It was the way he carried himself that hurt to watch yeah, losing a best friend was hard.. but what about a lover?.. I watched him break that day that Dean fell.. he blamed himself more than anything.. 'why couldn't I have been the one to save you?.. I'd done it before..' you know something?.. hearing that over & over from there once shared bedroom was enough to drive not just him but me & Sam insane also, there wasn't just that it was the whaling you could hear from the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, garage.. I don't know why they took him.. I mean they do almost always take the best to soon..and he was the best for him.. and I know Cas could hardly breath he need to feel Dean with him.. Dean is with him..
I watched him slowly walk to that stone like he had so many other time recently he collapsed in front of it already he had lost it in a heartbreaking sob but it was how he dealt with it all.. What was the hardest for Castiel was when Dean's scent started to fade.. because that was one of the only things he had left of him, I would walk into their room to find a blood shot Cas clutching Dean's jacket holding it close trying to feel Dean in any way he could, because sometimes holding the pictures of them together wasn't enough for him, that's when he would come here, and break again
Cas sat letting the tears fall as he spoke "Dean.. its me again.. It's Cas..i hope you can hear me..." I watched from a distance as he rubbed the stone "I thought coming here would help.. it never does.. because I cant find what I need.. I cant find you.." Castiels hand fell from the stone " I think what hurts me the most is as much more as I could have saved you.. you saved me more then I could ever...and now its me digging through your closet trying to find something to hold that night.. to try and replace that empty spot on the bed every night..and I cant find it anywhere.. and now im here trying to find my mind.. but it all traces back to me and you, you know I wish you scent never faded.. cause it is.. and it's the only thing I really have anymore and im not sure what im going to do when its gone like you are.. Dean.. answer me.. let me know, come on.. that's all I want just please let me know your okay.. cause that's all I ever wanted... God dammit Dean talk to me.. don't make me go insane over this.. let me know.."
"remember that time me & you almost crashed y/n's car?.. she was mad but we thought it was the funniest thing that we had ever done?.." I saw Cas laugh.. it made me smile seeing him finally laughing after these long 2 months "lets do that again, huh?" he smiled whipping his tears "help me survive here Dean.. help me to sleep.." I slowly walked over to Castiel as his smile faded he stood up looking at the stone as I walked over "I miss you.. and I love you.." Cas kissed two fingers before laying them on the cold stone turning his head he started to walk away wrapping my arms around him as he fell apart "you'll see him again.. he can hear you Cas.. and I cant wait to see the look on his face when he finally gets to hold you again.. and I know he wraps his arms around you while you sleep.. Cas, he loves you" I comforted Cas as we walked slowly back to my car ' Dean, please watch over him tonight' I prayed to where ever Dean was watching over his lover
That night yes, cas cried but that night Castiel slept„ holding Dean's jacket and next to him a hand imprint just the right size to match Dean's