"Ams you sures you don't wants to go withs me?" Toki watched Skwisgaar fold shirts and neatly pack them into his onyx suitcase. He did want to go with him. He wanted to go everywhere he went.
"No, this ams for you and Delilahs" he said in his best supportive voice. "Unless you wants me theres?" Skwisgaar smirked. He walked over to his partner and planted a kiss on his forehead.
"I wants you there if you wants to be theres" Toki gave a small smile and grabbed the Swede's hand.
"It's only a couple days. This ams goods for me. I knows I'ms clingys" Skwisgaar squeezed his hand.
"Yes. You ams" he chuckled and tossled Toki's hair. The Nord looked down at his feet.
"I'm sorrys" he said quietly. Skwisgaar's smile faded. He sat next to him on the bed and wrapped a lanky arm around his shoulder.
"No. Don'ts be sorrys. Tokis, I love that yous clingy. I loves that I cans sees where you ams all the times. I knows where you ams all the times" he pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'ms anxious abouts this trips. I'm scared whens I comes homes yous be gones again" Toki stroked Skwisgaar's blonde lockes.
"I bes here whens you gets back. Magnus ams dead. Nothings can hurts me anymores" the two shared a soft kiss. "I loves you"
"I loves you toos"
Delilah stood naked in front of her mirror. She pinched places that were still saggy from pregnancy, frowning at every lump and bump on her body. The scale said she had reached ninety pounds, but how could that be possible? Her stomach still poked out and looked bloated. Her thighs jiggled, and her arms just were not slimming down. She leered at herself with contempt. Saggy breasts, stretch marks, hair frizzy and dull. She hated herself. She couldn't remember a time when she didn't hate herself. Only Chris made her feel beautiful. She chased self worth in different beds, but only Chris could make her feel whole.
"You don't need my validation, Del. You were beautiful before me and you're beautiful after me"
"I just can't feel it, Chris. I can't. I'm trying so hard" she pressed her hand against the mirror, an image of Chris staring back at her.
"You're beautiful Delilah. You're so, so beautiful"
"I don't feel beautiful without you" a knock on the door brought her back to reality.
"Delilah, it's uh.. it's Nathan" she rolled her eyes.
"Go away" she called through the door.
"I just want to tell you to have a safe trip"
"Well you've told me. Now, please, leave"
"You can't be mad at me forever!" Nathan bellowed. Delilah huffed and threw on a robe. She stormed to the door and threw it open.
"I'm not mad at you Nathan" she said harshly. "I'm just not beat for your and Pickles' high school drama"
"There is no drama" Nathan argued. "Pickles thinks he can claim dibs on girls, I was just challenging his sexist mindset" he shrugged, deflating at the blank stare Delilah gave him.
"Oh, is that what you were doing? Challenging the patriarchy?"
"You don't have to be sarcastic"
"I'm not" Delilah corrected. "I'm being condescending" Nathan hung his head, getting obviously frustrated. Delilah took a small bit of pity on him. "I'm gonna be gone for three days. I might not even come back. If you could squash your beef over Abigail, squash your beef over me. You shouldn't let a girl ruin your friendship"
"You might not come back?" Nathan asked quietly. Delilah sighed and motioned him into her room. He sat on the loveseat occupying a corner of the room, while Delilah sat across from him on the bed.
"It's been six months. It might be time for me to go home, start adjusting to life... alone..." she trailed off.
"This can be your home" Nathan's normally intense, emerald green eyes were soft. "We can start a family. You won't have to be alone" Delilah shook her head.
"Alone can be good. Alone can be therapeutic"
"Please don't leave me" Nathan pleaded. "Please, I love you"
"We're not together, Nathan"
"I know! I know, I just..." he put his face in his palms, words failing him. "What if you don't come back? What if something happens and I'm not there to protect you?"
"Nathan, nothing is going to happen to me"
"You don't know that!" He shouted. "Nothing bad was supposed to happen to Abigail, but it did and it was right under my nose!" He felt Delilah's small form drape around his massive body, softly embracing him.
"You still love Abigail" she said.
"I love you" Nathan stated. "Everything about you. Your lips, your hair, your eyes, everything"
"Those are aesthetics. What did you love about Abigail?"
"Her laugh. The way her hair looks in the sun, like it's made of some crazy fire or something. She's fierce, and mean, but kind. She's one of the most brutal women I've ever met, but she's gentle with me. She was gentle with me" Nathan looked into Delilah's eyes. "Okay. I'm still in love with Abigail. But my feelings for you are real too. I love the way your face lights up when you talk about your nieces and nephew. I love the way you speak Spanish, not just when you're angry but when you're passionate about something. You're so damn passionate"
"I can't love you back Nathan" she said solemnly.
"I know" he kissed her slowly. "Have a safe trip. I hope you come back"
The train ride home was somehow more surreal than the ride to Mordland. It passed Delilah by in a haze, very little being said between her, Murderface, and Skwisgaar. Usually she loved Summer in New Jersey. The air was sweet with honeysuckle and wild flowers. Hammonton smelled of berries. When they arrived at her house she was pleased to see that Bridgette had been keeping up with the maintenance crew. The place was clean, her garden was immaculate, and her pool was calling her name.
"¡Mi hermana!" Delilah said jovially upon seeing her sister. "¡Gracias, gracias, gracias, la casa es muy linda!"
"De nada, de nada" the sisters gave each other a tight squeeze. "Del, you lost a ton of weight" Bridgette's eyes darted to Murderface who gave a small nod. She forced a smile and met her sister's gaze.
"I just uh, I just wanted to keep in shape. Tracey wants me getting back to work soon. Gotta drop that baby weight"
"Primo, how are you?" Bridgette turned her attention to Murderface.
"I'm here" he said flatly. Bridgette swooped in for a hug.
"Why is she so skinny?" She whispered into his ear.
"We can talk about it later" he answered.
"Do I hear my beautiful daughter in here?" Delilah's mother called cheerily.
"Hi, mom" Delilah greeted.
"My girl! Oh my, you've lost so much weight" she wrapped her arms around Delilah's waste and squeezed. She looked across the room and locked eyes with Murderface, who frowned slightly and nodded his head.
"Well, your father has coffee on in the kitchen. And your abuelita is here! She'll cook a nice big dinner for us. How does that sound?" Delilah's heart sunk. Her grandmother's cooking was her biggest weakness.
"That sounds great, mom" she answered through gritted teeth. "Tell Daddy to pour me a cup, I'm going to take my stuff upstairs-"
"No needs, Del, the klokateers gots it" Skwisgaar cut her off.
"Well, I still need to get changed"
"Oh no one's getting here 'til two. You've got enough time to have a coffee with your dad" her mom almost pushed her into the kitchen, Delilah protesting all the way. "Take a load off, kid!" She called after her. Tina's sights turned and locked onto her nephew and Skwisgaar. Bridgette also stared them down, arms crossed and lips pressed together into a thin line.
"Aunt Tina..." Murderface trailed off.
"What are we going to do, William?" She asked. "I haven't seen her that thin since she was seventeen"
"The whole point of her moving in with you was so that you could keep an eye on her" Bridgette said harshly. Murderface looked at his feet. "What have you been doing? Why isn't she eating?"
"You think I haven't tried getting her to eat?" Murderface asked in frustration. "She spends all day either in her room, in the gym, or with Nathan. She's a grown ass woman what am I supposed to do?"
"Nathan?" Tina repeated. "Your frontman?"
"They's gottens close" Skwisgaar said flatly.
"And what about you, Skwisgaar? What have you been doing to support her?" Bridgette asked.
"I'm doings everythings I cans for hers" Skwisgaar argued.
"Oh really, cus she said that her first three months there you pretty much blew her off for your new boyfriend. Real quick rebound, by the way"
"Bridgette, you have no idea what you're talking about" Murderface said in a low tone.
"He wents through hells, Bridgettes!" Skwisgaar exclaimed.
"And so did she!" She argued back.
"Guys, none of this is helping" Tina stated. "Look, depending on what she wants to do, if she decides to stay home maybe we can convince her to get treatment. She needs it. She must be under ninety pounds by now"
"Daddy, I'm fine!" They heard Delilah slam something from the kitchen and moved out of her way as she stormed into the foyer. "Skwis, help me pick an outfit!" She called from the stairs.
"Skwisgaar, do me a favor" Tina pleaded. "Try and convince her to stay home after this weekend. Will, you gotta try too. Please, it's for her best interest"
"Why is everyone so obsessed with my fucking weight!?" Delilah almost shouted.
"Because you too skinnys, Del" Skwisgaar answered gently.
"I told you, I have to lose the baby weight"
"You losts the baby weights, plus tirty pounds" Skwisgaar heard Delilah sigh. He watched as she ripped through her closet furiously, pieces of black clothing being flung all around him. He patiently picked up the clothes closest to him and laid them out on the bed. He could almost feel Chris's weight next to him. He half expected to feel his callused hand wrap around his. "Delilah, everyone ams worrieds abouts you"
"Well, they should worry less about my weight seeing as it's fine. I'm in a healthy BMI"
"Just lets thems dotes on you. They ament's seens you since the funeral" Skwisgaar picked a black sundress decorated with sunflowers up. "What's abouts this ones? Chris loved sunflowers" Delilah turned around and held the dress up infront of her. She turned to the mirror and smiled lightly.
"He did. I think this will be nice" she began to undress, though Skwisgaar remained in the room. He scanned her body for every protruding bone he could find. Her thighs officially gapped, despite still being one of the fullest parts of her body. Her curves were slowly disappearing, which made him worry for her safety and ache for the loss of such a beautiful body. Before he knew what he was doing, he had tightly wrapped her into his arms. "Skwisgaar, I'm naked" she protested. He just hugged her tighter.
"I'm so worrieds abouts you" he said with a strained sob. "Oh gods, oh gods I don'ts wants you to die too"
"Skwisgaar, I'm not dying" Delilah said, exasperated.
"Please, don'ts leaves me too!" he wept. "Please don'ts leaves! Please don'ts leaves me!"
"Skwis.." Delilah felt tears welling in her eyes. "Skwisgaar, I won't. I won't"
"Gods, I loves you so much" Skwisgaar buried his face into the top of her head. He held her so close she was afraid she might break. She returned his hug though, trailing her finger down his spine and hushing him.
"I love you too, Skwisgaar. I love you too. I'm not going anywhere, I promise" they stayed wrapped in each other for a long time, Skwisgaar crying and Delilah trying her best to sooth him. She was finally able to lead him to the bed where he curled into the fetal position. Delilah layed in front of him clutching his hands in hers.
"I'm sorrys. I amen'ts means to crys, I just-" he was cut off by another sob.
"Skwisgaar, you're having a panic attack, sweetie" Delilah said gently.
"Yous goings to dies"
"No, baby. No, I'm not going to die" she tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and let her palm linger on his cheek.
"You has to eats" he begged. "You has to starts eatings, please" he was answered with a kiss on the lips.
"I'm going to be fine, Skwis" she said in her same soothing tone. She kissed him once more on the lips, then his jaw down to his neck. "Calm down, sweetie. Everything is okay"
Skwisgaar knew it wasn't. It couldn't be. Chris was gone, and she was rapidly following. How could she be so calm? How could she kiss him that way, knowing she was lying to him. He stayed quiet, letting the fear and anger work its way out of him. Delilah held him the whole time, kissing him and speaking softly. Eventually his body relaxed and the tears dried up. He let out an exhausted sigh.
"I'm sorrys" he said in a hoarse voice.
"You don't have to apologize" she responded. "How do you feel?"
"Ex-khausted. I needs a showers"
"Feel free to use mine" Skwisgaar hesitated. "What's wrong?"
"I ament's wants to lets you goes" He replied with a shaky voice. His grip on her was just as tight as the beginning of the attack. Her skin was warm and the sheets smelled like Chris. He could at least pretend for a moment things were okay. He could make believe that at any second Chris would crawl back into bed with them. He would hold Skwisgaar from behind and sing him songs in his deep voice.
"I will be right here when you get back" Delilah comforted.
"Comes in withs me?" Skwisgaar asked timidly. Delilah kissed him on the forehead.
"Okay"
Skwisgaar barely noticed the water on his skin. He was too busy watching Delilah wash. Her weight loss was even more noticeable when she was naked. He hadn't realized just how bad it had gotten. 'She's so perfect' He thought to himself. 'She had the most beautiful man in the world. He thought she was gorgeous. She is gorgeous'
"You alright? You're staring" Delilah put a tiny hand on his shoulder.
"Chris thoughts you ams the most beautiful womans in the worlds" he grabbed her hand in his and kissed it. "Because you ams the most beautiful womans in the the worlds"
"I know that's what he thought of me, and apparently what you think of me, but I'm still not happy with the way I look right now, and I would like to change that"
"I understands. I wish I coulds makes you feels beautiful likes he dids"
"I don't know if anyone can make me feel that way again"
"I knows hows you feel" They finished their shower and dried off. Skwisgaar kept his gaze on Delilah. It had been a long time since they had shared that kind of intimacy. His insides felt like they were on fire. He hadn't felt that cared for since Chris. "Del..." he started, but wasn't quite sure what to say.
"Yeah?" Delilah turned to face him. He walked slowly towards her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her deeply. She returned the kiss before gently pushing him away. "Toki said I'm off limits. You know that"
"Toki ament's here" Skwisgaar replied. He continued the kiss, with very little protest from Delilah. He ran his hands all over her slim body. He could only feel bone, and though he wished her weight was restored, he still enjoyed exploring her tiny frame.
"Skwisgaar, wait" Delilah broke the kiss once more. "Our emotions are all over the place. We've already gone too far. I'm not going to let you cheat" Skwisgaar sighed in frustration.
"Fines..." he groaned. "Yous rights" he picked up his towel and clothes and opened the door to leave. "I sees you downstairs" the door shut behind him and Delilah let out a long breath.
"FUCK!" she shouted