Since we went to dress shopping so late, we had the store all to ourselves. No other students were lurking around, trying to steal possible dress choices, and who would want to cause scandal by wearing the same dress than someone else?
I knew I had no worries about that, since my dress was from New York, and I knew that there was no way a dress like that could have landed to a small place like Hogsmeade. But considering how late we were to all this, the girls still had really nice options left.
The shop owner had kindly offered me some tea and cookies, while I was waiting for Lily, Alice and Marlene, who decided to stick around the last minute, to get ready. "Alright, you ready?" Alice asked.
"No, I'm just going to close my eyes," I giggled, making Alice laugh a little sarcastically.
"Haha-ha, so funny Aurora!" she muttered and stepped outside from the fitting room. This was the second dress she had tried on, and already it was better than the first one.
"So you have decided to be the one to represent the house colours then?" I smiled and looked at the red dress on her. It had a sweet-heart neckline and was quite bouncy looking from the bottom. It was pretty, there was no doubt of that, but I knew there would still be another dress better fitting for her.
"Yeah, well Frank decided to wear a blue velvet tuxedo without even asking me first, so I decided that it would only be fair if I represented my own house as well," she smiled confidently. "But so what do you think? I think it's pretty nice, and that we are getting close to the best one, but this is not quite there yet."
"I think so as well. I think you should try the last dress you picket, that seemed pretty nice. You could also pair it with some blue long gloves and maybe a red flower in the hair?"
Her eyes started to beam with excitement. "Oh I think that would be prefect, thanks!" she squealed happily, and was just about to leave when Marlene stepped out from her fitting room, wearing the fourth dress she had picked.
She looked herself from the body-length mirror and moved around to see the dress in every angle. The smug expression on her face only told me that no matter what she was going to wear, she wanted to show it to me, just to make me feel unconfident about myself. And it was working, for Marlene was one of those people who looked good in everything. She had a great body, beautiful facial features and great hair. Every girl could feel her confidence no matter what. But the fact that she wanted to annoy me because of Sirius, was all so wrong.
"Well I think this is the best out from all the dresses I have tried out so far," she smirked and then looked at me for the first time. "Or what do you think?"
I crossed my arms and nodded my head. "Well it is pretty."
She just scoffed. "That's what you said about the previous three dresses. Come on, spit your opinions out!"
"Well if you really want my opinion then I think that's not the dress for you."
I couldn't believe what was coming out from my mouth. Although I had never really been the best of friends with Marlene, we still have been friends for a long time. But to come to this point where our friendship has turned out like this...feels so wrong. My comment didn't make her crumble, but I knew my words annoyed her more than they should.
"Oh...and you reasoning to this is?"
"It's the wrong colour for you skin shade," I said, although she knew I was lying. Purple was the best colour for her skin shade, and it has always been. She just sneered and was just about to say her comeback to this, when our attention was caught by Lily who finally stepped out from her fitting room, wearing the last dress that I had actually picked for her.
"Girls, can you please stop arguing! This is important for all of us, so why can't we just enjoy it together?"
Our eyes were on her, and with beaming eyes we all stared at her stunning appearance. "Lily-" Marlene began.
"You look-" Alice muttered.
"Stunning," I finished the sentence and the red-haired girl in front of us turned her confused expression to the mirror as well. As she saw her own reflection, a surprised smile appeared onto her face. "Oh wow," she was able to mutter out. "You were right about this dress Aurora," she agreed.
"Lily that dress fits you so well. You look so beautiful. James' is definitely going to loose it," I chuckled.
"You think so?"
"Oh I know so I can already imagine it! Oh you are going to look so amazing! And Alice you too! You are going to look so-"
"What about me?" Marlene cut me all of a sudden, making me look at her.
She had crossed her arms and was looking at me with such a poisonous expression. "Wh-what?"
But my stuttering didn't help at all. "Unbelievable...you are so annoying. Whatever!"
And with that she ran to her fitting room, quickly changed her clothes and walked away from us. "Marlene!" Lily tried to shout after her, but it was no use. The girl left the store quickly and disappeared into the distance.
I let out a deep breath and started to feel guilty. "Sorry...I don't know what came into me. But I'm not the only one to be blamed. I don't know what's going on with her, but she's acting like a brat!"
"Well, I don't know much, since she doesn't talk to us either these days...but I know about her crush towards Sirius. And I think she's more tense now, because she is waiting for him to ask her to the ball. She really believes he likes her as well and I don't know...they do have something between them," Alice confessed.
I turned my eyes back to the spot where I had last seen Marlene. Letting out a deep sigh, I pulled on my winter jacket and my scarf. "I'll see you two later, I think I need to talk with Marlene."
**
it wasn't hard to figure out where she had gone into hiding. One of her favourite things in the world are flowers. So finding her in the small yet beautiful flower store of Hogsmeade, didn't take a lot. She didn't see me first, but as she did, I was rather surprised to see her not running away from me again.
She was sitting around a table, making a flower crown, as she had always been very good at doing those. She ones tried to teach me but grew tired and annoyed as I didn't figure it out. I eventually did figure it out, but was too embarrassed to show it to her, for I knew her flower crowns were better.
"Oh so you found me?" she questioned, while turning her eyes back to the crown.
I sighed and sat down, opposite to her. "Well it didn't really take that much thinking to find you here," I explained.
She tried to hard not to say anything annoying to me, and just continued making the pretty flower crown. "Well you found me now, so you can leave alone. I have no desire to talk with you now."
I continued to study her closely. She had been acting so tough towards me, that me getting annoyed had hid so much. This was the first time I noticed how she had this sad expression under all her acting. "Marlene...how did we get into this situation?" I questioned.
This question on its own seemed to gain her attention back to me, and she dropped the flower crown to the table. Her eyes slowly moved up and met mine. I could tell that she was angry...but she was also sad at the same time. "Are you really asking that?"
I blinked my eyes confused. "Marlene I don't know."
She huffed sarcastically and rolled her eyes. "Well let me enlighten you then. You have been a shitty friend to me for a long time now, and you haven't even noticed?!"
I was so shocked by the tone of her voice that I wasn't able to even react when she kept going. "We used to be really good friends, not the best of friends, but we were good friends. But after second year you started acting all so perfect, like you were the only one people wanted to look at. You and Lily got all the attention from everyone, even teachers. All of a sudden I got this feeling that I wasn't good enough to be you friend!" she spat out her words is such tension that it made me shiver a bit.
She looked straight into my eyes. "And after you parents died, you became such a shitty friend. You only thought about yourself and no one else mattered. And even still, people were still so amazed of you. You still kept on receiving attention from everyone, from Sirius. I have had a crush on him for as long as I can remember, and then you come along, pretending that he's already yours and-"
"If this is about Sirius and your crush on him, I can assure you that-"
"That you don't like him?!" she cut me quickly. I became speechless and just stared at her. "Don't be ridiculous, of course you like him, although I don't know whether you like him for who he is, or just the thought of him. Whatever it is, I'm not interested about your feelings towards him. I want him, and he will be mine."
With that she took one last look at me, before standing up from her seat and starting to leave. But even after everything she had just confessed and said to me, I still grabbed her arm and looked at her. "Marlene please...this is not the way I want our friendship to go. What can I do to fix it?"
She looked down at me and bit her cheek. "If you want to fix this, then make Sirius ask me out to the ball." She then proceeded to free her arm from my grip and finally left the store, leaving me sit there all by myself. I turned my eyes to the flower crown on the table and let out a deep sigh.
Have I really been a shitty friend?
**
The more I kept thinking about it, the more I started to wonder, whether what Marlene had said to me was actually true. I became so depressed and vulnerable after my parents died, that I hardly thought about my friends at that moment...all I could think about was how I could survive each day without my parents. The trauma that came from seeing them die in front of me, was so severe that Marlene was the last person I was thinking about.
And when I finally returned back to school, getting used to normal things again took time. There was so much work to do on getting to each lesson without breaking down. And while I survived all that, Marlene still was a person to me who I didn't worry about much. So in a way she was right, I had become a shitty friend to her. But was I the only one in fault? Did she do her all to make things easier for us? Was she there to support me, rather than annoy me even more. Now that I think about it, she started to annoy me more and more after my parents died...so was it truly because I was such good friends with Sirius? Was she jealous all this time, just because we were best friends, something that they weren't. And does she now feel threatened about her crush towards Sirius, because she thinks that he likes me?
My feelings towards Sirius are something so confusing yet powerful. I know I like him I know I love him, but he's so important to me...I don't want to ruin anything by confessing my one sided love to him.
Sirius Black could never like me like that. He's too of a ladies man that he wants to live his young life dating multiple girls and never getting married. He's finally free from his parents and doesn't want to create a new family due to the fear of messing things up himself. He want's to do things his way. Liking me sounds impossible...although sometimes I start to wonder, whether he likes me, even just a little bit.
Ugh...feeling these feelings is so tiring. I have no clue about what to do to my own feelings towards him...but I do know what to do to fix things between me and Marlene. She made it clear, and she knows I can do what she asked me to do.
But it already hurts. Just the idea of seeing him dancing with her beautiful appearance. Them being the center of attention. And now hearing it from Alice as well, the two of them do have something going on between each other.
But then again, I could make things right with Marlene. Besides, I only seek for the happiness of Sirius. If he's truly happy with Marlene, then I just have to swallow my pride and get on with it.
Being so into my own thoughts, I hardly watched where I was going, and soon enough was able to pump into someone. Our heads hit against one another, sending us a few steps backwards, both holding our heads with our hands. "Owh! Oh I'm sorry I wasn't looking and-"
Lifting my eyes up from the floor my heart literally stopped for a while and my mind froze. In front of me stood no other than Sirius himself. He was holding his forehead and had his usual smirk on his face. "You should really watch where you are going," he chuckled.
"Sorry...I was just so out of here," I muttered awkwardly. "But what are you doing here?"
Sirius looked around and scratched his neck at the same time in quite the awkward manner as well. I studied him closely and figured out that he had been trying to figure out something for a while, for his long dark brown hair was rather messy, for he had pulled his hands through it many times. He also looked rather nervous for some reason and was searching for the right words for something. And although it was below degrees out here, I could still notice the difference between red cheeks and blushing, he was definitely blushing a little. What in the Merlin's beard was going on with him and-...
Oh
Oh no...
Oh no!
"I was just spending my free day peacefully with my friends, actually catching up with James now that Lily was here with you, but he grew too impatient and decided to escape the common room and come here to fins his girlfriend, so I decided to come as well, I still need to find a tuxedo and-"
"A partner!" I just blunted out without thinking about it, instantly regretting everything and mentally slapping myself. "I me-mean...everyone needs to have a partner for the ball," I quickly continued.
"Y-yeah," he agree and looked to the snowy ground. "So I have been thinking about this for a while now and-"
While he kept on explaining his thoughts to me I kept on thinking how I already knew where this was going. But that would mean that my relationship with Marlene would get even worse, and I literally don't have the energy to start fighting with her again. Besides I think Sirius is now about to ask me only because he's too afraid to ask Marlene and keeps me as an easy person to ask for the ball.
"And so I was thinking that I should ask you-"
"Marlene!" I quickly shout out, cutting him. His eyes shot up to mine and he studied me with a confused expression on his face. "Marlene, you should ask Marlene. She really likes you and she would really want to go with you. She has a very pretty dress and you two would look great together!" I just kept on going with it. Each word hit my heart like a sharp knife, making me feel physical pain.
His eyes then lost their beam and his blush cooled down instantly. But he still kept his eyes on me. "Oh," he said almost disappointed. "Is that so?"
"Yeah, she told me, or actually all of us, that she would really like to go with you. Besides you like her too don't you?"
I truly wanted to know. I wanted to know so that I could let my heart know the truth, no matter how painful it was. Not knowing drove me crazy.
"Well yeah, she's a cool girl."
And just like that, I felt my heart starting to shatter slowly. "Well then, I think it's settled then. She's probably with the girls at the three broomsticks," I explained. And since the tension was getting rather uncomfortable I just kept on going. "I better go, I'll see you around!" But before I was able to go, he grabbed my arm and made me look at him.
His eyes met mine and my heart ached for him. "What about you then?"
Now I know...he wasn't even going to fight for me. "Oh don't worry, I'll figure something out. I always do."
And with that I freed my arm from his grip and left the scene, holding back my tears.