Chapter 32: The Lake House
When seven came around, dad came in waking me up for breakfast. But all I wanted to do was sleep in still. I was barely hungry. I wanted to avoid anything in regards to having to see Christopher. Because if I see him I know it will kill me. And dad had shook me a few times to get up. And so it didn't take me long to get up and so I had taken my messy hair and I tied it up into a messy bun and then I stepped into my bunny slippers.
I had gone downstairs for breakfast and with no surprise, Christopher wasn't there. And I walked into the kitchen that looked beyond nice as if there was no mess at all. And I smiled entering the kitchen. And what I saw reminded me of an opening to a drama sitcom. Just two people who obviously love each other and are enjoying cooking breakfast together like every normal couple.
It was quite sad that I had to see this long after my parents divorced. But little do I care right now. Just as the pancakes sat in front of me. And dad was treating me like I'm a sick patient. He made my plate for me. And it was clear Christopher wasn't coming down and that made me sad. I actually liked having Christopher's company. Someone nice to look at. The chair he usually sits in...is empty. And I became semi-emotional.
Just as I sat there, dad and Colleen were just acting like nothing happened last night. Or actually this morning at two in the morning. And so, I was stuck with a poor appetite. Even if Colleen's pancakes looked good. I couldn't help but think of everything that happened with Christopher. Not to mention I was attacked by him in this kitchen. And my lower back hurts like hell. I wonder if he left bruises on my body from it.
But I couldn't understand how they were acting like everything was fine. But did they forget about everything? What's going on with Christopher? And so I just kinda sat there, listening like a stupid eavesdropper. And everything they were talking about did not phase me one bit. And I had ate like a bird. Barely touching it. And I guess dad and Colleen were too deep in conversation to realize that I was definitely bothered or troubled. But my body was aching.
I guess dad and Colleen want Christopher to be left alone. And I think they thought it is his decision if he is to come out of his room. Which he obviously hasn't.
But then suddenly, dad wanted to get my attention. And with this attention, I actually had the time not to be zoning out in my head.
"So," dad began. "Your mom called. And she told me that you and Christopher are welcome to go with her today at noon to the lake house."
I thought maybe mom had decided not to go to the lake house. Why didn't she just call me about it? Why did she call dad about it over me? And also, what if Christopher decides he doesn't wanna go? I mean he hasn't left his room.
After dad spoke, the kitchen was silent. And this silence, was them waiting for me to say something. But what was I to say? And how should I react? There was a lot to say. But I just remained silent, unable to know what to say.
"You want us to go? But Christopher is isolating. And I thought he didn't wanna go." I said.
"Well," Colleen started. "Your dad and I made it clear by insisting he go...as punishment. He needs a break from here. He needs time to breathe. And I think him going with you and your mom is a good break for him. A good vacation."
How is him going to a lake house over the weekend a punishment? That honestly makes no sense. And I just don't get it. But I guess it's not a bad idea. I can see Christopher more. But it's bad enough we haven't spoken since last night when he was drunk. But I wonder if he hates me even when I didn't necessarily do anything wrong. And I definitely didn't mean anything I did if I did anything to hurt him. But what did I do?
"Does he have to go?" I groaned, definitely not wanting to act like I care about Christopher at all.
"It's for the best, Em." Dad said.
"After everything he did last night...I mean...this morning? After what he did...to me?" I wanted to push myself out of the table and just leave because why does Christopher get special treatment just for destroying the kitchen? And breaking dad's wine glasses.
"Emma, we know that you were hurt last night. But we are not letting Christopher get special treatment. Trust me...he will be punished for what he did to you and this kitchen." Colleen said.
I breathed.
"It's still not enough." I got up from the table, unable to tolerate this conversation.
"Emma, come back." Dad insisted.
I turned back around facing dad to only give the responsible answer.
"Well dad, Colleen... I have to get ready for the weekend trip with mom." I said, then I left the kitchen and I returned back upstairs to my room.
And once I got to my room, I immediately found something to wear for today. So the first thing I did was go through my drawer, taking out a bra, panties and in my bottom drawer was a nice floral shorts and a white tank top that was a v neck. And so I had lied them off on my bed for a minute. I put my record player on and of course the 90's nostalgic music started flowing through my room. And then I decided to just dance to the pop music.
I tore my hair out of that bun and I let it fall down my shoulders and let it go lose. And so I took out my suitcase deciding on packing for a nice trip to the lake house. And once, I did that there was a knock on my door when I started reaching for my shoes. I was still in my pajamas. It's after eight. Did dad not get that I need to get ready to pack?
I opened my door, finding Victoria at my door, meaning dad must have let her in if she knocked. Victoria hates ringing doorbells. So it's obvious she knocked on our front door and she looked directly at me with that nice perfect smile that reminded me of how close we are.
"V," I smiled with a sigh of relief to see her at my door.
"Hey Em. Do you have a moment? I think we need to talk." She said, definitely not worrying.
I nodded and just in silence, I allowed her inside my room. And she assumed I was definitely going somewhere by aside the suitcase I had opened, not filling it up yet. And I just allowed her to sit on my bed. And I decided I could pack while we talk. And just as that was, I took my today clothes lying them beside my suitcase. And I went into my closet, taking an outfit to wear for tomorrow. I picked out an outfit. I picked out a floral pink full piece of shorts. And I decided on taking out another different bra and panties to throw in. And I threw in a nice nightgown to wear for bed. And also, I took my shoes throwing them into my suitcase. And I took my diary, comb, brush and hair supplies.
"So, what do you wanna talk about?" I asked, taking two great books, To Kill a Mockingbird and Love In Paradise putting them in my suitcase.
"Do you really love Christopher?" She whispered in case my parents heard or anybody.
I stopped what I was doing and I just stood thinking about a lot. And the only thing I thought about was how crazy it is that I love him after what he did to me. And I wish to not think of the details.
"Yes." I sat quickly but then I sighed. "No. Maybe. I don't know, V. It's complicated."
"I'm not here to attack you. I just wish you told me the moment you had feelings for him. Your my best friend, Emma. And to e honest out of our two other friends...you've been my best best friend. Remember in sixth grade when we first met?" She said, her face pale as anything. "Remember it was Math? I was awful at the test we needed to study for. And I had no friends and I was terrible at studying. But you...you just were so confident and you came over and you helped me. And you said, 'I'll help you study if you want. If that's okay?' And I just smiled and then after studying..we just became friends and then you introduced me to Peach and Mandy. And our friendship had trust. Do we have trust, Emma?"
I breathed. "Of course we have trust. And your right. I should have told you. I should have told you the second I had feelings for him. But I was afraid what you would have thought. Mandy loved that I liked him. And Peach well...she was disgusted about it. And I wasn't sure about you." I said.
She hugged me, and she definitely wanted me to feel no need to be worried that she would not like it.
"I would have been so pleased to know my bestie was in love with her stepbrother." She giggled.
"SSH! My dad is downstairs." I hissed in worry.
"Sorry." She softly laughed.
And so after I closed my suitcase and I began zipping it up. And after I threw it on the floor so my bed had more room.
"So," Victoria could only say and I jumped on my bed next to her.
"So?"
"So when was the exact moment you fell in love with him?" She asked.
Telling Victoria the moment kinda was fearing me. And to say it must be crazy. Only because it was a flirty thing we both could have been doing.
"Well, I actually was in a towel after getting out of the shower. I didn't know anybody was home. And then I found this stranger in the house. And I freaked out and I ran into my room. And then I found out my dad's girlfriend at the time had a son. But regardless...he was hot and sexy." I explained.
"Well, he must have thought the same thing." Victoria commented.
"I was in a towel. Of course he thought it was sexy." I chuckled.
"So, then why aren't you convincing him to get back together? Convince him that you are the one for him." She said, a smile never leaving her face, and as honest as that it is... she seemed annoyed by it.
"V, he made his choice. He chose college and his future over me. I can't just force him to get back together with me." I said, continuing. "Besides, he's going through a lot. College application, graduation and of course last night him and April broke up. And I can't trust him. He went back and forth between me and April. He is just indecisive with me. I can't trust him."
Victoria sighed. And I know she finds it hard to believe at all. But Christopher isn't this sweet innocent guy everyone makes him out to be. And that's what I hate more.
"Emma, he's single. You should be throwing yourself at him. You should be tearing his clothes off." She said, which became silence between us but we both laughed like crazy after she said it.
"I get it. But I'm not gonna pry. And I'm not gonna force him to date me. He even tells me he cares for me. But that I deserve someone who can give me a future and the world, meaning what he can't do." I said, turning to my closet, turning it's light on to go through the box filled with my best bathing suits.
I took the box out, allowing myself to actually go through them. And with that, I found my bathing suits that were revealing and I'm sure that dad would never approve of me to wear. Regardless of the situation. And I just needed some because I'm going to be at a lake where I'll probably be swimming all the time. And so I needed to actually put as many I need.
"I definitely think you should convince him. If he can't...then he's a coward." Victoria said, her eyes never leaving mine.
I took the yellow bathing suit that was a bikini, staring at it if it would be a good choice to bring on the trip to the lake.
"He's not just a coward. He is spoiled. He's a mama's boy. He always gets away with everything by Colleen. He must have been spoiled all his life. After he was eleven it was always just him and his mom. So, she spoiled him. I mean look at how pathetic he is. After last night he gets a punishment by going on this lake trip with my mom and me." I rambled on, and Victoria looked at me in confusion once I mentioned the incident about Christopher and the punishment.
"What did he do last night?" She froze.
"Nothing. It's nothing. But forget him. I need advice on my bathing suits to bring with me." I insisted.
Victoria sighed, but as the true best friend she is. She took advice on what she thought was best for me to bring to wear as a bathing suit. I definitely decided on putting the yellow bathing suit in my suitcase that I reopened. And Victoria also said the red full piece one that I have to go in the suitcase. And so, I smiled taking her advice just as I put it in my suitcase.
I got to my next other bikinis that I really like. I couldn't decide on which one, should I just shoved them into my suitcase with the others. And then I zipped my suitcase back up.
"So, when will you back?" Victoria asked, as if I was going off to military school.
I chuckled. "I'll be back tomorrow night. But depending on the weather...maybe not until Monday."
"Monday?" She gasped. "Then you'll miss your Math exam."
"I can make it up." I said.
Victoria smiled and just as that, I saw how she then got off my bed.
"Emma, just take it careful. Please take pictures at this lake house and send them to me." Victoria laughed, and I nodded, agreeing to do so which I definitely had a plan.
"Of course!" I nodded.
Victoria grabbed her purse and went for the door as she opened it, allowing Wanda in who went on my pink loveseat, lying down on it as the lazy cat she is.
"Okay, I better get going. I shouldn't keep you. So, I'll see you at school. During our chemistry exam." She giggled.
"Yeah, I'll see you, V." I nodded.
~
After I got out of the shower, I put my hair up in a towel while I had put my bra and panties on. And I then had blow dried my hair trying to dry it faster. And so, then I brushed my hair and I had then brushed my teeth and then put on some face cream to help with my face.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My body was still aching. And when I turned, I saw my back in the mirror. And the place that has been bothering me... I turned seeing my back in the mirror. And there was the black and blue bruise on my lower back. I gasped, unable to touch it because it is sore. And just sighed, unable to accept it that this was from what Christopher did to me in the kitchen. Once I had my hair dried. I couldn't decide on how to wear my hair. If I should wear it half up and half down. Or to wear it down and lose. Or to wear it in a bun. Or in a ponytail and out of my face. Or braid my hair? And so I took my perfume while I was still deciding...spraying myself making myself smelling extremely good. And I just smiled, and I put on my makeup to try to look perfection.
Just trying to look my best I had a million thins going on threw my head while I had my blush brush running on my cheekbones. And I smiled with myself dancing to the music that was flowing through the bathroom. It was an old song by Katy Perry that definitely reminded me of myself. And of course, I smiled at my reflection no matter what I thought or how I acted.
I definitely was enjoying myself until I was interrupted by a knock on my door, and I rolled my eyes, growling because I know exactly who it was. I know that knock anywhere I am. And I'm pissed at him after everything that happened. From the psychotic Christopher to the running away Christopher. And to the sober Christopher.
Even though I was only in my undergarments, I opened the door, holding it opened and I just stared at him, seeing him in his sweatpants and he was wearing a Zumiez's beanie. And I just looked at him in beyond a disappointment because that's exactly what I feel towards him after everything. Disappointed.
"What do you want?" I gave him the attitude that he probably was expecting, and I think he hated it by the look on his face.
"I want you to hurry yourself up. You been in here for two hours. I need to take my shower." He spat as if he was still holding his grudge, does he not remember anything that happened last night? Or actually this morning after midnight when he went and got drunk at a party whilst him and April actually called it quits.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Well, I'm not done getting ready. Just wait. When can I ever get enough privacy without you crying like a bitch?" I said, trying to close the door but Christopher put his foot in the way to stop me from shutting the door. "What?"
"I don't understand why you have to act like a little bitch? I mean, it's all the time. It's always about you being perfect. And I've tried doing everything right. But I only ask you to just hurry up so I can take my shower." He said, and it definitely pissed me off pretty well that I could snap.
"Oh you really wanna go there?" I snapped at him. "If I'm a bitch...then your just this psychopath, the drunken stepbrother and stepson. You broke my dad's wine glasses. And you attacked me. Do you remember that? Of course you don't. And also destroying the kitchen. And you called me weak. So if you can explain that without getting yourself spoiled. Because that's what you are. Your a spoiled brat. You have been since your dad died. You walk over everyone. And you fool my dad and your mom. But you haven't fooled me."
Christopher looked ready to snap or bolt. I stared at his eyes that were dark like a bad storm beginning. And I didn't care what he would do. After what he did at three in the morning. So, nothing could be worse than that.
"Don't say shit that you know nothing about." He hissed, backing me up as he walked closer to me. "Your a daddy's girl. Explain how your dad sees you perfect."
I slapped him. And it didn't phase him. I was so mad at him for saying that about my dad and me. And then I wanted to smack him again but he caught my wrist with a firm grip.
"Stop hitting me. Why do you always hit me?" He said, still holding my wrist firmly in his hand.
"You make me do it!" I spat to him, pulling my wrist fro his grasp.
"I'm tired of you always making everything difficult. Too difficult that I just don't understand you. How can I understand you? All you do is get the attention from your dad. But worse of all, why did you have to leave your diary hanging around in your room last night? If not, April wouldn't have read it and we'd still be together. So I blame you!" He pressed.
I definitely don't understand anything about it. He is blaming me because I accidentally didn't put it away yesterday after I was done writing in it? How was I supposed to know that April would sneak into my room and look at it?
"It is not my fault that I had my diary in my room and found by April. How was I to know she'd take my diary and read it and then breakup with you because she knew everything?" I snapped back at him, and he looked like he was bored of talking about this entire situation.
"Emma, you just don't get it." He softly said, he sounded fine all of a sudden.
He was right. And I didn't get it. I don't get why he dated some bitch who wasn't the right person for him. He doesn't know what I saw. At Christmas...did he forget about that?
"What about in the middle of the night?" I brought up.
"What about in the middle of the night?" He scoffed.
"Do you not remember what you said? What you did to me? And what you did to the kitchen? Do you not remember any of that? How you called me weak?" I felt myself feeling on the verge of cry because even after he did those things...it hurt me but what's worse I still loved him even though he did that to me.
"Emma, I was drunk. And I wasn't myself. You know I would never hurt you."
"The gym? The cement? You've hurt me when you were sober. How was this any different?" I spat.
"Because...you been torturing me!" He yelled at me finally. "Because I never meant to hurt you those times. And this time I wasn't myself. I was just a drunk from a party that I regret going to. And I know this will sound lame...but I am sorry, Emma."
Partly he sounded convincing. But it was definitely hard to just forgive him. Instead of saying anything to him... I turned my back to him because I know he'd see the bruise he left on me.
"Emma," he breathed.
I turned quickly and I knew it would give him remorse more than anything. He had gasped and I only felt these tears wanting to fall but I forced myself not to cry or get emotional. And not with him in front of him.
"You don't need to say anything." I insisted.
"If I knew," he sighed. "I wouldn't have..." he paused, just looking trapped in his own guilt.
And here popped the Christopher that always seemed to come back no matter what has happened. And I just can't even imagine what worse could happen right at this part? Christopher is not just someone I'm in love with. He is my stepbrother. And I do care about him. No matter what the incident is that happens between us. Somehow we are always brought back together no matter what it is. And what the situation comes to.
"I'm sorry about blaming you. I was upset because I was dumped. I mean, I never been dumped. I'm usually the one who ends it. I ended it with Gina when she was cheating on me with Patrick. And I ended with April on Christmas. And I ended it with you... but this time....April found out the truth and dumped me. So I didn't know what to think." He continued. "I was upset with myself and your diary for holding the information."
I can now say he relates to how I feel. And I just can't imagine how it went down at the end with him and April. She is obviously not the one. Christopher and April were definitely not endgame.
"But I haven't been honest, Emma." He told me, which I was surprised. "These four months since we've been apart it's...torturing me."
I didn't wanna speak or say anything because how could these four months be torturing him? None of it made any sense. I just looked at him in a sheepish way, staring.
"I haven't been able to stop thinking about how I hurt you. Letting you go was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. And I just need to know is there any possible way of you ever forgiving me?" He said.
"Christopher,"
He didn't care if I had anything to really say. All that came through, was him getting close to me. And we both were breathing, left in hunger for each other as I was thirsty for his lips. And just as that thought came to my mind, he had gently brushed his lips against mine and then that kiss became intense that we both craved it. He pushed right into my body where my back hit to the wall and I felt this was going intense. And I felt like I couldn't let go of him. My hands were bracing his shoulders and I couldn't stop kissing him. And why was I not pulling away? But even if I wanted to...I couldn't. I moaned against his lips.
I definitely was loving this moment but it couldn't be real. None of this could be real. And I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I'm falling right back into his arms, into his tricks and him probably toying with me...again.
I can't fall for this again. Not another time of getting my heart torn. So I did the right thing for myself. I pushed him away. And just as that, he did look at me in disbelief.
"I'm sorry. I can't." I held in my tears. "I'm not falling your tricks again. Please...just don't." I quickly emerged from the hall and I ran towards my room but on my way I heard him call for me.
I shut my door behind me. And that's when the waterworks just came to life. And I never could understand why things are like this. He kissed me. But it scared me of getting hurt so I denied him. But deep down, I just wanted to cry because I did want him. And I wailed because I just threw away what could finally be mine. But I know I can't.
"Emma," I heard Christopher on the other side of my door. "Please don't run from me."
I sniffled. "Go away, Christopher. I can't do this...with you. You let me go. So let's keep it how it's been. Please. We can't..."
"Emma, I was an asshole. But you don't understand how long I been wanting to kiss you. You are all I want from now and forever. I always have since I first saw you." He softly said.
"I cant do this. Please just go away." I sobbed.
It was silence and so I assumed he left.
~
Mom arrived in her nice Volkswagen and I was wearing my white tank top and my floral shorts. I decided on tying my hair up in a high ponytail Ariana Grande style. And I just decided on bringing my suitcase outside as also my purse. And there was my mom pulling up in her happiest mood she has been in. Mom got out of the car and she seemed fine to see this ugly house that she walked away from last June.
Dad seemed shocked that she actually got out of the car. And I know there is one thing crossing mom's mind; just getting to the lake and getting out of here.
"Hey Eds." Mom said, walking closer in her Bohemian skirt and her French hat and her curls waving out.
"Hey Rache." Dad responded, a small smile, falling on his face gently. "You look...nice."
"You don't look too bad yourself." She said.
It was shocking to me. This is the first time in a while that I am seeing my parents getting along even though their divorced. But the way my father looked at my mother it was like he was still in love with her. She had removed her sunglasses and she came right over to me where I hugged her.
"Oh Em, it's going to be perfect. You, me and your stepbrother." Mom said excitingly.
"You mean Christopher." Dad corrected.
"Yes," mom nodded, and then she took my suitcase putting it into the trunk.
I turned to look at dad, feeling the waste he acts like whenever mom is nearby.
"Well Em, be safe while there. Okay? But do call me when you arrive there. I'm gonna miss you." Dad said.
"Dad, it's only like a day." I laughed.
"I know, honey. I'm just gonna miss you. The both of you." He said. "But do remember to wear your sun block. Okay?"
"Don't worry, dad. I'll be fine." I smiled.
"Okay." He kissed my forehead and then I hugged him, and just as after I let go of the embrace, Christopher opened the passenger side door for me.
I nodded by thanking him. It's hard to talk to Christopher after what happened this morning. And then, we both got in the car with mom. I buckled up once I was in. And of course my suitcase and Christopher's duffle bag was in the trunk. And I had put on my own rose colored heart sunglasses so the sun won't stay in my face. And while then, I just smiled and I saw out the window of dad and Colleen waving to the both of us.
And my mom's car smelled like cinnamon and tea as always. And just as mom's car left, we traveled down the street that I know mom definitely hates. And so the travel would be a good two hours to Santa Maria.
And through most of the ride I just listened to my music through my earbuds and ate my heart candy. And the drive was nice because of the view of seeing the perfect scenery, neighborhoods and freeways in California. And it was extremely sunny and very hot. I think when we arrive I won't be able to contain myself that I'll have to be thrown into the lake.
It took us two hours to get there just as Santa Maria was right there. Alive and beautiful. But as also, the lake house is distant from the neighbors. The lake house had a closed secured gate that is far from the neighbors. This lake house was quite the beauty. It was big and had enough space. But the lake was big with a lot of space. And the driveway was long. And so, I took down my sunglasses staring at the lake house I been used to going to every summer in the 98 degrees weather every year. And it was usually dad's idea. He said it was a retreat. And so here it is...the nice house surrounded by rocks, a dock and a nice lake.
Mom parked her Volkswagen and I was truly amazed, seeing this beautiful house. And it looked the same as I remember when I came here when I was fifteen. And I just looked at the windows, the nice lit up place as it was. And I just looked at Christopher who didn't seem to have interest in anything since I blew him off after that intimate moment we had.
We all got out of the car. And the first thing I did was go to the trunk to take my suitcase, Christopher tried helping me with it.
"I got it!" I slapped his hand away.
"I'm just trying to help." He responded in disappointment.
"Well don't." I muttered.
He instantly backed away and that's when I had gone directly towards my mother who was carrying her own suitcase. And then followed me was Christopher was with his duffle. And I actually never remembering the house looked extremely well. Or big. And it was still what it was. And when mom opened the door unlocking it, she entered inside with a gasp. And I guess the house definitely looked beyond great. Too perfect.
The way the house was it was literally in the middle of I guess you can say nowhere. Nothing but a lake surrounding it. And of course a wood full of trees. And that's exactly what California is. And in this open glass of full open windows was in every direction. The house was built out of wood and it looked like a ski resort or a cabin. But it was big like any house. But this house has a lot of bedrooms as it is. It's funny about this lake house; even though mom and dad are divorced the still share this house but on separate terms. And when mom and dad were renovating at one time, dad wanted heater floors, a workout room, a game room and another bathroom was built in the basement. But the entry of the house is a nice wooden floor. And that lead into the kitchen. The kitchen was big with two French doors that led into the dining room and the patio door to the deck and a nice view of the lake and the trees.
And there's also the sitting room that seems very big to be a sitting room at all. There's a flat screen TV, and an automatic fireplace. And there was a downstairs bathroom along with the one in the basement that holds the game room and the workout room. And then upstairs is many bedrooms. I don't know what mom and dad were thinking when they got this place with this many bedrooms. And there are at least twelve bedrooms including the master room. But I highly doubt mom will be sleeping in there because that room probably reminds her of her and dad having that room. She might take one of the extra spare rooms. Even if that master bedroom has a bathroom with a jacuzzi and hot tub.
"Oh you know, it looks just as I remember it?" Mom was gloating, with her eyes just looking at the hall and she dropped her suitcase down on the floor and she walked into the kitchen, drawing the curtains and opening the window to the kitchen and then she stepped out onto the patio deck.
"Is it like how you like it?" I said, following her outside to the patio, and the sun was burning down to at least 96 degrees and the sun was burning me. And then I just looked at the lake that seemed like a long flow of a river. "I mean this...it's glamorous. That's what dad calls it."
Mom laughed. "Well your dad may be this hero sucking builder fantasy guy but he doesn't form the best suit the house looks in. It needs to look perfection."
I looked at the lake still, but I put my sunglasses back on. And I just stared at that lake. I was thirsty to touch that lake.
"So, what did you think when dad said you looked nice?" I brought up, which she smiled, appearing of dimples.
"He was just being kind. He's just my ex husband." She said to me, but the way we were talking it was as if we were best friends and not mother daughter.
"Do you still love him?" I asked, wishing I could know the truth of what led to their divorce. "I'm just curious."
"I think there will always be a part in us that we will love each other. But...it is what it is right now. And anyway, we both moved on." She said.
We've had this conversation for at least the hundredth time.
"But you both spent more than a decade together. Like how soulmates are." I said.
Over the deck we both smiled, looking at the lake view that was definitely so pretty. I can imagine what it'll look like when the sun goes down.
"But your dad and I were just not meant to be. If all of this means so much...maybe one day you can sit down when your dad isn't in his bossy, overbearing narcissistic mood you can have this talk with him." She said.
And yes, mom is right. They married young and didn't think. So they were only meant to be what it was and that's it. I only smiled at mom for the moment. She stroked my cheek and then she moved back inside as I stayed looking at the lake but I returned back inside following her.
"Okay. How about you and...."mom paused. "Where's Christopher?"
I looked around from the kitchen and over to the sitting room and all were empty.
"There's not much he can travel to. I'll go look for him." I said, but it was very painful for me to agree to say so.
I had just then, looked at the hall that lead to the stairs and so I decided on following up the stairs. And I just smiled at the family photos on the wall. It was a picture frame of the family of three. It was when I was five. And I had then just gotten up to the stairs and out of the nine rooms I assumed Christopher might have entered.
And I just looked in one of the rooms that I only stared at the room that had a sea turtle picture frame over the headboard of the queen sized bed. And I just stared at the room in silence.
"Christopher?" I softly asked around the hall in the upstairs.
And of course this house is practically big and anyone could get lost. And so, I had probably checked in the only room I didn't check in. And when I checked in, I saw Christopher sitting down in the chair in the room and I saw him reading something. And I saw it looked familiar....it was my book. It was Love In Paradise. But I decided not to say anything about the book. I just knocked and opened it fully now and I saw he was in the chair like I assumed and there he was...sitting there, reading it like a fool. He must have took it out of my suitcase unless he has his own copy which I highly doubt. And on the bed was the Wuthering Heights novel I got him for Christmas which is the first edition. But he has an other copy that his dad or his Grandmother got him when he was young. And I noticed he is obsessed with Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights. But here is sitting that comforter chair with my book.
"Christopher, what are you doing in here?" I asked with sudden, and the only thing he did was stare at me up and down like he did when I first met him.
"I needed time alone for a bit." He admitted.
He put the book down even though his face had curiosity on it from what the book had.
"Emma, can we please talk? You haven't spoken to me since...you know?" He said.
Oh god no. Why is he saying this again?
There's obviously nothing to talk about. I thought when I rejected him when he kissed me that I said no. And he would accept it. I guess he is just as bad as any. But deep down I feel the same. But I can't walk back into his tricks, lies and indecisiveness. I won't allow it.
"No, not here. I wish you don't bring any of that up. Please don't." I whispered loud enough for him to hear me.
He got up, putting the book down and he closed the door.
"I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did to you. Let alone dump you like that four months ago. And you didn't deserve that. But I think I'm ready to just forget anyone else and just care about you. I have been thinking of you for four months. And early this morning I fucked up. I was drunk. And I wasn't thinking. And I really am sorry, Emma. I don't know how else to make you forgive me." He told me.
For some reason he really did care. Or so it seemed. He felt guilty. He wanted another chance after he toyed with me between April or me. But April is out of the picture and I can definitely tell he wants it all again. And secretly like we been doing. And I only know because when he kissed me there was no one else in the picture. There was only him. And I had him. I got him. But I pushed him away in fear I'd be stepping into his trap again.
"Your there in my head, Emma. Your there wherever I look. Your there wherever I turn. In your in my head when I go to sleep at night and when I wake. Your in there every part of my head. And when I was with April for these long four miserable months... I was always wondering if you were thinking of me too. And I was scared you'd move on with someone else. Another player. So when Luke was helping you study I got worried." He said, his voice was very emotional to hear as of how he was speaking. "Your everywhere, Em. And I just want you no matter how crazy it sounds."
"You hurt me, Christopher. Do you understand? How do you expect me to just forgive you?" I said, and my throat hurt having to release those words from my mouth.
"I'll change." He responded.
Just the idea that he is promising to do better or change whatever it is he has done. And it has gone crazy between us. For four months we have been distant because he was too occupied with April. And now that there is no one else in her spot...maybe for once he will just stay in my arms and where I can just have him and not worry about him going distant. Maybe I could finally have Christopher and I guess forgiving him will be hard. But deep down I can do it.
"What'll be different?" I asked.
"Everything's different now. April and I are done. And I wanna give the attention I should have given you to the start. Getting back together with April is probably the worst regret of my life. But you...we...we can be exactly what you wanted from the beginning." He said, his eyes not leaving mine.
"How can I trust you after everything you did?" I felt like I couldn't just forgive him and put the smile on my face.
"Emma, this time I mean it. I really mean it this time. And I mean I'll give you the attention. The real attention you deserved. And I know that I've been an asshole to you. But I don't want you to feel like you can't trust me. Because this time...you can trust me." He said.
And I just looked at Christopher only feeling that connection I felt from the start when I first met him. But this time...it was more. It was this electricity. Something that felt strong and it felt like I knew there couldn't be a reason for me not to forgive him. And that's when it all came to me. It came to me of how I needed him.
"If you don't want to go back to how we were then I get it. But tonight meet me by the lake. I'll be there waiting for you. In case you change your mind." He got closer to me, his mouth inches from my ear.
"Well, you'll just have to wait and see...if I show up." I giggled, walking out of his room but before I could, I paused. "Christopher?"
"Yeah?"
"Is that my book?" I chuckled, crossing my arms.
"Y-yeah. I saw it in your suitcase. I'm sorry I invaded it. But I saw the cover and it looked interesting. And the only reason I feel like I needed it was because it reminds me of-" he hesitated.
"-Maya." I finished for him.
I could tell he was emotional to her name. When he told me about Maya. I remember it being an emotional story for me to hear. But as emotional as anything, I just looked at him and I reached for his hand and I looked down seeing his hand was wrapped and bandaged in an ace-bandage. After his episode at three in the morning while being drunk...the glass he smashed with his hand and it hit his hand cutting it and Colleen saw how bad his hand was bleeding.
"Christopher," I said looking at his hand, holding it gently. "Where did you go when you left?"
He took his hand from mine and turned away. And I could see all he had was guilt on his face.
"I just needed to get away. I felt angry at the time. All I remember was the hatred. I was just so angry. But... I went to that place I took you to. Remember?"
Maya's house.
"What did you do there?" I asked.
"I just cried and thought about every mistake I made. And I know if Maya were alive, she'd be scolding me for how I'd be acting. She hated drugs and drinking. She'd be so ashamed of me." He said, and he closed up my book, and he looked at the cover. "But this title makes no sense, Love in Paradise." He sighed.
I chuckled at him as he looked at the cover in disbelief.
"What about the title?"
"It says Love in Paradise. How is this book even about love? So Pricilla is married to this Harry dude and he is abusing her; emotionally, mentally and physically. And she has a son and doesn't care about her and her child's safety. She is staying with this guy 'cause she rather die than be hunted down by him. It is not making any sense." Christopher said, and this really got to him after what he experienced as a kid of what happened in front of his fourteen year old eyes.
I laughed. "You haven't finished it yet, have you?"
The look on his face told me otherwise. And I guess he definitely hasn't finished it yet. And I didn't wanna spoil it.
"How about you keep my book and give it back to me when your finished and then we can review it of what we thought about it." I suggested, and he released a relaxing sigh.
And so then, I had left the room and I sighed once I got into the hall. And I returned back downstairs and I grabbed my suitcase that was zipped back up by him. And I had carried my suitcase upstairs to begin to unpack the second I get to my room which is furthest away from the room Christopher picked. And so, I got into the room I chose, or the one I always choose and it looked the same. I dragged my suitcase into the room and I threw it onto the bed. And I unzipped it, unpacking everything from the bag and just putting them away into the dresser drawer. And the mirror that was over the dresser, I stared at my own reflection. And while unpacking, I was debating if I should go meet Christopher at the lake tonight. So this must be at eleven, I'm guessing. So we're sneaking around my mom's back too which sucks.
I had put my bathing suits away in the drawer along with my bras and panties. And I had looked directly at my reflection seeing my hair all up nice with makeup on. But then I removed my makeup before I decide to actually go swimming in the lake. And I had decided on texting dad to let him know we made it to the lake house okay. And I just thought about how great this is for dad and Colleen that Christopher and I are away. They get the house all to themselves. And luckily I brought my diary with me so he can't read it.
I had eventually made everything organized. And once I closed my drawers, I decided on taking out my yellow bathing suit. So I stripped out of my clothes and I placed on my bathing suit. And once I had it on, I just wanted to think about Christopher. I wanted to feel that electricity again. And I smiled at myself in the mirror. And then I pulled out a towel that was folded up nicely and I decided I was gonna go down and to the beautiful lake. I had quite the travel to walk down to. And so I ran with myself giggling just as I saw the lake waiting for me. But I saw the speedboat sitting there nicely and I just threw my towel on one of the beach chairs mom set out. And I had ran down the docks and I didn't think of anything except falling through into life where I won't need to breathe.
I jumped right into the lake and as I entered into the nice cool water, I breathed feeling myself right underneath the sun. And I released my hair out of its ponytail and I just felt free being in the water for the first time. And I just smiled, and I saw Christopher coming down, and he decided to sit on the edge of the dock and he had his diary or journal with him and a pen as he was starting write in it. And he was also watching me which I definitely enjoyed. I was flattered by how he was eyeing me. His gray eyes that were the color of gray stormy skies staring back right at me. I bit my lower lip and I just swam in the lake further from him and I was in that water being the little water bug I am. And Christopher was gluing his eyes right on my back down to my bum. And still, I was flattered.
But staring right across from me, I just needed to admire him for how he was looking at me. And I saw him just staring directly at me and there he was, with those eyes. I felt my body turn warm and feverish. And I felt my cheeks blush. How was I not to? He was making me feel such a strange way. And so I just flickered my eyelids, staring back him, catching his glance at me.
And so as quiet as I was, I swam close to the end of the dock where he was. And still, his eyes never fled from mine. And I felt like there was nothing more comfortable than this. And so, I just looked at him for more the reason of how much I loved this moment.
"What are you staring at?" I asked with the most priceless smile that I think I've ever shown, and his smile was just as big and he chuckled at me.
"What I can't stare? Is there a 95 dollar percent off price that I can't stare at you? I mean, I'm only staring 'cause your beautiful." He smirked, giving me chills right over my body.
"No," I giggled in disbelief at him.
"Yes, you are." He said again to me which I was only turning my face away in shame.
"So," I started off, fussing with myself in the water. "What are you writing in that journal of yours?" I raised a brow.
He shut his journal quickly and was pretending to be innocent.
"Nothing. It's absolutely nothing." He lied with a sheepish smile on his face.
"Okay, liar." I teased, dropping myself into the water going underneath, holding my breath for the shortest time.
But once I came up back for the nice air, breathing it in that Santa Maria air it has. I just sighed, feeling the sun burning right on my face. Soaking myself under it.
"Emma," Christopher gently said, and I paused in my tracks while in the water, looking right directly at him, in his way that I felt captivated by him. "Let me put sun block on you."
I was buying it, smiling right at him in approval. So, I just jumped out of the water and I sat right on the end of the dock with him. And just as that, I smiled to myself and he got behind me, and he took my sun block offering to put some on me. And of course, I allowed him anyway. And just as that, I felt his hands rub on my nude back gently. It sent me chills but I felt like I wanted more than just him to touch my back by putting sun block on me. And he just was gently with his hands as much as he was when we first made love. Just by how gentle he was...it made me feel entirely complete with him.
I remained silent even though I wanted to say something to him. But I wasn't sure what. It was insane how I missed this closeness of us. And I just looked at the water in front of me and my legs were hanging in the water while I felt his hand massage and rub my back with the lotion on me. And I felt the need to put this sun block on me. But I felt like we both wanted to say so much.
I felt the quiet become normal. The only sound I heard were birds flying in the distant. And after he had rubbed my back with his hand putting the sun block on me, I just wanted him to untie my bikini top's strings and just do whatever he wants to do...to me. But in my head, as I thought I knew it would never happen.
I stared at the beautiful sun shining down at me. And of course, he turned me to face him and of course, I looked at him, those great stormy gray eyes that I wish I could look up at everyday. I wish I could wake up to everyday.
He started to massage my face with the sun block, putting it on my nose and forehead and rubbing it in. After, he had me lie on my back while he put the sun block on my stomach and shoulders and arms and then my legs. And I just then had so much on my mind that I wasn't even sure what to think. And I just looked back up at those gray eyes. Those beautiful gray eyes.
"Christopher, what happened with you and April? And what happened to you at that party?" I asked, even though it was practically none of my business to ask, but I had curiosity wanting to know.
I sat back up and we both returned to the edge of the dock, both of our feet in the water and I felt his hand touch mine. And my body shivered.
"A lot happened. And I wish I didn't go to that party. I shouldn't have gone to that party. But...April really wanted to go. But... I just went and tagged along with her. No matter if I didn't want to." He said.
"You didn't have to go." I moved my hand up his leg and he seemed surprised I started making a move on him.
Uncomfortably, he sighed. "I know. But I did. And the worst part was that I got drunk. And I was downstairs and I was with Amber."
Did he mean Amber Glossy? I winced at the mention of her name.
"Why were you with Amber?" I asked.
"I was drunk and I went down into the garage part of her basement and I found her high. And we were talking and then the next minute... we were... well we had a moment. A drunken moment. And then April saw us. And then we got into this fight. And she said she had your diary and she read it all. And I just can't bear the fact she did that. And I left and we just ended it. And I knew it was over. Even though I was drunk." He explained to me, and his words seemed fragile and vulnerable.
I took his hand. "You deserve a Queen. Not a girl who was clingy and jealous all the time. I mean, your perfect. More perfect than Luke or Patrick."
He smiled and I was frozen by staring at him, feeling paralyzed.
"Christopher, when you said you been thinking of me for four months straight...did you mean it?" I asked.
"Yes, I have been. Your all I want and all I care about. I thought I could be with April and go on. And just go to college and let you be with a guy who can make you happy. But your the only person who makes me happy. No one else can...like you do." He smiled. "I just wanted you to be happier."
I know that he worried that he wasn't enough for me. But he's wrong. He's exactly enough for me. And there is obviously no one else out there for me except him. He is the only guy that I really need and the only one I want. And I don't want anybody else. When I'm not with him I'm miserable. And I just feel the need to be with the right person. And this is the right person. This is the only guy I feel close with except Patrick. I literally took him as the boyfriend because when I was with Patrick I didn't think of wanting to be with Christopher. My head was thinking of Patrick. So he was practically a rebound. Someone I was using for myself to get distracted from the heartbreak.
Being around Christopher I feel extremely close to him. And I got close to him, seeing his stormy gray eyes look directly into mine. I waited, just staring at him. And I didn't stop looking at him. And I smiled, hoping I can bring myself to have the guy who I can actually claim to be mine.
"Did you mean it when you kissed me? What went on between us? Was that real?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes, it was real. Everything I've done for you and said to you is real. Everything I want is real. And I kissed you because I felt like it was the right thing to do." He said.
In my mind, I'd give anything to kiss him. And so I was breathing heavy, trying to hold my breath. But I was stuck in here and unable to do so. And I wanted to feel him in my arms. And I wanted to touch him everywhere. But I guess it is very unlikely that I may ever be able to touch him. But this time there is no other girl in the way of having him. It's just me and him. And having him is what I look forward to.
I sat here, thinking I was in a 90's film. And I just thought of what it could be like to have him. But how is this all going to look once we are sneaking around together again? How can I be with him? How can I accept it? What if he plays with my head again? I can't just act like none of it bothers me because it does. Because back in my head...I'm scared he'll say that phrase again; It's always gonna be April.
I was terrified of those words being played in my head again. But this time, I am very positive he won't use that phrase with me again. And for some reason, I always feel like Christopher has always had a thing for blondes. It's no wonder he'd make out with Amber Glossy, a blonde who happens to be April's cousin and then there's Peach. And I'm not surprised that he and Peach get along so well. And since Peach has a crush on him anything can happen.
"Emma, if I'm not with you...I go crazy. I'm miserable." He said, and I moved my foot over his bare one, gently touching his in the water. "What?" He chuckled.
"Nothing." I scoffed.
There was silence between us and then I heard the sound of a snapping of something old. I turned to only find my mom taking a Polaroid of Christopher and me and I quickly got up, covering my face. But what I did was decide on taking the Polaroid and deciding to do that teasing way of him to just follow me. And since the dock was long and far from the house, I wanted to run around the property of the house. I found the grass where I was running and I know Christopher was definitely chasing after me like I had committed a crime and he was chasing me for the terrible thing I did. I had screamed with joy while he was running after me through the grass in the sunlight.
And just as that, I paused getting to the tree and then Christopher had gone right after me. And he took me by the waist, spinning me around as I was filled with laughter. And I smiled just as he took the Polaroid camera from me and he decided on taking a photo of me. And I stood in front of the tree and I gave the best smile. And I smiled the brightest I could and then, I just allowed him to take that photo and so he did. And I looked at him with my own eyes just glancing at him.
I giggled, pushing him down on the ground and we both tumbled down that I fell with him, lying on top of him. I took the camera taking the photo of him even if he was ready or not. And the photo came sliding out. And it was faded and it didn't seem ready to be seen clearly. And as I hovered over him I thought of nothing but kissing him. But I knew he was thinking the exact same thing. But then I pulled away and I allowed him to chase after me and as he chased me again I laughed the entire time just as he pulled me in closely to him.
"I caught you," he muttered.
I could see he wanted to kiss me. But I definitely didn't except it. I turned taking the apple that came from the tree. And I passed it to Christopher.
"This is the best. Bite into it as I take the photo." I giggled.
"This could be poisonous." He said as if I was trying to purposely kill him, but I remained silent about it with a laugh that might be offensive to him.
"I have eaten apples from these trees for like seven years straight. Trust me, their not poisonous and their not berries." I teased at him sarcastically and he rolled his eyes at me, taking the bright red healthy apple in his hand.
He took the apple as I took the camera. He had bit into the apple and I took the photo of him, that Polaroid has got to be priceless. I was about to take another of him, but he put the camera down.
"Em, you don't wanna waste all the film." He said quickly and then I sighed, knowing he was right.
And then I had given the camera to him just as I was walking away. And while I was walking towards the house, I heard Christopher call after me but I returned near the lake and I took my towel and I lied it down and I decided on just lying there to tan myself. And I just lied with my sunglasses on and I had my heart candy that I allowed to myself to chew down. And I smiled in a heavenly way.
~
I pretended to fall asleep that night. And once I know mom went to bed, I decided on going to find Christopher down by the lake. And I have debated on going to meet him or not like he asked. But I know that I deserve another chance and does he.
So I got into my favorite white and blue striped bathing suit and I stayed silent while the house was silent. I took my hair out of the stupid messy bun I had in. And I let it lose just as I was leaving my room and I carefully walked down the stairs. They were beyond creaky so I walked down as silent as I could. It was already after eleven, so I hope he doesn't think I have decided not to show. So, I got to the back door and I decided on joining him right down by the lake.
I just wanted to feel the same of having him. And this is definitely what I wanted to see. I saw him just sitting at the dock, waiting for me. He was wearing trunks and I saw how patient he was being. And I just stared at him, seeing his beautiful muscular arms.
"Hey stranger," I greeted him, walking up to him and he turned to look at me in surprise and his eyes looked me up and down and his eyes roamed everywhere on me.
He didn't think I was gonna show. But in secret, I saw how he looked at me like I was the best thing on this earth. Or the only thing he has seen on this earth. And I just smiled lightly across at him. And I wasn't sure what else we were to do.
"Emma, I didn't think you'd show." He said nervously.
"Well, I came because I thought it would be the best thing to do. And you did ask nicely. So...I'll give you that." I smiled. "But...we still need to talk about the incident that happened."
He chuckled. "Of course."
I walked closer to him and then he had decided on just wanting to go and jump into the lake. I tried convincing him not to in case my mom wakes from the noise of any splashing. But he obviously didn't care. And what he did was just laugh at my worry and he just jumped into the lake, falling and it was a big splash that had backed up in the air and went far enough to wet my legs.
No matter how much I thought it was funny I just kept the stern behavior on.
But it has been longer than a couple seconds and he didn't come up. So I looked at the lake's water with apprehension when he didn't come up. Where is he? So I decided on jumping into the lake myself. And I was worried about Christopher might have drowned. Was there something there that he hit his head? But no that can't be. With anxiety taking over my body, I swam trying to find him. I called out his name in fear. Where the fuck is he? I was about to cry that something might have happened to him. Oh my god if something happened to him I felt the tears falling down from my eyes not being able to find him. I know something has happened to him 'cause how can he stay underwater for this long? Or he can hold his breath that long? But I have to find. I call out his name again and suddenly I hear silence. I feel like I'm in a movie when someone goes missing or ends up dead.
My heart is pounding and I can't breathe knowing something has happened to him. I swim around doing everything in my power to find him. But I fail at it. I feel my throat hurting. But how is he not coming up? I swear if this is a prank he is pulling he is fucking dead. I move every place to find him. Where is he or his body for that matter? I never been so scared in my life. I was terrified more than I ever have. I just tried my best to duck underwater to try my best to find him moving my arms out feeling out but there's nothing.
My stomach started to hurt and my head was hurting but I kept calling his name more than a hundred times trying to see if he could respond to me. Or hear me if he could respond to me. Or hear me if that's the matter. I can't even explain this to my aunt and mom about this or Colleen. There was no sounds or movement from him. I was scared of what happened to him or where he was.
My world was crashing down and now I'm losing everything. Where the fuck is he? I looked everywhere and the first thing I did was look to find him if I had to search the entire lake or every ocean or river if I have to in order to find him. I cried, scared out of my life if something happened to him. So I called out his name again. But there was nothing. Why would he be joking about this? I do everything that I can to discover where he is. Christopher is like vanished and I can't find him.
If this is a joke I will feel like I am the joke. I went directly towards the dock to try to reach to get up but I'm unable to. My legs being restrained but this time I'm nearly pulled underwater. I throw myself back into the water but this time I am left to feel myself getting pulled or yanked underwater. I hope I don't end up like that dead girl in Jaws. I quickly just try to yank myself away but then I reach my hands down feeling someone's hand. I go down underwater to feel someone. I come up with them and I see Christopher.
As angry as I was at him I did nothing but want to tear his face off. If I could I would smack him so hard. I couldn't even believe he joked to me.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" I pushed him with my strong hands at his chest.
He giggled at me like a moron. And I just couldn't even believe him. He grimaced at me for a second but then confusion came on his face. He acted like he didn't do anything wrong. But then he just smiled about the whole thing. But then it all clicked and came to me. He wanted to make me think he was dead. He jokes about death so much it makes no sense. He wanted to act like he's dead. But why would he act like he's dead?
"C'mon, I was only joking." He said in a soft voice.
"Well it's not funny, you jerk!" I splashed him in the face and I pushed him even harder. "Besides, I'm still upset with you...about everything that happened in the kitchen even if I do forgive you." I backed away from him swimming far away as I can and it left him with a confused frown.
"I don't understand, Em." He moved slowly towards me.
"Don't." I splashed him again, making sure he didn't come within a ten foot flag pole within me.
After he hurt me last night does expect me not to be angry at him still? Or not afraid of him? No matter what he still broke my dad's glasses and got drunk at a party and drank from that whiskey bottle and he hurt me. So how am I supposed to forgive him so easily? And trust him that he'll just play me again.
"Emma, I keep telling you how sorry I am. I know the things I said and did and I'm sorry. And I was not thinking clearly. And I'm sorry what I did to you. I'd never do anything to hurt you." He seemed desperate.
Oh so the apology is still flowing like he did when he first apologized. What are the chances!
"If you were sorry you wouldn't have said or done any of it." I spat.
"It was a very irresponsible thing of me to do. I wasn't thinking. I was drunk. And I was just being an asshole. I know it's crazy. But I wish you never saw me like that." He looked ready to cry.
I couldn't even decide if I wanted to keep talking with him or not to just leave and go back inside. But the way he was looking at me he looked at me with his eyes that were a darker shade of gray. They looked apologetically sorry. Does he not know that sorry doesn't fix the bruise he made?
"It doesn't change what you already did, Christopher?" I mumbled.
"I know, Emma. That part of me is something that you were not meant to see. That was how I was after my father died. Angry. An asshole to everyone and everything. I used to break things." He got closer to me and I stayed frozen unable to move away. The water was up to my chest nearly to my neck but he came closer to me and his hand cupped my cheek. "But you see...you have saved me in ways no one ever could. You changed me the second I met you."
"No, I'm just-"
"-you are my everything, Emma." He cut me off. "I know I hurt you. And I shouldn't have. I'm sorry I did that to you. You mean a lot. I don't want anyone to have you. I want you to be only with me. I can't imagine you kissing someone else or touching someone else. I only want you to do that with me." He said in a very flirty way at the end and I felt like he was telling the truth. "But I know I can't have you."
"No, you can't. It's best if we stay away and just stay siblings. 'Cause it's wrong." I pointed out, telling him that there wasn't a way we could go back to the way things were before.
"You're wrong. We can be together. I shouldn't have let you go that night. 'Cause I still want you." He told me.
His forehead was against mine. And I was scared that he was going to kiss me. And I fear that he might. His hand was stroking my cheek gently and I felt comforted being so close with him. At this moment he was my everything. But I stopped him before he could go further.
"Christopher, I can't. We can't do this." I murmured, pushing him away gently.
"Why?"
"Your my stepbrother. It's wrong. This is why we agreed to stop." I wanted to cry by saying no to him.
He looked disappointed with rejection from me. He didn't expect me to reject him. I didn't want to say no to him but I can't just go around sneaking with him. I cried inside about giving up. He came close to me and I didn't mind it at all.
"But I can't do it anymore. It's been four months. I just need you, Emma. I miss you badly. I miss what we had. I can't go without you. I just need you. Ever since we kissed earlier today I been craving it. Craving you." He was pleading for me.
"Christopher, we can't." I shook my head, rejecting him again.
"Please, Emma. Just kiss me. I just need you. I need you. Kiss me." He begged. "Just one more time. Please."
"Christopher, I-" and within a second his lips pressed against mine, cutting me off.
He kissed me which I was shocked at first. I tried pulling myself away from him but no matter how much I wanted to stop, I didn't. I just stayed right where I was being adored by his touch and his somehow passionate kiss that put me under his spell that I was left to only give back what he was doing to me. And it wasn't right at the moment. But no matter what I was stuck in here just staying stuck with this kiss that I could not resist.
Because this kiss got so intense I couldn't exactly stop myself if I tried to. And I just kissed him as he got extremely close to me and he moved his hands down to my bum and he lifted me up in his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms wrapping around his neck. And I didn't pull away from his lips. I stayed with him closely and he moaned against my lips. And his lips then made a trace to my flesh. Right on my neck and I moaned, moving my head to the side so he had better access.
And I was stuck in this great moment with him. And I don't care about hiding my feelings for him no matter how much of these mind games he played with me in the past. So very gently I allowed the negativity in my mind to fade away. And I cared just about having Christopher right now. And he is practically what I been wanting from the first day. The first moment we met.
I know that he definitely means a lot to me. And just as that, I remained silent to look right at him and never have I ever been in such content in my life. I pulled from his lips no matter how intense the kiss was. And just as intense it got the more intense he got. And I cried with a moan from how good he was making me feel. I was crying for him inside. My heart picked up speed and his lips kissed mine harder this time and luckily I kissed him back. His lips moved directly towards my cheek to my jaw and down to my neck. It felt so good that he found my weak spot.
"I need you, baby." He whispered in his raspy sexy voice.
I moaned from the feeling of his lips gently going to my earlobe and I moaned loudly holding onto his shoulders for a distraction from my pleasure he was giving me. I moaned loudly into his ear and then he kissed my lips hard as ever. I cried into his mouth as I felt him breathe on my lips.
I was gonna yell but he covered my mouth so I wouldn't yell the high that I'm at. So this has proved to him that I miss him. I missed his touch and that I've been craving him. I moaned and he kissed me harder. His lips traveled to my neck and then my fingers ran through his hair.
Because of how good he was making me feel my nails raked into his shoulders as I felt at my highest I been in a long long long time. I was gonna lose myself in his grasp. He kissed me so fast, long and hard that I could hardly keep up with him. I bit on his lower lip and he definitely wanted me badly. I don't think I can ever stop kissing him. He has a spell on me. What am I going to do? I cling onto him harder as ever but I don't want this moment to ever end with him. I was going insane and I was moaning from his lips. I cry leaning my head back and j moaned for him. Begging for him not to stop. His lips moved to my jaw and I moaned from the feeling and his lips moved over to the crook of my neck. I felt him marking me right there. I moaned softly and I had a pitchy cry and he kissed me fully on the lips nonstop that I could hardly breathe.
I kissed him hard as I grabbed his jaw with my hand pulling him in to kiss my lips harder than ever. I couldn't stop kissing him for one second. This make out session is wild. Making me crazy for him. I was going insane but I had to stop this. How long are we going to go crazy for each other? He moaned in my mouth and it made me get somewhat aroused.
I looked at him in bliss 'cause deep down I wanted him and I never stopped wanting him he knew that. I moaned even harder once his lips pressed on mine again. I couldn't stop 'cause he was driving me insane like an addiction or like a drug. I moaned, crying into his ear once I pulled him kissing the side of his neck and he moaned as I kissed his earlobe, easily nibbling on his ear. I cried, biting on his ear and he took my chin lifting it to look at his face with his hands kissing me hard. But I kissed back not wanting to let go. I swore I drew blood on his lips.
"Did you miss me?" He breathed.
Beyond...I missed you. You are my everything. I feel empty inside without you. Who am I without you?
He looked at me with his eyes speaking not his lips. I was gonna lose myself with him. But I can't stop kissing him 'cause he makes me insane. Are we anything at all? All the fights it's like we are a married couple. I clench onto his shoulders and I kissed him gently.
"Mhm..." I moaned in his ear.
Then the silence came and it was silent until' our mouths made the noise. We both moaned into the kiss. And I just cried for him and all of a sudden I felt like I was in heaven. I held onto him and swearing myself not to let go.
"You really do want me, don't you? You can't stop. You love when I touch you. Even my voice makes you want me. Doesn't it?" He softly said with his sexy voice.
"Yes." I nodded, agreeing with everything he said.
"I want you all the time. And it's insane, I know. But somehow for four months all I thought about was you. When I woke that morning after we ended it...while you were at Peach's...all I thought about was you and I knew it was over between us. But all I wanted to do was hold you." He told me, remembering myself leaving and going to Peach's that night in the rain and while I cried. I started to cry thinking about it.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you either." I muttered, so close to his ear.
I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck, and then I looked up seeing the moon shine down on us. He looked up with me.
"It's so beautiful tonight." I murmured.
"When I was younger my dad used to stare at the moon all the time. It was the time I caught my parents at their best. Mom was so pretty and he was good for her beyond belief. And I found myself staring at the moon. And knowing that stars and moons will always mean something." He grinned, staring close while holding me still.
"You should tell me more about your dad. I love to hear about him." I smiled, looking at Christopher's gray eyes.
His eyes always spoke for themselves. I smiled just looking at him in his arms. I then got down from his waist and my hands slipped from his and quickly I just looked back at the moon again, glancing.
"It's late." I told him. "I should get some sleep. And so should you."
I jumped up onto the dock and I bent over reaching for my towel and all of a sudden Christopher came up from behind me, snaking his arms around my torso from behind me and I felt him move my hair to the side so he left a kiss on my nape. I giggled with a shiver from his lips. And the coolness hit my body and it felt good. I grabbed his hand as I turned myself around, bracing my hands on either sides of his head pressing my lips to his, groaning against his lips as I pressed my lips hard in a hungry manner. He pulled his lips away quickly. I was teasing him as I ran my palms down his chest down to his waistband, tugging on them. He shook his head pulling his lips from mine.
"No, I can't...do that with you." He said. But he regretted saying it like he said it wrong. I took a step back feeling rejected and hurt after sharing a good moment.
"Why not?" I breathed.
"It's nothing personal. I just don't want us moving too fast. And then we break each other's hearts. But I will make it up to you. When we get back home...I'll actually take you out. On a real date. Not us sneaking around and only having sex. I want us to have more than just that. So I don't wanna ruin the great moment." He told me.
Everything he said made sense. And he was right. All we have done was had sex for the first time and we were addicted to the lust and sex we had together. But more should have been what we wanted. Like actually dating. Except it's still secret. And it's still behind our parents backs.
"Yeah," I smiled sheepishly. "Your right. It's best if we don't...well it doesn't matter." I sighed to myself. "But I'm gonna go in and get some sleep."
"Are you okay with it?" He checked making sure I wasn't lying or being offended.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just gonna go in and get some sleep." I assured him.
He nodded. "Okay. Goodnight, Emma."
"Goodnight, Christopher." I said with a very sexy smile.
And so little after I did that, I trailed back to the house in my thoughts. And he was on my mind the whole time. And all I thought about was the moment we shared together. And how I can finally call him mine. And I was so proud of it.
When I got back inside, I quietly went up the stairs and I quietly returned back into my room, shutting the door behind me to my room. And as I was in it, I just sighed of relief. I was definitely in love with Christopher. I never stopped loving him. He was my everything from the beginning. But he is mine and I'm able to admit it to myself.
I took out my pajamas and I quickly took off my bikini and I got into my nightgown. And once I got in it, I just breathed. And I hung my bathing suit up on the back of the door along with the towel. And then I took my brush starting to brush my hair regardless of how damp it is. And then I took another towel and I started to dry my hair with the towel and after ten minutes, I took my hair and threw it up into a bun.
And outside my room I heard Christopher returning into his room. And the only thing I thought about was loving Christopher more than I ever have. Everything about him makes me vulnerable and makes me beyond crazy for him. But is this real? Is this the real deal? Is this all it?
I turned my light off and I got in bed, thinking of Christopher. I thought of him. And everything in my head was about him. And I couldn't sleep much because he was on my mind....
A/N:
Hey it's EMILY!
I don't have much to really say.
But I hope u guys liked this chapter.
Stay tuned. More is coming. I hope u
Are ready. There's 8 chapters left. So
Stay waiting cuz there is more!
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