My blood runs cold and I don’t know what to do. I’m too afraid to move, I’m to afraid to even breath. He drops the trash bin and the other three tests spill out onto the floor and his eyes grow in shock as he notices that there are more then one. He shots me a menacing look and drops the test in his hands.
He starts to pace before looking at me. “Are you pregnant?” he asks again. I swallow, “Huh?” I say lamely.
He walks towards me and I step back eventually falling on the bed. “You heard me! Are you Pregnant!” I feel tears burn at the back of my eyes. “Yes…”
He runs his hands across his face, a dazed look in his eyes.
He stares at me and I can’t hold back the tears as I silently begin to sob. “I was going to tell you…I just needed time, I wanted to tell you at the right moment.”
He curses, “Damn it! Danielle, have you gone for a check up yet?” I shake my ‘no’. “You might not even be pregnant!” I wipe at my eyes and sniffle, “I took four tests and they all came out positive…” He curses again. “How can you be pregnant? I used protection! I made sure to use protection!” I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “We slipped up a couple of times…I don’t know.” He shot me a dirty look. I gasped at the anger in his eyes. “Is this what you wanted? You tell me that you’ve been in love with me since high school, we sleep together and you get pregnant? Did you plan this?”
I stand up, his accusation striking me in my gut. “You think I planned to get pregnant? How could I possibly plan this? Huh! How?” I’m shouting now, anger making its way through me. He steps closer to me; his body is up against mine. “You can’t be pregnant because I know I used protection. Have you been with someone else?” My mouth dropped open. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. I glare up at him and as my eyes meet his, I no longer saw anger but I saw fear, pure unadulterated fear shone in his chocolaty eyes. “I didn’t sleep with anyone else. You’re the only man that I’ve ever been with. I didn’t plan this.”
He searched my eyes for a bit before he stepped away from me. He sighed, “I need to think.” He walked past me and I followed slowly behind him.
“We have to talk about this.” I whispered against his back but he said nothing. “I’m not ready for parent hood and-” he turned towards me, “I don’t want to be shackled down.” With that he walked out of the door, leaving me to stare after him, my heart did a tap dance in my chest and for the second time that night I cried.
I found myself lying in bed, unable to move. My heart ached with the realization that he wasn’t going to come back.
I spent days lying in bed, thinking and finding a bit of peace in sleep only to wake up and be alone. I flipped onto my back and placed my arm across my eyes, attempting to hold off the tears.
I sniffed; then the ‘what ifs’ started to present themselves in my mind. If I had bought a car instead of saving money I wouldn’t have had to ride the bus thus I wouldn’t have missed it… If I had just ignored him maybe he wouldn’t have noticed me! If I had just said no to him, none of this would be happening!
After a long, fitful night I finally found sleep.
As my eyes opened I jerked up, my eyes searching my room for traces of Damion. But as I realized that the events of last night were real I sank back into my pit of self pity. An hour had past before I became restless; I needed to take my mind off of him. I needed to concentrate on something other then the drama that I was experiencing.
I literally jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. I took a long shower before getting out, brushing my teeth and proceeding to do my hair. I got dressed, grabbed my purse and jammed my feet into the closest pair of matching shoes. I looked myself over in the vanity mirror. I sigh, checking the time. 1:34pm.
I grab my keys and run for the door, I make it just in time to catch the bus.
The bus ride is slow and I stare out at the trees and buildings as I pass by them. Everything seemed to be a blur as greens and blues and browns mashed together. Once I finally got off the bus I found myself running for my office. For the next six hours I worked non-stop.
I completed one account revision after another, not even stopping for a lunch though my stomach felt as if it was in my back. I immersed myself in my work, feeling comfort in doing so. Amber walks over to my desk with worry written on her face. “Are you okay?” I shake my head, hoping she’ll take the hint.”I’m fine.” She nods and walks away. Before I knew it, it was suddenly eight o’clock. I frowned, furrowing my brows. I hadn’t even noticed the time. I jumped up, realizing that if I didn’t hurry I’d miss the bus. I saved the rest of my work and grabbed my things; I had made it just in time. As I sat down tiredness seemed to slap me into submission because I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. I felt instant relief when I exited the bus.
The thought of my warm cozy bed being just a few steps away quickened my pace.
As I pulled my keys from my purse I nearly tripped over a drunken Damion.
He sat slumped against the wall next to my apartment door. At the sound of my footsteps he looked up and quickly attempted to stand on his wobbly legs. He walks toward me but I ignore him, my heart pounding in my ears. I fumble with my keys as I open the door. After a moment of intense silence followed by the jingling of my keychain I finally got the door open.
Just as I was about to go inside Damion grabbed my arm and I winced at the tightness of his grip on me.
I tried to jerk my arm back but it did nothing, he didn’t even budge. “How long are you going to ignore me?” He slurs. As I glare up at him it suddenly feels like déjà vu.
“Damion, let go of me.” I stare up into his eyes and after a while he complies. He drops my arm and I rush in the apartment hoping to close the door before he can come in.
But he’s quicker then me, hurriedly pushing his way in. I groan angrily.
I can already feel a fight coming on. I cross my arms after slamming the door shut.
I’m practically itching for an argument, anything to take my mind off of my hearts erratic excitement.
“Why are you here?” I shout. He glances down at me, “I’m sorry…”
I blink, “What?” He runs his hand over his head. “I…I didn’t know how else to react. Suddenly you’re pregnant and my whole world felt like it was crashing down. I just wasn’t expecting this and I didn’t know how to retaliate.”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. “You think that I was prepared for this? You think I woke up and said ‘hey, I hope I’m pregnant today!”
He takes a step back as I advance toward him. “You know something? I hate that I fell in love with you! Out of all the men in the world, why did it have to be you?” I watch as his Adams apple bobs as he swallows. He reaches for me but slap his hands away.
“I’m scared, okay! I admit it, I’m fucking terrified! A baby? What kind of father could I possibly be?” He shouted down at me.
I furrowed my brows, “You don’t think I’m scared? You think this is easy for me? Once I took those pregnancy tests and all four of them were positive, I felt like time had stopped…All I could think about was…us.” His breath hitched at my words.
“I thought about the moments that we had shared together and the secrets that we had exchanged and I was suddenly terrified. I thought that you would hate me. I thought that maybe you’d just leave me heart broken and alone. For a while I grew a little optimistic, maybe you’d be happy, or maybe you’d fall to your knees and tell me you loved me and that we’d be a family but instead you accused me of sleeping around. You basically told me that I was a burden. Damion I’m only twenty two…I’m just as young as you and I have insecurities and fears as well but if our roles were reversed I wouldn’t have walked out on you!”
He stepped toward me but I moved away.
I whispered loud enough for him to hear, “You hurt me…”
“I apologized, I said I was sorry! I never meant to hurt you, Danielle.”
I felt my eyes began to water and I sniffed, trying my hardest to hold it all in. “Please…just leave. I’ve had a long day and I’m tired.”
I heard his footsteps and then he pulled me into his arms. I shrieked in shock. He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and kissed me, our lips smashing together in a painful blur. I almost gave in, I could feel myself melting but I quickly shook that feeling.
I began to fight him, pushing at his chest and punching his arms. It did nothing, he didn’t even wince. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer; they spilled from my eyes like a bursting dam. I cried against his lips, to weak to fight anymore. He pulled back and looked down at me. I planted my hands on his chest and tried to push away be his grip on my waist tightened. He wiped at my tears as I sobbed. “Let me go!” I screamed on a ragged breath.
His dimples sank into his cheeks as he looked down upon me. “Danielle, I love you.”