They had been in Mossca for a few days now and had not seen Loraz since that incident. Walking down the hall towards the stables Jensek looked at Vestin.
"So, you're just going to leave them be? You do understand that she is still in that man's bed."
Vestin turned to look at him. He smiled half-heartedly and turned away. His heart was heavy even if he already knew that it was bound to happen, but he couldn't let it show that it bothered him. She made her choice, and he would stay by her side as a friend. It was better to have her in any way he could than no way at all.
"It is okay. I already knew this was going to happen. I just want to be of use to her as her Second. I will help her with the daily tasks of governing her people and together we will bring Serenity out of the dark storm that hangs over them. First, we have to recruit more men to build her army. We cannot go after Jayel with the little power we have now. The newly appointed king of Mossca may be our ally, but that doesn't mean we have the support of the military. It is my job to find supporters for our cause."
Jensek walked up to him and popped him in the back of his head. The woman Vestin loved was in the arms of another man and all he wanted to talk about was his concerns about supporters for a cause that had just begun to spark flames.
"Don't give me mean noble crap. You love her and you've been in love with her for Ancestors know how long. Don't throw it all away because of one guy. Go to her and tell her how you feel."
"Jensek, I am fine. She has made her choice and I will respect that. I gave my word."
Jensek screamed at himself internally at what he was doing. This should have been the chance for him to get him to come back home with him. They could go into hiding until everything died down and maybe even see where things went between them. He shook the idea out of his head. It would never happen, and he couldn't stand to see Vestin in so much pain after everything the two of them shared on the way to Mossca.
" Look Vestin, I know what happened while we were traveling here. I saw the two of you by the pond. I know what happened in that small town inn in Sansin."
Vestin grabbed his head where he was smacked and rubbed it. He looked back at Jensek who held his hands on his hips. The more time he spent with Jensek the more feminine he looked and acted at times. It was nice that he cared about him, but they hadn't been that close until now, so he wondered why he was so upset.
"Listen, Jensek, it is done. I have already told her no matter what she chose to do I would still be there for her regardless. Anyway, we still have more important things to figure out. Like how she can reclaim her throne."
Jensek folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes.
"It has been a while since she made that gutsy speech and called out Jayel. Her mind is not focused on saving her people. She won't ever be ready to take the crown."
Vestin looked over at him, his brows frowned.
"You knew she was talking to Jayel?"
Jensek looked at him and scoffed. The fact that he would make such a statement was absurd.
"Of course, no way she was talking to that mess of a queen. She may be a lot of things but being bright isn't one of them."
Vestin shook his head and held up his hand to stop him from speaking. Any more of his illness thoughts about the queen would bring his mood further into depression.
"She is still a victim in all this, unfortunately. Jayel doesn't wish to be the shadow king anymore; he wants the crown indefinitely."
Jensek shakes his head in agreement. They began to walk again, and he realized that Vestin had successfully dodged his question from earlier. He stops in his tracks and pops Vestin in the back of the head again.
"Hold up, how did we get to this topic? Listen Jayel can wait matters of the heart can't and shouldn't. Go seek her out after lunch and let her know how you feel."
Vestin grabbed his head and shot Jensek a look. He then sighed heavily and just stood there. It was a mistake to have taken advantage of her the way he did at the pond. Even though she was willing it made him feel horrible afterwards because he knew it wouldn't change things between them.
"It's not as easy as that and I never wanted to pursue her as a lover anyway. That one time is enough for me. So just drop it."
Jensek balled his fist up and stared right through him. Why was he trying so hard to force them together? This could be a chance to see if they had any future. It could be possible, however small it may be; the fact was it was still there. He shook his head at the idea and took a deep breath.
"You sir are a hopeless fool. I'm off to the training grounds if you happen to find your balls you may find me there."
Vestin looked down at his pants then back up at Jensek.
"I have balls thank you."
Jensek threw his hands up and walked off.
"What is going on with him? That's twice he's hit me now. Why does he care if we end up together anyway? He doesn't even like Lo."
Watching Jensek storm off he saw Loraz walking towards him. His heart dropped to his stomach, and it churned violently.
She grabbed his arm as he went to turn and walk away from her. The look on her face gave away everything she had done.
"I was just looking for you. We need to talk, please."
Vestin looked away from her gaze and pulled his arm away from her.
"No explanation is needed; you made your choice."
Loraz bit her lip and held back the urge to cry. She knew it would be difficult to say what she wanted to tell him. The speech she memorized in her head played over and over.
"No, Vestin I don't think you understand."
Vestin turned around his eyes pleading with hers to just let the whole thing go and not talk about it.
"I think I understand completely when you have your face locked with one another and are about to strip each other naked. It's not hard to misunderstand something like that, Lo."
Loraz grabbed his hand again as she began to realize just how much she hurt him with her actions. She didn't regret what she had done, but she wasn't trying to hurt Vestin either.
"Vestin, please...hear my words before you judge me any further."
He paused and his shoulders slumped. A glutton for punishment he must have been because the sound of her voice and the touch of her hand began to make his heart flutter. Images of what they did at the pond flashed in his mind. He knew no matter what happened after what she said, the fact that she gave herself to Robert, too, would always haunt him, but to lose her altogether was not an option.
"Then speak and I will listen, but your word will not change anything. I will forever be your friend and nothing more."
Loraz grabbed at her chest. She had done something she couldn't undo a moment of weakness on her part. After she promised herself to wait until everything with her kingdom was over. Not just once but twice she let her guard down and let them both drown her in her emotions. While in the woods while resting she let Vestin take her in his arms, and they made love. She let her guard down around Robert and ended up in his bed. The part she couldn't stand was she didn't regret any of it.
"I know I don't have a right to say these words to you, but if I don't say them then they will always haunt me and nag me," She looked down at his hand and pressed on it firmly, "I love you, Vestin. I have since we were children, but I can't explain it clearly or even know how it happened. It just did...it shouldn't have happened while I'm still so confused about my feelings, but I can't undo it...I am sorry that I have hurt you in this way."
Vestin sighed as she stood there, eyes full of tears. He pulled her into him and hugged her tightly.
"You love me...but you love him more, don't you?"
Loraz held her breath as he asked his question. Her heart sank to her stomach, and she wrapped her arms around him. He was too good for her. They should not be standing there hugging, he should be upset and shouting or declaring that he'd make her his one day, but she knew all too well that wasn't the type of person Vestin was. Maybe that was the reason she fell for him when they were younger and why she still loved him to that very day.
"I do...I am a horrible person, Vestin, for being the way I am. Wanting more than I can handle and hurting those who would never think to harm me."
Vestin stroked her hair like he always used to do when they were kids. The fact that she had feelings for him was enough, that one night together was enough. They couldn't ever be together anyway his status wasn't high enough. She was a princess soon to be queen, and she would need a prince or king to stand by her side. He was content with just being near her; if that were all he would be allowed to do. Just being by her side and seeing her smile was enough.
"It's okay, Lo. Our time was taken from us, and it is gone. We still have our friendship so let us just hold on to that."
Loraz pulled away from him and she smiled softly, eyes full of tears.
"Vestin, you still don't understand. I may love Robert, but the two of us can never be. We both have responsibilities to our people. With Robert moments away from being crowned king and me planning to fight for my crown...there is no room for us to be in any kind of romance."
"What are you talking about? You make room. You can't go through life loving from afar. You'll regret it one day."
Loraz let go of him and shook her head.
"And who will take care of either of our lands? The people need leaders who will be there for them and govern them with a sure head. I am still unsure if my head can be held straight to take on the responsibility that will be placed upon my head.
Vestin ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. She was in a panic again.
"Lo, you are not alone in this battle you do understand that, right?"
Loraz looked up at him and shook her head again.
"But I have asked too much of you as it is."
Vestin walked over to her with a smile. He wiped her face and then fixed her hair.
"You have asked me for nothing. I gave it to you without question. I love you too much to see you live the life you speak of. I know that life and it is not an easy one to live. Now that is enough of driving yourself into a deep depression. Love who you love while you can love them. That is all the advice I can give you regarding Us and Robert."
Loraz looked down at her feet then back at him. She fiddled with her fingers and poked her lip out a little.
"You r are too kind to me, Vestin. I truly don't deserve someone like you in my life."
Vestin grabbed her close and hugged her tight. The smell of her hair invading his nose made his heart race. He closed his eyes and just kept reminding himself that it was for the best that she be with Robert.
"I only wish to see you happy and if that can be achieved even if it's not me then I will push you in that direction. Besides, if things don't work out for you, I will always be there waiting."
Loraz hugged him back. She knew he was just trying to play cool and act as if everything was okay, but how could they be when she just told him she wanted someone else more than she wanted him. She nuzzled into his chest and inhaled the scent of various tree barks and grass from his shirt. She would play along with his silent request until he asked her to do otherwise.
"How could the Ancestors give me such a good friend and first love?"
Vestin chuckled and kissed the top of her head.
"Because we were destined to be together. Our souls are connected, and we will seek each other out no matter the distance or length of time. We will not stop until we have the other half is close. Be it as lovers or friends; we are soulmates."
Loraz looked up at him and searched his eyes for more answers to their situation.
"Is it possible to have two soulmates?"
Vestin paused for a moment and then shook his head yes.
"It is very possible..."
Loraz smiled. A sense of relief washed over her as the thought of her losing Vestin altogether slowly disappeared from her mind. She felt bad about how things ended between them but knew that as long as they held on to their friendship he would always be in her life and that was better than nothing.
"I can't see the world as brightly as you see it, Vestin, but I am happy that you see such beautiful things in store for us."
Vestin released his grip around her and grabbed her hand. He just wanted to see her smile and not stress. Every word he said to her was his truth, he would always be her friend and would always be by her side and that they were in fact soulmates. He knew that they would one day be together as more than just friends and so he would wait by her side until that day came.
"Come we can chat more over some tea."
Loraz's eyes lit up and she smiled from ear to ear. She didn't know what the future held for them, but she prayed silently to the Ancestors that he would never leave her side. He was the last person she had that was part of life from before. While her love for him was smaller than her love for Robert it didn't mean she wished to cast him out of her life altogether. So, she gripped his hand tightly as if to tell him never to let go and silently prayed.
"I'd like that, Vestin."
"Then lead the way."