I unlock the front door and slowly creep in, shutting the door and locking it as quietly as possible, hoping I don't wake anyone up since it's nearing 3 am. I stand by the door for a few seconds, waiting to see if anyone heard the click of the lock, only to end up watching Wilbur pad his way over to me. I squat down and scratch behind his ears, his favorite place to be scratched, and stare at him with tears filling my eyes. He tilts his head up and licks my face, catching the tears that slide down before they even get the chance to roll off on to my hoodie. I let out a soft laugh knowing he can tell I'm hurting right now and all I need is a little love.
I stand up and make my way to Coco's room, Wilbur trailing behind me, before opening the door so the both of us can get in. Coco sits on her bed, having been waiting for my arrival since I texted her, giving me a small smile as she opens her arms up for me to hug her. A sob rips through my throat as I make my way into her arms, my body shaking with the pain I've been trying to hold in, the pain I knew was going to be in when I first got myself involved with him.
"He's not worth your tears. I know it hurts right now, but trust me, you'll be okay. I love you, Sylvie loves you, Wilbur loves you, my mom and dad love you more than they love me, and Ruel loves you-" she whispers into my hair, rubbing my back as I cry into her shoulder. She moves a hand up to run her fingers through my hair, hoping she can calm me down enough to talk, knowing what I need right now is someone that'll listen to me. Someone that'll love me and actually care about me. "Wanna talk about it? I know that talking about it can be the first step to moving on and feeling like yourself again" she asks, using her thumbs to wipe the tears off my face as I pull back and give her a small nod as I take a deep breathe to steady my breathing.
"I just don't know why I did this to myself, why I convinced myself he was the one I had feelings for, we both know he wasn't yet I still convinced my heart to fall for him instead. I knew this was what the outcome would be when I got with him. I heard all of the stuff people said about him, the way girls told the stories of how he was, but I wanted to believe he was different. That he'd change for me-" I choke out, finally speaking all of the things I should have said a long time ago. Coco holds my hand, giving it a small squeeze of encouragement so that I could keep going. "I thought he loved me. He treated me so good Coco, he treated me so good until I found out the truth. Until I found out I wasn't the only girl" I whisper out, my heartbreaking even more as I say what we both knew. What we both knew was going to happen regardless of how good he was to me, both of us knowing the last thing he'd ever be was loyal.
"It's not your fault. You were scared of your feelings and decided to trust someone else with your heart and love them because you thought they'd be the ones to reciprocate the feelings. You wanted to believe they'd take care of you and that they were as perfect as they made themselves out to be. That shows how great you are, you give everyone a chance to prove themselves, whether they deserve it or not. You ignored all the rumors and gossip those girls said, choosing to believe him, because you truly thought he'd love you the way you wanted to be loved" She states, giving me a stern look as she tries to convince me it's not my fault. I feel my lip wobble as more tears start to well up, trying my hardest to keep them at bay. "He's lucky he got the chance to even be with you. He fucked up, decided that cheating was worth losing the best girl he'd ever have a chance with, and that's his loss." She says, anger filling her eyes as she thinks about him, as she thinks about Jake. The boy I tried to fix, knowing it would only end with me breaking.
"I thought he'd change. I thought that maybe he'd be different with me. I did everything I could to make him happy, I gave up all my time and energy in making sure he was okay. He made me feel so loved. He made me feel beautiful for once. I felt beautiful when I was with him" I barely get out as I feel the words start to choke me with realization that maybe I just wasn't good enough for him. Maybe I wasn't good enough for anyone. "I know when I first got with him it was in hopes of pushing away my feelings, but I really fell in love with him Coco. I made myself believe he was the one and that maybe what I felt before wasn't actually love. That I hadn't felt what love was until I was with him. He promised he'd stay. He promised he'd always be there for me and that I was the only girl. He said I was the only thing that made him happy anymore. He told her that to" I whimper out, the images of the screenshots the girl sent me hauntingly flashing through my mind. The texts where he told her he loved her, that she made him feel complete, the texts that said everything he'd said to me.
Coco pulls me into another hug as I cry, her own heart feeling as though it'll break as she feels the sobs racking my body. Her door starts to creak open as she holds me, her eyes instantly locking with the tall boy as gives her a look of concern, having already heard the whole conversation from standing outside her door in the hallway. He gives her a look, wondering if he should step in, receiving a small nod of approval from his sister. He quietly shuffles into the room, stepping over wilburs body that's curled up on the floor near the foot of the bed, before hesitantly sitting down on the edge of the bed. He watches for a few seconds, rage silently brewing in the pit of his stomach as he sees the pain I'm in, the pain he wish he could have prevented.
"Hey sweetheart" he quietly murmurs, his hand reaching out to mine, trying to not startle me with his unexpected appearance. My head snaps out of Cocos shoulder, having not heard him even enter the room, before I throw myself on to him without even realizing what I'm doing. He instinctively cradles me against him, pulling my body so that I'm completely wrapped around him, making sure I'm fully situated on his lap before talking. "Want to tell me what's going on? Do I have to beat someone up?" He asks, my eyes lifting to meet his only to see that he's completely serious.
"You're not beating anyone up. You don't even fight" I laugh out, the laugh sounding strangled through my tears. Coco snorts at my comment as Ruel just rolls his eyes, both of them expecting me to avoid his first question, knowing how protective he gets when it comes to me. Before I can even tell him I'll be fine, he stands up, making me wrap my legs around his waist so I don't fall to the floor. "Ruel what're you do-" I start to say before I get cut off by him completely ignoring me and talking over me.
"If you need anything we'll be in my room, bye coco" he tells her with a small wave as he makes his way to her door. My eyes locking with her over Ruels shoulder as I give her a small glare, only getting a thumbs up and air kiss from her in return. I look to Wilbur for help, watching as he gives us a look and then goes back to sleep on the floor, not even trying to get out of the room before Ruel closes the door shut.
He makes his was through the house to his room, one hand holding me against him, the other hand closing and locking his door as we make our way in. He tosses me on to his bed before turning and rummaging through his closet, leaving me a sprawled out mess as I wait for him to finish whatever it is he's doing. I sit up as we walks over to me with something in his hands, staring at him in confusion as he passes me one of his shirts.
"Put it on love, you're not going to be comfortable in what you're wearing while you sleep tonight so might as well just change now" he states with a shrug. I nod my head in response as I wipe the tears off of my face and get off of the bed, setting my phone on his night stand. I take off my pants and hoodie, not even caring that he's sitting a foot away from me, before sliding the large shirt on my body. I kick my clothes into the corner of his room, them landing straight in the pile of his own dirty clothes, before turning back to him and reaching my arms out. He lets out a light laugh before standing up walking to me, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing me against him, trying to send me as much love as he can through our hug. He tries to pull away after a few minutes, resulting in me squeezing him even tighter, making him groan out from having to keep staying in his bent position.
"Let's move this over here before I get a back cramp from having to bend down so much" he laughs out standing straight up, making my feet lift up from the ground as my arms stay completely locked around his neck. His hands grab the back of my thighs, pulling them up to rest on his hips as he walks to his bed, before flopping down on to his back with me still on him. I let out a small shriek at the sudden drop, my body jolting against his since he decided to let me go right when he flopped back. "Now that we're nice and comfy I think we should start this conversation yeah?" He whispers to me, the atmosphere of the room suddenly becoming serious, making my skin bristle with the direct attention I'm getting from him.
"It's not that big of a deal, I'll be okay" I mumble, playing with the collar of the shirt he was wearing so that I didn't have to see the disbelief that I knew was shining in his eyes at that moment. He grabs my hands, pulling them away from his shirt, before intertwining our fingers together in a tight grip. A small smile graces my lips as I look at our conjoined hands, looking at the way his hands almost swallow mine, but still manage to give me the feeling of comfort and peace. He squeezes my hands in his, making me look up at him, already knowing what he was about to say.
"I know you're not okay right now, you don't have to act like you are. You never have to fake anything in front of me, you know that. We've been best friends since we were in diapers, you can tell me anything, because I'll always be here" he reassuringly states, eyes filled with nothing but honesty, and a hint of something I couldn't make out. I open my mouth to speak, closing it as soon as frown takes over his face. "I know this is about Jake. I want him to pay for whatever he did to you" Ruel finally snaps out, his body instantly tensing in anger as he thinks about what made me breakdown today. He tries to sit up to get off of the bed, making me lay completely on top of him, forcing him to lay flat on his back again, not wanting to leave the comforting embrace.
"Don't do anything to him. Please. He's not worth it. I don't want you getting in trouble or getting hurt just to protect me." I whisper into his neck, moving my body a little so that I had one leg wrapped across his waist, basically gripping on to him like I was a koala. He moves one of his arms to wrap around my waist, the other one moving so that his hand can rest on my thigh, his fingers drawing random squiggles on it. He silently holds me for a few minutes, trying to formulate his thoughts, and mostly trying to stop the anger building up inside of him at the thought of the guy he's hated. The guy he's hated ever since he entered my life, having known the day he showed up that he was only going to break my heart, having known those rumors he heard weren't just girls exaggerating for attention.
"I won't do anything. Only because I don't want you to be even more upset than you already are. It would be worth it though, no one gets away with treating you like that. He's lucky I'm not beating his ass for making you cry." He grumbles out, getting worked up again as he thinks of the sobs that racked through my body, the destroyed look in my eyes when I turned to face him when he showed up in Coco's room. I place my hand against his cheek, feeling his body relax at my touch, before he tugs me closer to his body. "I heard the whole conversation. The one you had with Coco. I just didn't want to tell you since I wanted you to feel like you could tell me on your own and talk to me. There were some things I didn't get that you told her, but all I know is that he never deserved you" he says, feeling the shoulder of his shirt start to become warm as tears make their way out of my eyes again. He gives me a light squeeze before letting his finger draw the same shapes on my leg again, staying silent so I can let out all of the feelings I've been keeping in.
"Why wasn't I enough for him Ruel? I tried so hard to be good enough. That's all I want is to feel loved. To be wanted." I whimper, my voice cracking as I finally reveal what really had me feeling so torn apart. The feelings of wanting to be loved and sought after the way all these other girls are. Wanting someone to love you so much that they feel like they can't breathe without you. Wanting someone to look at you like you're the one who put the stars in the sky. Wanting love.
"Don't say that. You are enough, you were honestly too good for him. He didn't deserve all the love and attention you gave him. You're as good as it gets sweetheart, never settle for less than what you deserve" he murmurs, cupping my jaw so that he can lift my head up to face him. He stares at me for a few seconds, seeing that my eyes are still watery, before leaning in and placing a kiss against my forehead. I move my hand up and cup the side of his face, giving him a sad but loving smile, wondering how I got blessed with such an amazing person as my best friend. Someone who sticks by my side no matter what happens and loves me even when I get myself into situations we all know will only end bad.
"Thank you for always being here. Even if it's just to listen to me cry about a boy. You truly are my other half and I'm thankful to have you in my life" I whisper letting out a quiet yawn as exhaustion from today's events starts to kick in, watching as a boyish smile takes over his face, a certain look filling his eyes. Before I can even ask why he's looking at me that way, he lifts me off of him and places me on the bed next to him. I let out a small whine about being moved from our cuddling position, only to watch in confusion as he slightly sits up and rests against his headboard, opening his arms up for me. "What the fuck are you doing?" I question, knowing there's no way he'll be able to sleep in that position. He rolls his eyes and drags my body over, resting my head against his lower chest, and one of my legs getting thrown over his.
"I can tell you're getting sleepy so I'm just going to cuddle you and let you sleep, I'm not feeling tired right now" he quietly replies, running his fingers through my hair as I relax against him, his brain feeling restless with questions he wants to ask me. I open my mouth to retort, wanting to stay up and talk to him, only for another yawn to escape my lips. He laughs at my sleepy expression, knowing I was about to make up an excuse to stay awake with him, only for my body to completely reject that idea. I let out a soft laugh as smirks at me, my tears having dried up, leaving me in an exhausted emotional and physical state.
"Go to sleep sweetheart, I'll be here when you wake up. I promise." He reassures me, seeing the hesitant look that crosses my eyes. I give him a small nod before letting my body start to succumb to the sleep it deserves, having put it through enough turmoil today. I feel him press a soft kiss to the crown of my head, before he relaxes against his headboard, watching as I press myself even closer to him. His hand goes back into my hair, massaging my scalp, as his other rest on my lower back. As I drift off into a dreamless sleep, I feel his hand start to draw the same familiar shapes as before, the feeling completely easing me to sleep. His eyes fill with nothing but adoration as he watches the peaceful expression on my face as I sleep, knowing I'm out of harms way when I'm with him.
His eyes stay trained on my face unknowingly to me, silently wandering as his head is filled with what seems to be an endless amount of emotions. All of the emotions and feelings he's kept hidden from me, out of fear on what my response would be. He looks out his window with only one thought running through his mind now. A promise, a promise that he'll never let me feel like this ever again. He smiles to himself as his finger draws the same squiggles on my back over and over, his finger unbeknownst to me writing "I love you", his heart yearning for the day he can actually tell me. Waiting for the day his feelings can be reciprocated, knowing deep down there's no one else with a connection like ours.
As I lay peacefully asleep, cradled against his chest, I don't see the way he looks at me, with the look he's reserved just for me. The way he looks at me as if I put the stars in the sky, not knowing I stare at him the same way.
Pt. 1
Heartbreak really fucking sucks, but it gets better with time, even though it doesn't always feel like it. Just remember that you're worth it. You're always worth it.