"Sometimes you just need an epiphany before you can go back to normal..." by N. J
"Kendra Nicole Wilson!" She screamed.
I snuggled further into the blanket. I wasn't ready to see anyone.
Yes, it's almost been a month I lost Emily, and yes, I still haven't gotten over it.
"Kendra!!! You take your ass out of that bed right now."
"No mom! I don't want to!!"
The door was slammed open.
"I have had it up to here Kendra," she shouted and snatched the blanket off my body.
She moved to the curtains and drew them open. Her anger was extremely visible.
I tried to support myself on the headboard.
"This nonsense has got to stop. It's Thanksgiving today, I want you dressed and ready for dinner by six or God help me Kendra, you would not like what I would do."
And then, the door was shut.
I sighed and laid back in bed.
She had every right to be angry but I also had every right to be sad and depressed.
Depressed.
No! That word doesn't even come close to how I feel.
Have you ever been so attached to something and then suddenly forced to be away from it??
If you have, well let me tell you this, your pain doesn't even come close to mine.
I have always been a dependent person.
My real parents didn't want me and left me at an orphanage.
Finding out you were adopted isn't a pretty good feeling.
Yet, I became dependent on my adopted parents.
When I moved away to college, I met Liv and became dependent on her.
When Liv moved out of our apartment, I got into a relationship and became dependent on Luke.
When Luke broke me, Emily came into my life and I became dependent on her.
I solely depended on her.
When you've lived life feeling wanted and suddenly discover your parents didn't want anything to do with you so they decided to abandon you at a orphanage, you start seeking someone to want you.
I didn't know my pain and insecurity ran this deep.
Believe me I didn't want it to. I didn't even know where to start from.
Putting aside all those terrible thoughts, I made my way to Emily's shower.
Yes, since the funeral, I'd been living in Emily's room.
I never left for anything.
Grace brought my meals, my parents tried to make small talk each time they came by, but nothing made me leave.
That is, if we don't count my mom's earlier threats.
I took a long shower, got dressed in all black and headed downstairs.
I was still mourning, sue me for my new black wardrobe, I really wouldn't care.
As I came downstairs, I took note of how much the house had changed.
It was clean.
Everything was in order.
That never happened when Emily was around.
Emily.
Her pictures occupied every wall, every stand, every counter.
There was one picture which brought my feet to a standstill.
It was the day Emily was released from the NICU.
She was cleared to be removed from that damn incubator.
I couldn't be more happy that day.
I held her in my arms for the first time ever, and it just felt so surreal.
I was smiling down at her while her eyes were closed.
If you squinted your eyes in the right direction you could just make out Kenna's form in the background talking animatedly with a full blown smile.
It really was a beautiful day.
"Oh good, you're here. No need for plan B then."
I was startled and turned to find my overly ecstatic mother smiling.
"Plan B?" I asked.
"Yes honey. Plan B, in case my morning fury didn't take you out of that room."
"So, that was an act?" I asked again.
"No honey, I was truly pissed this morning. Your dad forgot to get the turkey for dinner and I couldn't find your grandma's recipe for the pie. It was horrible, but I thought, hey, why not try the angry mom approach and now, you're here." She chuckled.
"Good job mom."
I frowned and made my way to the dining section.
I watched my mom and Grace run all over the kitchen to get everything in order.
I also watched my dad help them set the table while I didn't lift a finger.
It was terrible of me, I know, but I didn't want to be here.
Before I knew it, all four of us were seated at the table while my mom said a prayer.
Everyone dug in and begun eating while chatting merrily.
I couldn't believe this people.
My daughter just died and here they were eating and chatting like nothing happened.
Everyone was happily eating not noticing I hadn't made a move to serve myself and certainly no one noticed the look of disgust on my face as my thoughts became even more horrid.
"STOP IT!" I slammed my hand down on the table.
I was rewarded with three very terrified faces.
My dad, who was about to take a sip of his wine gently put the glass down and watched me cautiously.
Everyone dropped their cutlery while I stood up panting.
"Honey, are you alright?" My mom was brave enough to ask.
I laughed. A very sadistic one.
"No mom," I sneered. "I am not alright."
"Kendra, do not speak to your mother in that tone." My father spoke. Too calm.
I laughed again.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Why shouldn't I? My daughter just died and my fucking parents are here chatting and drinking some fucking wine. So tell me why the fuck not!"
I looked at my dad straight in the eye while I spoke to him.
His eyes showed a variety of emotions. Pity. Concern. And anger.
He stood up and yet I didn't back down.
"How-" he was cut short by my mom. She brought her hand to rest on his chest while she stood up teary eyed.
"It's okay Eric." She spoke.
She then turned to me and I swear, I wanted to take it all back.
"No it's not Emilia. This is unacceptable behaviour regardless." My dad said.
"Unacceptable?!" I gasped unbelievably. "For fucks sake you can't treat my daughter's death without regard. I have every fucking right to not eat, not sleep, to mourn however and to tell you to fuck off."
"KENDRA NICOLE WILSON!" my mom shouted.
She was furious and this time, she wasn't acting.
"Mom.."
"NO! Stop! Just stop!" She inhaled before speaking very calmly.
"Mom, I'm-"
"You're right," she said. "Absolutely right. You have the right to do whatever the fuck you want and mourn however the fuck you want. You're right. Emily was your daughter. Yours. Alone. It isn't like she was our granddaughter or anything like that, no. She was yours. It doesn't matter if Grace spent the last three years taking care of her, no. She was yours. It doesn't matter if Kenna just lost the only person she considered family, no. She was yours." She laughed at the same time wiping away her tears.
"All I tried to do was help my daughter and myself get over the loss of my granddaughter. I wonder what was so wrong in that. But, it's okay now. I've come to terms with the fact that you won't move on and I won't stay here and watch you ruin yourself."
"But mom-"
"The hospital called. They're considering your termination Kendra. I pleaded with them to understand, but now, I understand them. Go ahead and mourn whatever way you want Kendra. I won't stop you or try to help you any longer. Grace, Eric, pack your things we're leaving."
I gasped as she moved away from the table heading towards the stairs.
"Mom, this is ridiculous." I said as I followed her.
She stopped at the foot of the stairs and turned to address me.
"Ridiculous?!" She laughed. "You think my decision is ridiculous? Oh God Kendra. It isn't. But do you know what's ridiculous, it's the fact that you can't seem to get it into that thick skull of yours that you're not the only one who lost Emily. Wake up and stop being selfish Kendra, I didn't raise you that way. I also lost my only grandchild Kendra and now, I'm losing my daughter." She cried. "What's ridiculous is that you're willing to throw away your life just like that."
"Just like that?! Mom, Emily was my daughter." I snapped.
"Emily wouldn't want you doing this. She would want you to be happy and move on. For Christ's sake, you pushed away a guy who is in love with you and now you're pushing away your family." She shouted back.
"You have no idea what Emily would have wanted because she's gone okay. She left me here all alone." I cried.
By now my mom was sobbing loudly. She brought her hands up to cover up her cries.
"Do you know how painful it is, for a mother who is trying to be there for her daughter, to hear her say she is all alone?? What am I to you Kendra?? You're all alone? I can't believe you!"
"Mom, I didn't mean it like that." I cried.
"No Kendra. Ever since Emily died I've been defending your actions to everyone. But now," she paused. "Now, I'm just tired. I'm tired of justifying your pain when you refuse to see everyone elses. We're leaving and I don't want to see you until you've come to your senses." She whispered and turned to leave.
I didn't know what to say.
I don't know how long I stood there, but I only came to my senses when my parents and Grace already had their luggage at the front door.
My dad was the only one to come forward and place a chaste kiss on my forehead.
No words were said as they all left.
I could see from the eyes of my mom and Grace, they didn't want to leave me to myself.
They both cried till I couldn't see the car anymore.
I closed the front door and returned to the dining room.
I kept crying as I served myself.
I kept crying even as my shaky hands tried using the knife to cut the turkey.
And then, the knife fell from my hands.
And that was how I lost it.
I threw every item I could find off the table.
By the time I was finished, the room was just a collection of shattered glasses and dishes as well as wasted food.
I still kept crying.
I was truly alone now.
I shouted, cried and hit whatever I could until I finally slumped to the ground.
Some Thanksgiving this was.
Hello lovelies, I am so sorry for the late update.
My excuses won't change the fact that I left you hanging and for that I am extremely sorry.
How do we feel about Kendra? I would love to hear from you.
We've reached 4k reads already and I am so so grateful to you all.
Please please do vote guys.
Love Joy.