"Scott!" Larry Parker said. "Hey, man, thanks for dropping by!"
Hesitantly, Scott stepped into the pastor's office, hands in his pockets, face downcast. Scott remembered feeling comfortable in Pastor Larry's office back when he was still human, its wood shelves lined with volumes of books on religion, history, and philosophy. However, ever since he had become a vampire he naturally didn't feel so welcome, despite Larry's declarations to the opposite, and despite Scott's revealing the beast within to Larry, and Larry's seeming acceptance of his new "lifestyle." Still, Larry had been Scott's friend and counselor for years, including during his divorce which, despite having happened over a year previously, was still haunting him—not quite in the same way as becoming a vampire, but painful nonetheless.
However, the guilt, shame, and fear Scott now carried were amplified by the knowledge that he had killed a man. He had taken a life. And although he now felt bad about it, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Scott pulled out one of the cheap, scarred wooden thrift shop chairs that sat near Larry's equally thrift shop desk and sat down. Larry leaned back against the desk and faced Scott.
"Yeah, well, you wanted to talk," Scott said. "What about?"
"It's just that we really haven't spoken in a while, not at least since the 'incident', and that was several months ago. I just wanted to check in with you, to see how my favorite vampire is doing."
"Well, your favorite vampire is... fine. Doing fine."
"Really? Well, that's good to hear. Then we have nothing interesting to talk about."
"Interesting? Oh, no, no, nothing interesting. Not with me. Nothing at all interesting. I'm the least interesting vampire there is. Back into the old routine, the old grind. I still work a job I hate, and I'm still divorced, and I still live at home with my mom. Nope, nothing even remotely interesting."
Larry was good at picking up cues. He knew Scott's somewhat nervous outburst was a sign that something was wrong. Larry nodded. "Well, okay then. I guess we're through here."
"Hey, wait a minute. I guess...I guess there could be a thing or two we could talk about."
"Like what?"
"Oh, I dunno..."
"Geez, you're making me work for this, aren't you? Okay, then. Let's talk about how you're dealing with the events of last fall. Last we talked, you had almost been killed by this 'House' thing, then your sire, or whatever he is, this Jack guy, kidnaps Dawn, tries to get you to kill her. Then there were a lot of vampires getting their heads chopped off and an explosion. Am I missing anything?"
"You're missing the part where I'm helping a two-thousand-year-old vampire who works for an ancient secret society and a hot warrior woman vampire who works for the vampire government hunt down and kill these loose bad-guy vampires. Is that it?"
"Yeah, that could be it..."
"Well, that's pretty much it."
"Pretty much it? Scott, for an uninteresting vampire, that sure sounds interesting."
"It's interesting enough. I guess that's my routine now: work, home, church, drinking blood, killing monsters. That's the new normal for me. What else can I say?"
"And when was the last time you spoke to Dawn?"
Scott shifted uneasily in his seat.
"It's... been a while."
"You haven't spoken to her since the incident."
"Oh, is that what we're calling it, the incident?"
"You got a better name for it? What do you want to call it?"
"How about 'the time Scott screwed up and almost got an innocent girl murdered'? Or 'the time Dawn got psychologically scarred for life, no thanks to Scott'? Or 'the time Dawn found out Scott was a vampire, in the most unpleasant way possible, because he massively screwed up and endangered her life'? How about all those? Because they're a lot more accurate. More detailed, too."
"Now, Scott, we've been over this. It's pointless to keep blaming yourself for what happened."
"Then who do I blame? Whose fault is it, Larry?"
"Well, I for one blame that 'Jack' character. Remember, he turned you into a vampire in the first place, without your consent. And you say he had the nerve to come into this church and make veiled threats against my congregation?"
"Yeah, well, Jack was an asshole, pardon my French. Anyway, he's resting in pieces right now. It still doesn't help. I still carry the guilt, Larry. And I can't get rid of it."
"It might help if you actually talked to the girl. You know, she's in counseling with me..."
"Oh, boy. That's supposed to help me feel better?"
"No, it's just that, she's said... some things. I can't get into much of what she's said, that's privileged information of course, but there are a few things she said would be okay for you to know. And since you aren't really communicating with her, I thought I'd let you know a few things."
"Okay, shoot."
"Well, she's taking martial arts. Basic Tae Kwan Do. But apparently, she's advancing pretty quickly through the ranks, like she has some innate skill or something."
"Really? That's good to know."
"Also, she's been promoted to manager at Goalz! You know, that restaurant she's been working at. Mrs. Parker and I had dinner there the other night. The best burgers in town, let me tell you. And the service there is highly improved since Dawn took over."
"Also good to hear. When they add human blood to the menu, I'll be there."
"She's started taking some courses in journalism at Portland State."
"Nice to have future career goals, I get that. She keeps busy."
"And she misses talking to you."
"Okay, now you're just messing with me, Larry."
"I'm totally serious, Scott! This is what she told me. She would like to hear from you sometime. And your self-blame game is denying you the opportunity to maybe help her deal with this larger reality she's found herself in. Look, Scott, there are very few 'normal' people who know what you are now, who have been supportive of you, since all this went down. I count two exactly: myself and Dawn. Yeah, Dawn is struggling with what was a very traumatic episode in her life. But you have to know that she doesn't blame you at all for it. Talk to her!"
"Yeah, maybe I should..."
"Unless it's your own feelings you're trying to hide from."
Scott's brow furrowed in surprise, and a little embarrassment. Did Larry know how he felt about Dawn? How could he know? Was Scott that obvious?
"Yeah, Scott, I know how you feel about her, and it's not wrong. It's a little weird, sure, but it's not wrong."
"Then you know why I can't pursue anything with her."
"Enlighten me."
"I've endangered her enough. I need to keep her as far from danger as possible. And the fact, is, I'm the danger."
"I'm the danger.' Good one, Heisenberg. I get wanting to protect her. That's very noble. And it's wrong. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. You can't protect her from life. Man, I had this same conversation with her father a couple years back. I guess I'll feel that way when my daughters start dating. No, in fact, I will be that way when my daughters start dating. But you can't protect her from everything. Life has no guarantees, and no one gets out of here alive."
"You don't get it, Larry. Yeah, sure, life is a risk. I can't protect her from everything. But now that she knows that monsters are real and that I deal with them on a daily basis... forget that. I am a monster, Larry. I'm the thing that goes bump in the night. Don't you get it?"
"Yeah, Scott, I get it. More than you know, I get it. And it all comes back to you. Your self-blame. Don't you get it, Scott? Before you became a vampire, you were full of self-doubt. Full of self-blame. And now? Scott, believe it or not, you haven't changed. The same old doubts, the same old fears, they're all still with you. You have to learn to let it go, man. I don't mean be reckless, I mean find balance. And realize that you may be a monster, but as I've told you before, the monster doesn't define who you are. You have to learn to accept that. Accept that maybe you're not as bad as you think you are. That you're about as messed up as any of the rest of us mere mortals."
"Well... except I'm not really mortal, anymore. And that's the other thing. Larry, there are things I can't give Dawn. Like a family. A normal life."
"Scott, there's no such thing as a normal life."
"Easy for you to say. And when Dawn is sixty, seventy years old? I'll still be forty. And when she finally... passes on... I'll still be forty. And then what?"
"Scott, no one knows what the future will hold. No guarantees, remember?"
"Okay, okay. I'll talk to her. No guarantees, like you said. I know her parents still want to make dinner for me. That won't be awkward at all."
Larry chuckled. "That's the spirit! At least talk to her. I'm not encouraging you to pursue a serious relationship with her, only to talk with her. That's it."
"Got it," Scott told him as he got up and prepared to leave.
"Oh," Larry started, stopping Scott before he could make his escape, "how's that other thing going?"
"What other thing, Larry?"
"You know, that whole police harassment thing. You know, that detective with Clackamas County, what's her name..."
"Oh, that. Montoya. Grace Montoya."
"Yeah, that. How's that going? Don't you have another hearing scheduled?"
"Yeah, my lawyer and I are going to meet with the Sheriff's Office. I guess they're deciding what action to take against her. I'm hoping they go light on the lady."
"I'm glad you feel that way. Mercy is a gift from God, you know."
"Larry, she knows what I am. And what's more, she's tried to kill me."
"Oh. That's not so good. Well, she doesn't know you. She doesn't know that you're a kind, decent guy who just happens to be a vampire. But you're a good vampire, not the kind who goes out and kills people, right?"
"Oh! Yeah, sure. Good vampire, right."
"Maybe all she needs to do is to get to know you. Then she won't want to kill you so much!"
"Yeah, sure. You mean like Laura, right? She got to know me, then look. At least Laura hasn't tried to kill me... yet."
"And speaking of Laura, you were supposed to have dinner with her and... what's his name?"
"Russ. Her boyfriend's name is Russ."
"Please tell me Russ is a jerk."
"Oh yeah, he's tall, tan, athletic, wears tailored suits, and drives a BMW. He's definitely a jerk."
Larry laughed. "Well, maybe you should take it a bit easy on the guy. He may be all right. All you need to do is..."
"Get to know him, right?"
"Exactly."
Scott nodded. "Thanks, Larry. It does help, you know, talking this stuff through. You're a wise man."
"Well, Mrs. Parker would say I'm a wise guy, but I appreciate that you feel that way. Now, go out, and live long and prosper," Larry said, giving the Vulcan greeting, thinking Scott would appreciate the nod to his geekery. Scott nodded again, then left.