Round 5
December 30th, 2019
A vacation for Anthony was much needed and deserved. It's been a long and trying year. And winter's the perfect time to escape the cold weather for fun in the sun. So with his family and friends, he found himself in Barbados.
Anthony looks up from the book he's reading in the lounge chair placed on the beach. Grey clouds pass by the sky as people play in the turquoise waters of the calm sea. His son, Joseph, sits directly in front of him playing in the white sands.
Between his friends and family along with Abella's, he can't even keep count of who all came on the trip. They rented a villa and plan to be here for the next week and a half.
He brushes sand out of his son's hair that needs to be re-braided as Odera runs across the beach. Odee stops then squats down holding his arms out as his wife is some distance away helping their son stand.
When she lets go Masego falls right to the sand when they're trying to get him to walk now that he's 9 months old. When Masego bursts into tears Odera shakes his head then looks at Anthony who he noticed watching before they share a laugh.
"Come on, man," Odee comments going to pick his son up. Anthony's face fades into a dismal smile before sighing. You think you get over something, but then you get reminded...
He looks around the beach seeing all the kids playing and running around prompting him to ask his son, "Do you want to go play with the other kids?"
"No, not right now," JJ answers without even thinking about it. Anthony chuckles because he's so much like him. Sometimes he just doesn't want to be bothered with anyone's company.
Once again his eyes scan the beach looking for Abella. She said she had to get something from the villa, but she's not back yet. His eyes then land on Errol who's playing with his two daughters and son along with Valore.
When she showed up with Errol people were surprised, but she made it very clear they're not back together. Throughout the months they've been co-parenting successfully with no arguing. Even though they're no longer together they still want to show their kids they're a family.
They live separately with Valore keeping their old house and Errol moving into a high-rise condo. A lot of things put life in perspective for Errol including his car accident, losing sole custody of Royce for a split second, and losing Valore. He could've lost his life and his son, but he didn't.
Errol had the lesson that most men with a little money and fame are schooled in... Women can deter you from your goals and morals if you allow them.
He learned his lesson about laying down with just anybody or letting people back in because you loved them once upon a time. With fame and money people have ulterior motives. People are like leeches. They bring nothing, but suck the life out of you.
Anthony checks his phone for the first time today seeing he's been sent a tweet repeatedly. When he opens it everyone's at'ing him under a tweet Toran made. He reads it to himself: I'll shoot ya house up. I'll shoot ya spouse up. Now what? Chop up the body like cold cuts.
People are assuming the tweet's directed towards Anthony because it was announced this morning that he officially signed a contract with Toran to set in place he'll be his next opponent.
The contract was sent right after his rematch against Ruiz like he said he would, but Toran just signed it. It took them weeks to negotiate numbers and percents because Toran thinks he's worth more than he really is. Now they just need a location and date.
On top of them signing the contract it was reported that his brother, Trouble, had been released from jail two months early. According to reports he was let out a couple days ago. He served 4 months out of his 6 month sentence.
When Errol walks over sitting in the lounge next to Anthony he groans while plopping down. He extends his hand and Anthony daps him. "Those kids are tiring me the fuck out meanwhile your son sitting over here nice and calm."
Right at that moment Joseph gets up and runs off with Errol's son, Royce. His son is a lot more outgoing since he first got him out of foster care. Errol provided a stable environment, a good school, and good therapy so it was helping him be miles better.
He's also better off without Rejoice in his life. She had added to his trauma in the short amount of time that she had him in her custody. How? Because Messiah was staying with her and according to Royce opening up in counseling he wasn't a nice guy..
Messiah was rude to Royce for no reason. He also had his moments of taking his anger out by saying fucked up stuff to Rejoice or even hitting her a few times. Seeing that made Royce think it was okay to hit his younger sisters, but they got that nipped in the bud real quick.
Now that Rejoice is out on bail she has called and asked Errol to speak to and see Royce, but he refuses. The judge agreed and took away her visitations and custody for leaving him the way she did. He's no longer letting her into their sons life.
Anthony scrunches his face looking at the tweet then shows it to Errol. "What's this supposed to mean?"
Errol reads it then chuckles. "He's throwin' subs and shots already." He hands Anthony his phone back adding, "Don't even worry about him. Everything with that nigga is performative. He's feeling emboldened to talk shit now that his brother's out."
He sucks his teeth. "He does too much running his mouth. I'm ready to put my fists through his face."
"I know a couple boxers I could say the same about. I'm ready to get back in the ring."
"In due time," Anthony mumbles. He nods his head towards Valore who plays with the kids asking, "You still tryna get her back?"
A slow smile creeps across Errol's face before they both bust out laughing. "Nah, man. We're cool right now. Shit, to be honest, we're closer than we've ever been on a friendship and co-parenting level."
"I feel that. It's better than being at odds."
"Valore's a tough cookie, ya know. I fucked up. Even if Rejoice manipulated things to her advantage I was still communicating with her. I was still hanging with her. I'll give it to Rejoice, she's smart."
"She's sneaky," Anthony says matter-of-factly from his experiences with her.
Errol blows out air to show agreement. "Valore kept accusing me of buying Joy a chain and I kept denying that shit. She said that's how she found out I was messin' with her. You know Rejoice snuck and got my card information then bought a chain from the same jeweler I bought Valore's engagement ring from to add to her schemes of getting me caught up."
"Damn. That is smart," he responds confirming Errol's earlier statement.
"Some people are just like seagulls... They fly in, drop their mess, and fly away after stirring up shit," Errol says making Anthony chuckle, but it's the truth. "Don't be like me. Don't be stupid even though us men are good at that sometimes."
"I'm trying not to. It's hard though... Not the being not stupid part. Being a good boyfriend; that's the hard part sometimes. I'm just trying to be there for Abella, but I don't think that's good enough."
Errol looks at Anthony knowing exactly what he's referring to. "I've known Abella a lonngggg time. When she goes through shit you start to question if you're being a good friend and support system. You just have to give her space."
"How do you know when you're giving her too much space and when you're being overbearing?"
He shrugs. "You don't. I know that doesn't help," Errol says looking at Anthony. "Bell's like a target for demons and abusers. So much bad shit happens in that Mobisson family, I think she's constantly bracing for impact. Waiting for something bad to happen. And if it doesn't happen she creates the bad. Self-sabotaging."
There's silence for a few seconds then Errol goes on. "My mama say she's like an empath. Super sensitive despite that hard shell. She feels everything. She has this big heart and relieves everyone's pain, but can't do the same for herself. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed and can't deal with emotions. That's when she can't sleep, gets depressed, has panic attacks, drugs aka pills..."
"I feel like she tries to hide from me," he says honestly.
"You just gotta pray for her and be there when she calls on ya." Errol twists up his mouth feeling bad he can't offer any better advice.
Now that they're on vacation and have time to relax when Anthony's usually busy, he also had time to think. You reflect on everything that happened this year and he can see why Abella has been withdrawn.
Anthony takes the pathway directly from the beach to the villa going to see where Abella disappeared to. Walking through the house that has crisp, white furniture everywhere he greets any staff members that he comes by.
He stops one of them to ask, "Has my girlfriend been in here? Have you seen her?"
"Bedroom, I believe," she answers before continuing on.
The house accommodates 20 people, so he makes his way down a hallway that leads to the bedroom him and Abella are staying in. He walks in looking around spotting her sitting on the couch still wearing her bikini.
"What are you doing in here?" He asks taking strides towards her...
"Needed to be alone for a second," she says giving a short smile. He knows sometimes she finds being around people draining, so she'll slip off to recharge. "I also just got off the phone with my manager and lawyer..."
Already knowing it's something he sits down too. "What's going on?"
"Remember when we were going through all our issues with the pregnancy and I wanted to get rid of the baby." He nods. How could he forget? "Do you remember the video I had you watch with a letter where I was singing a song playing the guitar."
"Yeah."
"I ended up recording it, but I decided not to put it out. Some how my label got their hands on it and they gave the song to another artist and put it out as her single without giving me writing credits. They gave credit to the artist. She knows good and well she didn't write it."
She sighs and runs her hand over her forehead as Anthony's eyebrows bounce up. "That song was really personal. How can they do that?"
"It's the industry. They didn't change a single word either. It's unethical for a singer to take credit for a song they didn't write. You're robbing the writer of reaping financial benefits for their creativity and hard work. They're going to get paid my publishing."
"Who's the artist?"
"All I'll say is she's lacking melanin," she says pointing at her hand. "They changed it from a beautiful, raw, stripped down acoustic version to a poppy mess," she groans. She stands up pacing in place. "It's not even about the fucking money. It's about ethics. If hell fire was profitable would you buy it?"
"Are you going to sue?"
"Yeah, but by the time it goes to court this could be the next big single topping the charts. They're already pushing it like it is." She pauses and closes her eyes before going on, "If people know one thing about me it's that I write my own shit. That I take my pen serious. I didn't get an award for song writer of the year for nothing."
"The truth always reveals itself. All you have to do is post the video you made me with the date and that'll prove everything."
"Why should I have to fight my own label like this? They're trying to teach me a lesson. Now they're not paying me. I haven't seen a penny from my last mixtape and when I asked they claim I had to pay the budget back when me and my team did everything ourselves. I did the photoshoot, promotion, everything," she rants.
She flies back onto the couch adding in a mumble, "People keep taking shit from me. They're taking my voice, peace of mind, freedom, people I love, everything!"
He furrows his eyebrows at her choice of words. "Is there something else besides the song bothering you?"
"Huh?" She asks in confusion.
"Do you want to talk? It's like you've been avoiding actually talking for weeks."
"About what?" She asks giving a sheepish look. He can't tell if it's guilt, shame, embarrassment, or just being uncomfortable.
"You said they took people you love from you.."
"I said that?" She asks not even realizing what came out of her own mouth.
"Yeah. Are you referring to Tylon?"
"Yeah, I guess," she plays it off nonchalantly. He knows in a few seconds she'll either try to change the subject or shut down. She sighs then finally says, "I feel like I could've done more."
"Like what?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. Having him move with me or my Mom before his 18th birthday. His Foster parents would've said yes as long as they still got their check. If he lived with us he wouldn't be able to go wherever and no one care where he's at and-"
He knows when she starts talking fast it's getting to her. It's like she has an emotional overload. "Abella, you're an artist. You couldn't house a foster child and give him adequate attention and care. You can barely give yourself that. You can't blame yourself."
"Usually a vacation would replenish me. Being around family, friends, you, a beach. I don't know. I'm trying to enjoy myself. I'm sorry for being a downer." He knows she's on the verge of trying to change the subject.
"Let me see that," He says looking at her phone laying on the couch that lights up with constant notifications.
She hands it to him and as he's turning it off she asks, "What're you doing?"
"Off. You have to disconnect." He grabs her other phone unlocking it. He puts it on do not disturb mode then hands it back to her. "Your grief is valid. Your emotions make sense. It's okay for you to say no, to take space, and to chill out. You need rest."
"Everyone else is okay and I'm still moping around. I feel like I'm being a drama queen."
"Or maybe we're all doing the same thing as you. We spend so much of our lives denying our emotions. We all put on a brave, happy face when really underneath the mask, there is a lot of pain and grief. We're all still trying to process and cope. We're all doing it differently. Grieving has no expiration date."
Abella sighs looking at her hands that lay in her lap. "So many emotions come up and my eyes fill with tears no matter how much I've worked on my own self healing. I'm trying to learn how to center myself, so that I don't feel too much or become overwhelmed."
"You can't rush to fix or change your feelings. Slow down... Maybe you should Facetime Dr.Gracie and talk to her," he suggests referring to her therapist. "That's what I did."
"It's the holidays. I don't want to bother her," she uses as an excuse before hopping up from the couch beginning to pace again until Anthony grabs her hand.
He pulls her towards him making her sit on his knee. "Relax." He rubs his hand down her arm making her sigh.
"I'm relaxed." That's what she says even though her leg bounces up and down in anxiousness. When Anthony touches her knee she realizes then stops.
"I'm good. I promise," she turns to flash a comforting smile.
"You sure?"
She repositions herself to straddle his lap responding, "I'm a-okay."
When Abella leans in kissing him he knows what's about to happen. In that list of things Abella does when she's overwhelmed Errol forgot...sex. Before a good conversation would do just fine, but now she resolves issues with intimacy. It took him one or two times to realize, so now it's starting to bother him.
He lets her kiss him, but he doesn't put any effort into it back. "Why do you keep doing that?" He asks making her pull back.
"Do what?" She wears a puzzled face, but she knows what he's talking about. Nothing he hates more than a person playing stupid.
"I'm trying to have a real conversation with you."
"We just had a real conversation. We're on vacation. Who wants to talk about depressing shit all day? We're in Barbados," she says getting up from his lap stretching her arms up. She puts her hands on his knees before leaning in and kissing him again. "All we should be doing is eating, tanning, and having sex."
"I'm not really on that right now." He's not in the vibe for that. He's frustrated and it's not sexually. She's clearly shutting him out, while also not communicating. Something they spent months working on. "I just came to check you and-"
He stops talking watching her walk across the room. When she reaches the double doors that connect the sitting area of the room to the bedroom, she reaches her arm back and pulls at the string of her bikini top.
"You're not?" She asks in response to him saying he's not on that. She unties the top part and the bikini top falls to floor. He stares at her bare back that wears marks showing she's gotten a tan since being here.
With no shame she trots to the balcony door opening it. It lets in a breeze as you can hear the waves crash in the distance. From the view you can see the sky's a mix of light blue, pink, purple, and yellow as clouds look like cotton.
He shakes his head, but finds himself getting up from the couch and his feet carrying him over to where she's at...
Hours later after a session and a nap, Anthony finds himself jet skiing with his friends. Lately he feels like he's bending and breaking to be there for Abella. He's always had boundaries, but when it comes to her he'll give her a pass.
The reality is they both had to deal with Tylon's death, but he really didn't get a chance to sit in it. He found out the day before he had a big fight then he won the fight, so he was expected to be happy and celebrate.
The therapist explained to him he's a survivor type, so sometimes he attracts someone who falls more on the helpless spectrum. This was in reference to his son's mother, Natalie, but it's fitting someone else right about now...
He's had a past of enabling patterns thinking it's his job to rescue or save someone. Dr. Gracie reminded him that just because he's a protector doesn't mean he should stop protecting his own energy and boundaries.
It's not his job to rescue others, but it's hard to feel that way because it feels selfish. Abella clearly isn't okay, but he can't help a person who's closing themselves off.
He turns the jet ski sharply splashing water at Gbenga who flinches. "Hey, bitch!" Ben spits water out that got into his open mouth. Anthony laughs in a hearty manner before pushing the throttle lever to speed off.
After riding a little while longer he goes back to shore. Walking through the sand across the beach Anthony removes his lift jacket approaching some of the ladies on the trip who Abella was with, but she's nowhere in sight.
"Where did Abella go?"
Some of them shrug before Tamara answers, "I haven't seen her in awhile to be honest.."
Anthony furrows his eyebrows, but tries not to worry going to check on his son. Seeing Joseph with one of his close friends and the other kids he decides to go look for Abela..once again.
"Where the fuck does she keep disappearing to?" He mumbles to himself considering he searched anywhere you could think of in the villa and on the beach.
He couldn't call her phones because he turned one off and the other couldn't be located because she either turned off location services or she just has bad service.
After walking around and searching for ten minutes he walks into the indoor pool area looking around. It's quiet and no one seems to be in here. When he sees her Chloé sandals on the side of the pool he furrows his eyebrows.
He stares at the water seeing a couple bubbles drift to the top then noticing a shadowy figure underneath.
His first thought is she can't swim. At least not that well anyway. Everyone knows that. She took swim lessons twice in childhood and still can't swim in deep water without goggles. The goggles that have the complete snorkel gear to be exact.
He stares at the water a few more seconds, but when she still hasn't come up he goes to the edge and uses his long arm to reach in grabbing her. When she's suddenly yanked from under the water she gasps.
She's in pure confusion causing her to slightly panic and resist him. It's not until she wipes water out of her eyes that she sees it's Anthony. "What are you doing?" He asks.
"What are you doing?" She shoots back. "Why'd you yank me out of the water like that?" He loosens his grip on her arm as she latches onto the side of the pool. Water droplets cling to her eyelashes and her lips have turned a slight blue color from the cold water.
She tries to push herself out of the pool, but her arms slip trying to hold onto the side so he helps pull her out. Once she's on the side of the pool water drips off her body as she looks at Anthony waiting on an answer.
"I thought–" he starts but stops himself.
"You thought what?" She asks with attitude pushing her wet hair out of her face.
"What were you doing?" He asks again not answering her question.
"Being under water is quiet. I was trying to remember what it's like for it to just be quiet. Everything. Silent. My thoughts. It's like being in the womb again." She stands up letting the air hit her wet body resulting in a shiver going up her spine.
"Oh," is all he can say. That's definitely wasn't his assumption.
"I wanted to see how long I could hold my breath and if I can open my eyes under water. That's the main reason my ass can't swim."
He feels stupid because he jumped to conclusions. "Why are you in here alone though? You can't swim and there's nobody in here if something happens."
She narrows her eyes looking at him. "Did you think I was trying to drown myself or something?"
He reaches his arm back rubbing his neck. "Yeah," he admits
"Why?"
"You've been acting-" He stops himself not wanting to say weird. "-distant lately. Down, depressed.. The conversation we had earlier didn't help."
She walks over to grab a towel. "I would never hurt or kill myself. My mom's brother committed suicide and it fucked her up. I wouldn't make her go through that again," she says monotonously.
Her family rarely talked about her uncle. Abella and Odera just knew no matter how bad things get or how depressed you are, don't kill yourself.
Even if her brother's death killed her, Toni always felt it was a little selfish. Especially how you do it... Her brother shot himself in the head in their mother's house for their Mom to come home and find him.
"I said I'm fine. It's just been a rough couple of weeks," she says beginning to dry herself off.
"Let's try months. It's been a rough couple months. Maybe even year." She nods her head agreeing with that. "I'm sorry if I scared you," she apologizes scrunching her wet hair before throwing the towel on a chair.
"It's fine. Maybe I was being paranoid. Sometimes I get concerned." She gives him a soft smile before sliding her feet into her sandals. "Come with me." He extends his hand and she takes it.
"Where are we going?"
They leave the indoor pool taking the pathway from the villa that leads directly to the attached private beach. As he keeps walking getting closer to the water Abella's feet get heavier to the point he's almost dragging her.
"What are you doing?"
"Come in the water," he motions for her to come.
"You know I don't do large bodies of water without some type of boat or device," she stopping him from moving. She looks down seeing their reflection hand in hand on the shores of the beach as the water moves back and forth.
"Trust me," he says making her look up.
He goes into the water as she still stands there stuck. He splashes water in his own face like it's refreshing as she just stares at him...
"Come." He holds out his hands and she looks around hesitantly. When she spots the lifeguard station that's painted bright yellow she thinks 'fuck it' kicking off her sandals.
She steps into the water too, but stops when she notices Anthony backing up further and further away from her. "Come further."
"Hold my hand," she says like a little kid making him chuckle. He grabs both of her hands as she moves through the water with a face full of fear. "Something touched my foot," she squeals ready to take off running out of the water, but he grabs her.
When she's on her tip toes from going deeper in the water her eyes bug. "You wanna learn how to swim. Let's do it."
"We could've done this in the pool," she shoots back making him laugh.
"I'll teach you how to float first." He makes her lay on her back as his arms are under her to hold her up. It's a good way to get someone more comfortable in the water. He tells her to do just enough with her legs and arms to keep her balance. "Relax. Don't fight the water."
When he moves his arms from holding her up she relaxes herself as the water carries her weight essentially feeling weightless. "I'm doing it," she says under her breath.
As she floats in the water she looks up at the clear blue sky as clouds float by. She breathes in and out deeply, blinking at the same time. She exhales and repeats slowly becoming less tense.
The moment reminds her of when her parents got baptized together for one of their wedding anniversaries. It was one of her favorite pictures of her parents.
She can remember her mother telling her: 'It felt like God was holding me himself. Then I realized it was just God coming through Michael, the person he sent to me to love me unconditionally.'
Anthony also remembers what Toni told him on July 4th because it's stuck with him since then... 'He was like God and I was the Earth... Earth has to be watered by god...He nourished me, took care of me, and from that something grew.'
He's kept that in mind everyday while being with Abella. He wants to help her grow, so she doesn't find herself backtracking. He knows she wants the same for him.
Over time he realized being in a relationship is you being the Earth while this other person is the moon. The moon's gravity pulls at the Earth, causing rises and falls.
The energy that Earth loses is picked up by the moon. Much like a relationship; when one's lacking the other picks up the slack.
The moon's gravitational pull may have been key to making Earth a livable planet which made it a more stable climate where life could flourish. If it's the right relationship it'll bring stability and growth.
And although Abella's not being baptized she can't explain the feeling she's having. Emotions begin to overwhelm her. When water droplets dot her face you would think it's water from the sea.
An immense amount of emotions rushed over her as her salty tears mixed in with the salt water of the sea. Anthony said nothing, but let her float for as long as she could. He knows that if she ever comes close to drowning he'll be there to save her.
Do you know the feeling when you're with someone and it just doesn't feel right? But you're too afraid to ask because you know it'll change things. That's how he feels. When the time comes, she'll tell him...
The Next Day...
The first thing Abella did when she woke up this morning after getting ready was go to the beach with Janet, Tamara, and Valore. They were basically having a full fledged photoshoot in their bathing suits just to post the pictures on Instagram for likes later.
If they had to choose someone who's going to get their photos right each time, they would choose each other. They get the angles and lighting right every time. They also don't rush each other like a man would
The Barbados beaches are picture perfect and they're the only one's here because it's early. As the days go by Abella had convinced herself that the relapse was no big deal. She took one little Molly pill to make her happy, dance, and have fun at a party.
It's no big deal, she kept telling herself. It's one little setback that no one has to know about because it won't happen again. There's no need to tell Anthony, her addiction counselor, or her therapist.
Abella feels like something's wrong with her because she can't sustain happiness for longer than a day. It's day by day for her.
One day she's her complete self not letting anything bother her. The next day she's moody, full of attitude, doesn't want to be bothered, and her anxieties through the roof. She tries to move through her depression with compassion and understanding, but it's hard.
Once the Molly wore off she experienced various side effects such as feelings of depression, anxiety that people will find out she relapsed or that girl who gave her the pill will tell, irritability, rash behavior, insomnia but then also being very tired, and memory problems.
Abella didn't remember half the night of Christmas eve. When she got messages of people saying they had fun dancing with her or saw videos from herself, no recollection. When Anthony mentioned a girl trying to dance and feel up on him yet she didn't cuss the girl out, she didn't remember.
Even with being on vacation and surrounded by loved ones she can't help her down moods. Between the traditional festive celebrations, spectacular themed dinners, and fun-filled beach parties she's still having a hard time having real fun.
Abella squats down taking multiple pictures of Janet with her Nikon D3500. At the perfect time a gust of wind dramatically blows Janet's hair. Feeling like she got a good shot she stands up looking through them while walking towards Janet.
"I think it looks good in black and white," she says showing one of the pictures to her...
"Damn, I look good. At this point, you need to be a photographer," she says looking at the picture of herself.
"I try," she says brushing off her shoulder. Abella knows what looks good, especially for Black people. We need a certain type of lighting and the right camera settings to make our skin look good and not washed out.
"Wow, I really look good," Janet goes on as if she's shocked about it.
"Girl, you look good all the time," Abella compliments.
"You know what it is? I finally allowed myself to gain a little weight after staying the same size for years."
"Well, you look good. You look blessed," she says making Janet laugh. "Who's next?"
"Me!" Valore jumps up from sitting in the sand.
"You should do yours on the rock," Abella points. Valore climbs onto the rock that's on the shoreline of the beach and sits down. In her two-piece gold bathing suit that compliments her honey skin she gets in position as Abella hypes her by saying, "Give me Little Mermaid, Ariel, yes!"
"1, 2, 3," she says before sucking in and Abella taking the picture. The girls chuckle feeling that all too well. When a wave comes and crashes against the rock Abella takes a picture at the perfect time getting a beautiful shot.
"That's the one," she announces. Immediately after another wave comes crashing so hard it splashes in Valore's face. She sits there completely stuck with her mouth agape in shock as water drips down her face.
"I know you lying!" She finally angrily shouts. The other women couldn't even help the loud, obnoxious laughs that bellowed out after holding it in a few seconds. "These waves damn near knocked my fuckin' wig back and my lash extensions off, bitch!"
She stands up slipping on the rock a little, so Abella helps her down as Tamara hands her a towel. Once they're done taking pictures they all sit on the beach relaxing.
Abella looks through all the pictures she's taken so far during the trip on the display screen. "I'm still trying to figure out my new GoPro, but when I do... We're taking IG to the next level," she announces.
"You still mess with Gbenga?" Valore asks Tamara. Abella raises her eyebrows looking down at her camera knowing the answer.
"Nope, had to slow that thing on down. It was getting way too serious for me." It was good for a couple weeks, but that's usually how it goes nowadays.
"I can't believe he really brought his baby mother on the trip knowing you were gonna be here. Messyyyyy. Honey!" Tamara shrugs like she doesn't care. Tam's one of those women who'll put work before anything. No man can ever deter that.
"Told you niggas ain't shit," Valore comments sorely. It's not that she's bitter after her break up with Errol, she's just venting.
"Girl, didn't you come with your baby daddy? You probably got some hoe back home mad," Tam says making them laugh.
"Well, that ain't my fault. I don't care what little pieces he got now. I'm taking care of my kids, finally graduated college after it taking me all these extra years, running my business, and I'm doing music again. I'm not worried about him."
"Okay!" Janet throws in exchanging a high-five with her.
"You know Royce asked me if he could call me Mom the other day..." At Valore's statement all the women look in surprise.
"What'd you say?" Abella asks what they're all thinking.
"As much as I don't like Rejoice's evil ass I told him that I don't want her to feel hurt by that, but that I do love him. Then he said he wishes his Mom was more like me. Shit broke my heart, but sometimes you have to know your place."
They nod agreeing with her. It's not a surprise because Valore watches Royce so much you would think he's her child. She doesn't want him to feel left out when she comes to get her daughters. So when Errol's busy, she has him.
"I commend you for taking care of Royce as if you and Errol are still together. That's some grown woman shit after what Errol did.."
Valore shrugs with a sigh. "I don't know if Rejoice will ever be allowed around Royce again, but I can't just try to take her place. That's for Errol and her to figure out for his sake."
"That's understandable. I actually talked to Rejoice once they let her out on bail even though there's a no contact order," Abella admits.
"Really?" Tamara asks not knowing that.
"It was actually a good conversation. Then maybe a week ago she asked me to recommend a good therapist and I did." Meanwhile Abella needs to talk to her therapist, but she's avoiding it. "I think she's making steps to change."
"I hope so," Valore states. "Royce deserves that much."
"Now that Royce's little personality's coming out he reminds me so much of Joy's brother who died. It's kinda scary," Abella reminisces on Christian.
The women continue talking before going back to the villa where most people are now up and moving around getting ready or eating breakfast. Abella makes her way through the house going to the room her mother's staying in knocking on the door.
When her mother tells her to enter she turns the knob seeing Toni still in bed reading a book. "You still in bed, Mommy?"
"Chile, I'm tired. I'm not a spring chicken full of energy like I used to be," she responds moving her legs from under the covers to sit on the edge of the bed.
"You better get some energy because it's going to be a long day. It's New Year's Eve."
"Since you're in here you can help me pick my outfit for tonight's festivities. Go to the closet and pick between the four that are hanging up."
"I got you, Ma." She does as her mother says grabbing all the outfits and laying them across the bed examining each. While debating between the options she asks, "Have you been enjoying yourself?"
"Of course. How could I not on this beautiful island. Have you?" She probes narrowing her eyes at her daughter.
"I'm trying," she reluctantly smiles. Changing the subject she says, "This outfit with these shoes andd that Chanel purse I got you for Christmas," she says grabbing everything and putting it together. "You'll look like a scoop of mint ice cream that make all the boys scream," she jokes cornily making her mother laugh.
"Girl and what boys are gonna be looking at me?" She asks getting up from the bed. She grabs her case of jewelry and looks through it to see if she has anything to go with the outfit.
"I saw that villa employee flirting with you," she says giving her mother the look.
"Chile, please!" She immediately waves Abella off thinking she's crazy.
"Would you ever date again?" She asks sitting on the bed. With her outfit for tonight now picked Toni picks what she's going to wear until it's time to change.
"Hell no! I said that way before your father even passed that I'm not dating or getting married again. Michael was it." She pauses after grabbing a maxi dress from her suitcase. "Why?"
"Just curious. All these couples you're around... Does it ever get to you? Make you feel lonely?"
"A man doesn't complete me. Never has and never will. This coochie's closed permanently. They can't handle this Hidden Valley ranch anyway. Mhmmm," she says looking over her shoulder at Abella and pouting her lips cockily.
Abella's mouth slightly drops. "That's nasty." She laughs under her breath and shakes her head. "Oh, and thank you for giving Anthony that picture of me and Papai." She doesn't have the locket on now, but it's only because she was at the beach.
"It was a thoughtful gift. You know, I was skeptical about you dating Anthony at first, but I really like him. It's a blessing to find someone who lets you be yourself. Someone who understands what you've been through and is patient in the process.."
"Yeah, it is," Abella smiles slightly.
"I know you've been going through a lot, but don't push him away. If you can't communicate your feelings to me and your brother, at least tell him. That way if he doesn't know what to do then he can tell us and ask for help. Okay?"
"I'm fine, Mom," she instinctively tells her.
"Okay. Can you get my medicine bag out of the bathroom?" She asks while still digging through her luggage. "It should be on the counter," she adds while Abella walks towards the connected bathroom. She walks in spotting Coach pill box grabbing it. "I only need the pill bottle labeled 'morning'," she further instructs.
Abella unzips it being met with three different bottles. One for morning, lunchtime, and before bed. In each bottle it has her high blood pressure medication, different vitamins, medication since she's hormone-receptor-positive to reduce the risk of her cancer coming back, and pain relievers...
On top of being a breast cancer survivor, Toni had endured wear and tear on her body from 30 years of nursing that gave her arthritis, aches, and pains. She might look good for age, but the truth is she's in pain a lot. Her knees, shoulders, hips, and hot flashes. She would never be the same so she relied on pills that pharmaceutical companies sell people to keep up a trillion dollar industry.
Pills that cause side effects, are highly addictive, and can even kill...
Her hands brush over the morning bottle grabbing it. They then travel to the before bed bottle knowing that's where the pain pills are, so Toni can sleep at night without moaning and groaning.
She opens the bottle pouring out a couple then stuffing them into the pocket of her jean shorts that are over her swimsuit.
"Were you able to find it?" She hears her mother yell from the other room making her jump.
"Yeah," Abella yells back. She quickly puts the bottle back in place then zips it back putting it on the counter. She takes her mother the morning bottle watching Toni grab it then take several pills washing it down with a water bottle on her nightstand.
"I guess I'll get ready and get out of this room."
"I'll see you later." Abella leaves her mother's bedroom and when she closes the door behind her she pauses for a second. She looks down at the shorts that are unbuttoned just for fashion before continuing down the hall.
Abella makes her way to the kitchen where several people fill the room. She greets everyone from family, friends, to the staff eyeing the food. They didn't eat breakfast before they went out for their faux editorial shoot.
When she sees Anthony enter the kitchen she smiles before skipping up to him. "Good morning," she says getting on her tip toes to kiss him.
"Good morning," he says a little taken aback by all her energy. He doesn't know what mood he's going to get. It's confusing honestly. At least she's happier than the day before...
The day had been packed of activities, but now Abella's getting ready for the New Year's Eve festivities or as they call it Old Year's Night in Barbados. She's actually excited a new year's about to start. This year has been shitty, so she's hoping 2020 will be better than 2019..
After doing the finishing touches on her makeup she walks out of the bathroom now wearing a new outfit consisting of a custom dress and heels she had planned for the occasion. Abella, Janet, Valore, and Tamara had them planned for weeks.
Anthony looks up from tying his dress shoe doing a double take. "I like it," is the first thing he can think to say. "But also, why are you so extra?" He asks with a laugh taking in the headpiece that matches the dress.
She waves him off and puts a hand on her hip. "But you love it," she snaps and points.
"I do," he admits standing from the bed wearing a white dress shirt and slacks. He approaches her then snakes his arm around her waist kissing her cheek then her lips.
"You look nice as well, kind sir." She kisses him again before they both laugh. They both leave the room ready for tonight's family dinner to kickoff the celebration.
When she reaches the living room Valore shouts, "Yess, miss mamas!" As soon as she sees her. Abella does a spin and midway through she dips down a little before rising again.
When they rush off to a corner to start taking pictures both Anthony and Errol shake their heads. Once Janet and Tamara come out they give them the same excitement.
As Tamara takes pictures for Abella she poses. "Come on colors! Give them Polly the Parrot realness!" She says while hitting the capture button...
Abella twists her hips to make the fringes on the bottom shake as Anthony stares from across the room. She smirks at him letting him know she sees him.
When she's done taking her pictures Tamara hands her her Birkin bag that she puts on her forearm. Nobody has to know it's damn near empty with only a pack of gum, some lip gloss, and other random items. It's decoration.
"Let 'em know who the fuck you are," Tam points aggressively all for the sake of boosting her up.
"Future Mrs. AJ." She flags her hand down showing the multiple rings that dance on her hand as a video's recorded. Anthony gives a cheeky smile. "What was that?" She asks putting her hand to her ear. "I thought a bitch who fuck with broke, bum, trash niggas said sum'n." When the women laugh the video's ended.
While waiting for them to set the dinner table Abella walks out seeing her mother...
"Mrs. Mobisson is sitting, honey. I knew I picked the right outfit. You look good, Mommy." She kisses her mother's cheek getting a compliment back.
When they're informed dinner's ready they all go to where the long dining table is set up. Everyone finds a seat around the table and once they're settled Toni volunteers to lead the toast. Through her sappy speech she says, "Before midnight and the countdown let's take time to acknowledge the people we lost this year. Katrina, my grandmother Isabella who everyone knew affectionately as GG, and Tylon..."
Everyone holds their glasses up as Abella exhales slowly. "They didn't make it to the end of the year with us, but they're here in spirit. May 2020 bring prosperity, love, success, healing, and many blessings." At the same time everyone cheers before dinner is kicked off.
After eating they move to another room in the villa where loud music is played. It's only to pass time until it gets closer to midnight. Abella has been sipping on pink rum punch since dinner and is feeling good.
She dances with both Royce and Joseph who jump up and down doing what little kids do to music. She laughs then looks at Anthony who twirls a microphone before putting it towards his mouth beginning to sing.
"Oh, lord. Who gave him a mic?" Abella asks aloud.
You Are My Lady by Freddie Jackson plays while Anthony sings along like he's a professional R&B singer...
Anthony extends his hand and grabs it before he twirls her into him. Abella giggles as he continues to sing to her affectionately. This was the best night on the trip so far. She's been able to feel free without a low moment.
...If only it'll last.
As the night continues she dances on Anthony to Risky by Davido and Popcaan moving her hips to the beat. Now that it's closer to midnight they all head to the beach with bottles of champagne ready to watch the fireworks.
They spread out on the beach and even though there's a lot of people, it still feels intimate. When it's time they all begin to countdown until it hits midnight as they all scream, "Happy New Year!"
Abella and Anthony kiss while other couple's do the same and some people hug. A couple people pop champagne bottles sending corks flying. The energy's high when the fireworks show begins. Everyone's in awe of the stunning display right on the beach causing oohs and ahhs. Everyone whips out their phones to record the spectacle as children run around.
The fireworks lasted for almost half an hour and then afterwards they walked to the 1st street Street Party. People danced in the street mixing and mingling enjoying the atmosphere. Abella continued to drink Rum and party until the wee hours with everyone.
But while people still partied Abella slipped off and went back to the villa feeling drained from being around so many people for so long.
After running bath water Abella stripped out of her elaborate New Year's outfit and submerged into the warm water. She had been soaking for 45 minutes as Binz by Solange plays in the background. Meanwhile you can still hear fireworks boom loudly every now and again.
Leaning her head against the edge with her eyes closed the bubbles completely cover her body because she poured too much in. An opened Patron bottle sits on the edge of the tub before she grabs it bringing it to her lips taking a long gulp.
The tequila burns her throat before she lifts her legs watching the suds slide down them. Earlier she was crying so the tears had her makeup messed where they fell.
She finishes off the alcohol in the bottle before launching it across the room. It hits the wall shattering to the bathroom floors.
The conflicting feelings she's been dealing with have caused her to pull away from people. She can't be around them without feeling ashamed, especially Anthony, her mother, and brother.
Right at that moment she hears a door shut in the distance and footsteps. She sinks into the tub and a few moments later Anthony's walking into the bathroom.
Looking at her face as she lays her head on her arm that hangs over the edge of the tub he sees the dried up tears. "What are you doing in here?"
She unassumingly shrugs as he takes steps towards her when his dress shoes come in contact with glass that crunch underneath his strides.
He doesn't even acknowledge the broken glass thinking she's drunk and that causes clumsiness. He grabs a towel hanging from a towel rack unraveling it to hold it out. "Come on. Let's get out."
Not budging she looks up at him. "I'm sorry," she slurs showing how much she drank.
"It's okay. You got drunk. It's New Year's," he explains it away.
"You don't understand. I'm sorry," she reiterates looking directly in his eyes. Her brown orbs read a multitude of things. They scream 'I'm not okay'. They're heavy.
He tilts his head to the side asking, "For what?"
"At -At the Christmas party–" she starts, but she keeps stuttering on her words.
"At the Christmas party what?" He squats down to be eye level with her
"I went to the bathroom and I saw this girl I knew. She does radio and interviews in London." She stops again showing she's apprehensive to tell him.
"Yeah?" He asks getting a little impatient. For some reason he's expecting her to say she kissed her or something crazy and random.
"She offered me a pill. Molly... and I took it." He freezes and she can immediately see the disappointment in his face. His head falls causing her to spout out, "Don't be mad."
He closes his eyes trying to find something to say. He's trying to remember everything the therapist said pertaining to dating an addict, but couldn't remember shit.
"Why would you do that?" He finally asks looking at her.
"I-I don't know. The girl offered and I wasn't thinking. I was drunk. I didn't think about it... You or myself. Everything fell off my mind. It just happened. I thought it was no big deal, but I'm sliding down a slippery slope," she explains.
"We've been through a lot. We've been through enough. I'm not trying to be with someone who's just going to kill themselves. We all know overdosing is easy on those pills," he says bluntly. Pacifying her doesn't help anyone.
"I know," she mutters.
"We have enough crazy, traumatic shit happening. I can't be around you if you're using again. I have a son to think about. I'm not kidding."
Abella immediately feels worse. She feels like she'll prove Natalie right that Joseph shouldn't be around her.
"I can't be with someone who abuses prescription pills. You know how I live my life, so this can't be a thing again. I mean it."
"I know. I won't do it again. I slipped up one time. Just don't be mad," she repeats in a whisper.
"I'm not mad. It's okay. Relapse happens.
You just need to talk to Dr. Gracie
so it doesn't happen again." He stands up holding the towel up again, so she stands up to stepping out letting him wrap it around her body.
"Promise me you won't do it again..."
"I promise. I won't do it again," she assures him.
She innocently sticks her pinky out and he locks his with hers. While still holding on she pecks his lips and he uses his free hand to run it over her hair.
"And if you do you'll tell me so you can get help, right?"
She nods her head. "I promise," she states strongly being pulled into a hug by Anthony.
While he's hugging her she looks at the shorts she was wearing earlier that lay on the floor. She remembers the pills she took from her Mom knowing she should say something so she can get rid of them. Instead she buries her face into his shoulder and says nothing...
________
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