Miles looked over the sloppy handwritten lyrics he wrote the night before. He couldn't believe that Rodger didn't like the song, but he thought it was beautiful.
He shook his right hand to make the burning feeling in his arm go away although it didn't help, it never did. The tingling in his right arm was getting worse as the days went on, causing his handwriting to worsen. He was sure his worsening symptoms had to do with the heat in Porto, since the heat always made him feel worse.
With a sigh, he looked at the guitar on the other side of the room. For a moment, he debated if it was worth it to stand up from the seat and get it. He felt so tired and had no more energy for the day. This tour was wearing him to the ground. Even though Rodger gave him pills to help, they didn't work as well as he hoped them to.
Finally, he stood up from the chair and grabbed his guitar to record the song and post it to his channel. Regardless of what Rodger told him, he knew his fans would like it. But he wasn't doing this for his fans, he was doing this for Isla. Still no messages from her and he was getting desperate. He just hoped she heard it.
A deep breath filled his lungs as he set his phone to record. "It's been a while since I have done one of these," he said to his phone with a forced smile. "I thought it was time to break the silence. Whether it be summer or winter where you are in the world, I'm sure this song will ring true to so many." And with that, he started to strum the guitar.
<><><><>
I tossed my crappy flip phone in the air and caught it as I waited until Everly got home from her after school cheer practice.
A knock at the door rang through the house. There was a knock again, telling me they wouldn't leave.
I was the only one home, which meant I had to get up from my comfy seat on the couch.
I opened the door to see Zoe on the other side. Instantly a heatwave hit my face. Spring was already warm, so the summer was bound to be hot.
Zoe pushed her brown hair behind her ears with a smile. "Hey." She walked into the house without waiting for an answer. "Listen to this song Isla."
Without wasting a minute, she played a slow song on her phone as she walked into the family room and took a seat. I followed her lead, listening to the lyrics carefully.
It was clear it was Miles; I would recognize his voice anywhere.
My stomach flipped as I thought about him. I missed him. But I still hadn't been brave enough to send him a message, mainly because he hadn't sent me any direct messages on my social media either. I didn't want to seem desperate or distracting.
Quickly my attention turned back to his song. It had emotion and dimension that I hadn't heard in a while. I couldn't help but smile, happy that he finally posted something that was 100% him. This is what I had been waiting for him to do.
"This is from Miles' YouTube channel. He just released it a few hours ago. Isla, if this isn't about you, I don't know what is," Zoe said and pointed at her phone after the song ended.
As much as I wanted to believe it, I wouldn't get my hopes up. With my phone still lost out there, I didn't even know if he texted me. But he probably hadn't. He was too busy, and the world was probably more important than me.
"Before you say that you broke up and there was no point in talking about it, I don't want to hear it. This song is clear that he still has feelings for you. Have you ever tried to reach out to him?"
I shook my head, causing my hair to fall out of the loose bun. I was honestly too scared to do that. What if he didn't want me back in his life? He had been so silent, which made me believe that there was nothing to talk about.
Zoe sighed loudly as if I was the most annoying person on earth. "You need to stop, Isla. Stop being so stubborn. He made a song about you. He misses you, a lot."
Anger flared up within me turning my cheeks hot. "Then why hasn't he reached out to me yet? Huh? I'm not the only one to blame here."
I wasn't about to put my heart out there just to be crushed again. I was so tired of getting hurt. My heart had been snapped, crushed, ran over more time to count. At this point, it was barely beating anymore.
She threw her phone at me with enough force that it hit my hot cheek with a slapping sound. It stung instantly, causing me to rub my cheek. "Ouch, that actually hurt Zoe."
She shrugged as she reached for her phone. "Don't be so daft, Isla. He is trying to talk to you through this song," she said with confidence.
I let her words sink in. I hoped he missed me just as much as I missed him, but if he wanted to reach out, he would have by now. Writing a song that I may or may not have listened to was no way to tell me he wasn't ready to move on.
Everly walked through the front door. "Isla! I'm home!" she said.
I smiled as she pulled off her worn-out sneakers. "Hey, how was school?"
"Great! Hey Zoe." She rummaged around in the almost-empty kitchen for something to eat, reminding me there was a reason Mom was going shopping today.
"Hey girl," Zoe responded as she stood up from her seat. She turned to me, shooting a look. "Anyhow, I have to get out of here to pick up a shift for work. I'm just saying, thinking about it. Listen to the song again. I already sent you the link." With that, she left.
I sighed as I chewed on my lip. Thinking about it made my stomach queasy. As much as I wanted to believe her, I was afraid to. I was terrified of reaching out to him, only to get hurt all over again and my fear was crippling. It caused me to do nothing.
Breaking me from my thoughts was Everly, who plopped down in the same seat Zoe was in with a bag of chips. She pulled her short hair into a ponytail then opened the chips. "What was that about?"
I shrugged, trying to play it off like no big deal. "Some song that Zoe wanted me to hear."
Everly nodded, taking my response with no other questions as she ate her snack.
For a minute, we were silent as the song played on repeat in my mind. Words that stood out to me were, 'Wishing that I've never left'.... 'still have a piece of me'... did he really write that song for me?
"Have you heard anything from Miles recently?" I asked casually. If Miles reached out at all, I wouldn't be surprised if he reached out to Everly to test the waters.
She shook her head with a slight frown. "No," she pouted, causing her bottom lip to puff out.
I nodded as a lump formed in my throat. And there was the proof he had already moved on. That song was for someone else. It was time for me to move on too.
"Why?" she asked as she bit into a chip.
I shook my head at her and forced a smile. "No reason," I said as I grabbed her chip bag and popped a piece into my mouth.
"Hey!" she protested.
"Hay is for horses," I said with a smile, then handed her the bag back to her.
<><><><>
Miles picked up a pint of beer in some bar in Lisbon and downed it within seconds. His mind went back to the song he posted this morning. So many people had already seen it, and he wondered if Isla saw it. He wondered if he should reach out to Everly and ask if Isla had seen it.
Instead of doing any of these things, he stared at his phone in the bar. He had tried so many times to text her, but she left them unread. She was pissed with him, and he tried giving her space, but it wasn't working. He didn't want to be over with Isla. He missed her. His biggest regret was leaving her on the side of that road that night.
He felt his phone buzz and instantly he pulled it out, hoping it was a text from Isla, but frowned as he saw a message from Rodger.
Breaking him from his phone was his name ringing out. "Miles, who knew you were in Lisbon too!" a girl said as she walked up to him with a smile.
Miles looked up at the white-haired girl named Izzy and smiled lightly. As much as he didn't like Izzy, he was lonely tonight and would welcome any company. "Hey."
"Mind if I join you for a drink?" Izzy asked as she sat down next to him.
He shook his head. "Not at all."