While I was performing at Makuhari Messe in Japan, he was doing the same at Olympic Stadium in Seoul. We were about 1200 km away from each other but I didn't feel lonely at all, I knew that I would be seeing him again soon and that put me at great peace.
"Hey, baby? How did it go?" I asked as soon as he picked up.
"Hello, darling. It was great! Such a pity that you couldn't be here or otherwise I would have you as my special guest," he said.
"You special but secret guest," I corrected him and giggled.
"That would be great as I would have you all to myself," he said and I could hear his little chuckle.
We talked until one of us fell asleep - that was probably me as a massage in the morning read: You have fallen asleep, young lady. Is this boyfriend of yours that boring??? I'm kidding, I know that you were just tired and that I'm still hilarious. Good night and I'll see you soon.
I smiled lazily at his massage and stretched my still asleep extremities.
"We will get through this just fine. We will be just fine," I thought referring to the period when we won't be able to see each other for long because of our world tours, especially his, because it was even more hectic.
*
We spent his birthday in New York. He took a flight from Oakland to NYC, so he could see me before I go back to Korea. I was in the United States because I promoted Michael Kors and I was never happier since it was a great time to spend his "late birthday" together.
"Where did you leave Jisoo unnie?" he asked me, smiling widely.
"At the hotel, she didn't want to bother us," I repeated Unnie's words and returned him a tight hug. We haven't seen each other for a little more than two weeks now but it felt like I've been away from him for months.
"Did my girl miss me?" he whispered in my ear which made my heart skip a beat.
"Very," I said honestly.
"Good, because I plan to spend a whole day clinging on you, it's all about us today," I smiled at his cheesy words.
After he left his stuff in the hotel and took a quick shower, we agreed on strolling down the streets of the Big Apple and going whenever the path leads us to.
We had to be a bit careful so that someone doesn't recognise us, but overall we enjoyed the freedom of holding our hands and munching on each other's food.
"How are you, baby?" I asked him while we were sitting at one of the vintage cafés. The place was packed but with the enchanting atmosphere and the best coffee I ever had.
"Hmm...well, I would say that I'm great since I'm having you with me, it makes me feel marvelous," he answered and gave me that bunny smile of his which I absolutely adored. Well, who doesn't?!
"I'm happy to hear that, but how are you in general?" I liked when we shared our true feelings, our happy moments and the greatest fears.
I loved listening to him because I could apply every feeling that he felt, to my own situations since I felt just the same.
He told me his worries and I told him mine. He was mainly worried about getting hurt while performing or his voices cracking ( it was his greatest concern as he was the main vocalist of his group) but also about disappointing their fans.
"I just want them to have the best time of their life when they come to our concert. That's why I can't afford to get sick or hurt because they paid to see us and if I wouldn't be able to perform my best, I wouldn't only disappoint them but also myself," he said with his gaze focused on the table.
I patted his back and said:" You are doing great, Jungkook. Your fans are proud of you, your members are proud of you, I'm proud of you and you should also be proud of yourself."
He slowly turned his head to face me and smiled lightly.
"Thank you," he said.
What I really appreciated about our relationship was that we were more than just a pair of lovers. Over time we became friends, best friends if I'm honest and I trusted him completely.
That night we fell asleep with our bodies cuddled to each other and before I closed my eyes, I heard him murmur:"I love you."
"I guess I'll be seeing you at the end of October, so be a good girl," he said the next morning while we were standing in front of his hotel, waiting for his arranged taxi.
"I will try," I teased him and smiled widely.
"You better because otherwise I'll have to punish you," he said and winked at me.
I covered my mouth with my hand. I still got shy sometimes.
"Shhh, someone might hear you," I stated and punched him on the chest. I could feel the blush appearing on my face.
"Will you be a good girl then?" he whispered to my ear, knowing very well what kind of effects his whispers had on me.
"I will," I assured him.
*
I haven't seen him for almost a month now and even though we facetime whenever we had time, there were times when I didn't even hear of him for days and that made my heart ache in pain.
I knew very well how busy he was, I was busy too but somehow my heart didn't want to listen to my head, it sting whenever I thought of them and even when we heard from each other, it just felt different...like we were drifting apart.
At night I couldn't even sleep properly because the sudden wave of loneliness filled up my soul. It was because of the longing for him, for his voice, smile, touch...I missed our deep conversations, his words of encouragement and the affection he showered me with all the time.
I stood up from my bed and looked at the clock. It showed 2.14 am. I couldn't take it anymore, I felt like I was drowning and just couldn't catch any fresh air into my lungs.
I put on my black outfit, mask and a beany and left the apartment.
I wandered the streets of the city where I came to pursue my dreams. It wasn't that cold outside yet it felt like a December to me. Everything seems to lose its charm when you are all alone and your heart feels numb.
"Lisa?" someone called out my name quietly. I turned around slowly, in fear to bump into a fan that might have recognised me.
"Bobby?" I was surprised to see him. We haven't really talked much lately and I missed him, as a friend.
"What are you doing here?" he asked and came closer to me.
"I couldn't sleep. What about you?" I questioned him back.
"Same. Wanna grab a drink?" he offered.
I haven't had alcohol since my last outing with Bambam three weeks ago and I felt like it was a great opportunity to "fix" that. Therefore I accepted his offer and a few moments after we were already taking a shot of soju.
"Feeling lonely?" he asked and poured me another glass.
I looked at him, surprised by his ability to read my feelings.
"No need to be surprised," he said and smiled, "It can't be anything else than loneliness that keeps you up at night," he continued.
"Are you feeling lonely too?"
"I am. But I don't have a girlfriend and as far as I'm informed, you're still with Jungkook. So, why are you feeling down?"he was pretty straightforward with his questions.
"I haven't seen him for a month and it feels like we are drifting apart from each other. I mean I know that he has a concert every other day but I would appreciate it if he just sent me a good morning or good night text.
The last text he sent me was four days ago and he still hasn't texted me back," I responded and emptied another glass.
He looked at me worriedly but didn't say anything. He wanted me to open up to him and ease my heart from the bottled up pain and hurt.
"You know, all I wished for was that we stay together and be happy, but it seems like our careers wouldn't let us last. He isn't there when I need him and I can't blame him. He worked so hard to achieve his dreams, I can't take that joy away from him...,so I try to endure, I try to calm myself down by saying that everything is going to be just fine, but as the days pass, it appears to me that I am just closing my eyes before the truth. We can't possibly stay happy together," I finished my monologue and I wouldn't even notice that my tears were running down my face, if he didn't offer me a handkerchief.
Our drinking continued in silence.
He knew me so well...he knew that I needed him as a friend, to be there for me even if we stayed in silence. It was never awkward between us and I regretted not calling him earlier.
"Here's an advice from me Lisa.
Don't let him go just because he wants to pursue his dreams and rise up to the sky. You already know that it can get hectic when you are on the tour, you are about to experience the world tour yourself as a matter of fact. Try to understand him for now but when he's back, tell him how you feel. I'm sure that he misses you too. As for your loneliness...try to focus on something else, something you love to do, hang out with your friends and take care of yourself.
Try to distract yourself from those negative thoughts, beside you have my number, call Oppa and I'll always make time to listen to your worries. Now, go to your dorm and sleep!" he said when we were about to part.
I looked at him with tears forming in my eyes. I was internally grateful to have such a great friend.
"Don't cry, Lisa," he said softly and pulled me into a hug.
A hug was all I needed. A hug and comfort from a friend.
I knew that I could still make us work, I had to try even harder. I loved him and I promised I would fight for us, I promised that I'll have his back. I had to endure this loneliness for just a couple of days more and then I'll be in his arms again.
"You can do this," I said to myself before slowly drifting into a deep sleep.
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Here is another update! I hope you like it. Thank you for all the reads, votes and comments. See ya!
p.s. Are longer chapters better? AND Do you feel like I'm going to slow with this story?