Half a year passed so quickly.
"It's a good way to left out the humidity."
As I walked around the rose garden, I took out a pair of scissors from the basket and began pruning the roses right away. Removing dead leaves and branches as soon as they are found, while taking note of the breeze around me. As well as cutting off the old and bad branches.
Since I've been going to the garden every day for half a year without a break, I'm already used to the work here. Lately, when Yuria is not feeling well, I have to come to take care of the garden by myself.
"Well, alright. You look beautiful."
Under the bright sunshine, the beautiful blue roses were magnificent and graceful.
'Flowers won't betray you.' said Yuria before, and I think he is right.
"You blooms beautifully as much as you are loved. Being simple is nice huh, really."
I murmured to no one and put the scissors back. That is when I suddenly heard the sound of the piano.
"....Geez, even though I told you to sleep.”
Yuria is apparently sick today. Because he threw a tantrum, wanting to go to the garden together, I had to put him to sleep before going out. Now I have to return quickly and send him back to bed.
"....Ouch."
At once, I felt a pain on my fingertips. It seems like I pricked myself with a rose thorn. The red blood is bubbling up.
"Oh, no. I' m sorry to think about other people while taking care of you. But it's about your Master, you know? You also want to see your master, right?"
With a wry smile, I return my focus to tending the roses. All the time I was in the garden, the gentle sound of the piano never stopped.
* * *
The sky has already turned dark, by the time I finished taking care of the garden.
After washing off my sweat, I went to Young Master room and the door opened briskly in front of me as if he had been waiting for me.
"Thank you for your hard work, Ban-san."
"You... I told you to go to sleep."
"I'm already fine now. Look."
"....!"
As usual, Yuria lifts me up. Even though I felt embarrassed, I let Yuria do as he pleases. Sometimes, I will caress his head and he will squints and looked comfortable.
I put my chin on Yuria's shoulder. My heart is beating fast.
After spending half a year together, I found out that he was really an honest young man. Sometimes he acted too coquettishly, but considering his environment, I think its something inevitable. Yuria was truly alone.
His grandfather, as his guardian, had not been seen in this mansion for the past half a year. His uncle Hal, whom I had meet before, is also no exception.
There are so many servants, but they never talk to Yuria. The thoroughly educated servants worked solemnly without speaking to each other, while trying to not come into Yuria's sight. It’s almost as if they don't even exist from the beginning.
So I think it's no wonder that Yuria wants to touch me like this. If I were in a place like this, I wouldn't be able to keep myself either. You can't help but seeking out for warmth.
This is a cage. Luxuriously decorated, fancy cage.
And Yuria is being trapped here....
"... Huh? I can smell blood."
And then Julia took my hand to his nose.
"Oh no. You're hurt!"
Yuria widened his eyes while I shrugged.
"It's not a big deal. It's just a rose thorn."
Even the wound has already closed. But Yuria frowned and put me down on the floor.
"No, it's not. It will become serious if germs get in. Wait a minute. ”
Then he came back with a little glass jar from the shelf.
"Give me your hand."
"No need. My bleeding already stopped...."
"Quickly."
I held out my hand reluctantly while he carefully rubbed the ointment to my wound. He then cover my hand with a silk handkerchief.
"....It's finished."
"You're exaggerating everything."
"You're too careless. You know, there are people who die from a slight wound. If anything happens to you, I will....”
He speaks a few words and then lowered his eyebrows.
"I will be so sad."
"It's okay. I will always be by your side."
I opened my mouth to tell him that while Yuria drew his cheek closer. He then squeezed my hand which is wrapped by his handkerchief.
"....I'm begging on you. Don't get hurt. Please take care of yourself more. "
His words almost like a prayer that full with kindness.
"I understand."
Honestly, I can't stand it. It's unbearably ticklish.
It's been a long time since I've been loved like this.
Since the time when my mother was alive and my brothers were not yet born....
When I left home, my body is a monetary asset. No, even now as a "caretaker", it's still the same.
But what Yuria said... make me want to take advantages of him.
I swallowed back my words that was coming up and smiled awkwardly. Half a year is more than enough time to define this vague feeling.
"I'll treasure myself more. If not, I won't be able to take care of you. Well, I haven't done much of a caretaker job after all. Or rather, I should call it the roses' caretaker."
I gently put my hand on Yuria's head. When I feel his soft hair, my heart beats faster.
....At first, I overlap Yuria with my brothers and sisters that I left behind.
Then I found out about the loneliness around him and I wanted to do something about it.
Yuria, who acts coquettishly, is cute. There is no way I could not think he wasn't cute since he was clinging to me like a puppy all day. Sometimes he will keep himself at a little distance. Everytime I saw him with such pitiful figure, I want to pull him into my arm and tell him everything will be okay.
Before I knew it... I had another feeling besides "cute".
Every time I was touched by him, my heart ached to the point where I couldn't ignore it at all.
"So you mean... I can die so easily? Even if I look like this, I still want to live."
"But from my point of view, you're too weak."
"Hah, you... I'm not that weak. Sure I'm short, but not weak. Well, you're too big. People say my height is about average or even better than average."
Then I laugh until my shoulder shaking. However, seems like it wasn't able to wash away Yuria's anxiety.
"You know, Ban-san? I actually...."
"Huh?"
"....No."
"Don't stop in the middle. What's going on? What do you want to say? "
Looking like he tried to convey something he can't say with words.
Yuria then grabs my hand that still caressed his head. I took his hand back and held it gently.
"That...."
Fluttered by my move, Yuria trembles. My fingertips are on his wrist.
Through his sleeve, I caressed the "scar" on his wrist with all my heart.
"Are you okay? I'll listen to whatever you say. So...."
"I'm sorry."
A firm voice then interrupts my words. Startled by his voice, I slowly let his hand go.
I'm getting carried away. Thinking that he is special to me, make me desire to be special to him too.
"It's okay. I understand."
I hope one day, he can share it with me. About his worry and also the word that he decides to swallow back now instead of saying it.
It's okay, Yuria.
I've been through a lot more than you think.
That is why most things are acceptable to me. Predicting that, your uncle chose me.
Just like waiting for the snow to melt in spring, I have no choice but to wait for him to open his mouth.
Although it's frustrating, although I feel miserable about this matter, but I dont have any other choice.
――or so I thought.
But if you see the streaks of blood in the hallway, the story will be different, right?
At midnight. I was suddenly woken up.
I thought I heard a faint noise. I listen carefully but the mansion remains silent. I guess it was just my imagination.
"....Toilet."
I got out from my bed and left the room.
By the time I finished my little business, I was already wide awake.
As always. the mansion is very cold.
Sometimes, a bug will fly around the wall-mounted lamp, jumped into the candle's flame, and make a jarring noise. Then I moved my gaze to the window. The moon is shining in the sky.
Oh, is it a full moon tonight?
While thinking about that, I headed to young master’s room.
I can't stop myself to thinking about the faint noise I heard before, and I suddenly become worried when I remembered about the fact that near a full moon day, wound on Yuria's wrist will increase.
Maybe this is what people called as premonition.
"....What is this?"
When I reached young master's room, I stopped. In front of the door, there’s a small dark spot on the carpet in the corridor. As I squatted down and crawled my fingers on it, I gasped.
"Blood...?"
It's half-dried blood.
I immediately knocked on the door of his room.
"Yuria. Hey! Yuria!?"
There is no answer. I opened the door even knowing that I'm being rude. When I saw there is no sign of anyone in the room, I turned on the light.
"What are you doing?"
When I see the red blood on the bed sheet, I turn my back.
"Yuria... Where...."
When I looked closely, I saw blood streaked across the corridor. I start running.
* * *
When I was a mercenary, I remember hearing the reason of hurting yourself is like both reward and disciplinary punishment, and also the typical validation of their work.
I know a man who used to cut himself in my mercenary days. I thought he was suicidal, but he said, "It's to live.". More or less, it's hard to live without being crazy, so he cut himself to reconcile with reality. It made him feel better, he said.
I actually don't know much about the difficult thing but there is one thing that I understand.
When you fail to compromise with reality, you might die.
On his way home from the battlefield, he cut his wrist with a knife as usual and died.
Everyone knew It’s been escalating. But we didn't expect him to die. I think he actually had no intention to die, he is just failed to deal with reality.
Even so, he died.
I pretended not to notice Yuria's wound because I thought those wounds came from his loneliness. I expected it would stop if I could heal him. I couldn't force myself because I don't want to make it worse, and I don't want to control him either.
However, I can't stand it anymore.