I wake up with scratches all over my body. My bedsheets stained with blood.
It's my blood I think.
I've always found blood so satisfying, especially mine. Not sadistically, but it's a reminder that I'm still here. I'm still alive despite all the shit that's happened.
It's lying in this blood covered bed where I remember the dream.
Mom.
I only ever think of her in nightmares. When I'm alone, vulnerable. She comes to me at night, mostly angry but sometimes she's happy like when she found out Dad had died.
But this dream wasn't a good one, it wasn't a nightmare but more of a flashback. I was around 10, and Mom had just bought home Ian. Their arguments were so loud I swear you could the whole council block could hear.
I kept trying to escape, but my window was bolted and I was banging and banging on it for someone to rescue me. Strangers faces passed by me, staring at me as if I was some type of animal at the zoo.
I wanted someone to save me before they turned their anger onto me, and soon enough they did.
They hurt me.
And nobody came.
So I do what I always do, I make a checklist to control just one damn thing in my life.
One: wash the blood away with a flannel.
Two: Turn the water onto boiling, just to make me feel something except this sadness inside of me.
Three: time to put on the uniform.
Four: pretend to eat breakfast before anyone comes.
Five, go to school.
The issue is, you cannot control the school day. Anything can arises. That's how I found myself in hot water.
I was sitting in biology, thinking about Mom. Even surrounded by people, people who make me laugh and smile - I cannot escape her.
'Gabs, you going to come to mine this weekend then?' Ana catches my attention with her question.
I blink myself back into reality 'Yeah, yeah thats fine' I smile at her.
School has always been a distraction for me, for my life and mind.
'Genetics are simple, they make us what we are.' I hear the biology teacher drone on in the background.
I hate that. I hate that we have to rely on people to form our own identities. I've only been living with my brothers for about two months, but I see these genetic traits. Xav and I, we've got the humour. Leo and I are both hot headed, Enz is too stubborn. Matty and I both have a love for adventure and freedom, Frankie and I can never play against each other for being too competitive. And well, Alessandro, we're both too independent for our own good.
How am I so similar to people I haven't spent the last 10 years with?
I look down at the worksheet thats just been handed out, family ancestory to figure out our dna.
The teacher calls on me 'Gabriela, what would your dna be?'
'Um, my parents were from Italy but I was raised here so I guess I'm half' I flick my hair, giving him I'm so perfectly fine with the dream life.
The teacher smiles and nods ready to move onto another student, before I hear the muttering of some in the background 'Half mental more like'
I wasn't the only one to hear it, with the teacher commenting 'Alec, be quiet please'
I turn round and see this Alec. Dirty blonde hair and a cocky mouth. Definitely a fuckboy. He sees me looking at him and gives me a wink. He's not going to stop with this argument though, he's not that type.
'What Sir? If you get half from your dna from each parent she's definitely got the mental trait from her mom'
This time the entire class is looking at me with surprise and wonder to what I'm going to do next.
'Shut up' I growl through gritted teeth.
'Instead he leans forwards, smirking 'What? We all know it's true. Mom was a crackhead and off the walls loony. You'll probably end up the same way.'
'I said shut up!' I shout from my table, slamming my hands on the table.
Ignoring my protest he continues to smirk at me from across the table, a glint in his eye.
I walk over to him, 'I said shut up. You know nothing about me. Nothing'
'Aw, is the spoilt Princess upset? What are you going to do? Get your brothers on me. Even they didn't want you, did they now?' He shoots straight back at me, so I strike him right in the face.
I hit that fucking bastard.
The class stare at me in shock, so I grab my bag and head towards the door.'
'Miss Cattaeno! Princple's office now' the teacher barks at me.
Raising my middle finger behind me, I shout 'Already going!' before slamming the door behind me.
This has not been a good day
----
'Gabriela, you cannot go around hitting people' the principle moans at me.
I'm just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs as if I can't hear a word that he's saying, but i can hear him all too clear.
I can't go round hitting him. Fact.
My mom took off with Xavier and I. Fact.
That was illegal. Fact.
So many fucking things in life are true, but that doesn't stop them from happening. We are walking contradictions, and I am so fed up of people telling me I ought to be acting a certain way.
I can him him droning on and on, before I hear the secretary opening the door behind me. I instantly know who it is. The strong footsteps, an aura which introduces him before he already has a chance to speak.
Alessandro.
He did nothing to protect me. An 18 year old man, not boy, who could have saved us but he choose to continue living in the mansion while I squalied in a council estate.
'Mr Connell' I hear him say before shaking the Principle's hand.
He elegantly sits down in the chair, his large watch is probably more expensive than this entire room. Dressed impeccably as normal, with a calm and emotionless face.
'So' he straightens out his cuff 'What has Gabriela done.'
I don't want to hear what I've done, I was there for Christ's sake. So I just bore into Mr Connell's eyes, which are cowering at the sight of my brother.
Pussy.
I only really regain consciousness when the topic of my punishment comes up, this time the Principle looks visibly like he's going to shit himself 'Mr Cattaneo, I know Gabriela has had a difficult past and I know she has only just moved here but I cannot allow her behavior to go unpunished'
'Of course, what do you have in mind' Alessandro instantly responds.
'A three day suspension' the Principle blurts out, his face sweating under the lights.
Alessandro doesn't take his eyes of him but flicks his wrist at me before instructing me to 'Step outside Gabriela'
I can see the Secretary staring at me, the one Xav fancies. She offers me a fake smile which I return. I don't regret what I've done, but I've ruined my reputation. I showed people that I was weak, and I hate myself so much for that.
I hate it here and I hate that people know about my family.
I get called back into the office and see the principle looking very flustered.
'Gabriela there has be an uh change of plans, due to this being an first time offence you won't do the full suspension. If you just head home for the afternoon, that will susfiate. You can then return to school on Monday following the weekend. However, a repeat of this behavior will result in an automatic suspension'
'Yes Sir'
Walking out of the office sends a new fear of dread I wasn't expecting. I'd rather take being yelled at over being sent home with Alessandro.
Calm anger is always the worst. It gives them time to access your behavour, why you reacted the way you did. I don't want anyone to know what happened, why I felt a certain way. I learnt long ago, the more stuff you can hide the easier your life will be.
Alessandro being Alessandro doesn't say anything the entire way home, but I know what's going to happen. Just another fun talk in his office.
I follow him into the office, the office where he laid down the new rules, the lecture about the tattoo. Not the fondest of memories.
Shuffling some papers around in front of him before he gave me his attention 'Gabriela, explain to me your thought process'
'No'
'No?' I hear the confusment laced in his voice.
I've had enough of this, I've had enough of everything.
'Why do I have to tell you every damn thing that happens in my mind. Where were you for the last 10 years? Where were you when mom got her first boyfriend, when she overdosed for the first time. You weren't there, so you're not entitled to my thoughts' I scream at him, slamming my hands onto the table.
'Gabriela, I'm not going to explain why things happened but you just have to accept it, But we're not talking about the past, we're talking about the present.' His voice being calm, ready to hear my explanation as usual.
'But I don't wanna accept it! I want you to tell me why you left me. I want you to tell me why I have nightmares and wake up terrified. Why I can't look at a plate of food without feeling disgusted with myself. I want you to tell me why I'm not enough.' I cry with tears streaming down my face.
If I made my own dictionary, I would quote my speech under 'Impetuous.'
'Impetuous' = "Acting or done quickly and without thought or care."
Fucking hell Gabriela, how could I have been so stupid. He's staring at me with his normal emotionless face, and I feel sick. I made a pact with Xavier that we would never discuss anything that happened in that house, and now I've ruined it. He's never going to forgive me, and I don't blame him.
I betrayed him.
I can't even look Alessandro in the face, I just scrape back my chair and run out the room. Their meant to be my brothers, but they hate me.
I pass through the door, and as I'm turning the corner I bump into Francisco.
'Watch where you're going' he hisses at me, his arm catching my fall.
'I'm going!' I yell straight back to him.
His grip on his arm tightens 'Watch your tone'
'Gabriela, if you could return to my office I would appreciate it' I hear Alessandro reappear behind me
'Wait, shouldn't you be at school' he mutters about me but looking too Alessandro.
'She got suspended for the day' he answers.
He's close now, I'm sandwiched in between them. No escape, just like my nightmare.
Francisco pushes me against the wall, leaving me to face both him and Alessandro 'Holy shit. Are you stupid. First the tattoo and now this. What have you done to yourself Gabriela.'
He looks at me in disgust, and I feel disgusted.
What have I done to myself? I've repaired myself so much I think I destroyed instead. Somewhere in the hours of school convincing people I'm fine, in the nights at Mom's where I would hide and pray for it all to end. I don't know I lost myself, but I think it was in all the time where I tried to convince myself that I'm fine.
'Nothing happened.' I mutter, looking at the ground 'You just haven't been around for the last 10 years. People change ya know'
Alessandro and Francisco share a look between them. A look I can't depict, after all they've had their entire life to grow their loving brother's bond.
Alessandro is the first to speak, 'Gabriela, come back to my office'
'No' I attempt to leave but Francisco tightens his grip and pulls me back.
'That wasn't an request' he growls.
I get dragged to the office, Alessandro locking the door securely behind him this time.
I can see him looking at me eyeing the lock.
'I swear if you attempt to leave one more time I'll get Francisco in here and hold you' he instructs, crossing his arms firmly.
'Tell me what happened in that house Gabriela' his eyes softening for the first time, and I almost feel comforted.
Almost.
I look at him with big opened eyes, 'I can't'
'It's okay, take your time'
So I open my mouth, praying for forgiveness for God cus he sure as hell needs to be on my side when Xavier finds out what I'm going to do.
XXXXX
A slow chapter, not the best I know, but I promise you it's all kicking off next chapter!!!
🔴So the next chapter, the abuse will be revealed (as I know some of you have messaged me about when that topics going to bought up) and Xavier's reaction will be interesting to say the least.🔴
I hope you're all doing well, I feel emotionally drained at the moment so that's fun. Let me know how you're coping.
Please vote and comment! It spurs me onto writing so much faster when I have encouragement.💜 Also, I would loveeee to get to 300 votes so don't be a silent reader and help me achieve it pleaseeeee 💜💜
Te Amo 💜💜