Xander took it upon himself to lift the packages up. He put them back into the half destroyed bag.
The way home was interesting, Elijah gave me a piggy bag ride home. He insisted, even though I wanted to walk on my own.
I could only imagine how strong he was, after racing after me he could still carry me all the way back.
Nobody said a word to me, but it wasn't unpleasant or something.
It felt like they were embarrassed or were sad about it.
My irritated self didn't dare to ask questions. I was still afraid to get screamed at by Victor when we would return.
We arrived, Victor was sleeping with his face on the table and Caleb was playing on his phone.
While Jon was the only one who looked stressed and hysterical at the same time.
"Lilith-" Jon wanted to start talking to me, but Xander didn't let him finish.
He pulled the packages out of the bag, smacking them on the table, he woke Victor up.
Nobody said a word and I just waited to get a punishment or a scolding. All three of them kept staring at the table.
Jons mouth opened and closed over and over again. He seemed like he couldn't find the right words. The twins cheeks were both a little red, while Caleb's ears were red. Even Victor was flustered.
"You know, I was expecting her to buy some liqor, cigarattes or condoms, like Caleb did when he was her age, but this really got me off guard." Jon mumbled, still searching for the right words to say to me.
I was confused of the sound of his voice. He did not sound angry, more relieved and guilty.
"As your legal guardian I should have prepared these products for you." Victor sounded apologetic. "Now I understand why you left without telling us."
"We are just not used to have a girl now." Jon sighed in relief. "You must have felt embarrased, I would too. Only living with brothers and getting your- uhm lady days."
"Next time you can talk to any of us, dont feel embarassed. You know boys are having embarssing things, too. You know sometimes when we wake u-" Elijah started talking, but Xander put his hand over his month, his eyes widned. "Shut the fuck up!" He looked over at me. "Not the you can always talk with us part, the other part was-. Unnesceray."
"Back to the point, are you feeling okay, Lil?" Caleb rolled his eyes at the twins, then smiled at me.
"You guys are not mad?" I asked clearly waiting for somebody to tell me to never speak about my period.
"Well, I am because of the terror you took us through when we woke up, and the fact that you skipped school and that you run away from us-" Victor started listing up everything.
"BUT right now we need to make sure that you are alright." Jon assured me that it was alright.
"Do you have-" Elijah looked at his phone, tipping something in it. "Abdominal cramps? Breakouts? Tender brea- nevermind. Bloating? Bowel issues? Headaches? Mood swings? Lower back pain? Or trouble sleepping when you get your period?"
While reading the text, my other brothers just nodded after every symptom he read out loud like some doctors.
"Are you really sure I am allowed to tell you?"
"What? Why shouldn't it be? It is normal. It happens to every woman." Jon eyed me confused, then opened his mouth like he realised something. "Caleb, Xander and Elijah. Go to school. Now."
"Thats not fair! We are a part of this family meeti-" Elijah wanted to argue, but Caleb just shook his head, grabbed the twins by their necks and left the house with them.
"I don't want you to be uncomfortable or embarassed, so we can talk about this if you like, but if you don't want to it is totally okay." Jon smiled at me. "And when you have questions or worrys about your period, you can always talk to me or Victor. We will try to help you the best we can."
I furrowed my brows, my mother's words still haunted me. My last hope was Victor, he will- no, he needs to be mad about it.
It can't be that the only thing my mother teached me when I was a teenager was wrong. The day she had the talk with me it felt like a real mother daugther moment.
I felt so happy, she cared for me that day and asked if I was okay.
Victor glanced at me with sleepy eyes, he frowned when he noticed me staring at him.
"You are mad!" I called out. "Tell me I am wrong!" The hope in my voice sounded so desperate and hysterical, it made me sound crazy. I don't want to believe my mother was wrong.
"I am not mad, Lilith." Victor's deep voice got my attention, he exchanged a concerned look with Jon.
My watery eyes almost pleeded to them. "My mother." I spoke under my breath. "She told me no man can know. It is shamefull, disgusting and nasty."
Victor's mouth formed an 'o' and Jon left the table, he hurried to me, kneeling infront of me, taking my hands into his. "It is not shamefull." He held eye contact with me. "Neither is it digusting or nasty."
I hiccuped. "But mother said-"
"Your mother is a liar." Victor stood up, clicking his tongue. "She was a junkie, a drug addict and she was drinking all day long. How could you have expected that she would give you anything helpful in life."
"Vic!" Jon hissed at him, putting his hands over my ears. I still could hear everything, it was just muffled. "Dont talk about her mother like that."
Victor pinched together his eyes, then he grapped Jon's arm away from my ear. "She can hear it. Everything your mother did was wrong. She was a disgrace to herself and to our father. Your feelings towards this person are illsuions."
My view blurred and I pressed my lips together. I don't want to say anyting that I will regret later.
"Now go and rest, I will call the school and report you sick. We will talk later about the consequences your morning terror will have." He massaged his temples, attempting to leave the room.
"Vic-" Jon wanted to say something to him, but Victor just growled. "Don't talk back to me, Jonathan. Don't forget which one of us is in charge."
He slammed the door shut, before he stammed up into his bedroom.
Jon had a sad smile on his lips. "Do not mind him, he was at work the whole night, some pretty nerve wracking business needed to be handled." He pattet my head and got up. "Now you go make yourself comfortable, I will make you some tea and a hot water bag and we will spend the morning watching whatever you like."
I forced a smile and nodded, getting up to walk into my room. I went into the bathroom, changing everything that needs to be changed and then put on some casual clothes.
Looking in the mirror I looked pretty ugly. My eyes were swollen and my cheeks looked more chubby than ever. I decided to put my hair into a ponytail and walked down.
In the living room Jon was already waiting for me. A blanket laid on his lap, on top of it the hot water bag, on the coffee table were placed two steaming cups of tea, that smelled like black tea with milk.
I approched him and he placed the stuff on his lap away.
"Wanna cuddle?" he sounded shy, while he opened his arms, waiting for me to say something.
I wasn't in the mood, but I did not wanted to make him upset, so I just walked up to him, letting mysel fall into his arms.
He grinned like a cheshire cat, he put the bag on my belly, I moved it a little down and the warm feeling made me relax abruptly.
My eyes closed for a second, enjoying the healing effect it gave me. Jon covered us with the blanket, stretching his long arms to grab the cups and handing one to me.
Afterwards we discussed what to watch and Jon persuaded me to make a ghibli marathon.
We spent the whole morning watching My Neighbor Totoro, Spirited Away and Ponyo.
The whole time Jon held me in his arms, his chin rested on my head.
Snuggling up to me again, everytime we parted a little.
I really want to say I didn't enjoy it, but I did.
Jon was the only one of my brohters that truly showed me he liked me. His warm embrace was something that made me comfortable and loved at the same time.
When afternoon approached Jon told me, he would go make lunch, before the boys would be returning from school.
Immediately I assured him I would make it. Jon's cooking isn't that bad, but if I would have the coice I wouldn't eat it. I appreciate it that he cooks for this household almost everyday, but know that I am home I will do it.
"Are you sure? You feel okay?" he asked worried.
"Yes I am okay, you helped me get better, so I will cook." I explained to him, walking into the kitchen, he followed me.
"But I want to help, is that okay, head chef?" he saluted and made a funny face.
I giggled, he could be so dumb sometimes. "Yes, yes."
"What are we gonna make?" Jon smiled. He seemed excited.
"Maybe something the twins like?" I suggested, feeling bad for making them run and worry about me in the morning.
"That's a tough one. Xander likes spicy food but Elijah hates it." Jon kicked with his feet against the table, concentrating on the wall, like he was thinking.
"What about spagetthi bolognese? With parmesan? And a salad?" I recommended, searching for the noodles, I started cooking them.
Jon stood still in his spot, looking like he had no idea how to help me. So I got some tomatoes and a knife and gave it to him. "Here slice them and afterward get yourself some cucumbers and a dressing."
Afterwards everything went by pretty fast. The meat and the sauce were ready in no time and Jon showed me proudly his salad. He sliced pretty big chunks, but I still praised him and told him to help me set the table.
The boys arrived shortly after and I was happy that we were ready in time. The twins arrived first in the kitchen.
"You feeling okay, Lil?" Elijah asked me, ruffling through my hair before he seated himself. Xander also gave me a small smile.
"Who made this? It doesnt smell weird?" Caleb wanted to know when he came into the dinning room, raising an eyebrow and inspecting the food before sitting down as well.
"Our little sister made the meal, I made the best salad in the world." Jon praised himself before walking out. "I go get Vicky."
I couldn't help myself and giggled a little, when I heard Jon calling Victor Vicky.
While we waited the boys filled their plates and already started eating. "How was school?" I wanted to break the ice, this silence was making me uncomfortable.
"Nothing special." Elijah shrugged, putting another spoon full into his mouth. "That's so good!"
"We got yelled by our teacher for coming late." Xander popped his lips, glancing at me.
I put my lips into a thin line, I felt sad again. They were late because of me, it was my fault they got yelled at.
"Don't say it like this, Xander is always late for class, that's why the teacher yelled at him." Elijah winked at me, giving me an encouraging smile.
"Your friend." Caleb startled me. It was rare to hear Caleb properly talk to me. "The weird one."
"Do you mean Megan?" I questioned him, furrowing my eyebrows.
"She came running to me in the hall ways, she looked like a loose dog." he chuckled a little at the thought. "She started asking me about your whereabouts and why you weren't at school."
I blinked at him, waiting to tell me the end of the story, but he just ate. When Jon and a drowsy Victor joined us for lunch, he still stayed quiet.
"What did you tell her?" I bursted out, getting all the attention.
"What are you talking about?" Jon wanted to know, but I just waved at him.
"Well, I told her you are sick." Caleb stroked his chin. "And then she explained that I should hug you to heal you, because thats how love works."
I opened my mouth, just to close it again. A smile formed on my lips, it felt so nice to have friends at school that worry about you.
"So, Lilith." Victor yawned, when we all finished the food. "We still have to talk about your adventure this morning."
He clicked his tongue, watching me carefully when he started to speak. "You left our property without even asking us, you made us all start a search for you and I was on the verge of calling my colleagues to help. What if something happend? This was irresponible, you could have been kidnapped!"
Listening to him made me angry and sad at the same time. "Why would anybody kidnap me? I just walked a little, it isn't such a big deal."
Victors face darkened. "Who gave you permission to talk back to me?"
I bit my lip. "Nobody." I whispered, lowerin my head in shame.
"Then you run away, at least you didn't left the property this time." He cracked his knuckles. "And you didn't pick up, when I called you."
Complete silence filled the dinning room, Jon's eyes were fixed on his plate, not daring to say anything.
"But I will turn a blind eye on it, because of the cirumstences you were in. However remember my words, the next time you run away or decline my calls I will punish you, you will be afraid to ever disobey me again. You understand?" Our eyes met and I stared at him with teary eyes.
I swallowed and nodded. "Yes, sir." Then I got up, excusing myself so I could run into my room.
There it was again. The fear I had for Victor. He was my legal guardian, he could do anything with me and when I break his rules, maybe, just maybe he will start treating me like Simon did.
I shook my head, reminding myself how Victor cared for me when I told him about my trauma, he won't, he can't be like him.
Walking circles in my room, didn't help to cool down at all, but a message I received at my phone did.
Peter messaged me.
Are you okay?
I reread some of my old chapters and I am so sorry. I didn't realise how many mistakes I made.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, don't forget to vote and give me your opinion!
Xx Mary