Izuku Midoriya
Kacchan and I stayed out late after our meeting by the creek. The air felt heavy and the sky looked like it was infinite by the time we decided to head home. I always feel oddly nostalgic in the time between day and night when humidity spikes and everything seems...livelier. The sky always looked the most alive with an explosion of colors, the sky during sunset always takes my breath away. It's a nice feeling but it also makes my heart feel oddly heavy, just a small tinge of sadness within the ocean of oddly familiar emotions.
Kacchan walked me home as the street lights flickered on, he usually walked me home though. I could tell the seasons were changing because the cicadas aren't as loud as they are in the warmer months. Eventually, we turned the corner to my house and I felt my heart skip a beat, "Hey that's..." I stared at the yellow car in my driveway and looked at Kacchan, "Mr. Yagi's here."
Kacchan grinned a grin so huge his spiky teeth could be seen, "Well why don't you go say hi?" He seemed happy. Kacchan wants Mr. Yagi and me to get along or something but I don't know why. Why does it interest him? I just assume it's because he wants me to have a father-figure kind of person in my life but it's not that simple. I think I rushed into seeing Mr. Yagi as a father and in the end, it hurt more than it helped.
When I think about Mr. Yagi my throat feels like it's closing and my feet become heavy. He was there for mom and me until I was in the hospital, then he just vanished. Was it too much of a burden? I don't know, did I do something wrong? Does he not like me anymore? I have so many questions but I can't ask them. I sighed and Kacchan patted my back, "Just go." He said, "Nothing will happen if you ignore him."
"Yeah," I balled my hands up until I could feel the tips of my nails on my palms and then slowly released the tension, "Okay I guess I'll go and see what's up. Goodnight, Kacchan." I patted his arm awkwardly and he gave me a light shove towards my house. I was scared but Kacchan was right, I should get it over with. Problems don't fix themselves.
"Izuku," Mom greeted me when I entered, she was seated on the couch with some late-night TV on. She smiled contently as I closed and locked the door, "Welcome back. Did you and Katsuki have a good day?" She was good at being interested in what I did even if it was boring. Is she faking interest? I don't know. I'd like to believe Mom wouldn't try to trick me even if it was to spare my feelings.
"Yeah," I looked around but Mr. Yagi wasn't in the living room with her, "I need to talk to you later, Mom, but I thought Mr. Yagi was here?" He usually wears a cologne when he's with Mom but I couldn't smell it, "I saw his car outside in the driveway."
Mom nodded, "He's in the bathroom. Did you want to talk to him too?" I don't know if she's just hiding how she feels but how could Mom just be okay? Maybe it's different for her, but it feels like Mr. Yagi didn't want anything to do with me or my illness and that's why he disappeared. I got injured and he hasn't visited since it's too convenient for it to be a coincidence.
"No," What I want to tell Mom isn't something I'd feel comfortable telling Mr. Yagi. I heard the toilet flush and sighed again, "I'm going to my room." Mom almost protested but I left as quickly as I could so she wouldn't have the chance. I've wanted to see him for a long time now but...it's different now.
I made sure to shut and lock my bedroom door as soon as I entered so neither of them could sneak in. Though, I guess mom could if she tried with her quirk. I don't know if she could turn a lock using her quick, has she ever tried it? I should make a note in my notebook to test later.
I turned on my computer as I walked in, I want it to start booting up since it takes forever to do so. I heard the fan start on the computer and turned, flopping face-first onto my bed so I could lay down for a moment.
I don't know the first things about father-son relationships how did I convince myself I'd achieved one? I never knew my dad and from what I've heard of him it's a good thing I haven't. To be fair all I know of him is from my Mom but he sounds mean and I've only ever had Mom so it doesn't bother me as much as some people think. It still sucks though, why didn't he want me? And why doesn't Mr. Yagi want me either? Maybe I'm not meant to have a dad. I've seen Kacchan with his dad and it's different from any man in my life, I don't know how it just is. Mr. Bakugo would answer my questions about father-child relationships if I asked but he seems so wise I don't know if I could handle it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I took it out and clicked the text notification. Ururaka had sent me an article about All Might. I smiled to myself as I read it, All Might always helps me when I'm upset. Even if Mr. Yagi ignores me, All Might is still there. I've spoken to All Might a few times at school, it's so cool! He listens intently and gives me helpful advice, he cares about his students. I never thought I'd get the chance to be acquaintances with my favorite hero!
I could hear Mr. Yagi and Mom talking downstairs but I couldn't make out the specific words they were speaking. I did want to talk to Mr. Yagi but something inside is stopping me, something inside me also wanted to put headphones on to cancel out his voice entirely. I can't tell if I'm angry at him or scared of being disappointed again. Probably anger if I had to guess. I think I've always wanted somebody to call "Dad" but I always pushed it aside so Mom wouldn't feel bad. My Mom is enough for me, I don't need a dad. I don't want her to think I wanted her to stay with my biological father so I never bring the subject up and I never will. I don't need any kind of father-figure but it would be nice to have.
I finished the article Ururaka sent me and shot her a quick thank you text. I don't know when it started but my friends, except for Kacchan, have begun sending me new articles about All Might so I could read them as quickly as they come out. I have really good friends, they can always tell what I want. They're super observant! I plugged my phone in and got up, the computer should be done powering up by now.
I had some work to do over the weekend so to avoid Mr. Yagi I decided to start. Mr. Aizawa asked me to grade the homework for Thursday and Friday, it's not hard work it's just long. All I do is compare answers to my answer key and mark the incorrect answers it's time-consuming with 19 students but that's all. Mr. Aizawa also checks over my work, he says it's in case I mess up but he's probably making sure I'm not giving my friends high marks.
When I grade I let my mind wander, there's a lot I still need to work out from the USJ incident. My memories are still muddled and foggy from the few hours leading up to when I collapsed but the more I think about it the more I can clear things up. There's one thing that confused me though, All Might called me Izuku.
I don't think anybody else caught it or even remembered it but I can hear it clear as day. Are my memories just wrong? I always try to think harder on that moment but it never changes, he called me by my first name. All Might always calls me Young Midoriya, why would he change it so suddenly? It's weird. I could write it off as stress from the villains appearing but there's no reason for him to change which name he called me. Even when Kacchan is stressed or scared he still calls me Deku, never my first or last name. When Kacchan does use a different name it's always deliberate to get my attention and still, he rarely does that. He didn't do it once, as far as I can recall, during the USJ incident that I can remember so why did All Might change which name he used?
I guess it's true that I use my brain too much. I don't think anybody else would be obsessing over such a small detail like I am but it's truly mysterious. When people establish a person as a nickname they tend to stick to it, like how I call Kacchan Kacchan and he calls me Deku. All Might calls all of the students at UA "Young" and then their last name. I could understand if he just called me Midoriya but he didn't, it's a new name from him.
I could just ask him but he'll probably think it's dumb that I even remembered it. If I weird All Might out he might stop talking to me and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I rubbed my eyes to try and get the thought to go away but it stuck to the front of my mind, it can't be that important. All Might doesn't even know me that well, he might just have all my names jumbled up and one of them just popped out in a tense situation.
As I tried to clear my head there was a knock at my door. I stayed silent and listened, was it Mom or him? After a few moments, a familiar masculine voice spoke, "Izuku...I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner." He's apologizing but it still sent a flash of rage up my body.
Just hearing his voice angered me, why? I'm not an angry person, I don't rage like Kacchan. I don't get mad at people who are trying their best, so why am I so angry? I couldn't respond to him, he might hear how upset I am and try to enter or worse, talk about my feelings. I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way before anybody else tries to explain it away for me, "I get it." Mr. Yagi continued, "I shouldn't have left you out to dry like that. I just didn't know what to say to make it all better so I got scared. You don't have to talk to me now but just know I'm here if you need me."
I heard footsteps leave my door signaling his leave. Slowly his footsteps got quieter as he left, all I could think was "Yeah right." There was no way he'd be there for me, he already proved that. Even this thought surprised me, he apologized! My Mom taught me that when somebody is sincerely apologizing you should listen, but I can't seem to do that. I'm just so mad at him! I wish he didn't have this effect on me. I wish I could be the nice Izuku I always am and just forgive him so Mom and Mr. Yagi can be comfortable as a couple again. I don't want to be the girlfriend's son who ruins the relationship for everybody but I can't help my emotions.
I smacked my cheeks to stop the way I was thinking, for now, I just need to read over these homework assignments. My relationship with Mr. Yagi can wait, if he and Mom are serious then I have a lifetime to talk to him. I shouldn't let my feelings about how Mr. Yagi handled everything interrupt my work as a TA and as a student.
I'll have to tell Kacchan that I couldn't talk to Mr. Yagi like we semi-agreed. There was no formal agreement but I felt like we both decided in front of my house that I would face the problem head-on and I...didn't. He's going to scold me for sure.
I also need to talk to Mom about my sexuality and how I like boys and not girls, I'm sure she doesn't mind. I've never been scared that Mom wouldn't accept me or would think I was gross I just never found the right time to tell her. Part of me thought I could just go on without ever telling her and just show up one day with a boyfriend but I don't want to shock her like that.
The last thing on my mind was my diagnosis. I've always been weak and comas are no stranger but the last one was dangerous. I got the basics of it from Mom and then the doctor came in and explained how my life was going to change. I don't care if Mom tells Mr. Yagi about it but I won't, the only person I'm personally going to tell is Kacchan. I'm sure Mr. Kanbaki already knows since he's the guardian of my health at school.
This grading is going to take a while but it's better if I blaze through it so I can have tomorrow to myself. I wonder what Kacchan's doing? I wonder if he knows about the internships Mr. Aizawa told me about yesterday, does anybody else know? He told me so I could help him handle emails but I don't think he announced it in class. That's going to be a surprise for sure.