Chapter 33: I Can't Get Enough
I knew in my own heart that I would swim across a lake for Christopher. And all night he was all I thought about. And in my dreams he was still there. So as I woke, it was exactly six in the morning. And I heard birds chirping outside my window. And so I had enough time in my head to replay everything of last night. And once I got up, I opened the shades and I saw the birds in the tree just singing the morning away.
So I just smiled thinking about Christopher. And being with Christopher has always excited me. And the idea of being with him has excited me. And I just think of the moment we had last night. And the one thing I loved was he was being honest with me about everything. But not just everything. But how he didn't wanna just jump into everything so fast. He did it respectfully. And I definitely understood it. And I know that he cares. Other people probably don't. But he does. And as I know him it's like every minute I just want him in spite of everything. Even after the hurt he caused. But right now I don't care.
The first thing I did was get out of these pajamas. I decided on taking that bun that was all over the place. I took it out and I started to brush my hair. I had decided on brushing through my long brown hair. And then I re-did the bun back up messy. And then I grabbed a white tee-shirt to wear along with nice fluffy socks. And I decided on going downstairs.
The heat right now is at least 95 degrees. And so, I relaxed myself once I was at the bottom of the stairs. I turned on the lights and I went into the kitchen and I started to make breakfast like usual. And since we probably won't leave here until tomorrow I just wanted to make sure I get myself the feel of this vacation. And so, I decided on making pancakes first. And I was always good at making them every morning especially on Sundays.
I had turned on the music but on low. It was definitely old music like from my parents childhood era which would be the early eighties. And I allowed the music to be on while I was mixing the batter of pancake mix into a bowl with a big wooden spoon. And I just had my mind set on today. Today is more swimming and more thinking. And while I was mixing and then I set the pan on to allow the batter to be gently poured in to make a pancake. And not only was I making pancakes I was making blueberry muffins and then bacon and eggs. And yes I had quite the time to make it. And mom probably wouldn't get up this early. Until I hear the shower turn on then I know she's definitely up. It took me time to make the many batter of pancakes. And then I set them on a nice plate on the table. And then I got the plates ready to set the table along with silverware and nice glasses.
I made the batter to make the blueberry muffins. And I stuck them in the oven with a timer set. And then I started cooking on the frying pan of bacon. And after, I put them on a nice plate with a napkin and then I made the eggs and then I did the toast in the toaster. But in the process, my phone started ringing. And I turned the music off and I answered my phone seeing it was Peach.
"Hey P." I said, answering my phone.
"Hey girl. I thought you would call me. But Victoria told me you probably got busy up there at the lake. So I just wanna call and see how things are..." she said with laughter in her raspy voice.
And I definitely didn't wanna talk to her about anything that's going on if that's what she's implying. So I should just kinda go along that everything is fine. And I should not tell her about the incident Christopher did to me in the kitchen when he was drunk. Because she'd be so pissed.
"Things are great, Peach." I assured.
"So, has anything exciting happen lately?" She sounded as if she knew the answer.
I remained silent because of the idea that she could read my mind through the phone. Maybe she knows that I'm actually still head over heels for Christopher. Or that I am madly in love with him. Of course she knows I'm not over him but she has no idea that I'm going crazy with him by having an interaction. By being with someone who is beyond beautiful and lovely. And he is the guy I have been wanting when I first saw him. But it doesn't matter because he was single when I first met him and at the wedding he was single.
And I just looked at the kitchen table only thinking that this is the only exciting thing happening. Not last night when I snuck out with Christopher at the lake. Our moment had popped right back into my head.
"Is it Christopher?" Peach asked me, definitely reading my thoughts when we're two hours away.
"P, he told me that he's in love with me." I confessed to her even though I wish I didn't tell her because now I'm gonna get judgment shoved at my face now.
"Emma, no." She gasped. "After he dumped you. He dumped you, Emma. Remember how he hurt you? I picked up your tears. He'll hurt you again."
"I know. But he and April aren't together now. April found out about us. And that's why they broke up. And now I can have my chance with him. And I don't care if you don't wanna be my friend if I'm with him. But you don't understand how much I love him. He is changing. I love him, Peach. And as my best friend, I thought you'd understand." I explained, my heart racing every word that I spoke out.
"Babe, I'm never gonna stop being your best friend. Your mine too. But I care about your feelings getting hurt by him. Please put this into thought. He doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt." She said.
I could cry and I know Peach would be there to pick up the pieces. And the pieces are always being broken by someone. Wether it's my parents divorce, failing a test, getting hurt by Amber, or not having the guy or something always going south for me. So, Peach would be there from the start.
"Peach, I love him. And it's hard to explain." I said.
"He could just be using for sex, Em. What if he gets bored of you? And not just that...you can't just sneak around and your dad won't find out. Because he will. And your dad will destroy Christopher. Better yet he'll kill him. Remember at Thanksgiving when you told him about you and Patrick? He was harsh. You dating in general will piss him off. He will kill Christopher." She said, and I know she's right.
I sighed. "It's not like Christopher is twenty. I'll be seventeen in four months. And once I'm eighteen I'll be able to be with him. And when he is at college how will my dad know?"
I know Peach is being honest and she has a point. And I know everything she is saying is the truth. But I do know that Christopher is all I want and all I need. He's the only reason I wake and breathe. Peach can't possibly know.
"Emma, it's a risk. Think about it." She said.
"I have thought about it. And there's nothing anyone will say to make me change my mind. I love him. Just understand." I said softly so that my voice didn't sound angry. "Please."
"Yeah, okay. But I'm only trying to help."
I turned and then I saw my mother coming from downstairs. And then the timer on the stove went off. And mom went over to the coffee maker.
"Okay. Peach, I gotta go. But I'll call you later." I said.
"Okay. Bye." She said and the line ended.
I hit the end button and then I placed my phone down on the counter. And then I had joined my mom who was making a pot of coffee and I grabbed a pot holder taking out the nice muffins. And they smelled very delicious since they are blueberry. And just while I placed the muffins on the counter I thought about my conversation with Peach. Did she mean it? Was she saying it to hurt me? Am I wrong? What should I do? There was a lot going through my head.
After the pot of coffee was brewed, mom had a cup but so did I, because I needed the caffeine. And I had then taken the muffins out of the tray and on a nice plate right on the table.
"The table looks nice, honey." Mom complimented.
"Thank you." I said. "At home Colleen usually does the cooking. But if I wake early up enough... I get to cook. Or Christopher."
My mother had her hair curly hair up in a bun. And her face was extremely flawless. And she looked nice. She was still in her pajamas. It was a plaid shirt and these plaid shorts. And she seemed tired still. And then I had taken out the pitcher of juice.
"So, last night... I heard a noise. And I heard someone leave outside. Around eleven thirty. It wasn't you by any chance?" Mom said, as if she was interrogating him like she did to dad that time around Thanksgiving two years ago about misplacing her earrings.
I was terrified of lying to her but I was more terrified of telling her the truth. Afraid she'd find out about what is going on between Christopher and me. And telling her is like telling my dad. And that's a risk that I'm gonna take.
"No, I was in bed by nine thirty." I lied, no matter how awful I felt for lying.
"Okay." She breathed with disbelief in her voice of sarcasm.
I turned facing her.
"Mom, I promise I didn't leave the house. It was probably Christopher. He has insomnia and better yet he sometimes sleepwalks. Do you know how many times he used to sleepwalk and at night I would have to bring him back to his room?" I lied again, and she crossed her arms staring at me with her eyes just burning into mine.
"Really?"
"You can ask Christopher if you don't believe me. It's exhausting sometimes." I said.
She looked at me which she put on her normal face that was like she didn't care if I was lying or not.
"So, Christopher is going off to college. That must be a lot? Your probably going to miss him." She said.
"Yeah. But he can always call and drive down on the weekends. It's not a big deal." I said.
The room picked up silence until Christopher came down the stairs and it's funny because I could tell he just got out of the shower. He had that normal clean smell that I always craved. He is just beyond beautiful. And I couldn't help but want him the second I saw him across the room. And I just enjoyed seeing him. He is just beautiful and sexy.
Mom and I left away from the counter and we went to sit down and so, Christopher was right across from me. And I saw his beautiful gray eyes. And he was just perfection to me. And how was I not to enjoy having him or how could I not want him?
We started digging in right away for this breakfast that I cooked. And I saw mom definitely had a lot she could say. But she remained quiet.
"So Christopher, how wet did you get?" Mom asked him, but the question sunk in wrong as he choked on his coffee in complete caution after her question was asked. I tried my best not to laugh either.
"I'm sorry?" He asked.
"The shower, I meant. I know you took one last night before bed. I was curious of how it was?" She chuckled.
Christopher stared across over at me which had us both smiling at each other. On our minds was about what happened last night. Everything that happened last night was not just on my mind but also on his. And during this, I just couldn't get any of it out of my head. The magical kiss. The night in the lake. And how he had said he wants us to take it slow this time. But I want it to be known as that. And I just stared at Christopher with a small smile and I stared at him, looking directly at him of how much I'd give anything to have him right now if I could.
"Oh, it was great, Miss Grant." He responded to her, in which I could imagine how great that shower was.
"You do know you can call me Rachel. You don't need to call me Miss Grant. It sounds old fashion." She chuckled wisely.
Still, I was smiling across the way at Christopher who didn't take his eyes off of me. And how was I not to look at him when he is definitely in his best. His best smile and he is definitely lovely. Wearing his best plain black shirt and he was wearing nice jeans. And he was definitely sexy as anything and I can't stop thinking of him especially when he's right in front of me. And there he was looking perfect as anything. And there was a lot of things I was thinking and wanted to say. He was perfect.
Through most of the time at breakfast I kept thinking of Peach of what she said to me. She doesn't know how much it hurts when you can't be with someone. Someone I definitely am crazy over. Someone I'm crazy for. I am in love with Christopher. And I'm not gonna stop loving him or stop what we have just because of my father. He can try but he can't stop me loving him. And not even Peach can stop me from being with him.
Breakfast was us talking together and that I actually liked that I got to spend the time with mom. And after, I actually got up from the table and Christopher noticed I was wearing just a t-shirt and I swear his expression was excitement. And I had just decided on getting myself a glass of water. And over back at the table and I saw Christopher staring over at me. And the crazy part is that he was watching me. And just as I returned back to the table, I saw Christopher looking at me in like a fantasy. Almost like he is daydreaming. And it's quite insane, but I do think it's intense at how he was looking at me just because I was wearing a t-shirt. And he just looked at me still with his intense gray eyes.
I had eventually just excused myself from the table and I overheard mostly everything that my mom was talking about to Christopher. And it was about the lake house and when she and dad decided on just having the vacations here. And yeah, it's beyond crazy. It's intense. But this lake house was built in August 1988. But eventually I just ignored their crazy conversation because I'm not patient enough to eavesdrop right now. So I had gone into my room, closing my door.
I don't think mom had been this happy in months. It's almost a year anniversary of my parents divorce. They divorced in June. And I'm definitely not happy or looking forward to that. And then in November will be the first wedding anniversary of dad and Colleen.
But the first thing I decided on doing was getting out of the stupid t-shirt and I decided on wearing my red bikini and then I decided on wearing my strapless white summer dress over it. I then took my diary with me as I went downstairs and I decided on going outside on the deck to just sit down on one of the chairs to just sit down there to actually writing in my diary. And just as I had the idea of just writing down mostly about everything. And how was I gonna know that some blonde bitch took this diary and probably took her anger out on Christopher rather than take it out on me. So it obviously is the worst thing to ever think of.
But writing down in my diary just as I was to relax, and then quickly in my mind was Christopher. I was thinking about everything from last night. And it was all in my mind. And I started writing it all down. And I didn't care how long I would sit down here writing. But of course it wasn't the worse of anything. I just looked at mom who was in the kitchen on the phone. And by the look of her reaction it wasn't a good call. And I could only imagine it was dad she was talking to. And I know deep down that it was dad who can only get my mother angry. Or get her fired up since she's feisty and dad is sneaky, bossy and controlling.
As the time ran and it was literally nine. I left my diary on the glass table and I decided on running down to the lake, and I took my dress off, and I jumped into the water just as the sun was burning down on me. And once I sighed when I came above the water, I felt quite relaxed and under it all I was the practical beauty that everyone looks at me as.
But then Peach's conversation I had with her earlier got me. It really got me. And it was crazy. She didn't respect what I wanted. Not like Victoria and Mandy do. But I was stuck in this crazy situation. But not as crazy as Peach can turn on me. Sometimes it's like she's bipolar. It's no wonder why she doesn't have a boyfriend yet or has lost her virginity. It's because she's always indecisive and very picky and needy and let alone controlling. How could any guy want to date Peach?
But Peach and I have lots of history together. We became friends when we were eleven. And we been through so much together. And I honestly have to give her credit for always having my back. And always being there for me. And I gave the same in return for her. And when I just look beyond the waters of the lake, I remember the story dad told me when he was here on his getaway with mom. When mom was pregnant they both decided coming here as a retreat and while here dad noticed in this beautiful lake there are stingrays, jellyfish and sometimes crocodiles. It is Santa Maria so it's not unexpected.
When I breathed, coming up for air, I turned and I saw Christopher standing there, and he was right there standing at the end of the dock, looking down at me.
"What?" I gasped, moving my hair out of my face.
He came down to level with me, and I think he had something to say or something very important to talk about.
"Can we talk?" He asked politely.
"Okay. But I'm gonna just gonna-"
"-not here." He cut me off. "Somewhere private. I was thinking on taking the speedboat for a ride. We can talk on it. Just us."
"Yeah, sure." I nodded.
He held his hand out for me to help me up out of the water. I took my towel and I had wrapped it around me to dry myself and then I took my dress putting it over my bikini I was wearing. And then I took Christopher's hand in mine. And we both went towards the boat garage, getting into it and when I sat in the seat Christopher turned it on since it had enough gas in it. And just as then, he pulled it which it roared to life like a mower and we traveled south of the lake.
The way the lake is it's extremely quiet. Just like any other lake. It's very quiet and it's very still. It goes however it wants to go. The calm is what I love about lakes unlike rivers. And I just smiled at the sunny breeze. I am literally filled with joy at this time. But seeing Christopher right by me is what I love.
And of course he was taking the boat far out so we'd have the alone and quiet to be together, I'm assuming.
When he took us far into the waters, it was peaceful, relaxing and beautiful. I grinned at him and somehow he stared at me with those insanely gorgeous eyes. I could kiss him. He was honestly everything to me right now. But I relaxed myself. We were far out now that no one could see us. As in I mean my mother. I smiled at him as he took us out. I always had dreams of what places like this could be. But with someone I could kiss.
He turned the engine off once the boat was out in the car in a perfect part of the lake.
"So..." I started. "What do you wanna talk about?" I crossed my legs, sitting in the boat while in the seat across from him.
"About us. That's why I whisked us away." He chuckled.
I rolled my eyes to myself realizing what I fool I am for asking such a dumb question. I smiled, protecting my embarrassment of what I asked. And I planted a smile on my face, looking at him and he just seemed surprised why I asked about our plan being on the water in this boat...after last night what we had.
"What about us," was the only question that came from my lips.
He paused, staring. And so I blushed.
"I want to apologize about everything I have done. From the every fight we had, every aggressive moment I made, every time I denied you. Just about for playing with your mind." He said.
I saw that he was definitely being honest about apologizing. I cried myself to sleep so many times because of how he treated me. Or rejected me. I can't stand the idea that he pushed me away over and over and over again. For four months I been craving him. Last night was the best I experienced with him in a long time.
He reached for my hand and he stroked my knuckles gently with his thumb in circular motions.
"You mean a lot to me, Emma. More than anything. I do love you. Don't forget that. I told you so many fucking times." He tried explaining himself better.
"You ended us." I felt the waterworks coming their way.
"I didn't want to. I had to. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. You are my everything. My world. I couldn't stop thinking about you for four fucking months." He clarified better this time. "Do you think I stopped loving you for these four months?"
"You ghosted me. You shut me out. And I felt like you did." I said.
"No, I couldn't. Because you mean too much to me. When I was in school and saw how cute you were dressed. When I saw you talking to Luke I felt this rage to punch him 'cause it felt like he was taking what was once mine. All those times I was kissing April I was thinking of you. When I was having sex with April I was imagining she was you. And I still replay that night of us ending. And you walking out in the rain. And when I hung up on you. And I replay the night in the kitchen when I hit you. And I wish I could take it all back. Or me getting drunk. And how I hurt you...it makes me cry realizing I hurt you badly." He explained.
"Christopher, no! It's not like that." I leaned forward, touching his hand.
My heart stopped. And he took my hand back into his again and brought it to his lip, kissing it. I wanted that on my lips once again like last night. How could I ever stop loving him? He stared at me like I was someone new in his eyes. I felt safe. Free whenever I'm with him or around him. Somehow I can't even get enough of him there's so much to take in.
It got much hotter out now. I honestly can't take the heat. Why can't I live in Canada? My hair was long down past my shoulders and I could only love him for the stares and the affect he had on me. I bit my lower lip and somehow my mind was all on him.
"I shouldn't have gotten drunk that night. I shouldn't have hurt you." He said, making me feel comfortable by his voice.
His voice sounded more like this comforting feeling and soothing voice. But I heard heartbreak and sorrow in his voice. He really did feel bad about what he did to me. How he nearly choked me alive to death. How much he cared about me made me want to get in his arms and kiss the hell out of him.
"You just made a mistake." I rasped.
"But I hurt you when I also love you." He threw his head forward, running his hands through his hair.
"You are human. I've made plenty of mistakes. You can't just blame yourself. My dad is a very forgiving guy. You can change for him, for you, your mom and us." I said.
The sun shined down brighter. I took my hand putting it in the water feeling the coolness of water. I think of all the beautiful creatures that are under this water. They were definitely beautiful ocean creatures. Think of them being free like butterflies. I swirl my hand in the water wondering what kind of fish there are in this lake. The lake is beautiful and I honestly just am so glad I came with Christopher in this boat. But last night was a beautiful moment I shared with him. But I can't take how much I badly want him. I do want him. Every part of him. And I don't want to share him with anybody else.
I guess I prayed too hard to have him back in my arms. I would do nothing but want him to myself everybody and every moment. I want to feel his hands on me. But I do know that when he was with April he could go out with her and actually have fun. He could kiss her out in public. He can't do any of that with me. And if our parents find out, I know that my dad will kill us. Peach is right about that. But I'm not giving him up just because my dad won't approve. I know my dad won't. But if my mom found out she would be so disappointed is all I'm sure of and try to convince me not to be with him. Colleen may be like dad about it. I can't imagine what our parents would do or say. I only know there are so much possibilities about my life that I can plan with Christopher. Does he not know I can be better than April ever was?
April was not gonna give him all the things I can. Maybe she was trying. But what did she have that I didn't? I somehow feel he'd. Or like I have no purpose at all. I just love him to a point I couldn't love anybody else. What else am I supposed to do? Not mope or cry over my stepbrother?
"Emma, do you even want anything to do with me?" He asked.
"Yes, I do. I absolutely want you. But I understand that you were with April because you loved her. But how do I know that you still don't want her back? Or how do I not know that she won't want you back? How do I not know she might beg to get back together with you?" I said, that sounded as if I was crazy or even beyond worse.
"That's the last thing I want right now." He quickly said. "April was so angry the other night. So I don't think that she is gonna want to get back together and also, I won't take her back if she asked."
It was quiet and I heard birds chirping while the boat just sat in the open water. And there we were together. Just having to listen to the quiet surrounding us. And with the water quiet but hitting against the bottom of the boat with little small waves.
"I do love you more than anything. If I have to, I'll tell my dad about us. About our family. Just to be with you. I'll ruin my relationship with my dad if I have to just to be with you." I nearly cried at the end.
He shook his head. "No, you don't want to do that. It's me. I'm the issue. I'm older. I should know better. If we tell our parents...I'm gonna be dead. Not you. Just me. Your dad hates me anyways. Imagine how he'll feel or be when he finds out that his anger issues delinquent stepson is sleeping with his daughter." He bit his lower lip.
I shrugged and we came across some shade so it wasn't so bright and sunny and hot at the moment. I replayed his words for a second, thinking. I knew he was right. My dad will kill Christopher if he finds out. But I'll move out and live with mom just to be with Christopher. I really don't care.
"I don't care, Christopher. I want you. It's always gonna be you." I started to cry and my throat started to hurt.
"We're playing with Fire." He murmured breathlessly.
"I don't care." I said again.
Quickly he grabbed my face in his hands and he kissed my lips hard, it shocked me 'cause I wasn't expecting him to be so eager. His lips smashed mine and then I just thought my world turned upside down from a kiss that took me over the edge. I moaned into the kiss unable to finish of the reason why I'm here still and why I'm letting him kiss. After a few seconds I kissed him back. And I didn't care if he was kissing me or not but I wanted this to never stop. I want his lips to stay. I then pulled back and I felt tricked by one of his mind games again so I pulled away against his will.
"No," I pushed back. "I can't fall for one of your mind games again."
"No, this is real. I'm not playing you. I promise." He smiled.
I got out of his grasp and the first thing I did was stand up in the boat and he was shook by what I was gonna do. And to his surprise I took my dress off throwing it off over my head on the floor of the boat. And then I jumped into the water. I stayed under for a moment and I swam back up for air, cleaning my face of my hair my hair in the way. He sat in the boat still, his face confused. He gaped at me for getting in the water 'cause we did have a very good moment together and I ruined it to get in the water. He chuckled, shaking his head and looked over to see me.
"What are you doing?" He lifted a brow.
"I got hot. So I got in. You should too." I said in a very flirty voice to try to get him in.
He leaned back. "No, I don't think so."
Then I thought of something that would get him well and good. I thought of teasing him again. But first, I ducked under the water trying to enjoy my moments in the water. I came up and my hair was out of my face. I honestly just breathed and he knew I was trying to distract myself from him. I then decided to splash him with the water. He jumped back in shock. I giggled as I did it and he looked a bit irritated that I was going to splash him again.
"Emma stop!" He yelled.
I giggled again, splashing him with much force. He looked so upset that I was splashing him. Does he not get that I want to get him to come in with me?
"Emma, it's not funny! I am being serious! Stop." He scolded me.
"Come on. I am only joking." I mocked his words he said to me last night.
His words didn't stop me from splashing him. I continued doing what I was doing. He looked pissed now that I was drenching him. He looked so upset that I was continuing to splash him when he told me not to. I can't believe that he expected me to stop. I grinned still splashing him it was the only way I could get him in. He tried fighting it so he wouldn't have to come in. I honestly thought the best way to come in. I honestly thought the best way to trick him into doing it. I'm in this lake only pleasing him with my eyes for him to come in with me. He looks at me nonchalantly but I just laugh. Something about him makes me never want to stop until he gets in. This is definitely an unforgettable moment and right by then I gave my best splash at him but it was his face and he lost it. So I swam back away from the boat in case of what might break out. He took off his shirt and then he unbuckled his belt and he unzipped his jeans and then he jumped in his boxer briefs only.
I laughed the second he jumped in. The water was so deep far out here. And he grabbed me by the waist and I giggled. He held me close to him and his arms were wrapped around me. And I felt comforted. He ducked underwater for a moment and he came back up and I smiled watching him grab me and pulled me close to him again while the cool water was hitting our bodies. I leaned my head back as he helped me lean my body out so I was floating in the water and he helped me and I threw my head back my hair soaked and it felt good to have him with me. And it was a moment with him I didn't wanna forget. I stretched my arms out and my legs out, floating on the water. I felt like I was floating on the water with him by my side. I closed my eyes and I felt his hand massage my thigh and I gasped from the feeling.
I just felt him rub his fingertips in slow circular motions, I gasped, pulling onto his hand but he snapped my hand back in the water to relax.
I looked up at him and I saw his gray eyes shooting down to mine. The sun right above the sky and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. His hand reached to the back of my neck, holding me like a baby. I looked at him and his smile sent shivers down my spine. I rolled my eyes back and the other hand caressed my breast. He looked to see my reaction and I gasped from the feeling. I gasped from the feeling. I gasped nonstop and I reached pulling onto his shoulders for access. He pulled me back up so I was facing him.
"What are we doing?" I giggled, with a bright smile on my face.
"We're doing anything we want. Even though it was your idea I came in here in the first place." He responded which I knew in his defense, he was right.
Still there was a smile on my face. And the sun was shining right down on us. And I saw a few birds fly by over in the sky. And I just kept my feet moving. I felt like I was in this lake far beyond a beautiful sight; quiet. Peace. Joy. Harmony.
He had looked at me in this way that I was unable to take my eyes off of.
"What?" I smiled.
"It's just somehow that I am probably never going to forget this moment for the rest of my life. And seeing you...us...it makes me think of all the crazy times together." He said. "But then you can just listen. As if nothing on this earth is moving. Just the sound of the water. The feel of the water. And it's quiet. Peaceful."
Every word that fled from his mouth was quite interesting. And I liked how he spoke about the lake. As if it was his home. The place that makes him love it. And still I didn't pull away from it. I felt stuck in it with him. And I loved to hear him speak about anything.
"Emma?" He asked, making sure I was still alive after his fantasy talk. "Was it too much? Do you think it's weird?"
"No, it's lovely the way you talk about things." I admitted, with a never-stopping smile.
"Well, there's something I want to show you." He softly said, taking my hand.
Swimming a bit out from the boat. And just as quick as that, I plugged my nose and we both had ducked under water and I remember us both just getting extremely close. My hand had interlocked with his, and as quiet as it was, I moved closer to him and I traced his chest with my hand like a paintbrush. And I had moved my hand to the back of his neck as I had sealed my lips over his. And staying underwater, the kiss was passionate and it was beyond a nice quiet moment between us. But after I slowly pulled my lips from his we both raced up above the water, breathing.
We both laughed once we got above the water. And I didn't waste much time, just staying right close to him. And he had a look on his face that got me feeling insane. And it's usually every time I'm near him, I feel insane.
"So, I overheard your dad saying this lake is probably the most bloody lake people go in. What did he mean by that?" He asked.
If I had to tell him about a stupid story from my childhood it would drag me to look crazy. So I didn't make it my story. Just a story.
I wiped my face a bit so I could see even if the sun was burning down on me.
"My dad is very truthful when it comes to life and death stories. But there's one thing my dad fears more than anything about this lake." I explained, my eyes never leaving his and I saw how he looked quite suspicious of what I meant.
"And what's that?"
I breathed. "Crocodiles."
His expression went from the happiness it was to complete horror. And just as that was, I never seen him look terrified. But my words were honestly true. Everything what I said was true about the crocodiles. But he doesn't seem to know anything truthful about it. I had just looked at Christopher, feeling his energy that read; fear.
If he would drown himself here, I wouldn't be so surprised. And everything about it must have had him going insane. But he was definitely sure I wasn't joking. But I just looked at Christopher with the best smile I gave him. And he just had gotten closer to me.
"Are you being serious?" He chuckled.
"Do I not look serious?" I smiled at him, who looked ready to bolt. "This lake gets crocodiles from time to time. But trust me, we don't get them as much as we used to. If you want the full story. Ask my dad."
"Okay." He laughed at me in disbelief.
I got close to him, staring at him with my eyes never leaving his. And I had slowly put my head back, my head lying in the water and I leaned back, my eyes closed as if this was the heavenly feeling I'd ever get. Or the only heaven I'd feel.
I looked back up as I was standing straight at him and he was staring me with appreciation. And his eyes didn't leave me once. But I was shocked to see him staring at me in such a way.
"What?" I muttered.
"Nothing. I just wanna do something." He came closer towards me.
I gasped when his hand touched my lower back. And then I reached pulling onto his shoulders for access. He pulled me back up and he picked me up, wrapping my arms around his neck and suddenly I just looked into his eyes and I knew I felt whole. I felt like I was in the right place I belong to be in. I wrapped my legs around his torso and I smashed my lips to his. I moved my hands from the back of my neck up to the back of his head pulling on the ends of his hair.
I felt like I was in heaven with him. And he had just smiled looking at me once we pulled our lips apart with a gasp. I pressed my forehead against his and his breathing was erratic with mine. My hand found his entwining with my hand with his, our fingers interlocked.
I couldn't help the way I feel about him. I just stared at him with a smile. He is my everything. How am I supposed to hide my feelings? And right then my adrenaline rushed over me. And I knew he was feeling the exact same. I raked my nails into his shoulders as I felt him kiss my neck and I just moaned out his name. And then after we just kissed and I got off of him and I ducked underwater with him as his hand was still in mine.
I embraced him and I kept moving my legs and we both jumped up for air and we cling onto each other with hunger and we kissed hard and long. Starving for it. By then, he put me in his arms again and our tongues collided. And then I felt my back against the boat. And then I reached up to get in and he followed in after I did. I was soaked as he was. We sat in the seats breathing nonstop. And then we decided to get going and took his shirt putting it back on as I took my dress putting it over myself. And then he towed us back to shore.
It didn't take long for us to get back to shore. I jumped out and Christopher and I both pulled the boat in back into the boat garage. And it was nicely put back and it was nicely tied up safe and secured. When we turned we saw my mother happening to be there. She looked very surprised to see us soaked. I mean Christopher was fully dressed like I was but we were still drenched.
"Well...what happened to you? Did you two fall out of the boat?" She said, looking at the mess we are. "Emma, your dress is soaked."
I stared at Christopher. "No, we jumped in the water like scuba divers."
"Oh I see." She said doubtfully.
Christopher cut in. "Actually, I assure you it was my idea. Not Emma's. I invited her to come with me cause I didn't wanna go alone."
Christopher is such a good liar unlike me I'm pathetic at lying. He looked at my mom in patience. She of course looked believable about this.
"Well..." she paused. "That's very good of you both. You two are finally getting along. Your parents will be happy to hear about it."
"We were bonding." I added.
"Well in that case...the both of you go get washed up and he out of your wet clothes. Besides, there's a storm coming. But I'm going to head down to the market to pick up some groceries." She said.
I smiled at her. "Okay then. We better get inside and get washed up and put new clothes on."
Christopher and I started walking back towards the house.
"I'll be back in an hour!" She called to us.
And then of course we both got into the house being able to breathe. My mom could have found out about us and new something crazy happened. But of course she wouldn't know 'cause she's not the kinda person to catch on. My dad would. He would put two and two together and figure it out. So I'm grateful it was mom and not dad.
I ran into my room to pull out some new clothes to wear. I took out a pink tank top and a pair of sweats. And then I headed into the closest bathroom and I shut the door behind me. I start the shower and I take my brush starting to brush my damp hair. The shower is hot just like how I like it. I eventually take my dress throwing it down on the floor and then I take my bikini off and I hang it up on the back of the door. I open the shower glass door and I step in knowing Christopher is probably in another bathroom that is down the hall of the big house.
And I begin to caress my own body once the shower door is closed. I smile to myself and somehow I couldn't stop thinking about Christopher. Somehow I just can't get enough of him. I close my eyes just feeling myself getting soaked from head to toe. I can get the lake odor off of me by cleaning myself up.
I was in my own silence except the water pouring from the shower head. And being in my own silence and peace in the shower, I heard the door open. I opened the shower glass door to peak my head and see Christopher. I wanted to tell him to leave. But I remained silent and shook to see him. I thought he said that he wanted to take things slow. I left the glass door open and I watched him remove his wet boxers and he stepped into the shower with me and I closed the door after he was in. I looked up at him as the water was pouring down on our naked bodies.
It has been so long since we have seen each other naked. He never failed to amaze me. I saw the look in his eyes that was full of desire. The show that he wanted me badly that he was begging for me. I stared at his eyes for the moment I was stuck in. I just wanted him badly and I missed his touch. His caress or the feeling of every time we slept together. How else am I supposed to go on without him? I looked at his beautiful abs and I wanted nothing to touch him everywhere. I took my hands wrapping them around the back of his hair pulling at the ends gently. He grinned and for a second I felt lost but then he took my hands placing them on his torso.
I gazed at his washboard and everything about him made me feel the desire to crave for him. Like chocolate. I bit my lower lip pulling him in by the neck and I smashed my lips to his. I kissed him slowly and gently. His tongue slowly very very very very slowly collided with mine. I gasped when he pulled his lips from mine. I watched his hand touch my breast as he kissed the crook of my neck and he moaned against my skin softly.
"What are we doing?" I smiled, close enough to his lips. "I thought you said you wanted to take things slow."
He bit his lower lip and he smiled thinking of what to say he seemed speechless. I rolled my eyes and I played with the ends of his hair. I quickly took his lips and kissed him hard and he quickly pulled back with a moan that somehow aroused me.
"We're crazy for each other. More crazy than you know. This is how I want to see you. Always. I want you all to myself. I don't think I can go without you. I can't share you with anybody else." His forehead pressed against mine.
I flushed from his words, giving me full arousal.
"I don't either. I want you to myself. I can hardly breathe without you, babe." My voice started breaking.
He grinned and my heart fluttered. And quickly I brought his lips down to meet mine and we kissed crazily and my hands were gripping behind him in his hair that was drenched. We both moaned into the kiss.
"I want you, Emma. I want you all the time. Nothing's gonna stop me from wanting you. 'Cause somehow...I can't get enough of you..." He murmured, caressing my cheek.
I felt scared of where this is gonna end us. I cried on the thought he might hurt me again. He saw the tears leave my eyes and I never felt so terrified of him hurting him. And that's something I can't even imagine going through again. Only to think that he might have April back in his arms again. I cry thinking about it all. All of it entering my mind and somehow it was like he knew what I was thinking. I shook with sobs. I stared up at his eyes from our height difference. I smiled at him even though I was sad.
"I can't get enough of you either." I muttered.
He stared at me stroking my lower lip with his thumb and he began to touch my lips with his and I moaned into the kiss that was deep. My eyes started rolling in the back of my head, I threw my head back. His lips moved to my jaw and I cried for pleasure.
"Damn, Emma. I need you. I need you right now." He breathed uncontrollably in my ear leaving a kiss.
"I thought you said you wanted to take this slow?" I reminded him.
"We are. Isn't this..." he gently massaged my thigh and up to my ass. "...slow?"
I chuckled, and I nodded. He then threw me against the shower's wall, pinning both of my wrists next to either sides of my head as he kissed me extremely hard. I moaned into the kiss. But I couldn't handle the fact I couldn't touch him with his hands pinning my hands on the wall.
I collided my tongue with his and he moaned in my mouth. He made a pattern of kisses down from my jaw to the crook of my neck to my collarbone. I moaned from his lips. He gently moved down my chest to my breasts taking them both in his hands cupping them gently. On my left one he sucked on my nipple that hardened them and I felt turned on in seconds. His mouth sucked gently on my nipple and his tongue swirled around it. I gasped with my hands in his hair, tugging.
He moved to my right breast sucking at it and kissed it and he licked it and I moaned from it. But I tried not to be so loud in case someone heard. I relaxed myself and I looked down at him, giving him intense eye contact. I saw his reaction he took his mouth of my nipple and he grinned for a second and then he brought his lips back to mine leaving some smooches on my lips. I smiled myself and he had then got down further leaving quick small kisses down to my torso to my navel and down to my hip and right to my inner thigh.
The way he was making me feel was insane. I grinned down at him and he had kissed my inner thigh several times with small kisses. And then he repeated the same with my other leg. I know I was gonna lose myself. I stayed still and he put his head right between my thighs and he started to lick and suck at my throbbing core. When I felt his tongue I cried out cupping my own breast in my right hand. My other hand in his hair. He was enjoying every part of me as he licked and sucked me out. I thought I might not be able to come out the same again after this.
He then moaned into my melting core. He smiled into it and he placed his index finger inside me gently and I moan throwing my head back. He sees how vulnerable I am and in his eyes is a sweet lustful desire in them that's dark. I felt his tongue work it's magic. I knew I would come over the edge 'cause I won't last long. He chuckled softly seeing how vulnerable I am to his touch and he loved it. His finger was going on slow motions. Thrusting in and out of me. I bit out a whine from his thrusting finger that he then placed two fingers and he went deep and long.
"Oh baby...don't stop. Just like that. Right there." I whispered huskily.
And with my command he didn't stop for a second. He continued his motions in and out of me. Thrusting fast and long while his mouth was on me, licking me fast and long. I reached up for the shower's wall and my jaw dropped open as I breathed erratically and he felt so good I was losing myself in him.
"You feel...so good...it's too good, baby." I cried feeling his thrusting picking up faster motions, squeezing my eyes tightly.
"Your so wet...all for me. Your all mine." He said dryly.
I knew I would be getting very close to my release soon. I shook my head from the feeling being so good. I cried in pleasure hitting the back of my head against the shower wall. His lips didn't stop. He continued his motions and I was losing it. My mind fled to insanity that I knew I wasn't in reality I remembered. I knew I would reach my peak. But I handled myself as good as I could. My fingers pulling in his hair and somehow his hands were grasping my hips for a moment as his lips were licking my clit nonstop.
I breathed trying to relax and calm my wellbeing. I closed my eyes for a moment and then I opened them staring down at him. I felt myself so close that I wanted to cry my lungs out. And he nuzzled his nose on my leg for a moment and then he licked hard on me and he stuck his fingers inside me, thrusting while he licked me. I felt so much closer to my release than I ever have. I thought I would break down and crash as he would make me release.
What was he doing to me? I can hardly handle it. I moaned louder this time but to prevent anyone from hearing me I covered my mouth with his hand in case my mom got home much sooner. My mouth was muffled and he kept sucking and licking my clitoris. And I knew at this second I belonged to him and my body shook as I combusted, pouring out of me. He caught it licking it good and well with his tongue. He moved his finger up my cleft, taking his finger into his mouth sucking me off. I cried out my orgasm loud and erratically. He smiled and came up to kiss my lips.
"Oh baby," I cried against his lips.
I giggled after his lips pressed against mine. And our make out session turned into five minutes. I ran my fingers down his shoulders and I pressed my lips to the crook of his neck finding his weak spot. And I moved my lips down to his neck to his chest licking his chest going down to his abs. And he moaned from it. I left soft quick kisses down his torso and he groaned with a gentle chuckle. I got down to my knees and I grabbed his member in my hand and I began to kiss the tip of it and he was dying inside from how much I was teasing him. His hands pulled my hair in back of my head into a fisted ponytail to keep my hair out of my face.
I took his member into my mouth and I sucked on it up and down. He moaned from the feeling of my mouth and his head leaned back. He looked at me in pleasure, his eyes full of lust.
"Fuck," he moaned, with his head back. "Oh my god. Fuck."
His hands weren't the back of my head onto his member as he was thrusting into my mouth. I moaned from it softly. And he was hard as stone. And he groaned from feeling my mouth directly on him, moving my mouth on his length. He looked ready to explode but I held onto his hips while my mouth went on his length in fast rapid motions. I moved my lips off of his to wet it and he groaned again loudly. I breathed and then I spit on it and he placed my mouth directly on him and his jaw dropped.
I didn't stop my motions as I kept moving my mouth on him nonstop up and down on his length. I stared up at him and he didn't stop moaning from the feeling. And it didn't take long before I started moving my mouth on his length rapidly nonstop and fast. And he kept my wet hair out of my face and I took my time until I could allow him to actually get so close and I knew he was close. Soon enough he jammed himself into my mouth and then pulling his member out gently and back in quickly. I moaned and he grabbed my mouth to kiss my lips long and hard. I moaned against his lips.
I nodded to him to let him know he is exactly who I want. He knew that too. And quickly he pulled me up and he faced me face forward against the wall, my cheek pressing against it and my hands held onto the shower's stands for balance. I felt his hands move down my sides and his lips kissed my shoulder and I shivered with ache to my clitoris. I moaned as I felt his lips travel to the small part of my back where he left the bruise. He gasped, stopping the second he saw it. I wasn't sure how I was gonna be able to do this. I knew he was going to be extremely gentle after seeing that for the second time.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked, looking back at him.
"I just...can't believe what I had done." He said softly and I just looked at Christopher, not caring what he had done.
"It doesn't matter now." I responded.
He took in a deep breath and he kissed where the bruise was. Feeling him touch me felt good. I only wanted him to touch me like this. And see me like this. I just cried in so much love for him. He left quick kisses all over my back up to my shoulders and my nape. I giggled when I felt him kiss my nape.
I obeyed his demand no matter how hard it was going to be. I relaxed every nerve in my body. He spanked my bare ass, I gasped which in a way felt good. I didn't move as he demanded. The only thing I did do was have my breathing more erratic than before. It didn't take long for him to bend me forward and I felt his hard member go very slowly and gently inside me from behind and very gently he moved in and out of me. His hand grasped onto my hips while thrusting in and out of me slowly and gently.
I felt him begin to pickup speed. And the more he kept going the more I moaned in pleasure. I don't think I ever felt like this before. I felt his heavy erratic breathing in my ear. His breath was hot on my flesh. I wanted nothing but to move from him driving my body insane. I whined out his name repeatedly as he pushed deeply into me my nails raked onto the wall. He guided my hips back to meet his thrusts.
I was definitely begging for him. I felt like crying out nonstop. I felt so close. But the water was pouring down on us like crazy and it was causing me to want him to go faster and pickup his pace cause to me he wasn't fast enough. I squeezed my eyes shut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I climax. I knew it just by the feeling. He thrusted harder into me that caused me to jump back a bit. He was groaning and I moaned loudly from feeling him. I thought I might lose myself. I was losing my breath as it is. I just didn't want to fall from the feeling of him inside me no matter how good it felt.
I never been so high in my entire life. I guess I can go so much higher than this. But I was gonna cry or scream my way to release. He stared at me and he knew for sure exactly how I was feeling. He just kept moving in and out of me that caused me to cry out his name multiple times. I thought I was gonna lose myself in the way of getting to my release. But I did everything I could. He went so deep I never felt it like this before. With his size being so big it didn't help that I kind of gasped from the roughness for a moment. I let out a bloody cry and he didn't stop for a moment. It's been so hard to take in all of this since it's been a while since I had sex.
"Oh my god. You feel so good," I cried out, being extremely soaked by the shower water that poured down over me. "Please don't stop."
My body was burning on fire. Bad fire with a crave for every single motion and thrust. I wanted this for four months and now I finally get all of it back again. I thought I lost all of this the second he let me go. But to feel him touch me again was the best feeling ever. He didn't want to lose me right now either. After every move and every second of it. I thought he would come close to his release. I cried out and he continued his motions thrusting deeper and harder into me. I heard him breathing on the back of my neck. I just thought I was going to go over the edge any second and I felt his grasp hold on harder onto my hips. I leaned my head back and his lips pecked my neck and I shivered a sigh in pleasure.
"Oh my god, yes." I whined, crying out for him and that I wanted him no matter what.
I was letting go of my reality skipping back into my insanity. I was losing the big part of myself that always drove me crazy. I could go crazy and lose myself in him. His hands got tighter on my hips pulling me back into his thrusts. How long was this going to last? I cried with the feeling of him inside me. The shower was steamy and I felt like I was going to release myself any second. He brought his hand to my neck, holding me there, while thrusting harder into me.
The only fear I had was getting caught by my mother in case she comes home early. I hope this comes to an end of us both being able to release as long as he kept doing what he was doing. I cried only knowing I was at my last seconds to my release. He banged his way into me hard and quick. I was panting for him. I wanted him and nothing or no one else. I was feeling myself shake from my legs.
"Your so tight." He muttered incoherently.
"Please...please...please..." I begged for him.
I moaned so loud I could scream and suddenly he moved my head back to turn my face to kiss my lips while still thrusting into me and by then I was moaning nonstop loud as ever. And before I knew it I was coming long and I kept saying his name quickly incoherently. And then he pulled out of me slowly trying not to hurt me. And he took his member with his hand jerking himself off with his hand onto my thigh, groaning loudly.
It was so hot in the shower and then he grabbed me by the face sealing his lips over mine with a moan. We were both feeling weak trying to catch our breaths and get our heart rates back to normal. I exhaled and I smiled, pulling away from his lips. And I moved my hands up his shoulders to the back of his head, pulling on the ends of his hair. I loved to feel his arms around me. And I took his hands starting to kiss them. I kissed his fingertips gently and this moment I wanted to remember.
I took the body wash pouring it into the palm of my hand and I put it over him and helped him wash himself off and in the middle of it all, I kissed him deeply and madly. I was so fast I was craving more from him. I stared at him and he smiled at me and before I knew it he took the shampoo and turned me around putting it in my hair, lathering. His fingers going in my hair giving it a shake that felt good to scalp. I closed my eyes and I knew that this exact moment and second that I didn't want to forget this. I smiled and then I rinsed and washed my hair out.
I turned back around bending my head back underneath the shower head. And then I put the shampoo in his hair and he rinsed and washed his hair out. He then put on the body wash and I smiled from the feeling of his hands. His large hands. I shook my head pulling him for a seductive kiss, craving him more. Something about him makes me want him more and more. I looked at him in the way he likes with my eyes doing all the talking not my words. I smiled at the moment and I put the conditioner in my hair and I lathered it and I rinsed and washed and he did the same with his hair.
He pulled me back in as I kissed him deep and hard my palms running down his chest. I moaned against his lips. And he honestly couldn't stop touching me or kissing me.
"Baby, I honestly cannot get enough of this. Of you. This is the best I ever felt with you." I said close to his ear.
He chuckled rubbing his hands down my sides to my hips, bracing me there. My palms pressed against his chest and his lips bit my lower lip. Forcing me for entrance. I accepted, opening my mouth and our tongues danced together. He groaned, pulling his lips away, breathing.
"We're gonna kill each other to death." I smiled.
"I know you missed it. Your body can't go a day without me. You crave my touch every second." He chuckled under his breath.
I blinked for a moment and my arms wrapped around his neck and I nodded and I brought my lips to his.
"I can't go another moment without it. I need you, always. Again perhaps." I said in a question.
"You wanna go again?" He seemed surprised. "You just don't give up, do you?" He chuckled softly.
"One more time. I can't go another second. I just can't get enough of you." I purred to his ear.
~
It started to rain. And once mom got home, I was in the kitchen baking muffins and an apple pie that I loved. And because it was pouring outside, I stared out the window, just watching it rain while it had thundered with a rumble outside. Christopher was in his room, reading my book, Love in Paradise.
I am practically crazy over baking. I guess it was a coping mechanism due to the fact I had both of my parents divorcing just two months before I turned sixteen. And I am here now facing a year since they've split. And when mom left, baking was all I used to do. I baked every day just to get my mind off of it. Or I would clean. As in vacuuming, organizing my room, wash dishes, mop the floor or even clean the pool. I used to go crazy and I would need to do something to distract myself from what really was happening.
And I enjoyed baking the most. And I am obsessed with baking anything like brownies, chocolate cupcakes or anything with chocolate. And I just started stirring the chocolate mix in a bowl, just mixing it because I was also starting to bake chocolate cupcakes. And I always loved chocolate cupcakes with a lot of sprinkles on them. I think mom was confused about why I was baking so much. But does she get it that it's storming out? When it rains...baking is the best hobby, besides binge watching Hulu or reading.
"Hi honey." Mom said, entering the kitchen just as she dragged out the pitcher of ice tea and pouring it into a glass.
"Hey mom. Do the muffins look good? Their hot and just came out of the oven. And so did the apple pie. Now these cupcakes are going in." I smiled, putting the tray in the oven.
She looked at the tray of the muffins and the dish of the apple pie that were done and looked delicious.
"Yes, actually. They look very good. I remember baking my first time. And I failed. Burnt them all." She laughed, and I only could imagine myself seeing that happening as if it were a movie.
Just as soon as I put the tray in the oven, I just sighed. And I looked out the window just as it was raining. And I always liked seeing how it is raining. Seeing the mystery fog across from the lake. And I just thought it looked nice.
"Mom," I began. "Can we please talk? We don't really talk as much like we used to."
With the sound of the rain pouring and the sound of thunder, I sat at the kitchen table and she joined me in spite of the loud pouring rain.
"Okay. What about?"
"I wanna know about you and dad. I wanna know what happened between you both? Two people who loved each other can't just walk away and not love each other. That's not what happened, is it? Dad won't tell me anything. So I want the truth, mom. Please." I said.
I know I wouldn't get the answers that I want. I know that my parents both have secrets that I can never know about. And when I was suffering for those weeks and months during their divorce it made it much harder for me to tolerate it. And I don't think my parents could know what I had to go through. Crying myself to sleep every night. The hate I had for my mom when she left. The resentment I had for my dad for letting mom leave. And I was angry that he didn't chase after her. But he accepted the divorce and then he just went off and got married in four months. Who does that?
"Your dad and I were extremely unhappy for years." She admitted. "It wasn't that we fell out of love in one night. For years we had issues...in our marriage."
"Then why did you stay with him?" I breathed.
"We stayed only for you. You were the only thing that mattered to us." She said.
"So what was it that made you guys fall out of love?" I asked, feeling myself of the emotional of having my parents split.
"It just wasn't there. The chemistry we had was gone. And the real love we had from the start it just left. But...deep down the love we had is still there. Of what we had. But things can never be the same." She reached touching my arm.
I felt emotional because of it and how anxious I was. Dad must have a story too. Whenever I ask, he looks guilty like he made a crime. It's good I'm just like him in ways.
"Why did dad marry you if he regrets it?" I asked.
"Well, because he thought I was the only one for him. At least at the time. Your dad was amazing. He still is. And I will always love him. But, the way things are...it's how it is." She said shakily. "But Emma, when you find that true love. You will understand that it's important. Important as anything else. But sometimes it's not what the movies show or in books. Not even in music. But sometimes there is no happily ever after."
I knew she was right. Because it was her experience with dad. How her marriage changed. How everything turned upside down for her. And I could never know. Only because I wasn't my mother to know how hard it is.
"So you didn't get the perfect ending?" I asked.
"Not the one I wanted. But you can learn from mine. And you can find the right person. And trust me, don't marry some man who will give you everything. Because with desire for love, it's worth to be with the right man." She told me.
"Mom, you didn't make a mistake. You were with dad because it was your heart. And at the start it was worth it." I felt the tears swelling in my eyes.
"Yes, your right." She nodded.
I can't even believe how messed up I turned to be. And no matter what. Things just changed throughout my life. Even if it's because of my parents. But none of it matters. What if I actually make the same mistakes like my parents did. And I just think it's insane. And I love my parents in their way. But it's hard that I have to remember that for the rest of my life. And to know that my dad had to move on with another woman who isn't my mother, makes it worse beyond everything.
I guess they say that happiness needs to be broken eventually. They say eventually that pain enters a family, no matter how happy it is. And my family fell apart. And it's story isn't finished. And I don't think it ever will. And everything it is, it turned upside down into the nightmare I never wanted it to be.
And I cry here about my parents divorce when Christopher lost his dad. At least my parents are still alive. And he deserved better than losing a dad. It's why his life changed. Starting with him getting into fights at school, getting expelled and he even went to a reformed school for troubled kids when he was thirteen. And none of that is fair to someone who deserved it better. And Christopher needed someone when he was going through it. But if I did...he could have helped me through my parents divorce and I could have helped him cope with his dad's death.
Outside, I heard the rain hitting down harder and the thunder rumbling extremely loud. And then mom and I sat down with our glasses of milk and eating apple pie. And I thought about every little word my mother and I talked about.
A/N:
Hey it's Emily! ☀️
But I'm sorry it takes me
A while to update. But I
Have been having some
Personal issues. And I
Been trying to write
Each chapter for you
Guys. And that said, there's
Only seven chapters left.
• Comment
• Predict
• Vote
#staybeautiful 🌹
#loveyourself 🥀