn’t distinguishable against anything else behind him. Chuckling he just repeated what he has just said and I let out the breath I had been holding, knowing now that none of this was a dream. A feeling of lightness evaded me and I felt so lightheaded I began to wonder if I was mildly intoxicated. He… Justin he… he knows who I am. He knows that I’m not this Megan chick everyone else has foolishly believed and it felt so good to finally hear someone acknowledge me as Hannah, the real me.
My insides began to twist and turn as reality kicked in and I now knew that I no longer had to lie to Justin because in all honesty it’s been gradually killing me inside.
“You know who I am” I said stupidly, grinning like I was the common village idiot.
“Yes” he answered me calmly, stroking away some of the tears that were still streaming down my cheeks in a flood like fashion. “I’ve known for quite a while Hannah.”
“How? Why do you know?” I asked as it dawned on me that if he knew who I was, he probably knew the ins and outs of why I had to come here. He let go of me and leaned back on my bed and patted the spot next to him. Meekly I crawled over and waited expectantly for him to start. Through my blinds the sun had vaguely come out of view and a shadow hung over the once bright room. The ticking of my bed side clock seemed to amplify and the clattering downstairs signified that they were making me a meal. Regardless I waited, anticipating what he had to say.
“The Argyle Pink Diamond is enlisted under CIA protection in our ‘Jewellery’ store” he started, staring at the fluorescent stars that shined against the paleness of the ceiling.
“The store is a front and although I am Justin Garcia I work for the CIA as one of the teen apprentices. Adrian Morgan Smith is one of the most wanted guys in America and we have been tracking him for years. He runs this covert operation in which he kidnaps and changes girls in order to carry out his own tasks. It’s a worldwide thing now and we don’t know how many hundreds of girls have been changed. For the majority of the girls they’re either alone, adopted or mentally ill and easily indoctrinated. He promises them a new life and they take it quite happily.”
I remained silent because a part of me always knew that this wasn’t anything easy that Adrian had created at random. What got me was that it was worldwide and that some girls out there wanted this life of deception. What is attractive about constantly lying to everyone about who you are? Justin was looking at me as if waiting for my approval to continue. I was too stunned to move and with no sign of interference he took a deep breath to continue.
“You are the first high profile girl he’s taken and he’s taken you for a reason. You’re an easy way to get that diamond that he wants so much because you are multi-talented. When he gets what he wants he’ll reveal to your parents that you’re actually Hannah, kill the clone and demand a $500,000 ransom so that he can flee” he continued, his brown eyes hardening to the core at the very thought.
“No” I interjected hurriedly, shaking my head as my mind went back to thoughts of the crying Joey I had felt so much pain for. “They want that pink diamond because of their sick uncle okay!” I yelled, not being able to keep it in. Justin’s eyes widened and he frowned at me in confusion.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that they need that diamond to fund a proper trial or to at least kill the uncle who killed their mother! They’re step brothers!” I shrieked, spouting anything I knew about this and trying to justify what they were doing. Shooting up, I stood on my bed towering above him.
“Joey said that’s all he wanted” I said absentminded.
Justin’s frown deepened and he pulled me down towards him. He restrained my flailing body and stared me hard in the eyes making sure to convey his message as clearly as possible. In those three seconds that he didn’t speak my heart began to race and I feared that he would tell me something that would change my perspective on life forever. He tried several times to start speaking before he finally just closed his eyes, took a long deep breath and stared at the wall behind me, probably feeling guilty already.
“Joey and Adrian aren’t related at all” he stated calmly, trying to hold me still as I began to shake my head profusely as tears shed yet again. “They’re parents are billionaires in Spain- there is no sick uncle in jail Hannah. It’s all a lie” he finished, his own eyes clouding over.
There was only one other occasion that had caused such a gut wrenching pain that eroded me inside out and that was when I saw the picture of the fraud with my loving parents. Now knowing that Joey lying to me all this time… my heart is truly destroyed and I don’t think it can ever be repaired.