"Smosh Summer Games: Apocalypse!" we all yelled into the cameras. The sun was slowly sinking in the sky behind us as filming began for our second challenge of the season.
"Today, we are playing Smosh Family Feud," Sarah announced in an upbeat voice. We all cheered in response, squaring up to our podiums with anticipation. "It's gonna get nasty, it's gonna get a little shady, and we're gonna spill all the tea!"
Since the producers had announced this challenge in the Summer Games line up, I had been looking forward to it for weeks. Nothing brought our group together more than roasting each other, sibling-style. It was almost refreshing to bring our ridiculous banter outside the studio. The producers hadn't given us much detail, but they said that we would be voting on superlatives. I was all in.
Sarah explained the rules of the game as I briefly observed my team. Damien, Keith, Noah, Kimmy and Lasercorn were clad in bright pink tie-dye shirts matching my own ensemble. I was buzzing with anticipation. It was going to be a good test to see how well I knew my team. By some twist of fate, I was the person first up to the plate by random draw, and I approached the main podium cautiously.
Sarah read off her first card. "I'm gonna start with Mushroom Clout. My question is: who would die first in the apocalypse?"
It was a difficult choice, but Keith was the obvious one. He relied a little too much on fast food, ubers, and the conveniences of the 21st century to properly survive the apocalypse.
One by one, my teammates revealed their answers, my disappointment growing with every reveal. Keith was the only one to match my response. On the other hand, Damien said I was his choice. I feigned surprise, making a mental note to tease him later. What a dork, I chuckled affectionately.
The opposite team did a quick, incredibly strange "mind meld", and somehow managed to sweep the board with Joven as the meal of choice for the apocalypse.
"This has to be cheating," I muttered to Damien, who gave me pained smile in return. His competitive nature rivaled my own. It was definitely time to get serious.
Luckily, our next question was easy. It was a surprise to no one that Lasercorn was voted as having the worst style. He was still sporting his self-made crop top with nipple holes cut out, a top that I assumed I would continue to see throughout the week. I breathed a sigh of relief as our score rapidly increased. Five more points for us.
Sarah interrupted my victorious train of thought with a jarring prompt. "Who is the least funny?" she asked Toxicitea.
And that is precisely when I realized that things were taking a sharp turn. The first few superlatives were primers for seriously savage questions coming our way. Fingers crossed I wouldn't be caught in the crossfire.
"This is a little too spicy for my liking," Keith muttered to me. I chuckled quietly in agreement.
Somehow, Wes won the least funny and was a complete sweetheart about it. I smiled at my former roommate fondly. What a good dude.
We ran through the remaining questions quickly, and everyone was continuously shocked by the intensity of the asks. I shouldn't have been surprised given Matt's evilly comedic genius, but he really nailed us. From asking about who was the most "into" themselves, to the least academically intelligent, I was constantly beside myself as we progressed.
"Who on your team who on your team was the oldest when they lost their virginity?"
I practically choked on my own spit. Thank goodness the question was aimed at the other team. My own personal guess was Ian, but it was honestly fair play to anyone. Sarah ran down the line of responses rapidly, and it seemed like almost everyone had a different answer. I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious about Shayne's response. Being the guesser, he was the last one to reveal his answer.
With a quick turn of the blackboard, Shayne's name was scrawled in thin white letters. He put himself. I knew he had lost his virginity later than I had, given one of our conversations from a pizza night a year or two ago. That being said, I didn't know what age he was, and I was surprised to hear him admit it in camera. And even more, I was surprised that there was a small pit growing in my stomach at the thought of Shayne having sex with someone.
No no no no. This was not happening. I frantically snapped myself out of the trance, desperate to rid my mind of the thought.
I missed Sarah calculating the score, but Damien's excitement caught me back on track.
"Oh so it's a tie!" Damien yelled. His energy was electric.
"Oh my god!" I yelled into the void behind us. Focusing on the game was the perfect excuse not to focus on my very questionable thoughts about a certain blue-eyed boy. That, and my internal competitive streak was coming out.
"It's time for the tie breaker-" Sarah began.
"We're all virgins here!" Shayne yelled with open arms. Weirdo, I thought affectionately.
"This question is for everyone on the cast. Who out of everyone – two people- do you think would be the best ship?" Sarah said.
My heart pounded furiously as if I was running a marathon. Why did Sarah have to ask that question? It was completely in of the realm of possibility – after all, they had been asking about losing our virginity a moment ago. But to put something like that in the vast openness of the internet – when I myself didn't know how to feel about it – felt intrusive, albeit thrilling.
I sighed. I was being irrational. Of course, Shayne and I were the obvious choice, but there were plenty of other options too. Keith and Noah had a strong connection, and original members of the cast would remember the classic IanCorn ship that was practically there from the beginning.
When analyzing my teammates, I assumed the worst. They knew I was the brunt of most "shipping" jokes. It was probably going to be Shayne and me. I scrawled "Shartney" across my blackboard and winced internally.
My team was first to reveal their answers.
"Damien and Shayne – Shaymien?" Lasercorn guessed.
"The internet really wants this, and the internet has never steered me wrong before – Shayne and Courtney!" Damien said confidently. He flashed me an earnest smile, but it did little to calm my rapidly beating heart. He couldn't have known about last night... unless he did. A flush of embarassment washed over me.
"I'm gonna go for my boy Koah – Noah and I," Keith said. I mentally facepalmed.
"So Keith and I spend a lot of time doing stuff together at his house... dating isn't one of them, but maybe we should try it," Noah grinned. Damn it. I should've changed my answer.
"You guys, I can feel the sexual tension radiating to the right of me. I think they should get it on," Kimmy said.
Well, shit. This was not according to plan. It seemed like the obvious choice was me and Shayne, but now I just felt like an idiot. I had to figure out some way to justify my answer without sounding like a obsessive fan girl.
"I get teased at work a lot, y'know, about certain ships and on the internet, so I went ahead with the internet and put Shartney," I grimaced.
As I explained myself, I peered cautiously over to the other team, my eyes lingering on Shayne for a moment. He didn't react. He didn't even flinch. He just stood there with the same smile he always had for videos. Nothing new. My heart yearned for a reaction, any sort of sign, but he gave me nothing.
Sarah then turned to the opposing team with an enthusiastic smile. Joven was first.
"I just want to see it. Just make it happen already!" Joven said. He swiftly flipped his board to reveal Shayne's name paired with my own.
Suddenly, I had the sinking feeling that Damien wasn't the only one to match my answer. "Oh shoot," I muttered.
Olivia revealed her board to mirror Joven's. "Shayne and Courtney!" She flashed me a million-watt smile.
"I'm a forever Iancorn shipper. I know they've been fighting today but they love each other," Mari confessed.
"I have to go with the old school couple. Iancorn for life!" exclaimed Wes.
Shayne was next. I hadn't had a chance to talk to him since last night, but things seemed normal, as if nothing had happened. And the fact that he didn't respond to my answer at all made me think that I was reading into last night too much.
I guess, in reality, nothing did happen. It was a magical moment under the stars for me, but it didn't have to mean shit to him.
On the other hand, I would be lying if I said I hoped his board said the same thing as mine. Whatever. This wasn't a big deal.
"You guys are all crazy," he said with a proud smirk, flipping his blackboard. "It's Ian and Anthony!"
He turned his blackboard to reveal our two founders' names. "There's still a chance for them to bang. It'll happen!"
A roar of appreciative laughter swept across the group. Of course he put Ian and and Anthony down - it was a classic bit. But the tiniest part of me was disappointed that his answer didn't match my own. An even bigger part of me was super embarrassed that I had the audacity to scrawl our own ship name across my board, the chalky letters mocking me against the stark black template.
I groaned. It was literally nothing. Friends could hang out intimately in a platonic way - it didn't have to mean anything. Besides, I didn't like him like that. He was my best friend, and I just got caught up in the moment. I'm fine, I kept repeating to myself.
With that, Sarah declared Toxicitea the winners of the game, and she retrieved bags of neon green Holi powder. I watched as each member of the opposing team grabbed handfuls of it, tactfully slapping the substance across various faces.
Olivia had hit my own cheek with an apologetic grin. The initial sting of the slap burned my face, but the momentarily pain was replaced with sheer admiration for the power Olivia had. For a tiny girl, she sure could pack a punch.
"I didn't hurt you, right?" she asked as filming wrapped up, concern lacing the her statement.
I laughed lightly. "No worries, you didn't." I slung my arm around her shoulders for a quick hug and released her.
Her quick check-in on my physical state made yearn for a check-in on my mental one. Olivia was loyal, incredibly warm and was a great listener - maybe she would know how to get rid of my stupid, boy-crazed thoughts. On the other hand, she was close to Shayne too. But I trusted her. She would take my words to the grave, and frankly, I didn't have any other choice. If I didn't tell someone, I had a feeling I would burst.
***
After filming and finally washing off the remnants of the Holi powder in the shower, I was ready to relax. I threw my hair into a messy bun and changed into some casual lounge clothes. After last night's adventures, I was ready for a calm night in.
I walked back to the room Olivia and I shared, jumping into the bottom bunk. My body stretched across the mattress with ease, and I lay flat on my back, aimless scrolling through Twitter.
After a few minutes of mindless social media time, there was a gentle creak of the door opening. Olivia appeared in her own set of lounge clothes, her hair wet from the shower as she draped her towel onto a wall hook.
She smiled at me with a gentle greeting. "Hellloooo. Today was hilarious, don't you think?"
I nodded grimly. Sensing my discomfort, she frowned for a moment. "Something wrong?"
I shook my head with a small smile. "I'm just a little tired. Last night really took it out of me."
"Ooooh yes! You guys got back pretty late. Tell me everything. Did you get to explore?" she asked excitedly, hopping into my bunk with me.
"We listened to Fleetwood Mac and he found a diner with milkshakes! We grabbed a couple to go, and then watched the sunset for awhile on the back of the truck. It was really peaceful," I recalled. "I didn't get a chance to look for your snacks, sorry!"
She waved her hand dismissively, grin widening as she listened. "That sounds hella romantic, dude."
A meek smile plastered my face. She kinda hit the nail on the head. Now was my chance to spill. The details of my night were vague enough, but as the seconds passed, my desperation to confide in someone kept growing.
I took a deep breathe. "Can I tell you something? But it absolutely has to stay between us. No exceptions," I began, softening my tone. A gentle, encouraging nod graced Olivia's features in response.
"When we were watching the sunset, it was just kind of the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We didn't even really talk, it was more of a comfortable silence, y'know? And later, it got colder, so he gave me his flannel and put his arm around me... And in the heat of the moment, I kinda had some weird things pop into my mind," I finished awkwardly.
Without missing a beat, she pressed my description. "Like what?"
A furious blush swept across my face. "Um, like... wanting to kiss him..." I mumbled.
As the uncomfortable words tumbled out of my mouth, Olivia began to buzz with excitement.
"Wait... you like him," she said quietly, almost cautiously. Her eyes widened with delight as she repeated herself, louder each time. "You like him. You like him!"
"Shhhhhh!" I interrupted with alarmed eyes, elbowing her for good measure.
"Sorry!" Olivia squeaked. "It's just exciting!"
Confusion etched my features. "No, it's definitely the opposite of exciting. And I don't like him, by the way."
"Cmon, Court! When was the last time you wanted to kiss someone?"
I actually had to pause and think. Since my breakup with my long-time boyfriend, things had been pretty uneventful. Sure, I had gone on plenty of dates, but they were usually one-off meetings that I didn't particularly enjoy. I guess it had been awhile, but that wasn't an excuse to justify my feelings now.
"Fair point... but it's Shayne! It doesn't count," I whined.
"Exactly! It's Shayne! He's like, the nicest guy. And you guys have chemistry!"
"He's literally one of my best friends, Liv. If there was any chance that something was going to happen between us, don't you think he would've tried it by now?"
"So what you're saying is that you wouldn't be opposed to the idea if you knew he was interested. Duly noted," she deduced.
"You're twisting my words. It was the heat of moment. We're friends - that's all," I said firmly.
"For now," she smirked.
"You're impossible," I groaned.
She merely laughed in response.
***
I spent most of the night tossing and turning. Despite my somewhat responsible, adult decision to go to bed early, my mind would not stop wandering back to Shayne. It had only been a few days out in the desert, and yet my perspective on our entire relationship was changing. And I had no way of stopping it.
Sure, I had inklings here and there in the past. He was hilarious, responsible and kind. It would be ridiculous to say I hadn't appreciated those things about him before. So why now? Those fleeting moments of flirtation hadn't nearly meant as much to me as our night under the stars. And I couldn't help but remember the way his arm snaked around my waist, the immediate sparks from his touch radiating off my body.
This was hopeless. Maybe a quick walk and some tea would help settle my mind.
To avoid waking Olivia, I tiptoed out of the room, careful to dodge the creaky floorboards as I made my way to the kitchen.
The common area was empty, which wasn't a surprise given the time. I glanced at the wall clock which read 1:32am in a digital font. We had a wake up call at 7am tomorrow to shoot "Dead Light, Green Light," and my nocturnal antics would definitely not be doing me any favors.
I shuffled through the kitchen drawers for my supplies - first, a white ceramic mug with the Death Valley logo on it, a worn out metallic kettle, and finally, a spoon. The snack drawer didn't have any tea, but it did have crisp packets of Swiss Miss. My mouth watered at the thought of some sugary, chocolately goodness. Perfect.
With a quick flip of the faucet, I filled the kettle with water and sparked the stove. The lively blue flames licked the edge of the kettle for a minute, offering an easy distraction from a certain someone.
He probably was fast asleep, unaffected by the thoughts that were keeping me awake. I let out a frustrated sigh. As if on cue, I heard a familiar voice interrupt my train of thoughts.
"Hey," Shayne said as he leaned against the kitchen entrance. Speak of the devil.
I grimaced at my terrible luck internally, while shooting him a small smile on the outside. As he approached the kitchen, my heart started to beat rapidly, practically pounding through my chest. That warm, woozy feeling was back in my stomach.
"How are you?" His eyes pierced into mine, so I averted my gaze, focusing on preparing the hot chocolate with unnecessary concentration.
How was I, really? There was no way in hell I was ever going to tell him about the off-brand feelings I had about our encounter last night... or the challenge this morning too, for that matter.
I settled on something a little less committal. "Just was an overwhelming day."
It was an honest answer, albeit vague enough that he wouldn't press me about details. I turned my attention to the kettle filled with hot water, carefully pouring the contents into a mug. I wordlessly retrieved a second mug and filled it as well. Shayne would probably want some hot chocolate too. "How about you?"
"Same as you. That game brought a lot out of the woodwork. I was surprised you didn't win most likely to die first in the apocalypse," he teased.
I rolled my eyes, a small smile threatening to break loose. "Shut up," I added for good measure.
He paused for a moment. "So, what's keeping you awake at the crack of dawn?"
The way he thoughtfully stared into my eyes made me squirm. If I leaned in a little closer, I could make out the distinctive gray and navy flecks in his eyes, and the caramel-colored stubble on his chin, and those rosy flushed lips...
Shit. Focus, Courtney, I reminded myself.
"My brain is going into overdrive for some reason," I said. Lies. I knew the reason, but he definitely didn't need to know. I stirred the artificial chocolate powder into the mugs, concentrating on the fine substance dissolving within the cups.
"Anything I can do to help?" Concern washed over his features as he took a step closer, resting his elbows on the countertop next to me.
"Honestly? Advice would be great," I said.
He nodded gently, patiently waiting for me to continue.
"How do you turn off your brain when your mind is all riled up?"
"Well, for starters, I don't eat burgers from the trash," he smirked, his eyes crinkling.
"It was one time! And I was with family!" I whined, laughing alongside him. "I'm serious though. I feel like I can't fall asleep because my mind's racing."
"Well...," he began. "We're in a crazy environment. We get paid to do stupid things on camera, we're always trying to come up with creative ideas, and we're subject to millions of opinions online. So it's totally valid that you feel overwhelmed by it sometimes. I do too."
If only he knew that work wasn't the main cause of my mental gymnastics.
"So what do you do about it?" I questioned, pushing his mug towards him. I took a cautious sip, allowing the sweet goodness to coat my throat with the beverage.
He picked up his cup and mirrored my own actions, before settling the container back down again. "I try to take a second to do something that makes me happy, something that distracts me for a little while. And then I go back to try to figure the root cause of my stress. I think it helps to clear your head first."
With an absentminded stir of the spoon sitting in my hot chocolate, I nodded slowly. "That makes sense... maybe there's a little wisdom in that frog brain of yours after all," I teased with a smile.
"Don't tell ASU, or they might actually let me graduate," he joked, his eyes crinkling.
Conversation continued to flow effortlessly between us. Talking to Shayne, just him and I, felt like the most comfortable, blissful thing in the world. He knew me so well that I didn't need to really think - it was just natural. The stress of figuring out how to deal with my somewhat questionable, possibly romantic feelings dissipated over sips of hot chocolate and belly laughs. As we said goodnight and I crawled back to bed, I realized that my mind stopped racing somewhere along the way.
It clicked. Spending time with him was the distraction I needed to clear my mind, and now that I felt better, I could sort through my feelings for him.
And in that moment, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I liked Shayne Topp.
***
Thank you all for reading! I can't believe April is practically over... your support for this story has motivated me to keep writing, and it has really helped me stay sane during quarantine. A heartfelt thank you to each and every one of you!
What did you like about the chapter? What would you like to see happen next in the story? Let me know in the comments, and please vote as well!
Much love,
Marina