Disentangling myself from under the covers, I sat up and put my feet over the side of the bed where they disappeared in the soft wolf's fur.
My faithful Shadow. He rolled on his back immediately, mistaking my accidental touch for a caress, and I could not resist him. I slid down to the wooden floor next to him, letting him rest his large, furry head in my lap, scratching and caressing as he squirmed playfully under my touch.
That's how we were found by Katerina. She entered my room with a tray laden with food and two maids in tow. Why does she always have to bring Alina? I must talk to her about it.
The old nurse set the girls to work on preparing my bath while she made her way to the table to deposit the tray there.
"Katerina, let me eat here, please," I called, and she returned, unsure.
"On the floor? With your... animal?" Her eyebrows rose so high in surprise that they momentarily vanished under her black cap.
"Do you want me to eat or not?" I asked her, unmovable.
"Very well. Just make sure you finish your dinner if you want your bath."
She passed me the tray and vanished from my view.
I placed the various bowls on the floor, tempting Shadow to help me eat. It turned out he liked most of the dishes prepared by Cook tonight, and I happily settled for a piece of bread he refused and a cup of warm wine.
When Katerina came to tell me the bath was ready, all the food was gone, and Shadow was impatient to be let out for his usual nightly adventure.
"Thank you, Katerina," I said as she collected the empty dishes, ignoring the puzzled looks she was shooting between me and my friend who was licking his mouth thoroughly, raising Katerina's suspicions. "Would you mind leaving me on my own now? Please?"
"But..."
"Please, Nurse. I can manage. I want to be alone," I begged. I really wasn't ready for company.
"As you wish, my lady," Katerina allowed.
"Would you let him out for me? I pointed to Shadow, who was already standing by the door, ready to bolt as soon as someone opened it for him.
"Certainly. I'll see you later then."
I nodded and watched as everybody exited my room.
As soon as they were all gone, I stood up, donned my slippers, and approached the bath. I checked that I had all that I needed within reach-- a bar of soap, a couple of towels, a clean shirt-- all folded neatly on the bench by the fireplace. Good.
I removed my shirt, letting it drop to the floor, and entered the bath, the soap in my hand.
The scented water, warm and soothing as it was, did not help much. I was too nervous, too worried to stay still. Don't think. I needed to move so I would not start thinking, despairing again.
It didn't take me long, and I was out, dry and clad in clean linen, drying my damp hair by the fire. It was amazing how fast the smell of the burning wood replaced the scent of soap, penetrating every inch of the fabric of my clothes, lingering on my skin, in my hair.
I smiled at the sudden memory of my mother, who never allowed me to use the fireplace in her perfect house. She considered wood fire messy and malodorous. Somehow, I found its scent comforting.
What I didn't find comforting at the moment was the thought of Katerina and her minions coming back soon and trying to talk to me. I could disappear back in my bed before they came... It was just that I had had enough of my bed, too.
I walked to the dark window instead, pausing there to watch the soft moonlight glitter off the snow. I shivered as the window pane fogged up from the heat emanating from my body, still warm after the bath. It looked very cold outside. Freezing cold. Don't think about him.
When I couldn't see anything anymore through the misted glass, I continued to my basin. While I cleaned my teeth and brushed my damp hair, I studied my reflection in the mirror. I was a mess; the dark rings under my eyes caused by the restless nights made me look old and frail. Frowning at my reflection, I finished in a hurry.
Walking back to my bed, I got an idea. There was a way to avoid both Katerina's company and my bed. Quick!
Rushing over to my bed, I grabbed my beloved blanket and wrapped it over my shoulders. I snatched my book from under the pillow and drew the curtains around completely, paying attention not to leave any gaps, hiding the bed from view. As a last thought, I arranged my slippers under the curtains, pointing out, making it look as if I was in bed, asleep. That should fool Katerina, Clara, and whoever else who might be willing to talk to me.
Barefooted, I tiptoed back to the fireplace and took a candle from the high mantelpiece. I noticed the key from the door leading to the spiral staircase lying there, next to the candles, and wondered however it got there. The last time I saw it... but there was no time to think about it now. I lit the candle from the fire and ran from the room as fast as I could without having the tiny flame blown out.
Not wanting to attract Katerina's attention to it, I left the door leading to the corridor half open as I had found it, but I closed the next one, leading to the library. Here, I found myself in near total darkness. I made my way across the room carefully, the single candle's flame insufficient to guide me both safely and fast towards Vlad's chamber. Finally, I reached the door I was aiming for and entered, closing it firmly behind me.
I hadn't been here since he left. The room was empty and cold, abandoned and uninviting. I remembered asking Katerina to keep the fire on in here. Obviously, she did not take my wishes as commands. Wasn't she supposed to listen to me?
I crossed the room guided by the long shafts of weak, ethereal moonlight streaming in through the windows and reached the fireplace, my feet freezing. At least the wood was already in; all I had to do was set it on fire. No big deal.
I put the book on the floor, then selected the smallest piece of wood I could see and brought it to my candle. It caught fire, but as I pushed it under the pile on the hearth, it died, mocking me with a hint of fume. I tried again and again, but all that I could see was a thin plume of smoke, no sign of a flame. I was freezing, barefoot on the stone floor. But I would not go back in my room. I set the candle on the hearth and leafed through my book. There were several blank pages at the end. I tore them out without hesitation, stuffing them under the pile of wood, then added the whole candle. That finally worked, and soon enough, I had a small fire on. But I was still cold, too cold to sleep on his bed, I realised. The heat of the fire would not reach me there, not anytime soon.
Walking over to the bed, I took a couple of furs lying on top of it and carried them to the fireplace. There, I spread them on the floor as close to the fire as was safe. Then I just sat there, wrapped in my blanket trying to warm myself up, but certain that the cold that was spreading through my body had its origin in my heart, and only Vlad's return would make it go away completely.
My errant, traitorous thoughts were not helpful, reminding me too often that now it was not only Vlad that was missing but Junior too was lost. It's your fault.
I opened my book on a random page, forcing myself to read to stop thinking.
'Therefore I write this in case... Take the papers that are with this, the diaries of Harker and the rest, and read them, and then find this great UnDead, and cut off his head, and burn his heart, or drive a stake through it, so that the world may rest from him.'
"Not helpful, Mr. Stoker!" I called, my desperation morphing into anger.
I snapped the book shut and sent it flying across the chamber, watching with utter satisfaction as it hit the floor with a loud thud, then continued skidding to the opposite wall.
I was definitely done with Stoker and his tale. At least for tonight... Or for the moment... I sighed, standing up from my nest of furs, feeling guilty for having mistreated it this way. That silly book is my only reminder, my only link with my other life, I thought as I went to retrieve it, straightened its crumpled pages, and brought it back to my makeshift bed. The book was innocent. But I would give anything to strangle its author.
After adding a few more pieces of wood into the fire, I nestled back among the furs, feeling bone-chillingly cold. I stared at the mesmerising flames dancing in front of me, weaving together, their bright orange centres morphing gradually into cobalt blue tips. Pulling my blanket closer around my shoulders, I tried to ignore the memory of the conversations with Vlad held in front of the fire in my room. I brushed impatiently at a lone tear rolling down my cheek. He will be back, I told myself, concentrating harder on the lively flicker filling my field of vision. Eventually, I started to feel my eyelids growing heavy.
I laid down, hovering on the verge of sleep, letting the flames weave themselves together with my first dreams, confused visions of vampire hunters and burning towers, people running along smoke filled corridors... Fire... Footfalls, running and pausing on thresholds. Doors opening, letting in multitude of distant, scared voices...
"Father, she is here!"
My eyes snapped open.
Junior.