"Wow, Isla, you're going up so quickly. You look beautiful," Mom said through video call as I stood in front of a hotel room mirror.
I smiled at the phone. "You think I always look good. This is Miles's party and I just want to fit in," I said, trying to convince myself that I belonged here. When Miles asked me on New Year's Eve to join him, I never thought I would be as nervous as I was now.
"With that dress, you will. Oh, Isla, I have to go. Take photos. I'll talk later," Mom said then hung up the phone.
I nodded as I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. My bright pink eyeshadow matched with the pastel yellow evening gown I found at a thrift store. I thought I looked good. I just hope everyone else thought so too.
With a sigh, I glanced around the fancy large LA hotel room Miles rented for the weekend. I can't remember the last time I stayed in any hotel. It felt like a dream, as if I knew my life couldn't be this grand. In the back of my mind, there was a voice that told me that it couldn't. That this was just temporary.
Pulling me out of my thoughts was a knock on my door. I ran to get it to see Miles on the other side dressed in a fitted black suit. I had never seen him dress so nicely before and seeing him made my legs feel like jelly. He looked stunning, and once again I felt out of place.
What was I doing? Dressing up, pretending to be something I wasn't? I didn't think I could ever fit into this LA life.
He beamed, unable to take my eyes off me. "You're absolutely breathtaking. Everyone is going to be jealous."
I forced a chuckle knowing he was being dramatic. They would not think I was anything grand. No one ever did. I slipped on my white kitten heels Mom let me borrow. "Hardly." Everyone would just see me as some girl from Redding. I was not exciting.
"I'm serious." He spun me around, allowing me to see fresh cuts on his wrists, causing red spots to appear on his white sleeve.
My smile dropped as I stopped spinning to look at them. This time the cuts looked deeper, worse than last time. I had tried to bring them up before, but Miles kept shooting the conversation down. He claimed he was fine, but this wasn't fine. No one self-harmed because they were fine.
Miles quickly pulled on his shirt, covering his wrists, then said, "As much as I would love to stay here, Rodger would be pissed if we were late."
"Then let us be late." I wanted to see his blood boil, just like he made mine. Miles did everything for him and I was sure he was the reason for Miles' self-harming habits.
"Wish I could," he said with a frown as he grabbed my evening purse I used at homecoming last year. Then together, we stepped out of the hotel room.
"Rodger rented a car for the evening," Miles explained as we waited for the elevator to come. He shook his hand as if it was burning. There wasn't fire on his skin, but his MS made it feel like it was on fire.
I didn't understand his illness fully, but I did know he was in more pain than he wanted to share, especially during busy times.
I looked at the tired and worn-out Miles, and knew he wasn't feeling well, but yet he was here. He didn't have a choice in the matter. Rodger wanted this, so he had to go.
"We don't have to stay long," I said as the elevator doors opened, and we stepped in.
He nodded, remaining silent as his distant eyes looked at the floor.
I grabbed hold of his hand and gave it a squeeze as the elevator doors opened again and we walked through the hotel lobby. We could feel eyes on us as we walked out the front doors. It made me pull on my dress awkwardly. I knew I should have spent more than $20 on a dress.
Miles stopped at a Range Rover and pulled the keys out of his pocket as they glittered under the lights of the awning.
"Let me guess, Rodger doesn't like your Subaru?"
He shook his head. "It doesn't show the fame and money that I have," he said and got into the car. "Took all I had to convince him to let me drive."
Anger boiled beneath my skin, turning it hot to the touch. Miles liked his rust-colored Subaru and that should be enough. I would say it over and over again, Rodger needed to go. He was stifling Miles. Instead of talking about it, I pulled my phone from my purse. "Ready for some good music?" I asked.
He smiled although it seemed forced. "Always."
I quickly put on an upbeat song and looked out the window as we passed palm trees that lined the streets. For being middle of winter, it was warm, yet people on the streets wore coats. The way they stuffed their hands into their pockets, it was as if couldn't survive any place any colder.
Within a few minutes, we arrived at the location and Miles stopped at the front door, getting out of the car. I followed his lead as he handed the keys to the valet.
"Ready?" he asked me as he grabbed hold of my hand.
I nodded with a forced smile. It was now or never. I convinced myself that I couldn't be any more ready. All the press in the room would take photos of us. The world would now know I was Isla Maas from Redding, California, and Miles was my boyfriend.
Miles opened the door to the ballroom and all I could see was a glamour of all shapes and color. People were laughing, talking, eating, all in expensive outfits. I tugged on my dress again, feeling more intimidated than ever in my simple thrift store dress.
Sensing my uncomfortableness, Miles pulled me closer to his side. "Remember, you're perfect," Miles whispered into my ear.
That was hard to think when all the people around us appeared so flawless and beautiful.
"The man of the hour has come!" the MC said as the crowd cheered, looking at Miles.
Miles smiled as he took a champagne flute from a server near us. He then downed the drink and raised his hands in the air as the crowd only grew louder. As he stood a little taller, he looked strong, powerful, he looked like he belonged here.
"Come on up here and let's get this party started," Rodger said as he took the mic from the DJ.
Miles looked at me cautiously. To set him at ease, I nodded with a smile. I couldn't hold on to his hand the entire night. But I wanted to. "Go on."
With that, he let go of my hand and went to the front of the room where a small stage was at.
I watched as Miles took the mic and spoke to the crowd. He smiled and paced around the stage as if he liked this. But I didn't think he did, as his tired eyes were guarded eyes. He took long pauses between sentences, careful to say the right things at the right times. Upon the stage, that wasn't the Miles I knew.
As he spoke about writing the album, I found an empty wall to stand against. Every time he met my eyes, I smiled, wishing to give him more encouragement. I wanted to know that he was enough, that he was perfect, but I would have to tell him that later. For now, I wanted to stay in the shadows.
My eyes traced the room, noticing the décor of flowers, plants, and streamers. Standing around, most people watched Miles talk, but a few looked bored. I wondered if they were forced here too.
"Miles told me he would bring you," Rodger said as he walked up to me. There was a scowl on his face as if this was the worst news he had ever heard.
I glared at him, wishing he would vanish. "Of course I would be here. We're dating." He should be used to the fact that I was around.
Rodger sighed as he moved in front of me, blocking my view of Miles. "Isla, I'm warning you. You do not know what you're getting into. Miles is a loose cannon."
Anger boiled in my blood once again. He had no right to state that. It's not like he knew what was good for Miles. Miles said that I was good for him. He trusted me, unlike everyone here. "And you think Izzy would be a perfect fit?"
He took a step back, not expecting my comment.
I was just done with him telling Miles what to do. Last I read, Izzy just got out of rehab for drinking and drugs. "I read about Izzy. She would crush Miles."
Rodger shook his head as if I got it all wrong. "That wouldn't happen."
I gave a cynical laugh. Did he live in a fairyland? Of course, it would. Miles was barely hanging on as it was. He needed someone that was stable. Not Izzy. If Rodger really cared about Miles he would see that, but it was clear that Rodger didn't know him. "You don't know Miles then."
He frowned at me as he took a step closer. "And you act like a saint? What about that team that you attacked after the championship soccer game last year? You broke the team captain's leg and bit another girl. Newspapers say that you went ballistic. You're not as perfect as you lead on."
My throat tightened up as I silently stared. I thought that news was dead, but he clearly dug it up from the grave. Rodger didn't know the background to that story. I wasn't in the right place of mind back then. My dad just died, and something snapped in me after the captain egged me on.
He smiled at me. "There we go. Not so perfect, are you?"
"Everyone has their demons."
"Isla! It's so good to see you again!" Jeanne said as she walked up to us with Steve on her heels.
Rodger smiled. "It's great to see you two again."
Jeanne smiled back at him. "Likewise."
Rodger turned back to me. "It was great talking to you." With that, he walked away.
"He's terrible," Jeanne muttered as she drank a flute of champagne.
I nodded. At least I wasn't the only one that saw that. But my question was why was Miles still with him if people saw how terrible he was? "I can agree with that."
She grabbed my hands and gave them a squeeze. "So dear, how are you doing?"
"I'm doing alright. And you?"
She beamed. "Better now that we can escape the Maine winter. It feels like summer out here. Right Steve?"
Steve's attention turned to us as he muttered something about the weather. He then walked over to a wooden table and hit it. "This isn't that stable."
"Oh Steve, leave it alone," Jeanne sighed.
Steve huffed but said nothing as he moved to another table to look at it.
Jeanne shook her head then turned her attention to me. "He's like a child sometimes."
I nodded as I glanced around us. Miles was my top concern recently and seeing this was a prime time to talk about him, I needed to take it. "I'm worried about Miles."
Jeanne frowned as her eyes turned more alert. "He's pushing you out, isn't he?"
That wasn't the only thing he was doing, but I felt like it wasn't my place to share, at least not yet. "What can I do?"
"Push back. You are important to him. He'll listen if you are loud enough."
"Hi. I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to introduce myself. You're dating Miles, right?" a girl asked as she walked up to me.
Jeanne embraced me tightly. "I'll talk to you later." With that, she walked off, calling to her husband to leave the chairs alone.
My attention turned back to the girl, bracing myself for whatever she would say. She looked perfect with her black silk dress and black hair fixed into a bun. She was probably going to judge me. "Yup, that's me."
She smiled at me and it was kind and genuine, like she actually was excited to meet me. "Miles, he can't stop talking about you. I'm Selena," she said as she held out a hand for me to shake.
My cheeks turned hot at the thought. Couldn't stop talking about me? Was he that head over heels for me? "Pleased to meet you. I'm Isla."
"I know."
"Have you been to many of these parties?" I asked, trying to make a conversation with her.
She nodded but didn't look excited about it. "Not my kind of thing, but I helped write a few songs with Miles, so I thought I would come to support."
"Selena! It's so great to see you!" Miles said as he walked up to us with a smile. He quickly gave her a hug then reached for my hand.
"I couldn't miss this. Congrats on the album. I know our duet will be a radio hit for sure."
He shrugged. "Maybe."
"Miles, goodness, everything you touch turns to gold. You have the Midas touch," she chuckled.
"No, I'm not that good."
"And that's what makes you great. Well, this has been fantastic, but I have a date with a home project show and my pjs." She put her hand on his shoulder to say goodbye.
"See you around, Selena," Miles said.
"It was a pleasure talking to you, Isla. Next time you're in town, we should hang out," Selena said and with that, left us.
"So having fun?" Miles asked.
I shrugged. "It's alright. At least your parents are here."
He looked around the room briefly before turning his attention to me. "I'm sure we will run into them again. For now, let's get some food. I heard it's fantastic."
As the night wore on, we rubbed shoulders with many people, but none were as genuine as Selena. I didn't know how Miles did this all the time. It was exhausting.
"Want to get out of here?" Miles asked me after talking with his parents.
I nodded. "Please."