deku
I don't know what to do.
No matter how I described my feelings for Todoroki, they were getting out of hand. So, I did as any normal person would, and I avoided him for four days straight.
I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him—I would even accept just sitting in silence—but it was too easy to simply walk past the door that led to his room. If I didn't see him, I wouldn't have to face him and his stupid hero feelings. (I had no room to talk about stupid feelings, but at least mine weren't heroic.)
The door slammed on the floor above and Toga jumped to her feet, pulling me up with her. She and I had been in her room, playing cards while we waited for Dabi to come back from his night patrol, and we dashed upstairs to see who had entered the basement.
When we reached the floor above, we saw Dabi standing by the stairs, his clothes drenched and clinging to him. His eyes were narrowed at nothing in particular as he took off his black coat, throwing it on a table as he made his way back downstairs. Shigaraki yelled something at him about putting it away, but Dabi just responded with, "Do it yourself if you care that much."
"You're lucky—"
Dabi slammed Toga's door behind him, cutting off Shigaraki's aggravated shout. Toga and I were already back in her room, having raced back down when Dabi started walking.
"How was patrol?" I asked, not really caring about his answer as I sat down across from Toga, who had her legs underneath her and her hands in her lap.
"What do you think? Some of the heroes gave me trouble and the rain was so bad I couldn't start any fires. Whatever."
"It's raining again? Damn."
Toga held up her one card. "Uno!"
"Uno? We're playing Go Fish."
"You guys are so dumb," Dabi said, throwing himself onto the bed sideways and leaning his head over the side to look down at us. Toga's bed was in the middle of her room, and we were sitting in the space between her bed and the wall opposite the door. "Do you even know how to play Go Fish?"
"Yes!"
"I thought we were playing Uno," Toga explained, dropping her singular card to the ground. "Well, that's boring. Let's play something else!"
Dabi rolled his eyes at her childish excitement. "Like what?"
The blonde didn't hesitate to answer. "Truth or dare!"
I groaned, placing my cards next to hers. "No."
"Absolutely not," Dabi added.
"Aw, why? It'll be fun." She didn't even wait for our responses before turning to me and asking, "Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Broccoli, no, don't encourage her—"
"Would you rather kiss, marry, or kill me, Dabi, or Shoto-kun?"
"I thought we were playing truth or dare, not kiss, marry, kill," Dabi mumbled.
"I'm not going to answer that," I said, ignoring Dabi's comment. "Toga, you choose."
"Truth!"
"Why do you like Uraraka so much?" I asked. I was genuinely curious, and now seemed like the perfect time to ask.
"She's cute! And her blood is nice."
"You're a leech."
Toga whined. "Don't be so mean!" Her bottom lip extended in a pout.
"Truth or dare, Dabi?"
"No, I will not be answering questions, just asking." He rested his head on his arms as he laid across the bed with his legs dangling over the other side. "So, Broccoli, what will it be?"
"Uh, truth."
"Why are you avoiding your beloved boyfriend?"
My breath hitched at the question, but Toga perked up, eager to hear my answer.
"He's a hero, duh," I said. That wasn't the whole truth, but they didn't need to know that. "Truth or dare, Toga?"
"I dare you to go talk to Shoto-kun."
"That's not how the game works—"
"No, I agree with her. You should do it," Dabi said, pushing my shoulder lightly from his place on the bed. "Or are you too scared?"
"I'm not scared." Annoyed, I sighed and stood up. "Fine. But you two can't listen in on the conversation, okay?"
"That's no fun!" Toga cried.
"It's a deal," Dabi said, talking over her.
I walked out of the room and over to the door across the hallway. Toga ran up behind me, but Dabi tugged the hoodie of her jacket and pulled her back. I knocked once on Todoroki's door as Toga's shut, and before Shoto could answer, I started opening the door. He wouldn't have been able to open it himself, anyway—it was locked from the outside and Shigaraki and I were the only ones with keys.
Like a river, anxiety flooded over me, dissolving my ability to focus as I touched the door. My hands were shaking and I clenched them into fists, trying to calm down. It's just Shoto.
That reminder made this even more nerve-wracking.
Finally, I pushed away the flooding worries and opened the door the rest of the way. When I entered the room, he wasn't looking at me. He was laying back on his cot, staring up at the bright ceiling, his face void of emotion. I walked in, moving carefully in case he wanted to lash out or anything of the sort.
"Hey, Sho—Todoroki?" I said softly, correcting myself. I didn't want to make him more mad than he probably already was.
"What?"
I took a seat at the foot of his uncomfortable bed and realized that I had no clue what to say. Toga and Dabi had failed to give me more instruction other than "go talk to him."
Luckily, I didn't have to say anything. Todoroki spoke, sounding quiet and slightly hoarse. "Did you fake . . . everything? Did you ever actually care about me?" His voice cracked in between words and I felt strange, like I shouldn't be witnessing such a personal moment—it was weird to see him this emotional.
I decided to push away the lump that had grown in my throat and answer truthfully. "At first, I didn't care. But . . . I fell for you again, I guess? And now, I, uh, yeah. I do care for you, Shoto."
He titled his head to look at me and I reached for his hand subconsciously. I helped him sit up so he was facing me while I stared down at my other hand, which was resting on my knee. Our fingers were temporarily laced, and he pulled his hand away as soon as he noticed, instead folding his arms over his chest.
"If you care so much, why are you a villain?"
His question caught me off guard and I stumbled over my words. "Because they actually cared for me, in their own weird, twisted way. I-I don't know how to describe it, I just felt, ah, at home around them."
"You were supposed to feel that way with me."
"And I do," I said before I could stop myself. "It was just, you know, the fight, and your dad, and things weren't going well—"
"So come back. Let's get out of here, the two of us, and let's go back to U.A. I'm sure the others will understand, maybe. . . ."
"No. I like it here, Shoto. I'm not going to give that up for some school."
"What about me? Am I worth it? Do you care at all? Do I—no, what we had, does that mean anything to you?"
Tears were brimming in my eyes at the sound of his desperate words, his cracking voice, his hurt heart. His sadness caused me to—regrettably—blurt out the next thing that came to mind.
"Damn it, I love you, okay? Is that what you want to hear?"
His breath caught in his throat as he registered my words. "You do?"
"Yes! Even though you're a hero, even though I know I shouldn't, I do. I-I'm sorry, Shoto."
He grabbed my shirt collar and turned me so I was facing him before pulling me closer. Without warning, he brushed his lips against mine, and suddenly we were kissing, forgetting our differences in the heat of the moment. My tears stopped, my worries stopped, even my heart practically stopped as we kissed.
Seconds later, Shoto pulled away, panting slightly, his warm breath tickling my chin gently—then he realized what he had just done and moved out of my reach, roughly letting go of my shirt. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Shit. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
"No, it was fine—"
"It wasn't. Look, we . . . we can't be together, Izuku. I'm sorry. If you're a villain, then that's your choice. I won't be with you if you're choosing that over me."
With those steeled-over words, my tears were back in my eyes, welling to the point where I couldn't see. I wiped at them quickly, not wanting him to notice, and whispered, "Okay." I was so quiet Shoto probably had to strain his ears to hear, but I didn't dare speak any louder than that—if I did, he would have heard the way my voice cracked more with every tear. "Do you want me t-to go?"
He didn't respond, and I took his silence as a yes. I left quickly, locking the door behind me before I slumped against it, curling my knees into my chest as I cried. My breaths came out uneven and raggedy, rough in comparison to my usually steady breathing.
I told myself to stop, to calm the hell down and get myself together, but the weight of Todoroki's words settled over me and it was too much to handle. This was my own damn fault, too—if I had actually listened to my own warnings, I wouldn't have gotten close to Shoto again, and I wouldn't be in this situation. Damn it.
Three minutes passed, and I took a deep breath, calming down quickly. I still had an urge to cry: Just remembering that my back was against his door made me want to sob again, but I ignored it and stood up. Making sure I was alone in the hallway, I opened the door to Shoto's room and saw him sitting in the same place as he had when I left, only his face was emotionless and empty. He looked up at me with the curiosity of a small child, and I just shrugged.
"Let's get you out of here."