I woke up the next morning feeling absolutely exhausted. I didn't quite know why until I heard the groan of the person next to me.
I looked over and all the memories from yesterday came back.
I couldn't believe what I had done. I had sex with him again! AGAIN.
That thought that I had...did I really love him? Or is this just me being a horny bastard? I honestly couldn't tell at this point.
"Draco? Are you awake?"
Shit, I didn't want him to be awake yet! I wanted to think. I needed to think.
"umm yeah..."
He rolled over and looked at with this look. He looked like... I can't explain it right now.
"Do you regret it?"
"Regret what?"
"Draco. What we did."
I didn't really know I mean yeah I liked him but It was just all confusing.
Did I want something more?
Did I regret it?
A small part of me did. A small part of me told me what we did in that compartment was wrong but if I told him that he would hate me.
"No..."
He smiled at me cuddled closer, "I don't regret it either." He sId into my chest.
I put my hand in his hair while I looked up at the ceiling. I knew with him being with me I wouldn't know how I truly felt.
"I'm going to sit in the common room."
I threw on some sweatpants and a hoodie and walked to the common room. I hoped he didn't follow me.
I didn't know anything right now! When I first kissed him I told myself I loved him but did I? I knew we had a kid together but I don't know if I love him or it was just part of that moment. He must think I love him because I did kiss him first and make the first move.
If I got with him it would be good for her but would it be good for us? I mean we've been enemies for 5 years then all of a sudden we're in love and having a baby?!
God this was moving fast. I hated him not long before this but deep down I always liked him a little bit.
Like a small bit. Then once I found out my baby was going to be a girl I became obsessed! Like a crazy fangirl! I wasn't a crazy fangirl!
A little bit later I heard a sniffle and someone walling down the hall.
"Draco!"
I had no idea why he was crying! It was probably because I left...
"yeah..."
He didn't answer. He just ran into the room and sat on the other side of the couch.
"What is your problem!?" He screamed at me, tears running down his face.
"I don't know what you're talking about Harry."
"You kissed me! Then asked me if I wanted to have sex with you! Then you apparated us to your room! Now you act like all of that doesn't even matter!"
There it was. I knew at some point he was going to ask me about all of that but I didn't think he was going to cry...maybe the crying was just hormones?
"Harry what do you want me to say."
"I want you to tell me what that meant to you! Do I matter! Or was that just another one nightstand! You wanted to make me your bitch again didn't you!"
"Harry that's not what that was." I sighed.
"Then what was it!"
"I don't know..."
He squinted his eyes and stood up, "I should've known. I should've known that you were incapable of loving anybody but yourself and to think I started to fall for you." He quickly turned around and left the room.
Now I had a discussion to make. I could either leave and go eat with Blaise and Pansy or I could stay here and talk to him.
I really wanted to leave with I felt kind of bad for him.
I sighed and walked to the door. When I went to open his door it of course was locked.
"Harry open the door," I said knocking.
"Go the fuck away you horny bastard!"
I'm not going to lie that pissed me off. I know this was my fault but he called me a horny bastard!
"Harry open this fucking door before I fucking break it! I'm not kidding! Open the damn door!"
I think he got the message and slowly unlocked the door. When It opened I saw him puffy-eyed and those same tears were still there.
"What."
"We need to talk so go sit down." I snapped putting my hands on my hips.
He obeyed and sat on the corner of his bed, "What? What do you want now? Come to tell me that it doesn't mean anything? Well, I already know that."
"First of all don't put words in my mouth and second no that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you that I don't know what that was! Yeah, my feelings towards you have grown since that gender reveal party but I don't know what that all was! It could've just been the moment or it could've been that I'm in love with you! The thing is I don't know if I am! My feelings are moving too fast and I don't understand them! Yeah we had sex again and it was great but I don't know what we are!"
"Draco! What do you mean it was the moment!" he stood up and now was standing extremely close to me.
"Do you not care about anything else I just said!"
"I do but what does that mean!"
"I missed you a bunch over the break and they wouldn't let me come see you! It could've just been me missing you so much that I thought the feeling was more than that! I told myself I loved you but I honestly don't know if I do!"
"WELL, DRACO I LOVE YOU! I DO! I HAVE FOR A WHILE AND IT WAS CRAZY TO ME THAT WE HAD SEX! I LIED TO EVERYONE INCLUDING MYSELF THAT IT WASNT ANYTHING MORE THAN SEX!"
"Well, what do you want. What do you want?"
"I want you to tell me you love me too! I want you to tell me you want to be here! That you want to be with me!"
I didn't know what to do. He told me exactly how he felt but I didn't know how I felt! I liked him but I don't know if those feelings were that extreme.
"Harry I don't know if I want this. I don't know if this is right."
He growled and pushed his lips roughly on mine like I had done to him yesterday.
Once he did that I felt sparks go through my body.
He quickly pulled back and looked me in the eye.
"What did that mean to you? Was that right enough for you?"
I knew I had to tell him the truth, "I felt sparks. It felt right."
"Okay then why do you regret it!"
"Because! Harry! This is all moving so fucking fast! A one night stand turned into a baby! Then that turned into a friendship and now we're fucking again! This isn't right!"
"Then we can go slow! No I love you's, no sex, nothing like that!"
"But it's not right!"
"HOW! BECAUSE WE HATED EACH OTHER FOUR MONTHS AGO?!"
"YES!"
"LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME YOU DONT WANT THIS!"
I looked him in the eye like he asked and stared at him. A chill ran down my spine as I looked at him. I did want him! Of course I did but none of this was right. This wasn't right and he knew it.
"I...I...I can't." I said looking away.
"You do want this."
"OF COURSE I DO HARRY! WE CANT DO THIS!"
"Why? It's because I'm gross isn't it."
"No! Your not gross you're beautiful! This just isn't right. Voldemort is out there and my parents are linked to them! Your also linked to them! Our daughter is already being born on two sides! This could get you both killed!"
"No your worried about yourself! You don't want people to know."
"Of course I do! I want you! I-"
"NO! DONT MAKE EXCUSES! IF YOU WANT ME AS BAD AS YOU CLAIM YOU DO THEN YOU WOULDNT CARE! I SURE AS HELL DONT CARE! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU DRACO! WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO DIFFICULT!"
I sighed and threw myself on his bed. I was making this difficult for not only their safety but also to protect myself. What if I realized this isn't what I want? I couldn't leave if that happened.
"WELL!"
I knew what I wanted. It wasn't right but I knew what I wanted but this was terrible.
"Okay..." I whispered.
"What do you mean, okay?!"
"I want to be with you. I want to be with you for as long as I can. If I break up with you Harry it's for you're safety and mine."
"So we're together?" He looked up at me with those huge green eyes and smiled.
"Yeah..."
He threw his arms around me and held onto me. I returned the hug a couple of seconds later.
I had no idea what I was going to do! This was so wrong! This was wrong. This was unsafe!
This was going to be a good thing...for a little while at least. I did like Harry...I really did but I wanted him to be safe! Being with me wasn't safe. Especially now that he knew my family secret.
My family was full of deatheaters and I let that information slip. I didn't mean to. I was definitely going to get killed by my mother and father now.
We seemed like such a happy family but that was all a coverup. This real Malfoy family was dark and twisted and I had brought a baby into that. Along with Harry.
I'm such an idiot.
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Word Count: 1701
Publish Date: May 21, 2020