Day by day, Sungyoon and Haru fought everyday. Joochan heard everything about it. Because of it, Joochan felt sorrow and depressed. He wasn't doing well in his class and he became a passive person. He liked to hold his problems alone. He didn't talk much and he liked to skip his meal.
One night, Joochan saw Haru was waiting for Sungyoon to come home. Sungyoon became a workaholic person because he didn't want to be at home all the time. He felt annoyed when Haru talked about Joochan or he saw Joochan.
Sungyoon returned home late. Haru woke up when Sungyoon returned. Sungyoon entered his house and she saw Haru just woke up.
"Oppa, you're home" Haru said. Sungyoon just looked at her without any words.
"Have you eaten? I cooked your favourite food.." Haru said. Sungyoon had avoided her everyday because they would fight everyday if Haru talked about Joochan. Even if Haru called for Joochan to take his meal with them, Sungyoon would get annoyed. That was why Joochan liked to skip his meal. He wanted to give Haru and Sungyoon time together but it didn't turn out well when Haru looked anxious if Joochan didn't take his meal. They ended up arguing.
Sungyoon ignored Haru and went upstairs.
"Oppa, do you want to drink anything?" Haru tried to make Sungyoon talked.
"No. I am not hungry nor thirsty. I want to rest" Sungyoon said without looking at Haru. He went straight to his bedroom. Haru followed Sungyoon.
"Oppa, aren't you hungry? You return home late.." Haru said.
"I said, I just want to rest" Sungyoon said.
"Are you still mad at me? If you do, I am sorry.." Haru apologized. Sungyoon just remained silent. He took out his shirt to take a bath.
"Oppa.." Haru said. Sungyoon ignored her.
"Huh.. I don't know what I am going to do to seek for your forgiveness. Please, tell me what can I do.." Haru said.
"I've told you for so many times.." Sungyoon took his towel.
"I can do anything for you but please.. don't take Joochan away.." Haru sighed.
"Then, there is nothing I can do.." Sungyoon said. They started to argue. Joochan at that time was still awake. He was doing some revision. He switched off his bedroom light so Haru would think that he was sleeping but he was not. He only turned on his table lamp. When Haru and Sungyoon fought, he heard everything. He felt very sad to hear about that. His tears suddenly fell down. He cried without any voices. His chest was pain. He felt heartbroken. Joochan put his head on the desk. Crying, without any voices. It was the painful crying, when you held everything in yourself, because you couldn't say it out loud.
Joochan took his diary. He began writing what he felt. Joochan wrote everything he couldn't say in his diary. His diary was his 'closest friend' because only his diary 'knew' his exact feeling.
"Dear diary,
I feel sad to hear that Ahjussi and Omma fought again because of me. Why am I living for this? Why am I the chosen one to live like this? Why me? Why me..
I am tired to live like this. I want to end this real quick. I don't want to hear Ahjussi and Omma to argue again. I want them to be happy but how? If I am still here.
Omma, Ahjussi,
I love you. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I don't even have the right to get close to you. Don't love me. Ahjussi don't have the ease of being able to give me his heart. I live everyday beyond my strength, each day is too much so I cry everyday.
I don't have anything I can give you. I can't even give you loving words. I can't even boldly wish for you to be mine so I push everything away.
Because I'm a boy who has nothing but his own heart.
I am sorry. I am sorry.. Ahjussi, Omma.."
Joochan ended his diary with tears.
"Appa, I miss you. Please.. I want to live with you.." Joochan said in his heart.
* * *
On the next day,
"Sir, my cat had died yesterday so can I meet my cat?" Jibeom asked Jangjun in the class as they learned about animal cycles.
"No. Your cat has died" Jangjun said.
"But how people can meet ghost? And dead people? And dead creatures?" Jibeom asked.
"Dead people or animal are not going to return to the world. After death, we will go to another world named 'Afterlife'" Jangjun said.
"So they are not returning to the world? What would they do in Afterlife?" Jibeom asked.
"I don't know. I never die yet" Jangjun said. The whole class laughed.
"Can young people die too?" Jibeom asked Jangjun.
"Yes, they can. Every living things will taste the death. Young people or elderly, animals, plants, every living things in this world will die.." Jangjun said.
"Can we meet dead people in Afterlife? Can we reunite with them?" Donghyun asked.
"Only if we died too. If we go to the Heaven, we can ask anything we want so maybe it is possible.." Jangjun said.
"So we need to go to the Heaven?" Jaehyun asked.
"Yes. Nobody wants to go to the hell.." Jangjun said.
"Okay, back to our lesson.." Jangjun said. Joochan was just silent.
* * *
At home, he remembered what Jangjun said that it is possible to meet dead person if someone had died too.
"Am I going to meet Appa if I die too?" Joochan thought in his head.
* * *
Joochan was staying at the library with Jaehyun. Jaehyun was searching for a book so Joochan was sitting on the sofa and read a newspaper while waiting for Jaehyun. He read the current news. There was a suicide case on the first page of the newspaper.
"What are you reading?" Jaehyun asked Joochan.
"Nothing. This case. A woman committed suicide because she was left by his husband.." Joochan read the article. It had captured Jaehyun's eyes too so they read the article together.
"Eeii. Her husband is bad. How can he left her because he had another woman?" Jaehyun said.
"Yeah. This man is bad" Joochan said.
"And also, she cut off her hand? This is very tragic. I don't want to read this anymore" Jaehyun said.
"Yeah. Me too.." Joochan closed the newspaper and put it away.
* * *
Everyday, Sungyoon and Haru argued. Joochan was extremely depressed to hear that everyday. He cried out loud but Haru and Sungyoon ignored him because they were arguing.
"Omma.. Ahjussi.. please stop" Joochan held his ears while crying.
Joochan took out a scissors from his pencil case.
* * *
Joochan put a handwritting note under Sungyoon and Haru's bedroom. Then, he went back to his room and he locked himself.
* * *
They both stopped arguing when they saw Joochan's note was coming under the door. Haru took the note and read it.
Haru looked at Sungyoon. She directly opened the door and knocked to Joochan's room door.
"Joochan.. Joochan" Haru tried to open Joochan's room door but it was locked.
Sungyoon took Joochan's note that Haru left after she read it. Sungyoon suddenly felt nervous. He realized that Joochan heard everything. Sungyoon directly came to Joochan's room too and tried to open the door.
"Joochan! Open the door.." Sungyoon called for Joochan but Joochan didn't respond.
"BUK.. BUK.. BUK"
They heard a strange noise. Sungyoon and Haru looked at each other. It seemed like coming from Joochan's room.
"Joochan! Joochan! Open the door!" Haru called for Joochan but he didn't respond. He went to his room and try to find for the key of Joochan's room. Haru was still banging Joochan's door. She called for Joochan but Joochan didn't respond.
Sungyoon found the key in the locker. He went to Haru.
"Give me some space" Sungyoon said as he tried to open the door. Haru moved a little bit to give Sungyoon some space. Sungyoon successfully opened Joochan's lock. They went to Joochan's room and they saw Joochan was hitting his head to the wall as hard as he could. They also found a scissors with blood on the floor. They saw Joochan's wrist was bleeding. His head was bleeding too until Joochan's blood was at the wall too because he hit his head too hard.
"Joochan!" Haru came to Joochan. She stopped Joochan. Joochan was crying.
"Let me go.. let me go" weak Joochan said slowly. Sungyoon was stunned to see what had happened in front of his eyes. He didn't expect this thing would happen. He didn't expect that, Joochan was trying to take his own life!
Haru cried while hugging Joochan. Joochan was suddenly unconscious. His hand and his head were still bleeding. They brought Joochan to the hospital.
* * *
Joochan was still unconscious. Haru sat next to Joochan. She was crying. She held Joochan's hand really tight. Sungyoon just standing behind Haru. Sungyoon had no idea. He was shocked too.
"Joochan.." Haru whispered to Joochan's ear.
"Don't leave me. I am begging.." Haru said. She kissed Joochan's cheek. She felt miserable. She didn't know that Joochan would be this hurt. Sungyoon felt guilty. He held his chest.
"This is what you want, right?" Haru said to Sungyoon without even looking at him.
"You see, now. This is what you want.." Haru said.
"Haru.. I.. I.. I didn't.. mean him to.. die" Sungyoon said.
"You wished for him to leave so he was trying to fulfil your wish" Haru said. She was mad with his husband.
"Haru..I.. I.." Sungyoon hesitated to answer.
"If we were late, we might lost him. You might turn to a killer" Haru couldn't hold his anger anymore. Sungyoon was stunned to hear that. A killer?
"A killer.. used weapons to kill. You.. you used your words" Haru was pissing off with Sungyoon. Sungyoon just silent. He knew that it was his fault but he didn't have courage to admit his fault or obviously, he was still defending his ego a little bit.
"Just.. go home. I will take care of Joochan today. I will return home by myself with him. Just, go rest.." Haru said. Sungyoon was silent.
"Go.." Haru said with a crack voice. Her tears fell down. Sungyoon looked down. He slowly walked out of the ward. Haru cried. Sungyoon sighed.
* * *
Sungyoon went home. He went to Joochan's room. He found Joochan's diary. He took Joochan's diary and he read it. He felt guilty. He felt bad when he read Joochan's diary. Joochan's diary was full of his daily life. Mostly, he wrote about his love towards Haru and him. He felt overwhelmed to read Joochan's diary. He held his chest. His chest felt pain. What was wrong with this feeling?
He read it till the end. At the end of the page, Joochan wrote about what he felt after he heard the argument. He closed Joochan's diary. He sighed.
"What's wrong with me?" Sungyoon's eyes were teary. He looked at the mirror in Joochan's room. He looked deep to his reflection in the mirror.
"You are a fool, Choi Sungyoon. You are a killer" Sungyoon's mind automatically said that when he looked at the mirror.
* * *
Joochan and Haru returned home. Sungyoon just watched them from far. Sungyoon just sit by himself, alone.
Since that incident, Sungyoon tend to be a workaholic man. He liked to stay up late at his office because he wanted to avoid Haru and Joochan. Haru had apologized to Sungyoon about the incident. The incident was driving her crazy. Sungyoon was just nodded but he liked to be alone. Sometimes, Sungyoon didn't return home because of work. He just liked to be alone. Nobody knew why Sungyoon like to be alone after that incident.
Sungyoon didn't return home for today because he said, he was busy but Haru knew, he was trying to avoid them.
-To Be Continued-
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A/N :
Hello everyone! This chapter will be considered as the climax of the story. We're on the middle to go to the final hehe. I have nothing to say but I just want to promote something.
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